So this is my attempt at humour, inspired by my godmother and a rather interesting drive to church... Just so you know, I'm English, so I'm sorry for any inaccuracies with American details. Oh, and I know Beckett can drive, just I know (from a friend's experience) that knowing how to drive, and being able to re-pass a test are two different things. This could be highly unlikely, but think of it like Beckett having to do that gun handling test thing after the shooting... Oh, and I can't drive. This is based on my imagination. Just so you know :D

I don't own anything you recognise

For EB, EH, JA, KM, LP and RS for always making me laugh. Love ya guys


Driving Lessons

"Detective," Gates called. Beckett turned to see her captain waiting in the door to her office, and placed the folder on her desk. With a sigh, she pushed it towards Castle.

"Have a look. I'll be right back." She moved towards the office on the other side of the room, scenarios flitting through her head as she thought of what Gates wanted. The other woman gestured to a seat as Beckett entered, leaning back and fixing the detective with a stare.

"When was the last time you drove?" Beckett's jaw dropped slightly and she shook her head, not sure she heard correctly.

"Sir?"

"How long has it been since you've driven anywhere, Detective Beckett?" Gates dropped her gaze and began sifting through the pile of papers on her desk.

"Erm, maybe a month? 5 weeks? Why?" Her brow was furrowed as she tried to work out the significance of the question.

"The high-ups have sent out a message that every detective that could potentially drive a CVPI should retake their driving test. Both theory and practical. That won't be a problem, will it?" With a flourish, Gates produced a leaflet entitled 'NYPD Guide to Driving'.

"N-no," the tall detective stuttered, still processing the information. "Do I – I mean, will I need to find an instructor?"

"Oh no," Captain Gates smiled wanly, gesturing towards the door. "Your instructor has already volunteered." With a bad feeling brewing in her gut, Beckett followed Gates' finger to the figure in the doorway. For a second time in the brief meeting, her jaw dropped, as did her heart.

"No!"


"So, Kate, this is a car." Castle beamed at his partner and pointed to the battered Ford in front of them, before screeching as his ear was twisted. "Ow-ow-ow-ow! Apples! Apples, I'm sorry! Jeez woman, I'm just joking!" He rubbed his head sheepishly as Kate slid gracefully into the driver's seat.

"Just get in, Castle, so I can get this done with." As he hopped in beside her, she jabbed the clutch sharply, hands grasping the steering wheel.

"Uh, Kate?"

"What, Castle?" He slowly extended his hand towards her, as she swung her head round to glare at him.

"Would you like the key?"


They had been driving down the road for a couple of minutes, Kate confidently handling the small car as they travelled in a straight line. Really, what was the problem? It was like she'd driven it last week!

"Toni-i-i-ight we are young! So we'll set the world on fi-ire, we can burn bri-ighter, than the su-u-u-un," Castle warbled along to the radio, strategically ignoring the twitching of his companion's hand until the song's chorus came round again, when a hand shot out and viciously punched the 'off' button. "Hey!"

"Shut it, Castle, I'm trying to drive," Kate snapped. "Why do you get to 'teach' me to drive, anyway?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"As in, why can you, the immature nine-year-old, show me, the detective, how to handle a car?"

In response, Castle preened himself in the wing mirror. "Because I'm awesome. And because I know things."

"Things?"

"Things."

"Like?"

"Nah-uh. You wanna know what I know, you gotta drive."

Beckett resisted the temptation to slam her head on the dashboard. It was going to be one of those days.


"Left. No, left! I said left, woman!" Castle cried as they narrowly missed a cyclist going the other way. "What bit of left do you not understand?"

"I did go left!" Kate retorted. "I don't know why there was a bike there!"

"That was right!" Castle screeched as they rounded the corner, throwing him violently to one side. "That was the other left!"

"Well, it was the other guy's left. I was looking out for the general public."

"I didn't say his left, I said yours!" Castle huffed exasperatedly. "Ok, well, can you take this left?" Kate nodded, and swung the wheel to the right. "Nooo!" Castle almost sobbed. "The left! The other one! Not the right. The left is your side! Stay on your side!" He sat up straighter. "Ok. Pull over here." The car was soon stopped by the curb, Castle nursing his nose after having greeted the dashboard Eskimo-style.

"Fine. So I can't tell my left from my right. It doesn't matter, as long as I know where I'm going, I don't need to know," the fearsome detective stared solidly at the gearstick, feeling the blood rise in her cheeks.

"It's not fine, Kate. You won't pass the test unless you can get it right, and then you won't be able to drive, and then Ryan and Esposito will constantly be arguing over driving, and then you'll be miserable, and…" he tailed off after seeing Kate's expression. "Can I try something?" He took the silence for assent and lifted her hands off the wheel, flexing the knuckles and feeling an absurd sense of relief when blood flooded the white fingers with colour. Moulding her hands, he held them up to show an 'L' made by her left index finger and thumb, mirrored by the right hand. "See? 'L' for left. Think you can remember?" She nodded, blushing again. "So, pull out again, and go right." Without responding, Kate twisted the key and nudged the car along, sending a scornful look in Castle's direction as she turned the car in the opposite direction to the way they'd come.

When they got to the next corner, Castle took a deep breath before commanding her to take the left turn. To his horror, she promptly lifted her hands clean off the wheel and held them in front of her, staring at the 'L' she made.

He yelped, diving across her to yank the car across the junction.

"Sorry!" Kate squeaked as he landed in her lap. Seconds later they had pulled over yet again and he was panting heavily, the gearstick poking him in the back.

"Katherine Beckett, don't you ever take your hands off the wheel again."


"Ok, so we'll do the roundabout and get back to the precinct. I think I've had enough brushes with death to last me a lifetime," Castle continued under his breath. Nodding to show that she'd heard, Kate drove up to the edge of the roundabout before executing a perfect U-turn. "Beeeeckeeeeett!" Castle howled as he braced himself against his seat, squeezing his eyes shut until he was sure they'd finished the rotation. "Ok, ok, when I said do the roundabout, I meant go round the damn roundabout! Not do some cop move to mess up the ordered New York traffic! Go round again – no! Don't – we'll find another one," he amended as she made to do another U-turn. The journey continued in silence until they reached the next roundabout and Castle closed his eyes. "This time go round the roundabout, please. Safely. Preferably without giving me a heart attack." Kate shot Castle a sideways Look before following the red Mini in front of them to the entrance.

Twenty minutes later, Castle was groaning while slamming his head back on the headrest repeatedly. "Feel like getting off the roundabout anytime soon?"

"Uh-huh," Kate muttered. "Just – in a moment."

Another couple of minutes passed with no advance. "Kate, is there something you're not telling me?"

"No."

"Do you not like roundabouts or something?" There was no reply. Castle swivelled to face his partner. "Seriously? Kate Beckett, Detective Extraordinaire, has a phobia of roundabouts? You're kidding!"

"Myhamstergotrunoveronarounda boutandI'vehatedthemeversince," she mumbled.

"Sorry?" He couldn't stop the incredulous or slightly disbelieving tone creeping into his voice. "Your hamster?"

"Escaped from its cage when I was seven," Kate said quietly. "We found it in the car and then it jumped out the window. I tried to get out to catch it but it had been squashed. By a purple Nissan. I've not been able to deal with roundabouts since."

"So we're actually stuck going round and round this mound of earth because your hamster died. And I thought I had problems." When his jab failed to get a rise out of her, he cast a curious look towards her. "You want me to drive?" When she nodded stiffly, he undid his seatbelt and motioned her over. "Come on then." She shuffled over him, waiting until his hands where rested on the wheel before settling herself in the passenger seat. Soon they were on their way back to the precinct, and she was ready for there never to be another lesson as long as she lived...


So...?

Was it as terrible as I think?

Should I go and drown in the tub of oil marked 'awful authors'?

Or should I write a bit more?

I'd love to hear your opinion, but I appreciate that this may not be worth one...