I decided to write chapter 1 from Barney's POV, please tell me what you think of it!
She looked beautiful. Then again, didn't she always? She laughed at Ted's jokes, her smile drawing me in like a moth to a flame. I stayed at the door for a few seconds more, looking at her, taking in as much as I could before the pain could set it. I couldn't let my feelings get the best of me, not again, not ever. It seemed like everytime I tried something I sensed something that wasn't there, making me look like the idiot. I know she still felt something for me, how could she not, look at me. We had such a history, not just as a couple but as friends. Bro's.
I still couldn't resist teasing her. It was almost a routine for me. Our chemistry was incredible, I don't know how she didn't feel it. I walked over to them, sitting beside Ted. I couldn't take sitting beside her, even over here the smell of her perfume made me want to leap across the table. She noted that I was staring at her breasts, leaning against both her arms, pushing them together as she whispered something to Ted. That little minx.
"Yeah, uh, about that, I don't think I can go." Robin said as Ted began to rave about his totally lame Christmas party. I wanted her there, the two of us drinking some wine, maybe get the little barnacle some action *self five*
"Oh come on Robin it's Christmas eve." I pleaded, trying not to sound to desperate.
"It's just, I haven't been feeling all that up to doing anything lately." she replied
"Please Robin, I really want you there." I needed her there was more like it.
"Fine." she said. "I gotta go get ready then."
I knew she had a hard time saying no to me, it was almost a skill that only someone as awesome as me could master. No lady could say no to Barney Stinson.
"Hey, you wanna come over and help me set up early?" Ted asked.
"Um, no." I said bluntly.
"Please Barney, Jenny won't be over until like half an hour before the party starts."
"Fine, I won't make you beg."
"I wasn't going to beg."
"Save it Ted."
I didn't help set up. I chilled on the couch and watched whatever Ted had on his DVR. So basically nothing that screamed man. I thought about taking a shower, but Robin had this weird attraction to my natural scent.
I didn't pay attention to the tv much, letting my mind wander about what Robin was wearing now, if anything, and what she'd wear tonight. I checked my pockets, making sure I had my little man's raincoat. I had a feeling there'd be a storm tonight.
My phone vibrated on the table, I snatched it up in record time, hoping Robin would be asking me for something, anything. It was Patrice. Damn, was I still dating her?
It started out as just this weird clingy friendship but when I saw how much Robin hated it, I had to carry on with it. I felt bad for manipulating Patrice for this, but the Playbook had run out of plays, I needed something that was a sure-fire way to get back Robin. I tried not to make it obvious, but it was hard to pretend to be falling for one girl when I was hopelessly in love with another. The text said she couldn't wait to see me tonight, she missed her love muffin. Ugh.
"Hey Barney, can you text Robin? Tell her we need some drinks for tonight." Ted called out from the kitchen.
I texted her saying we needed wine, I knew what kind she'd pick up, the one that made her the most vulnerable, which worked out well on my end. My phone began buzzing again, it was Robin.
"Barney Stinson." I answered.
"What kind of wine do you want me to get?" She asked.
"You couldn't have texted me?" I replied
"Sorry, are you in the middle of something?"
"No, it's fine, uh, get any, I don't think it really matters." I waited for her to say something, "Robin, you still there?"
"Yeah, sorry, I'll be there in ten, I'm just around the corner."
Alright, see you then." I hung up, wishing I hadn't. It was a stupid, pointless conversation but just hearing her voice somehow made me horny. God I needed to get some. Patrice thought we should 'wait' which I wasn't complaining about. Even though we weren't together I felt like it'd be like cheating on Robin, I could never cheat on Robin. Although I had no problem cheating WITH her.
Ten minutes never felt so long. I looked at the door every five seconds waiting for her to walk through the door. When she finally did, I leapt up from the couch, almost to quickly, and grabbed the two bottles of wine, Robin not wanting to sacrifice the third. As I grabbed the two, I made sure my hand brushed against hers, making her shiver.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, I prayed Patrice was running late. It was Jenny, thank god. Ted made up some lame excuse to leave with her. Had he learned nothing from me? After he left we joked about how cheesy his plot was, Marshall and Lily's code words, and what we used to say when I was getting' it in.
"We were never that bad, we just had to look at each other." I said, almost bragging about how in sync we were.
"Or say we were taking a decoupage class." Robin added.
"Do you even know what decoupage is?" I asked.
"If it's what we were doing it was a fun class to take." She replied.
"We did have really fun decoupage classes."
"I'd take it again."
"Since when? I thought you were done with us."
"If I recall correctly that's what you said."
"Maybe that's because every time I made a move on you, you said no."
"Not every time."
"When have you not turned me down?"
"If you were to try something now I wouldn't say no."
"Oh, really?" I could feel her wanting me, she looked like she hadn't gotten any since before her and Nick broke up. Dude didn't even go out with a bang. She began walking over to me, and I to her. I could feel her urges like they were my own. I hand grabbed the back of her head aggressively and went in to kiss her.
"Hi!" I heard a familiar voice behind me.
"Hey Patrice!" I grinned and released Robin's head, walked over to Patrice and kissed her on the cheek.
Within twenty minutes all of Ted's guests appeared. Even Ted himself decided to return, with Jenny of course. They were still in the honeymoon phase which was annoying, but at least he was getting some. They smiled and greated their guests and offered them wine, while Robin sat in the corner with her own bottle, although I wish her mouth was around something else.
I looked over at Patrice. She was sitting alone on the couch, looking around like a lost puppy. I felt bad I had to use her to get Robin back, and even though Robin was a bitch to her, Patrice thought they were friends and she's want Robin to be happy. Right?
After awhile, Patrice went over to Robin and kept tapping her on the shoulder. I could see Robin trying her best not to scream at Patrice. Instead she gestured to her throat like she couldn't talk. Nice one. I decided after awhile it was time to rescue her.
"Patrice, can I talk to you outside for a second?" I asked.
"Sure babe." Patrice answered, I tried my best not to laugh at Robin's reaction. I thought steam was going to come out of her ears.
In the hall Patrice looked up at me, smiling like she'd won something.
"Patrice, listen, this isn't working out." I told her, trying to sound sweet as I did so.
"What? The party? I think it's going great, Robin and I are having so much fun!" She exclaimed. It was like Nick all over again.
"No, you and me. I think Robin's jealous."
"Of us? Are you sure?"
"I think she's upset that I've been spending so much time with you, you haven't been spending as much time with her. I think it's better if we don't see each other anymore."
"I had no idea she was this upset. I think I'll go out, get her something to cheer her up!"
"Alright. I'll miss you." I didn't want to sound heartless.
Patrice merrily skipped down the hall, I returned to the party. Robin spotted me and walked over.
"Where's Patrice?" She asked, not to concerned.
"Diner is served!" Ted called out.
I sat across from her at the table. I began to ramble about laser tag, which I'm sure bored her, but I couldn't stop talking about my love for the game. I started gesturing my favourite shots, pretending to shoot a few of the guests, which they all seemed to find amusing. Eventually, Ted got annoyed the conversation hadn't been about his new GNB building which I didn't really care about, considering I didn't get to push the button. I looked over at Robin to catch her staring at me. I slowly made my foot find hers under the table, and began stroking her calves. She shivered, I laughed. I slowly inched my way up her inner thigh, so close to my target, she smacked my foot, I lowered it. She loved cat and mouse.
As my foot returned to the ground, it was now hers that began rising up my pant leg, making me do the same (self five). I tried to hide it as best I could but she knew, she always knew. I tried my best to cover my yelp with a cough but the look on her face showed it'd done the opposite.
After dinner, Patrice walked back through the door. She saw me, came over and hugged me, I hugged her back. I look at Robin with sympathetic eyes, she hadn't known what had happened in the hallway, as far as she knew. Her eyes filled with tears she tried to hide. She stormed up the stairs and slammed a door shut.
"Hey Barney!" Patrice said. "I just wanted to give you back your tie, you left it at my apartment the other day, when you were helping me set up my tree? I know it's your favourite."
She handed me my tie, the one Robin had gotten me when we were first dating, it really was my favourite. She left after, not wanting to be spotted I guess. I went up after Robin, to make sure she was okay. I knocked on the door.
"Occupoto!" She yelled, I could tell she'd been crying..
"Robin, let me in." I said firmly.
"No." She replied, not sounding to convincing.
"Babe, c'mon." Shit, I didn't mean for that to slip out, it didn't feel wrong though. I heard her feet hit the floor and take steps towards the door.
"What?" She asked, opening the door a crack. I pushed my way in, she closed the door behind me.
"Why now?" That came out of no where, sure I'd been thinking about it but I didn't expect it to just come up.
"Why now what?" She asked like she had no idea what I was talking about.
"Why now are you okay with me making a move? Not when we're both single, but when I'm with someone." But I wasn't with someone else.
"Okay, I suck at timing, we both do though, that's why we're so great together."
"I can't do this with you anymore Robin! You make me feel like we have a shot, and I take a chance and you shoot me down, I can't take anymore rejection, not from you, it hurts to much." What was I doing? It's not like I was lying, but I had been so close, I knew I'd just blown it.
"It hurts seeing you with her Barney! That's what hurts!"
"I'm only with her because I wanted to get you back and I ran out of ideas, I've done so much to try and win you back, this was my hail mary, and it seemed to have worked well." But I wasn't with her. I didn't care what I said, I was a free man. I walked over to her, slowly, her hands reached up and began stroking my face. My hands found her waist.
"I want you. I really, really, want you." She whispered.
My hands slowly left her thighs, beginning to climb her tailbone. I slid my hands into her dress and grabbed her ass, it was my favourite move. I dove into her mouth, my tongue looking around her mouth for something that wasn't there. She did the same and began moaning. I gripped her ass tighter, so firm. I brought my one arm up around her neck, almost cradling it. Both her arms were around mine. I pulled away and began kissing her over and over, from her mouth to her neck, covering as much area as I could. I did it as passionate as I could.
After awhile, I stayed at her neck, her head fell back onto my arm. She moaned the more I kissed her which I thoroughly enjoyed. I softly bit her next making me need her, and soon. I returned to her mouth for a short amount of time before reaching into my pocket to get a condom.
She grinned. She ripped off my jacket so quickly I wasn't sure how it had flew to the other side of the room. Next she began unbuttoning my shirt, which didn't take her to long, considering I was kissing her neck as she did. She moved onto my pants which had tightened. She undid the belt and through them down, revealing me in all my glory. I'd been going commando, I knew she liked it.
She stared at little Barney for awhile, I could tell by the expression on her face I had just made her wet. My hands slid under her sleeves and slowly pushed them off her shoulders. I played around her body, which I had missed. My hands slowly began playing around the inside of her thong, she'd worn my favourite pair. I stood up, I had crouched to get a closer look at the thong, well, what was underneath. I through it down and she was quick to step out of it.
I began kissing her passionately once again, lead her to the shower and turned on the taps. The hot water hit our bodies but we didn't really notice. Her body shielded me from most of the water, but her body kept me just as warm. She kissed me so lovingly I had a hard time believing this was actually happening.
My hands began at her back, although the one slowly came around the front and headed south. I began to play with her clit, making her breathing more heavy. She needed me inside of her. I obliged. I dipped my index and middle finger into her core, making her yelp. I played around inside of her, slowly bringing my fingers in and out, slowly, making her being to pant. I finally brought them out and began to play with her clit, making her need it beyond belief.
Dammit Barney!" She panted.
I began to perform the disappearing salami. She groaned as I pulled out and then dove back in. I pushed me against the wall and began going faster and faster. She couldn't take it anymore. I knew what to do to her.
"Oh god Barney!" she yelled.
"You like that?" I panted. She nodded.
I began to pace myself, slowly entering and exiting her, slamming her body against the wall. It felt so good, I didn't want to stop, not now, not ever. As I decreased the pace, giving me some time to catch my breath the look on her face made me sense she needed more. I began to quicken the pace again, finally making her come. Self five!
"Robin, you okay? Are you taking a shower?" Ted banged on the door. I was gonna kill him.
"Yeah, sorry I should've asked first, I just, uh, wanted to try your new shower head." I looked at her as she answered, what the fuck did she just say?
"Ladies love the shower head. And it's cool, you haven't seen Barney have you?"
""Nope, not since dinner."
"Ok, well, everyone's basically gone home, Jenny asked if I could help clean her apartment tonight so I won't be back until tomorrow, if I leave a key in the kitchen, you mind locking up?"
"No, it's fine, I don't mind."
"Thanks Robin." Ted said. I heard him jog down the stairs and out the door.
"You hear that? We got the whole place to ourselves." I smiled.