32A/N - This one is a bit angsty. I know I leave it on a cliffie but since it is cannon you all know it ends well. Well mostly, only cause we are on Book Freaking 19 now and R&S STILL aren't together. Seriously? (Yeah not mine or else you know where we'd be at book 19)
Please read and review it makes me happy!
This will not have a regular update schedule. I'm using this as something to distract myself when I get frustrated with Colliding Forces. Which BTW, I am BIG time right now. However, I hope to have the next chapter up soon.
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Chapter 4 – May I
May I – Trading Yesterday
Ranger's POV
As I put on the Kevlar vest, I am thinking back to all my memories of Babe.
There you stand, opened heart, opened doors
Full of life with a world that's wanting more
The first day I met her at the diner. She was so guileless and innocent, yet tough as nails. Stephanie took that job with Vinnie because she was desperate, but she was also determined. The bond for Morelli would help change things for her, so she was going to bring him in come hell or high water. That is why I agreed to help her. Henry Higgins met his Eliza Doolittle that day. Dios, did I ever…
But I can see when the lights start to fade
The day is done and your smile has gone away
Morelli, her mother, the stupid fucking Burg grapevine, they take her light away. I look over at Morelli now, and I see his concern for her, I see him trying to figure out how to use this to get what he wants. I see how he wants to change her. And I'm the stupid fucker who keeps sending her back….
Let me raise you up
Let me be your love
"I'm proud of you, Babe." Those words always mean so much to her. Every time I say them, I see the light come back in her eyes. Why won't I let her in? Oh yeah, that's right, I have a government contract and I have to go off in the wind. What if something happens to me? I can't be the reason that light in her is extinguished.
May I hold you as you fall to sleep
When the world is closing in
And you can't breathe here
The day I came back from a mission to find Babe in my bed on 7 was one of the happiest and scariest of my life. She'd gotten in. She'd found the "Batcave" as she called it. I lied and told her it wasn't, but it was. The Slayers were after her. She was scared and she'd come to me. I already knew I loved her, but I couldn't make her mine no matter how much I wanted to. But, I could hold her in the dark when she was scared.
May I love you, may I be your shield
When no one can be found
May I lay you down
When I pulled her from the cabinet at Stiva's, it was all I could do to not take her straight to the Batcave and make love to her. I was so scared at first that she was dead, and I knew it would kill me if she was. When she stirred in my arms, and my heart started again, I almost told her everything I felt. Why didn't I? I'm so fucking stupid...
All I want is to keep you safe from the cold
To give you all that your heart needs the most
I protect Stephanie and love her the best way I can. I rescue her every time she's in danger, she always knows I will find her. I want to be able to be the one to give her everything. I already love her my own way, which is with every fiber of my being. I just don't think I can be what she needs. I have a dark past; I've done things I'm not proud of even if they were for honorable reasons. I want to be her everything, but I don't deserve to be.
Unfortunately, I didn't protect her this time. She is in trouble because of me.
All that's made me is all worth trading
I check both of my guns, then strap on my knife. I pull Tank to the side, "Take care of Babe and Julie. This isn't going to end well, we both know it. Scrog wants me dead and I'll be damned if I let him take one of them over me."
Just to have one moment with you
I walk into her apartment and I see Julie on the couch and my Stephanie tied to the chair. I see the terror in her eyes and I also see the love there too. I drop my blank face and I hope she can see everything I feel for her, have always felt for her, will always feel for her. I love you, Babe. Always.
So I will let go with all that I know
Knowing that you're here with me
For your love is changing me
Maybe if we make it out of this, we'll finally get our someday.
I heard the gunshot and Babe scream, then the world went black.