Hey this is jh831, but you can call me Mr. J. This is my first shot at writing a story so be nice, don't care if you bitch, just as long as you comment.

Mr. J: Alright, I think I got this

Harry: I hope so, you seem stressed

Mr. J: (takes swig of whiskey) all better

Harry: (sweat drops) ok then on with the show

Mr. J: Hey can you do the disclaimer?

Harry: No, its your story

Mr. J: Don't make me make you a eunuch

Harry: Mr. J does not own Harry Potter or any of its affiliates, just his imagination… (shudders)

On a night in Little Whining an old man wearing a long silver robe was walking down the street and stopped in front of number 4. He was the headmaster at Hogwarts a school of witchcraft and wizardry, a school for witches and wizards.

There on the curb sat a cat, its tail going back and forward every few seconds.

"Hello professor Mcgonagall, a fine evening is it not?" The cat them began to morph into a woman wearing a robe like the man, except hers was green. She was a transfiguration professor at Hogwarts, and not to toot her own horn, but quite good at it.

"Albus, is it wise to leave young Harry here? Earlier I saw the other young boy….Dudley I think, hanging on his mothers leg begging for candy. Dam kid should be begging for a salad" she muttered that last bit under her breath.

The man now known as Albus gave his grandfather smile and his eyes twinkling, "Minerva, it is safe for him here, I am sure that the Dursleys will take good care of him. He must be kept out of the lime light for him to have a normal childhood, it is all for the greater good after all"

Minerva shook her head, she had seen what kind of people…no animals the Dursleys were. She thought to herself 'they are back stabbers who only look out for themselves, kind of like the family from Matilda….wait why did I think about that….and what and who is Matilda?' she shook her head and sighed.

A few minutes later both professors heard a rumbling of a motorcycle. They looked up and saw a flying motorcycle land and came to a stop in front of the house.

A giant of a man…well half giant (ah come on that was funny) got off the bike carrying a sleeping 15 month old boy. The man walked up to the two professors cradling the boy in his arms.

"Hello Hagrid, any trouble with Harry?" The man now known as Hagrid shook his head. "No Albus, he slept all the way here. Stirred a little between London and here, but fell back asleep."

Albus took the walked with them to the door and placed him on the doorstep. "Now he will grow up and we will see him in 10 years. " Just then a strong smell of crap hit the noses of all those around. They looked down at Harry who was giggling. Minerva leaned over and smelled.

"I think he went to the bathroom, we should change him" she turned around and Hagrid was running to the motorcycle and Albus was right behind him and jumped on after Hagrid. "Drive bitch drive, I'm to old to be changing diapers" and they took off into the sky leaving Minerva shaking her head who used a diaper changing spell and apporated out of there preparing to yell at the all mighty Albus.

Mr. J: So I think that was a good start

Harry: (tick mark over right eye) you had me shit myself!

Mr. J: well you are 15 months old, don't worry you will be potty trained by the next chapter….if your nice and get me some nachos

Harry: ( mutters unidentifiable words) Fine….jalapeños with it?

Mr. J: (nods) Dam right.

Harry: (waves) see you all next chapter

Mr. J: (waves and starts to eat nachos)