Code Geass: The Demon and the Monster
Guess Who's Back? ...Again
My standard form of writing applies.
" " - Spoken
' ' - Thought
( ) - Commentary. I'm a smartass. You should know what goes here. My smartass commentary. Usually funny, always interesting.
Italics- Usually things of importence. Flashbacks and certain things are in italics to seperate them from the rest of the story.
Bold!- Things like this are things that just stand out. Usually pretty badass, or just really scary.
Underlined words are oddball parts; These are for voice modulators, such as Zero's mask.
...When the fucking text format doesn't screw it up. Fuck WordPad with a rusty cactus.
#9 Operation Albino Chinamanchild
"I can't believe it... How did you pull this off?" Lelouch muttered with awe, looking over the initial examination report of the Z-01 Lancelot.(A fitting name, considering the pilot)
I smirked, opening my mouth to say something smart when Kallen cut me off. "By kidnapping one of their scientists and using her as a hostage."
Damnit, Kallen. But Lulu just blinked owlishly. "Hm. That's not normally your style, R2. Is there something I should know?"
Double dammit. "Nope. I just happened to bring back a souvenir when I snagged Britannia's most advanced mobile suit right out from under their noses."
His expression never changed in the slightest. "Very well. I suppose I'll have to get some use out of her. She's sure to have some information on the device..." The infamous Zero stroked his chin in thought, violet eyes glazing over.
My own eyes narrowed almost imperceptively, voice entirely even. "I'll handle that myself."
He quirked an eyebrow. "Really?"
Ack! Damn, he's perceptive. "Yes. If you geass her, I will personally pull your tongue out through your ass. Got that?"
Lelouch recoiled oh-so very subtly with a slight shudder, though Kallen did so far more overtly. They both knew that wasn't an idle or metaphorical threat, coming from me. "Eugh. Alright, you've made your point. What's so special about her?"
"She's a pacifist, so she won't turn on other Britannians for you, even under duress. And seeing as geass dulls the mind, I've got a better chance of getting useful information out of her with some gentle coaxing."
Kallen shot me a venomous glare, rolling her eyes irritably. "Coaxing, riiight... Would it happen to involve lotion and a bed?"
I shook my head and deadpanned, "No, more like ropes and leather. Maybe a ballgag and riding crop if she plays nice. Y'know, the same stuff C2 uses on Lelouch every Tuesday night."
"The hell?! Where did that noise come from?"
I discreetly hid the phone I'd gotten from Lelouch much earlier, snapping it shut in my pocket. "Irrelevant. But what is important is the problem that's just reared its ugly head. Mao is on his way here, if he isn't already in Japan."
The violet-eyed Prince raised an eyebrow, but before he could open his mouth, Kallen blurted out, "Mao? Who the hell's that?"
"A silver-haired, Chinese manchild in his mid-twenties. Normally, this wouldn't be cause for concern. However, this Mao character happens to possess one of the most dangerous forms of geass in existence; he can read minds."
The look on the fiery redhead's face was utterly priceless. So priceless, I snapped a picture of it before she had the chance to compose herself. It would make a wonderful Christmas card, or at least a wallpaper for my phone.
Just as she started to shout at me and attempt to commandeer my phone, Lelouch simply asked, "What can you tell me about him?"
After extricating myself from Kallen's grasp, I replied, "C2 can give a more detailed insight into the strange little man's thinking, but he wants the immortal witch for himself. That's all I know of his motives, but the annoying part of dealing with him is the sheer extent of his abilities. The effective range of his geass is at least half a kilometer, but with concentration, he can read all the way down to the subconscious of everyone within range. I'm not entirely sure of what he'll do once he's here, but I can eliminate him easily enough once he's been located. We've got the perfect bait, after all."
Lelouch stroked his chin in thought, fingers drumming against the infamous mask laying on his chair's armrest. "He could prove to be a valuable ally... I'll find out what C2 knows about him before I make any decisions."
I continued with a nod. "Sounds good. Next up, I believe Kyoto will be requesting a meeting soon, so we'd best prepare for that. As an aside, I'd like you to keep those bumbling idiots from mucking up the Lancelot before Rakshata gets off her lazy ass and comes to help us."
"Very well. I've got to go over our losses and contact Jeremiah, so if you'll excuse me." He turned himself about in his swivel chair, going back to watching the midget porn he'd been whacking off to before we walked in.
...Yes, that was a joke.
But anywho, I walked out the door, pulling on my Anon mask as Kallen trailed just behind. The walk was relatively short, and we passed by a few of the officers, including good old Tamagotchi and bitch-face.(Sugiyama, I think his name was. I'll probably keep calling him bitch-face until the new one shows up)
Along the way, the redhead grilled me about my latest conquest.(In every sense of the word, heheh) "So what's the story on the woman? She be worth anything to the Britannians?"
"No. She's just a technician, one unlucky enough to be there when I arrived."
My response didn't satisfy her, apparently. "So why not let Zero get whatever information she has? It'd be a lot quicker than whatever you've got in mind."
I smiled under my mask. "Oh, no it isn't. He can only get her to help him if he is very specific. I can get her to help us willingly. And never forget that creativity, initiative and free thought will always prevail over simply following orders. You should know that by now."
We arrived at the door to my little slice of heaven, and as I opened the door, calling, "Wake up, sleepy-"
I blinked once, twice, then thrice before reaching up to rub the growing knot that made itself comfortable on the back of my head. "Rauhhhahhhh!... The fuck just hit me?"(Scratch off the obligatory Code MENT reference)
Turning towards the offending individual, I found Cecile holding one of my rifles by the barrel,(Now firmly canted) standing just to the right of the door,(In my blind spot) and I got to watch all the color drain out of her pretty face. She'd just clocked me over the head with one of my own damn guns.
"Hah, pacifist my ass!" Kallen crowed, grinning from ear-to-ear, practically brimming with schadenfreude just behind me.
Eyes narrowing with irritation, I calmly ordered, "Q1, remain outside, if you please." With that, I shut the door in her face,(Which Cecile hadn't seen) locking it as I began stalking towards the young, purple-haired Britannian woman.
"I-I-I'm s-so-sorry!" You know, for such a smart woman, she did something astronomically stupid; she tried to run.
"Not yet, you aren't!" My, how I enjoy a good chase scene.
[Cue Music: Yakety Sax, by Benny Hill]
An hour and a half later...
Gasping for breath, panting raggedly, she cried, "P-please! It hurts! No more-ore-huh-horrre!" Her voice cracked as wracking sobs pierced the air, reverberating around the tiny room.
I continued to press the attack upon the most sensitive parts of her bare, beautiful body, and Cecile continued to scream, covered in a sheen of sweat, having already wet herself once in the past hour.(Thank Jashin for rubber sheets)
"Will you give in?" I ask, momentarily pausing in my minstrations.
She immediately cried, "Yes! A thousand times, YES!"
Grinning wide and wolfish, I taunted, "No? Okay, then."
"No! Nonononono, DEAR GOD NOOOOO!"
I love my job.
A few more hours later...
Having finally stopped to give the poor girl a chance to catch her breath, I sat back in my comfy swivel chair with a satisfied smirk, having myself a well-deserved drink. I am a complete, utter genius.
"You are...A complete...Utter...Asshole," Cecile grit out, her voice ragged and raspy from screaming for so long. In response, I merely quirked an eyebrow, picking up the feather duster.
Her mood immediately pulled a one-eighty. "NO! I mean f-forget it, I'm sorry."
'I fucking love my job.' I beamed, a tranquil smile overtaking my features. "Much better. And if you don't want this to happen again?"
"I'll n-never hit you again."
Waving my preferred implement of suffering in her general direction, I proffered, "Aaaaaannnnd?"
She swallowed drily. "Ah-I'll tell you wh-whatever you want to know! Just please! Put it down. Please." You know, Cecile's pretty good at begging. She'd give any dog a run for its bone.(Or boner, in her case)
With a chuckle and a shake of my head, I tossed aside the feathery torture device and said, "I'd like you to tell me everything you know about the Lancelot and its systems. How it operates, its weaknesses, and the two advantages it has over all other Knightmares; the Blaze and Core Luminous."
"Target is in sight, point M-13, moving towards the library entrance."
"Copy. Which library? Historica Britannica, or the public one on Fifth Avenue?"
"The public library. Looks like he's headed for the side entrance."
"...There's two side entrances. Which one?"
"The one at eleven O'clock, next to the cheap-looking Buick."
"Roger that. ...Wait, which Buick? There's seven of them, and they all look pretty damn cheap to me."
"The shit-brown one with a dented fender."
"Okay, you've narrowed it down to two cheap, shit-brown Buicks next to the side entrances. Fifty-fifty."
I rolled my eyes at the asinine conversation between Inoue and Tamaki, shifting ever-so-slightly in my place atop the five-story office building, being careful not to dislodge the thermal blanket covering my body. "Cut the chatter, you two. Shortpants, close on the target, and keep your guard up. We want him taken alive, but if he presents a threat, give the go word."
The red-headed woman reached up, fiddling with one of her earphones. "Gotcha. I'm not too sure about this, Romeo. It's probably safer just to slot the bastard."
I shifted my aim ever-so-slightly, keeping Mao in my crosshairs and Kallen in the edges of my scope. If this bastard tried anything funny,(Even a pun! Woe befall whomsoever decides to make a pun this hallow's eve) I was going to shoot him in the balls, the gut, and the face. In that order. "It would be. But where's the fun in that? Besides, Zero wants him alive, so we do this the hard way... For now. Afro, get the car revved up and start moving."
Ohgi stuttered a response. "Y-yeah. Sure."
Man, that guy needs to grow a spine.
"Target in sight. Making contact." As Kallen got within twenty feet of Mao, the Chinese man stopped mid-stride, turning himself about with an irritated look on his face. Kallen stopped when she was face-to-face with him, her expression entirely blank.
Mao opened his mouth, but his grating voice didn't carry through over Kallen's mic, thankfully.(I didn't have enough magnification to be able to read his lips) When he finished speaking, still with that pout on his face, Kallen scowled. "He says he doesn't want anything to do with us, Romeo. Can I kill him, now?"
Hah, she's feisty. "Not yet. Make sure to tell him if he disagrees, then when he goes back home, he'll be able to apply for a position as a high eunuch." Kallen snorted, trying her best to stifle the snickering that suddenly came through on the comm.
Tamaki didn't bother. "Hahahaha! Damn, boss! You're one cold motherfucker."
I allowed myself a small smile. "Well, I always have had a thing for MILF's... Say Shortpants, think you'll still be single in a few years?"
During all this, Mao's face fell as he realized where the other voices in Kallen's head were coming from, and that he was dealing with multiple snipers from half a kilometer away.
Suddenly, I found myself deafened by the roar of an engine, and glanced over to see a gunship heading straight for me.
After taking the necessary actions to prevent Mao from escaping, I took off, slinging my rifle across my back and pulling my mask into place. "Why is it anytime I bring you chucklefucks along on one of my operations, the whole thing gets fucked sideways and I wind up getting shot at?!" I shouted into the mic, diving headfirst down the roof access stairs, narrowly avoiding a string of automatic gunfire.
"No idea, I'm heading your way now, Kallen!" I could barely hear Ohgi's voice over the gunship's engine as I weighed my options, making my way down to the next floor and over to the closest window.
'Been awhile since I had to take down a chopper the old-fashioned way. Well, no time to waste, gunship's making another pass. Just gotta wait another few seconds. Five...'
I dived headfirst out the nearest window, flying through the air in a flurry of glass and tracers. I rolled along the rough metal grating floor of the gunship, coming to an abrupt halt on one knee, at the edge of the other open door. I immediately threw my leg back in a wicked mule kick, sending the first gunner flying(While screaming like a little bitch) as I scrambled to my feet, drawing my handgun.
The next soldier was trying to bring his rifle to bear, but hadn't bothered to square away his sling when he got on-board; his weapon was caught. I slapped the muzzle away from me as I jammed my pistol under his chin.
Three rounds sheared through his skull, and I threw him to the side, tugging one of the grenades off his belt as I did so. Yanking the pin, I tossed the explosive into the cabin, paying no mind to the pilot as he spun around in his harness, struggling to free himself.
I turned and dived back out into freefall, cashing through another window of the building I'd been set up in, painfully rolling along the rough, glass-covered concrete floor.
As the burning gunship crashed down onto the street below, I got to my feet and dusted myself off, wiping the blood and sweat from my brow before cracing my neck and activating my comm. "Afro, you are clear to exfil. I'll meet you guys at the rondy for pickup."
Less than forty seconds had passed since the first shot was fired.
As I was approaching a fairly inconspicuous-looking moning van parked in front of a ritzy hotel, I listened in on the conversation going on inside.
Presumably with her jaw still on the floor, a certain redhead muttered, "Holy shit, did you guys see that?!"
Of course, Tamaki was equally impressed. "I felt that, Kallen! That was fucking awesome!"
"One second the gunship's tearing the whole building apart, and the next- BOOM! He crashes onto it, kicks their asses and jumps back off like it was nothing!" Inoue must've had a stupefied look on her face as she praised me.
Ohgi checked his phone, looking around to see if anyone was looking at their van. "He didn't even sound winded on the comm... This guy's an ice cube."
Nodding, Tamaki agreed with the bigger guy. "Yeah, man. Some of the others- They're calling him the God of War for fuck's sake."
Inoue was shaking her head again. "Damn, that's badass. How does he do it?"
I decided to interrupt, pulling open the sliding door. "Push-ups, sit-ups, and plenty of juice, Miss Love. But in all seriousness, don't ever try jumping onto a moving helicopter. It's extremely painful."
After checking to make sure her heart hadn't stopped, Kallen growled at me. "Don't fuckin' scare us like that, you idiot."
Chuckling, I climbed in, pulling the door shut and taking a seat. "No promises. Take us outta here Ohgi, planned route 3." He nodded, starting up the van and pulling out into the road.
Pulling my PDA from its place in my jacket, I wrote up my report on the incident and ran it through Lelouch's encryption application, uploading it to the specified proxy server we were using for this op.
Once that was finished, I replaced the PDA and pulled out my phone, plugging in the scrambler and dialing Lulu's number.
*MULATTO BUTTS! MULATTO BUTTS!*
Lelouch sighed as he fished out his phone, finding that R2 had, once again, miraculously changed his ringtone to something even more ridiculous. Last time, his phone made catcalls at Milly, prompting her to... Molest Lelouch in public, right in front of Shirley.
The purple-eyed former-Prince shuddered at the memory, nervously adjusting his genitals as he snapped open his phone, answering with a curt, "What is it?"
"Operation Albino China-Manchild complete. Uploading report now."
Less than ten seconds later, Lelouch had downloaded, decrypted and read the document, rolling his eyes once more at R2's choice of codename for the operation. "So that's your field report, then?" Lelouch tentatively asked, looking over the report on his PDA a second time. It was looking...
The big man curtly replied through the phone with a single word. "Yep."
Zero blinked owlishly. "You shot him three times?"
"Four times." R2 casually corrected him, making Lelouch wince as he reread the part about shooting Mao in the balls. He takes those plurals very seriously. But anyway, this assured Lelouch that R2 had actually written it himself, instead of just having one of his, as he called them, 'toadies' write it for him.
Although, the writing structure is strangely similar to his actual dialect, including the strange curses and slang. Though the grammar and punctuation were far better than he was used to seeing from the other terrorists. Or, well, 'Freedom Fighters.'
The legendary Zero just shook his head. "So we've lost what could've been a powerful ally and spy, the drive-by media is painting us as ruthless assassins, and we've just pissed off Cornelia once more by destroying a military helicopter. Excellent, that's the best news I've heard all day." He snarked, rolling his eyes and scrolling down to the most unbelievable part of the report. "Just how did you manage to, and I quote, disable a military helicopter via donated handheld munitions?"
"Very carefully," R2 deadpanned. "The prick decided to drop in unannounced, so I had to, ah, improvise."
Lelouch sighed in exasperation. "Whenever you say 'improvise,' I can't help the feeling that what you really mean is, 'destroy with extreme prejudice.' We can't keep doing this, you know. If you provoke Cornelia, she will quite literally steamroll right over us. Even you can't fight an entire army on your own."
His next answer greatly unsettled the notorious terrorist-slash-highschool-student. "Watch me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going for a walk."
Lelouch sighed in exasperation, snapping his phone shut. "What an unoriginal pain in the ass..."
The glass slipped from nerveless fingers to shatter on the cold, hard floor as Cornelia watched on in horror, an expression of sheer disbelief on her striking features. "This... This can't be real..."
Guilford numbly shook his head. "It's straight off the 'net. It's obviously the Anonymous Terrorist R2, judging by the mask, but it's unedited. That's the one thing the techs are certain of. They're currently trying to clean up the video, to see if we can garner any additional information, but they're not optimistic about it. My Lady, I know it's hard to believe, but it's now clear we aren't dealing with the average soldier. Lord Jeremiah's information appears to have been solid, but I still have my doubts about his whole 'Edward of Woodstock' explanation. Our investigation has yet to reveal anything related to him or any form of super soldier research. Either Orange-boy was lying through his teeth, or Prince Clovis was exceptionally thorough in his attempt to hide the project."
General Darlton shook his head, rewinding the grainy cell phone footage once more, setting it to half-speed. "Either is possible at this point, but Lord Jeremiah has always been renowned for his honor, and unshakeable loyalty to the Crown. I doubt that would change overnight. Regardless... This video proves little; mankind is capable of remarkable feats of physical prowess under stress. I've personally witnessed a man overturn a truck with his bare hands to save his wife. This man, R2, likely has exceptional reflexes and depth perception, but that simply makes him skilled, not immortal. He is still human."
References include, but are not limited to: Code Geass TAS,(RIP) V for Vendetta, Code MENT, Tani2's "Leon? A Word Please," TFS Hellsing Abridged, Dragonball Z Abridged,
I'd like to give a shout out to Ezekieru, the creator of CG TAS, both the old and new. The new version has been taken down from Youtube, for unknown reasons. I pray it is reuploaded, as it was the best Abridged Code Geass on the net.(Code MENT notwithstanding, as it's a completely different kind of humor)
"We are Anonymous. We are legion. We do not forgive. We do not forget. Expect us." -Anonymous.