I'm Sorry

GinRan AU one-shot

A/N: I do hope that I can improve my writing, so if you can critique my work, then I would be very very thankful. I was listening to Secrets by Mariah McManus and the idea struck me. It really fits GinRan.

A shout out to my sister for editing this for me! :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, sadly.

Rangiku was not always an alcoholic. Until he came crashing into her life; the reason she was an alcoholic now. He had spent the last 10 years with her happily and peacefully. Nothing triggered him to leave-or at least not that she could think of. They were both orphans and didn't know any relatives, so she thought… it couldn't be a family matter. It couldn't be because they were angry at each other, for they rarely fought, but when they did, they usually resolved the matter shortly after. No matter how hard they tried, they just couldn't seem to stay mad at each other. But no, she couldn't think of a single reason why he would just leave her like that- except that she wasn't good enough for him.

But, Gin did say something out of character when he had left. He looked so sincere when he said he was sorry. Rangiku wanted to believe him, but she knew she couldn't forgive him, even though she did still love him. He was the man who ripped her heart out and made her chest feel hollow. Rangiku felt the deep sense of betrayal when he left her. However, she should have really anticipated it. At times he left with no explanation in the middle of the night to go somewhere, but Rangiku never bothered to ask why. It was just the way it was, how their relationship worked.

During this time, every waking moment was like hell. She thought of him constantly and she had to find a way to get him out of her head. Reckless and drowning in her sorrow, she found the answer that had been calling to her… alcohol. After many shots of the burning liquid, she soon forgot him and the fact that he left her. Instead, she remembered all of the happy times that they spent together. Rangiku could laugh drunkenly over all the times they had just laid in each other's arms, peacefully, despite the roar of the cars from the highway next to their apartment. She chuckled. It was as if they were actually living in that moment.

The morning after these escapades left her feeling worse than she did before. Pounding headaches made it hard for her to think, much less function properly. She realized that she could never forget about him, even while drunk. Nevertheless, she wore her hopes on her sleeves, wistfully thinking that she would eventually be able to forget about him.

Rangiku always put on a bubbly front though. While pretending that she was just another ditzy blond, she slowly watched her life slip from her grasp. Nobody knew that something bothered her. She was "living" a so called "perfect" life, as so many people put it. She never had a responsibility and laughed it off when she did. But, in reality she had a burden that no one should ever carry, the burden of a broken heart.

She waited and waited for Gin to come back and at the very least explain himself, but he never did. Every day she waited for him and every day he continued to disappoint her.

Everything leading up to this moment had been just a blur, but one night it happened, the tipping point of her entire world. She was staggering out of a local bar and it was close to midnight. The sky was cloudy and you couldn't see a single star in the sky. Maybe it was foreshadowing the tragic event that occurred in that town, the town that never seems to change. Instead, it's the people who change the most.

She got out her car keys with shaking hands. Her hands shook as she tried to put the key into her car. Finally she got it unlocked and slipped inside. Placing her hands on her head, she was trying to stop it from pounding, but to no avail. Starting the car, she decided it was time to go home. Tires squealed behind her and suddenly she felt herself flying forward, but luckily the seatbelt caught her.

When she came to, her face was against the wheel. Her hands went quickly to her head and when she pulled them away, blood was smeared across her fingertips. Unbuckling her seatbelt she hesitantly opened the car door. Rangiku's vision was a haze and she staggered down the slope where the other car had gone. A blurred figure was unmoving on the green grass. She took a closer look and gasped in shock while taking a step back. There, in the ruins of the car wreck laid Gin. Rushing over, she stumbled, but picked herself up fairly quickly.

'No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. This can't be Gin.'

She knelt down beside his broken figure. "Gin, can you hear me?" Rangiku tried to wake him up by shaking him. It was a futile gesture though. Putting Gin's head on her lap she started rocking back and forth, a single tear dropping from her cheek.

Gin then opened his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes that bore into her very soul. It went past her carefully crafted façade. He felt her tears as they fell from her ever so blue eyes. Inside, Gin was thinking that he was glad that he said he was sorry. As Gin took his last breath he uttered the words, "Don't cry no more, Rangiku." Then all Rangiku was left with was his memory and nothing more.

She was mad at Gin. Mad at him for making her love him. Mad at him for leaving her. But, she knew that the anger shouldn't be directed to him. It should be directed at herself, as she was the one who fell in love with Gin. He had left because of her.

Rangiku felt very tired. She remembered of all the times that they were happy-truly happy- and realized that just by being with him brought her happiness.

The wailing of sirens approaching snapped her back into reality. All she felt was the breaking of her already broken heart and the tears that fell from her face as she was dragged away from Gin-her only love.

Only when did she become somber did she realize the true force of what she had done, what she caused. And at a painful price, she lived with a broken heart and a sad, regretful smile ever since.