Update: December 23rd, 2012

Yadda yadda yadda, disclaimer etc.

Amazing people whom I love: Irritable_Grizzzly, Vican


First Steps

The first time I got out of bed, I thought I'd pass out from the pain. Every time a muscle contracted, it sent stabbing agony through to my spine. Carlisle offered me his arm and encouraged me to walk the length of the basement. He might has well have asked me to give up looking at Isabella's breasts.

I got as far as the bathroom door before I slumped against the wall, exhausted.

"This is ridiculous," I said, wheezing.

"You're doing well."

"No, I'm not. I used to be able to run without ever getting tired. Now I can't walk a few yards without feeling like I need a wheelchair."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a dead man come back to life. A little discomfort is to be expected."

I glared at him. Discomfort was sitting on a lumpy couch. This was ripping, breath-stealing agony.

"We should keep moving," he said and urged me away from the wall.

"You should keep moving," I said, batting his hands away. "I'm never moving again."

"Your muscles will get used to it, son. Stretching them is important. The pain should lessen the more we move."

I pushed off the wall and continued my geriatric shuffling. "It'd better."




Twenty minutes later, the pain was more bearable, but now I had a different problem.

I stood in front of the toilet, and a constant pressure in my lower abdomen insisted I had to urinate. For some reason, a strange nervousness twisted in my gut.

My father stood beside me, quiet and patient.

"Do you ... remember ... how to ...?" He gestured to the porcelain bowl.

"I think so." I had no idea. Regardless, I wasn't going to admit that to him.

He gently patted my shoulder. "All right then, I'll leave you to it. Call out if you need anything."

I had no idea what I could possibly need while urinating, but I still nodded. "Sure."

He closed the door behind him, and I stared at the toilet, anxious about my first waste expulsion as a born-again human. Would it hurt? What if I didn't work properly? This was the first big test of my new humanity, and I wanted it to go well.

It's urinating, Cullen, not an exam. Stop procrastinating and do it.

The growing pressure agreed.

I shifted from one foot to the other and wished it away so I could postpone it as long as possible. Unfortunately, I only succeeded in making it more urgent.


With a sigh of resignation I pulled myself from my boxers and aimed deep into the bowl.

Nothing happened.

Okay. What do I do now?

I jiggled my penis, urging it to urinate, which is completely ridiculous considering it has absolutely no sentient control over my bladder. I had two medical degrees. I knew this. And still I continued to do it before muttering obscenities under my breath when it completely failed to yield results.

"Son?" Carlisle's voice was right outside the door. "Everything okay?"

"Fine," I said and jiggled again. "Just ... fine."

I gritted my teeth as the pressure became uncomfortable, and I wracked my brain to try and remember how I used to do it. I mean, before I was turned, I had seventeen years of effortless urination. Surely some part of me remembered how.

I widened my stance, trying to appear confident and assured. My bladder wasn't buying it. The discomfort increased. Now, it bordered on painful.


"Dammit, Carlisle, I'm fine!"

He paused before saying, "You might want to turn on the tap. Sometimes hearing running water helps."

I dropped my head back and sighed. At this point, I was willing to try anything.

I leaned over and turned on the faucet then closed my eyes to concentrate on the sound. It did make my desire to urinate increase, but still nothing happened.

Great. I'm a reverse-incontinent.



"Do you need help?"

I most certainly didn't need Isabella in here with me. One thing I remembered from my previous time as a human was that it was almost impossible to urinate with an erection, and if she came within three feet of my penis, that was pretty much a forgone conclusion.

"I'm okay," I said, trying to sound like the pressure of my bladder wasn't choking me. "Just give me a few minutes."

"You just have to let go," she said, her voice quieter. "Don't try too hard. Just relax."

Even hearing her voice was causing an unwanted stiffness, but her words made sense, so I tried to relax as I listened to the running water. I visualized letting go of the tension in my inner muscles.

Come on, Edward. You can do this. Let go. Let go. Let go.

For a moment, all my muscles tightened even more, and I stopped breathing as a huge lance of pain pierced my abdomen. But then, miraculously, the floodgates opened, and I moaned in satisfaction as the urine poured out of me.

"Ohhhhh, God, yes."

It was indescribably good.

The pleasure that accompanied my urination was powerful, and as I continued to empty my bladder, I heard a light round of applause from the other side of the door.

Eventually, I ran dry, so I finished up, flushed, and washed my hands, proud and satisfied.

When I shuffled painfully from the bathroom, my entire family was in a line holding up score cards. Bella stood beside them, shaking her head in disapproval but unable to hide her smile.

Carlisle and Esme had given me tens. Jasper a nine, Rose and Emmett, eights. Alice was just holding a card with an enormous smiley face next to a toilet.

I had to laugh.

Unfortunately, laughing was extremely painful.




Her lips were like silk. Were they always this soft? Or could I just feel them better now?

As I kissed her more deeply, she wrapped her fingers in my hair. That drove me even crazier, and I tried to ignore the stabbing pain in my groin as I pulled her against me.

"Ow. Edward."

"No, it's okay," I said as I kissed her jaw. "I'm all right."

"No," she said before pulling back and rubbing her face. "Ow for me."

I stopped. A bright red rash was spreading under her nose and down her chin. It looked painful.

"What the hell is that? Should I call Carlisle?"

She pressed her fingers against the angry skin and smiled. "It's scruff-burn. Apparently human-you has an incredibly thick beard. It's like being exfoliated by thousands of tiny needles."

I ran my fingers across my chin and upper lip. They were rather rough. "I'm sorry. I had no idea."

She motioned to the bathroom. "It's easily fixed, if you can cope with taking a walk."

More walking? Hell, no.

She kissed me and ran her fingers through my hair. She knew I couldn't argue when she did that.

"Come on," she said and helped me to my feet. "It's time for you to get out of bed anyway. Plus, you need to learn how to shave some time."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and hobbled to the bathroom. She opened the cabinet, took out shaving cream, and held up a razor. "Have you ever used one of these?"

"No, but I'm familiar with the concept. You don't live for as long as I have without seeing innumerable television commercials. I understand using the correct brand of razor not only makes you better at sports, but it can make you more attractive to the opposite sex."

"Well," she said and put her hand on my chest, "you don't need any help in that department. If you get any more attractive, I'm going to have to rethink wearing underwear altogether."

I slid my hand over the waistband of her shorts to the swell of her buttock. "I fully support that initiative. The only thing better than the sight of you in panties, is the sight of you out of them."

She shook her head and pressed against me. "Stop making me want to kiss you. It hurts too much."

I ran my fingers over the skin around her lips. "Actually, you're looking much better."

She turned to look at herself in the mirror. "Huh. You're right. I could get used to this accelerated healing thing."

"I guess wolf blood has its advantages. Does this mean I don't have to shave in order to keep kissing you?"

"No. Fast healing doesn't mean your scruff doesn't hurt like hell."

"Well, we can't have that. "

I picked up the shaving cream and read the instructions. Seemed easy enough. Bella giggled and took the can from me. Then she wrapped her hands around my neck and pressed her body gently against me. I swallowed while trying to temper my arousal. Imagining Esme was in the room helped a little.

"Have you never shaved before?" she said as she ran her fingers across my jaw.

"Of course I have. I started shaving when I was fourteen, but the paraphernalia was a little different in my day. You had to mix soap flakes in a cup to make foam, then you took your life in your hands by pressing a finely honed straight razor against your throat."

"Sounds dangerous."

"It was."

"Did you ever cut yourself?"

"Once or twice. But I did manage to avoid all major arteries."

"Yes, well, this is a safety razor. It's supposed to be nearly impossible to cut yourself."

"'Nearly impossible' implies some element of definite possibility."

"Yeah, well, as most girls will tell you, they can still take a huge chunk out of your ankles and shins. And let me tell you, nothing bleeds as much as a razor cut."

Isabella talking about blood elicited a habitual shudder, but it took me a moment to realize I wasn't burning with bloodlust. I smiled.

She tilted her head. "What?"

"Nothing. Just enjoying not wanting to kill you."

"Aw, me too."

We looked at each other for long seconds. Specifically at each other's lips. I had a desperate urge to kiss her, but we had to banish my facial scruff first.

"Shall I shave now?"

"Yes, please. Would you like me to help?"

At that moment, there were so many things I wanted her help with.

I ran my nose along her throat. "Would that keep you in here with me?"


"Then, by all means, please help me shave."

She gave me a grin and ordered me to pull off my shirt. After taking a moment to ogle my new physique, she gestured for me to sit on the closed toilet while she stood between my legs. In hindsight, it wasn't the most prudent position to avoid becoming aroused, because her breasts were right in front of my face. Still, I did my best not to stare.

Of course, I failed. Her breasts were far too beautiful to ignore. They all but demanded attention, and I was happy to give it.

She ran some water into the basin then wet her fingers and rubbed them over my jaw and mouth. I didn't miss how she teased my lips for longer than was necessary. Frowning in concentration, she squirted some foam onto her hands and smeared it across my whiskers. The sensation was odd but pleasant. The foam smelled good. Having it applied by the woman I loved was a bonus.

Isabella proceeded to shave me, starting with my cheeks and moving down to my jaw. The scrape of the razor across my skin was somewhat ticklish, but as I watched her lick her lips in concentration, I was hardly laughing.

I sought out the backs of her knees and grazed my fingertips up to the hem of her shorts then back down.

She stopped shaving and shivered before tightening her hand on my shoulder. "I said it was nearly impossible to cut you with this. Are you trying to test that theory?"

"No. I just need to touch you."

She shook her head and stepped away from me so she could rinse the razor. When she stepped between my legs again, I returned my hands to the backs of her legs. She tilted my head to the side so she could get to the area near my ear, and she swallowed several times in quick succession.



"You okay?"


Her voice was tight. She was definitely not okay.

She maneuvered the razor along my jaw then started on my chin. I tilted it up to give her better access.

I absently played with the hem of her shorts, and she frowned.

"Edward ..."


"You're distracting me."

"I'm not doing anything."

She sighed and tilted my head to the opposite side. She had to bend sideways to get to the base of my neck, so I decided to help her by pulling her down to straddle me.

She gripped my shoulder, not aware of how strong she was now. I exhaled and pulled her more securely on to me.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I thought it would be easier for you to shave my neck from this position."



"Edward, I can barely function when I'm in an enclosed space with you. Do you think making me straddle you is going to help my concentration?"

I cupped her buttocks and squeezed. "You just need to scrape a razor over my skin. How much concentration do you need?"

She gave me a look but didn't climb off. I was quietly triumphant as she pushed up my chin and went to work on the area just below my jaw. I stared at the ceiling while stroking her back and arms. I loved her skin. So soft. It felt completely different now. Smoother. Even more addictive. I struggled to keep my touches light when all I wanted to do was tear off her clothes and be rough.

If she noticed my tenuous restraint, she didn't mention it. She occasionally tensed and shuddered in reaction to my touch but didn't ask me to stop. As if I would. Or could.

Finally she tilted my head down to shave my mustache, and I pulled down my top lip to enable her to get under my nose.

She smiled. "There's a face I've never seen you make before."


"Pulling your lip over your teeth. In case you've forgotten, you used to snarl a lot. Especially when you were hungry. Or when Jacob was around."

She finished and stood to grab a towel. Then she wiped off the last of the shaving cream. I ran my hand over my skin. She'd done a good job. Silky smooth.

"I did not snarl," I said as I got up to inspect her work in the mirror. "I may have growled on occasion, but that's a perfectly acceptable vampire trait. All the cool vampires were doing it."

She laughed. "Oh, you growled, all right, but you also snarled. Pulled back your lips, showed your shiny, sharp teeth and everything. It was kind of hot."

I wiped my face again and threw the towel into the hamper then leaned back on the vanity and crossed my arms. I was pretty sure I didn't flinch from the pain.

"Kind of hot?"

Her face dropped. "Okay, it was definitely hot. Don't you dare mock me."

"Wouldn't dream of it. But I'm curious, what was it like when I snarled?"

She shrugged. "It was ... kind of ..." She pulled back her lips and made a sound. It was surprisingly deep and animalistic.

"Bella ..."

Her mouth dropped open. "What the hell did I just do?"

I laughed. "You snarled. And rather impressively, I might add. Do it again."

She repeated the snarl, and it was even more bestial.

Jesus. Kind of hot? I just went from semi to fully hard in about half a second.

She covered her mouth in embarrassment. "Oh, no."

"Bella, it's okay."

"No, it's not. That's just weird."

"I'm sure it has something to do with the wolf-blood. After all, you're half dog now."

"What does that even mean? I thought Carlisle said we couldn't become wolves."

"We can't. We lack the shape-shifting gene. But that doesn't mean we won't exhibit other animalistic traits."

"Oh ... wow."

I grabbed her hips and pulled her against me. The need to be inside her flared along with my pain. I also felt the need to bite her, but in a completely different way. I turned her around so she was facing the mirror and ground myself against her.

"Do do you even realize how sexy you are to me right now? All I want to do is bend you over that sink and fuck you roughly." Bella's expression turned ravenous, and I cringed as a stabbing pain shot from my erection up into my abdomen. "And now you have to get out of here before one of us does something stupid which would result in me screaming in a very unmanly manner."

"You're in pain?"

Oh, dear God, make it stop.

"A little."

Do not whimper. Do not whimper.

"I wish I could help."

"Me too."

"I don't suppose you could ..." She mimed masturbation, and just seeing the way her hand curled made me want it on me. I was tempted to ask her to touch me, just to see how much I could endure, but the lightning bolt that traveled from my scrotum to my spine had other ideas.

"Dammit." I groaned as I leaned on the sink. "At this rate, I'm never orgasming again."

"Yes, you will," she said while stroking my face. "Just give it time."

She kissed me softly and pulled back with a sigh. "Go shower. I'll use Alice's bathroom."

She gave me a peck on the lips and exited. I leaned on the vanity, waiting for the pain to subside. I was beyond frustrated. All I wanted was to be pain-free and buried deep within my life-mate. Was that too much to ask?

Grudgingly, I removed my boxers and turned on the shower. It took me a moment to realize I couldn't just use hot water any more.

When I'd managed an acceptable temperature, I stepped under the spray and groaned in relief. The warm water soothed my aching muscles, even the one still jutting proudly from my groin. I wrapped my hand around it while considering the possibility that powering through the pain may actually offer me relief. However, several gentle pumps proved that notion to be optimism of the highest order. While there was pleasure, it was drowned out by excruciating pain.

I pressed my forehead against the tiles and let the water work its magic. It only took half an hour for my erection to subside, and even then, my ache for Isabella didn't completely disappear.




Merry Christmas to all of my amazing readers and friends. Hope you have wonderful food, great company, and all the joy you deserve.

See you next weekend.

If you have a chance to let me know your thoughts, I'd truly appreciate it.

Thanks for reading.

Kiya x