First Arc; Awakening

My standard form of writing applies.

" " - Spoken

' ' - Thought

( ) - Commentary. You should know how this goes by now. We see things. I have snarky smartass comments. You want laughs. I see a mutually beneficial deal here.


Chapter 5 - The Adventure begins!


Well, a short while later, we grabbed our gear and started out, going on our first C-rank mission.

Naruto took right about five minutes to gather his gear, whereas Sakura was in and out of her house within two minutes with a pre-packed bag.

Me? I walked into the compound, picked up a backpack I'd packed earlier, and came out fifteen seconds later. Okay, personally, I brought my swimming trunks, a ton of food, standard camp stuff, and gear for a watery enviornment.(Ie, a fishing pole, net, harpoon, floaties...) Of course, I grabbed a few fuuma shuriken,(Read; windmill shuriken. Excellent distractions) for when Naruto had one of his brilliant plans.

I also brought some floaties. Y'know, for shits and giggles.


I admit, the most annoying part of carrying this backpack wasn't the weight; it simply got in the way of my sword. Very annoying. I was used to much more weight than this, but this body- Well, it was tiring, but nothing I couldn't handle. I'd ditch the pack when the fighting starts. For now, I drew the sword and slung it over my shoulder, the crossguard pressed against my shoulder. Again, I was thankful it had a decent-length hilt. Did I mention it was full-tang, wide-bladed, extra thick, and completely badass? Heh. Still, the pack sucked.

I'd switch it out for a single-strap rucksack when I got the chance. Or a decent bloody asspack.


Well, we started out from the gate, Naruto getting all excited at leaving the village for the first time. While he was shouting and making an idiot of himself, I calmly gibsmacked him.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"For looking like a bloody git over walking outside the gates. Remember the mantra of ninjas; silent, but deadly. Like Kiba after he's had Bar-B-Q."

This got a snort of laughter from him, as well as a stifled giggle from Sakura as we walked along the path. Kakashi, of course, was above such petty humor. Then again, he was giggling to himself, reading his beloved smut.

Well... He was, until we'd been walking for about half an hour. That's when we came upon a small puddle, in the middle of the day. When it hasn't rained in over a week. With the sun shining bright overhead. Yeah, pretty obvious when you think about it.

Seeing that, Kakashi stopped giggling altogether, and I gathered that he was no longer reading his book.

I calmly sidled up to Naruto, smiling a tranquil smirk.

Before whispering to him, very quietly, "Naruto. Don't react. We're about to be attacked by two shinobi. Be aware, sensei knows. Tell Sakura. What did I just say?"

His eyes shot wide open, staring at me in silence for a moment. Then he whispered back, "Two enemies. Kakashi knows. Gotcha."

He then grinned, big and wide, before letting out a loud laugh.

"That's a good one, Sasuke! Hey, Sakura, c'mere."

The fuck?... Either he's smarter than he looks, or he's a complete idiot.

Sakura scowled slightly, but she moved closer to him as I sidled away.

He kept his grin in place, but quietly, oh so quietly, whispered something to her. Her eyes widened, but she only nodded in reply.

Then she backed away a bit and glared at him. "Naruto! That's horrible! What would Kiba say if he were here now?"

Well. At least they kept it going. We kept walking for another five or six minutes, each of us still smiling, joking, and generally appearing inattentive. Kakashi knew better.

I think he noticed my gaze lingering on that puddle for a moment, before suddenly saying something to Naruto, which he repeated to Sakura. He knew that we knew. I think.


Well, anyway, we all noticed something; all the animals nearby had vanished. Not even a bloody crow could be heard.

That's when they attacked.

I heard nothing. I saw nothing. But I could feel it.

"Get down!"

Naruto immediately hit the dirt, just after I did, and Sakura dived to the ground, pulling Tazuna with her, just as a bladed chain passed over our heads and wrapped around Kakashi; it was held by two cloaked shinobi wearing Mist hitai-ates and rebreathers.

"*Kshhrr*...And now... You're dead." One of them moaned, before both of them yanked on their gauntlet-covered arm, tearing Kakashi to pieces.

Both of them moved as one, rushing towards us. My body didn't want to move... But I did anyway.

'There they are... Tazuna's their target; disable the chain first.'

I waited for them to get closer, shifting into my stance. The moment they tried the same trick on me, I swung my blade in both hands, connecting with the chain.

The moment of contact, I flicked my wrist , winding the chain around my blade, before dropping to a knee and forcing it into the ground; effectively grounding the Demon Brothers.

The moment I felt both of their weights tug at the blade, I shot to my feet, turning, drawing as many kunai as I could hold.

'First target!' I threw the knives in my right hand at the closest brother before they could disconnect their chain.

Of the four kunai I threw, three connected with his unguarded left arm and chest, whereas the last was deflected by his mask.

Taking the initiative, I chucked my other handful of sharp, pointy objects at him; aiming for his throat.

Well, not quick enough. He unhooked the chain and managed a half-assed dodge. By that, I mean most of the weapons connected with his gut and leg, instead of anything vital. Still, he cried out in anguish, so I figured he felt like a pincushion.

I didn't have time to reminisce on what the the others were doing, so I just went with what I hoped would work.

"NARUTO! SHADOW CLONES!" Not sure if he was paralysed or not, but I said it anyway.

I was moving, searching for the bastard who wasn't bleeding like a stuck pig.

'Where-? The old coot!' My eyes darted to Tazuna, who was standing behind Sakura, freaking out. The old man, not the pinkette. She looked fierce, a snarl painted on her expression. Very scary, what with her horrific face.


'Now where are those-' *POOF!*

There were suddenly thirty Narutos, ten heading for the bleeding Demon Brother, ten moving to intercept the unharmed one, who was making a mad dash for Tazuna. The rest were here and there, doing random things.

He was moving too fast for me to hit, or to catch... But I could block him.

I moved, fast as I could, to get in front of Sakura, tomahawk in hand.

'Ten feet... Four... One!' I spun, swinging my axe as I did so, and damn. It came within an inch of the guy's forehead-


"Thaaat's far enough." Except he got clotheslined by Kakashi.



And then, we all let out a breath we didn't know we'd been holding. Particularly the old man, who then took an extra-long swig from the bottle he'd been draining for the duration of the trip.

Kakashi tied up the two Mist shinobi and tossed them on the ground.

Then he rated our performance.

"Excellant work, Sasuke; I suppose that sword isn't just for show. And you left the one looking like Anko's ex-boyfriend." He did his little eye-smile,

And I sniped, "Isn't that you?" He glomped, before blinking and staring at me.

"Just how the hell do you know these things?" (Oh, I'd mindfucked him several times over the last week. It was a lotta fun)

He cleared his throat. "Ahem. Moving on. Naruto, you froze up for a moment. I thought I was going to have to save you, but... Well, you're not dead. And good work subduing one of the fleeing Demon Brothers. Sakura, you adhered to the shinobi code and remained ready to protect the client. Excellent."

Naruto frowned, asking, "How did you two notice them? I didn't see anything."

Kakashi smiled. Or did his eye-equivelent. "The puddle; right in the middle of the day, when it hasn't rained in a week..." He turned towards our captives. "Too obvious, especially for a Jounin, but if even a Genin could pick up on it... You two need to go back to the academy." Kakashi berated the assassins, before his tone brightened immensely.

"I want you to tell me who sent you, and why you're trying to kill the bridgebuilder. Now, are you two gonna tell me what I want to know, or am I going to have to get creative?"

"..." They neglected to answer.

"Oh, joy, I get to have fun today."

I cleared my throat. "Sensei, allow me. I've been meaning to put Anko's lessons to use, and- Well, this is an opportunity that doesn't come along too often."

Kakashi blinked, before taking a step away from me. "Lessons on interrogation, from- From Anko? Anko Mitarashi?"

I smiled. "Yep. Although I got some pointers from Ibiki." He took another step away from me. A big one.


"Well, I don't see why not... They're all yours."

Oh, that won't be a problem... I already know. Oh, and I get to practice one of my finer skills; torture. Mwah. Mwahaha, mwaahahahahahahahahaaaa!

I sauntered right up to the two brothers, knelt, and said, "Well, my friends, for the next hour, you two are going to be my collective bitches. Oh, we're going to have so much fun together! And I promise, this won't hurt, a bit." They'd been tied by Kakashi with ninja wire, so they weren't escaping anytime soon.

Oh, this was going to get fun.


BEWARE! Gorn ahead! Very, VERY descriptive imagery used ahead!

I grabbed them each by the scruff of the neck, and started dragging, while looking over at Naruto and Sakura.

"Oy, if either of you two wanna learn a new skill and see how it's done, you're free to watch."

...They both declined. Eh, squicky bastards.

Well, I dragged the two soon-to-be dead punks a good twenty feet into the treeline, and set them against a tree.

"Alright, now, see, earlier, I was telling the truth. It won't hurt a bit." I leaned forward menacingly. "It's gonna hurt a whooole lot."

Okie-day, first things first. Fear tactics.

I reached over to my shoulder and drew my knife.

"Ah, of course, a knife; the interrogator's best friend. Do either of you know who Morino Ibiki is? No? Ah, well. Now, first off, I'm going to cut one of your balls off. Then I'll ask some questions. If I don't get some answers, I'm going to get creative."

Not even a twitch. What're they, eunuchs?

"...Well, I was hoping I'd get one of you to break without needing to clean my knife later. Tch, ah, well." I casually stabbed my knife into one of their shoulders, earning a sharp hiss of pain. (It was the guy who'd gotten caught by Kakashi, who was on my left)

Without much care, I pulled out my tomahawk. "Alrighty, then. You," I pointed at the guy I'd just stabbed. "Are going to answer some questions. Each time I don't get an answer, or if I don't get the answer I want, I will hurt your friend, in increasing intensity for each question. Now, who do you work for?"

"..." Nothing, of course. Heheheheheheh.

"Alright, have it your way." I lightly kicked the guy in the gut. "Again, who do you work for?"


"Oooh, so you're the silent, dorky type. Okie-day, it's your friend's ass." My next attack, is glorious. I stomped his testicles.

"Guah-haah! Augh, Gul-huaah-!"

Well, it sure was effective. He had tears in his eyes, and growled at me. Very nice.

"Now, tell me who it is that gives your orders?"

"*Kssht...* Your mother."

"Oooh, that one's gonna cost ya. Y'see, my mother is dead. Killed by my own brother, incidentally... And that is a touchy fucking subject." I reared back and slammed the axe into right-side victim's gut.

"Ul- Gchuaah!" I saw a small amount of blood leaking out the side of his mask. Good.

"Now... One of you, start talking within the next five seconds, or I start twisting." The weapon was buried in his intestines, so that was a very real threat.

He was quietly sobbing, growling, and alternatively cursing. After three seconds, I slowly started to pull the hilt upward, winding his guts around the head of the axe.

"STILL, nothing? Damn. Your boss has trained you well, little doggies. But remember what happens; you betray him, you might yet live. You don't, your death is garunteed. So? Whattaya say?"

"*Kssht* Fuck, you... PriiiiiAUGGGHH!" I turned it a full 90 degrees, the handle sticking straight up. Painful, indeed.

"Aww, you see? That didn't hurt at all. For me, anyway."

"You son of a whore! I will kill you!" The unharmed brother shouted, struggling in vain against his bonds.

"Hmm.. Y'know what? I don't, fucking, care. I died years ago... I only live to see the world burn. That's it.And you're in my way."

I ripped my knife out of the one's shoulder, and stabbed it into the right-side goon's knee, effectively crippling him for the rest of his life, short as it may be.

"Gaaah! You fucking- Guh... Arghh...!" This was because I twisted said knife, bringing immense pain unto him. Well, I was angry.

"Still. You know what, I'm bored. So," I stepped around their legs, knelt close to the left-side, mostly unharmed shinobi. "You are going to give me a fucking answer, or I swear to Jashin, I will peel your dick like a fucking bannana!"

...Seeing as I was holding a knife that was pointed in the general direction of his crotch, yeah. He was right to believe that I would litterally skin his meatstick like a potato.

"G-Gato! Gato of Wave Country!"

I smiled again, instantly switching from angry-Sasuke to happy-Sasuke. A good interrogator has to be able to turn it off and on, you know?

"Good, good. Now that we've established that, I want you to deliver a message for me. When you get to hell, tell Kaiza that Zabuza and Gato will be joining you shortly."

His eyes widened, as he realised he'd been duped. Oh, he must have been shitting himself.

Right up until I jammed the knife through his temple and twisted. Ripping it out, I turned to the other with a too-sweet, too-kind smile that would make Anko shivver.(And start dripping between the legs)

"Well, looks like it's just you'n me now, buddy. We're gonna get along juuuust fiiiiine."

...He started crying. I don't blame him.


"GURRAAAAAAAGGHHH!... -NO, NO, NOOOOO!...-Urrgluchhghll..."

Naruto and Sakura both shuddered. They'd been hearing sounds like that for the past twenty minutes, and there'd been no signs of it slowing down. Either they didn't really know what Sasuke was like... Or something was really, really wrong.

Kakashi finally stood up, and started towards the treeline, looking very disturbed, when Sasuke walked out, looking no worse for wear.

...Except for a slight smudge of blood on his cheek. He was smiling as usual, looking like he'd just taken a calm stroll through the park.

"They're dead, sorry. I got 'em to talk, after some, ah, convincing, it must be said. They work for Zabuza Momochi, who in turn is working for Gato. They're trying to kill Tazuna so he can't complete the bridge. We're definately out of our league on this one, skipper. This is a B-rank minimum, probably more of an A-rank."

Kakashi sighed, before turning towards the old man.

"We need to talk. Now."


"...And that's why I lied. I'm sorry, but we simply don't have the money to afford a higher ranked mission." Kakashi sighed. Again.

"We're out of our depth. We're simply not prepared for this kind of mission."

I cut in. "Ahehem. We do have one of the Leaf's strongest Jounin, as well as two Genin prodigies. Handling Gato will be easy, since he's got around a hundred hired goons. Zabuza and his lackey... Haku, will be the only challenge. As for the money, I'm sure the village can work out a payment program for Tazuna after the bridge has been built, so they'll be able to afford the kind of mission they need done."

Both Naruto and Sakura stared at me. As did Kakashi and the old coot, who took another drink from his bottle.

"...What? Helping Wave will help us later, and killing off Gato should solve a lotta problems, and not just our own. He's a bigot and a major real estate magnate, not to mention a prick. Hell, he might just have the key to his personal safe on his person."

My greedy grin wasn't overlooked by the others, but Naruto also had ryo signs in his eyes. He'd grown up poor, so he knew the value of a dollar. The four of us, (Including Tazuna, who made these great big drunk bambi-eyes filled with great big ol' crocodile tears) stared at Kakashi...

Who in turn sighed, and said, "I'm going to regret this... But alright. However. At the first sign that we might lose, I want the three of you to return to the village, fast as you can. Understood?"

We all nodded before standing, and, before we left, Kakashi ducked over to where I'd dragged the two Demon Brothers; he returned a moment later, looking slightly green.

"You and Anko are two very, very sick people."

I shrugged. "Hey, you fucked her, not me, so that's your fault. I just listened to her bitching about you screwing around with the Inuzuka Matriarch. Really, how many different doggy-style puns can one make in a span of ten minutes? 'Cuz I found out the hard way."

Needless to say, he was speechless, dumbstruck, and generally mindfucked. Again.

"How the hell do you learn these things?!"


"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
- Henry Lewis Mencken, 1880 - 1956


"In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like

a rock." -Thomas Jefferson