I don't know what this is, but there isn't a lot of HeavyXMedic smut nowadays that doesn't involve some kind of weird guro/BDSM/crossdressing fetish or something. So I decided to write something normal.

By the looks of the place, Scout could safely guess he'd stumbled upon something he shouldn't have. He's been playing a pathetic, solitary excuse for baseball when he hit to hard and it had disappeared behind the RED base. He had no choice but to follow it, since he was down to his last ball before the supply train came next month and he was just so bored with running, running, running, all day every day between battles since there was fuck all else to do on this godforsaken base other than watch TV (which was almost always previously occupied) or maybe jerk off to the respawn calendar, but last time he did that he'd forgotten to put it back again and Engineer had noticed. Of course he'd notice – charming gentleman, Scout's ass. He was just as pent up as the rest of them, no matter how much he denied it. Just because overalls had a wife didn't mean she'd magically appear in his bed whenever.

Back in the strange shed, Scout decided he'd better just find his ball and head on out of there before he managed to inadvertedly propel himself into some sort of trouble. He was about to start his search when he spotted a disused TV right in the back behind some boxes. Scout couldn't believe his luck, he could sneak this baby back to base and have his own personal set in his room! He could watch major league baseball whenever he wanted! The situation was made even better when he spotted next to it a batter old VCR. A VCR! This day was getting better and better! He could ask for tapes from his ma, all his favourite movies and shows! Scout felt a warm happiness seep through him at the prospect of this unexpected turn around. He set about unplugging the TV set and wheeling it into the middle of the shed. On his return trip to fish out the VCR, he tripped over a fairly large box he hadn't noticed. The cardboard tore, and out spilled countless video tapes. Scout didn't put this one down to luck - it was fairly obvious they'd be stored near a VCR – but he was no less enthusiastic.

He picked up a handful and looked at the labels. They were just a bunch of room names; 'Kitchen' 'Boiler Room' and so on, with no cameras in the showers or bedrooms, thank god. Ah, well. So what if he'd stumbled on some old surveillance tapes? They weren't very interesting, but he could probably still get a few laughs out of what some of the slightly more unhinged members of the group (Soldier, Demo and Pyro, to name a few) got up to when they thought no-one was looking.

About an hour or so later, Scout had learned some pretty interesting things – Soldier discussed battle strategy with his shovel, which seemed to give a fair amount of silent backchat. Sniper fancied himself a musician, and often forced out some mistuned, strangled twangs on Engineer's unattended guitar. Engineer himself spent a lot of time writing individual letters to his family – By the looks of that stack of paper, he had enough children to rival Scout's own - and tending to his sentries and other various contraptions, a lot of which Scout had never seen before and were probably prototypes. Scout skipped through everything with himself in it. Spy was nowhere to be seen if he wasn't in battle or interacting with the other mercenaries. A harsh pang of recognition hit him when he recognised a scene from his first day, when the Sniper had destroyed his deceased eldest brother's dogtags as a warning not to piss him off anymore. Scout watched him round a corner to be met by Spy, who harshly reprimanded him and, upon realising his ignorance of the tags' significance, enlightened him with the story behind them. He saw Sniper was visibly affected by the new information, but it had still taken three whole days for him to actually grow a pair and apologise, even if the tags were (thankfully) repaired in respawn. He hadn't seen much of Heavy or Medic yet. It was no secret what they got up to, although nobody commented on it because, well, Heavy was terrifying when he wanted to be. Usually they were together and shared a tender moment now and again, but god damn, for a hundred-and-something-year-old and a morbidly obese, shaved bear they were surprisingly elusive.

Considering the numerous shots of Heavy booting open the door to either his or Medic's bedroom while carrying his German lover, Scout kind of hoped they'd stay that way.

Scout soon reached the end of the third tape. As he was just about to insert the fourth he realised the label read 'Store Cupboard'. The Storage cupboard was somewhere between a large cupboard and a small room; you could fit about two and a half Heavies in there if they had no concept of personal space. But what could possibly be so interesting about footage in a store cupboard? Scout remembered Demo had hidden a camera in there to uncover whoever was behind the rapidly disappearing bottles of Scrumpy that may. He must have forgotten to remove it the next month after finding it was himself in his sleep and all hysteria of poltergeists were put to rest.

Well, maybe this tape wouldn't be so boring. Maybe Demo's night-time exploits were funnier than just opening the door and grabbing a bottle with his eyes closed, and the camera was up in the back-right corner of the ceiling, offering a stellar vantage point indeed. It turned out he mumbled an awful lot in his sleep, and Scout soon got used to the almost routine mentions of "Pauling" and "Nessie" and "Brimstone" and "Jobs". After about twenty minutes of this Scout resorted to his old friend, fast forward. Every so often Soldier would appear and take inventory, but apart from that, nothing much happened.

Scout was just about to turn off the TV set when Medic appeared behind the glass, stripped of his gloves and coat. The sight was particularly surreal for Scout, who had never seen Medic any less than fully dressed, not even without his tie or with his collar not buttoned all the way. He seemed to be pottering about, looking for something, found it (a small squeezable tube) and placed it in his shirt pocket. Heavy appeared not long after. Medic hadn't noticed Heavy and stayed facing the wall. To this, the Russian replied by walking up, casual as anything, and resting his enormous hands on Medic's hips with a delicacy Scout had never seen from the man before. Medic's face lit up at the touch and he relaxed back into his lover, eyes slowly closing as small kisses were planted down the far side of his face.

Scout knew what would happen next, he was sure of it. He was torn between wanting to eject the tape before anything happened that would scar him and being extremely curious whether what he'd heard about how gay sex worked was true. His finger wasn't moving towards the VCR, so curiosity must have won this round.

A sharp noise from Medic jogged him from his thoughts. They had moved, with Medic sandwiched (no pun intended) between Heavy and the adjacent wall to the camera. Scout could see Heavy's back and a little bit of his face, and whatever of Medic wasn't concealed from view by a huge lump of shoulder or something, his feet not touching the ground. He looked and sounded ravenous, pouncing on Heavy's mouth and moaning into it with every breath he took. Heavy remained silent, save for his laboured breathing.

'Fuck me, Schatz! I need you, I need you inside me!'

'Doktor, what is your hurry?' Heavy seemed amused. Medic growled through gritted teeth;

'I want your giant Russian cock in my tight German ass, NOW!' Heavy laughed a little to himself and kissed medic on the lips, fiddling with his buckle. It was only now Scout noticed they were both hard like nobody's business.

Medic certainly hadn't been lying when he said Heavy's manhood was "giant" – In fact, that may have been an understatement. That thing was colossal. How the hell did it not make a massive bulge in his trousers all the time? Did it just dematerialise? How?!

Medic was busy struggling with the cap on the tube he'd found earlier as Heavy set to work on his belt and fly. With much triumph he opened it, and squeezed a generous amount onto his hand and ran all the way up and down the shaft, covering it with the glistening substance. By this time Heavy had freed him and yanked his trousers off almost completely, just hanging off one ankle.

Then Medic did something that made Scout double-take.

He drenched two fingers in the rest of the stuff and shoved them in his ass. He friggin' SHOVED THEM IN HIS ASS! And he was fuckin' skewering himself and making these noises and by the looks of it the whole thing was really getting to Heavy, who by this time had rid himself of his shirt and was grinding against Medic like a white Rhino in heat. Which was kind of what he was, to be honest. Medic brought his hand back up and hissed something in Heavy's ear. It had obviously been an invitation to move on into phase 3.

The first few moments were agonising to watch. It seemed to take forever for Heavy to actually penetrate Medic, and when he did it the expression on the Doctor's face was more than enough to tell that this alien presence was more than a little difficult to accommodate. Nevertheless, he patted Heavy on the shoulder and the giant started moving slowly and shallowly, Medic's grip on his shoulders bruising, he eyes squeezed shut and his teeth gnashing unconsciously at his bottom lip in an effort to relieve the obvious pain he was in. Scout was so confused – why on earth did Medic want this?! Surely there was something else they could do that wasn't god-awfully painful. Maybe there wasn't. Scout was jerked away from his thoughts as Heavy suddenly went deep, causing Medic to cry out. He tried again, and this time it seemed he'd found what he was looking for, and Medic visibly melted into him, his jaw going slack. He wrapped his legs around his lover's waist and started making those noises again and kissing every square inch of skin he could find. It was so weird seeing Medic like this – the frantic growling and snarling he was making earlier weren't quite so strange, the Doctor was fucking crazy anyway. But this – this was just surreal. He was just so vulnerable and tender all of a sudden, like this was a side to him he never showed anyone else. It was like seeing one of your teachers doing their groceries, or seeing Spy with his mask off. It's a more intimate side to people that you'd happily kill to see, but if and when you do see it the informality of the whole thing is just unsettling.

Both their hands were going everywhere, but Heavy seemed to be avoiding Medic's member. Once or twice Medic tried to guide his hand down to that special place, but for some reason Heavy just pulled his hand away again and started stroking his thigh or something. Clearly agitated by this, Medic broke their marathon-kiss with a rather hurt expression. Through moans and pants, as Heavy was not stopping, he managed to force out the words:

"Vhat – ng – vhat…are you doing? Vhy are you b-being selfish?"

"Don't worry, Doktor – trust me, I am knowing what I do."

"Zhen t-touch me, Bitte! I don't think I can take-" Heavy bucked deep into him, and his eyesinvoluntarily rolled back in his head "T-take much more of zhis – I'm going CRAZY! Just – Please…"

"Nyet."

"But VHY?!Ah, I'mmmso close – it's not faiahhhah!" Medic must be close – he was barely coherent.

"You'll see why."

"I don't vant to see vhy, I vant to know vhy – Oh, Gott…" Medic was trying his best to pout but it just wasn't working. Heavy just smiled.

"Alright." He leaned down close to Medic, a wicked gleam in his eye as he growled in the smaller man's ear "I want you to come just from me fucking you." Medic' eyes were glazed over and he could barely say a word between panting by now.

"But – I – can't –"

"You can, Doktor. I can make you, I promise."

"But – Heavy – I – can't – I've – never – not – even – on – my – own –" Heavy kissed him, long and hard.

"Den let's be changing dat…right now."

Medic's limbs were just doing whatever – he probably wasn't even aware of them. His hands were just hanging limply around his sides, and his legs were bouncing in time to the increasingly erratic movements of Heavy, who was keeping him supported by grabbing him firmly around his hips.

"And – if – you –make – me – come –"

"Da?"

"I'll…I'll – never –here – zhe – end – of – it!"

"Nonsense, Doktor!" Medic offered his best shot at a sceptical look "Well…not exactly, no."

It was at this Scout realised Heavy must have been thinking about this for a while now. That was why he was so insistent about this – If he could make Medic come all on his own then that would probably send him further over the edge than he'd ever gone before. And who knew? It might even be good for Medic, too.

"Oh – Gott – Bitte – Heavy – please –"

"Come on Doktor, I know you can do dis. For me."

"No – I –vish – I – could –"

"I know you can, is fine."

"It's – not – fine!" Heavy lifted Medic's legs up over his shoulders and went as deep as he possibly could. For all he managed to control his speech it was evident he was going frantic. He needed this.

Whatever it was Heavy was probing up there it was sending Medic into another dimension. It must have been so frustrating for him – he looked so ready to just come right then and there, hell, he was probably ready to come five minutes ago, but all he could do was be impaled on Heavy's massive organ take everything the Russki had.

This continued until Scout was having a hard time determining whether Medic was still conscious or not. The only thing he had to go by was his almost hysteric gasps for oxygen and that he blinked every so often. He really was a picture – his eyes seemed permanently glued to the top of his skull, his entire body and jaw were slack, his hair was a tangled mess, every millimetre of his skin was flushed bright red and he was drooling on Heavy's chest without a care in the world.

It was excruciating to watch, poor old Medic was probably heading toward blue balls, and then it would be a massive disappointment for everybody.

To Scout's horror, he realised "everybody" included himself.

Luckily, this awkward little scenario was not so. Without any warning at all, Medic threw back his head as every muscle in his body seemed to contract. He was in another world altogether, blindly peppering kisses on any patch of skin his lips made contact with. Heavy looked more triumphant than he ever had after a winning battle. He still fucked the doctor through his climax, holding him like a doll, stroking his hair and whispering things in Russian into his ear. It took a little while for Scout to realise that Medic was actually crying, whether he wanted to or not. He clawed at Heavy's shoulders with both his arms and legs as if he was afraid his lover would drop him, and finally – finally – his orgasm finished. Heavy wasn't far behind, and Medic in a blissful daze the whole time, planting little pecks on his neck and shoulders with every shudder the huge man made.

They just stayed there for a little while, getting their breaths back. When Heavy did release Medic, the physician's knees buckled and he slumped to the floor, head bowed; He was asleep. Heavy, apparently finding this cute or funny or something, put his shirt back on, pulled Medic's trousers back up, scooped him up in his enormous arms and carried him out, bridal style. It was very dark outside.

Scout got up and realised he'd just watched the oldest member of his team being rammed in the ass by the fattest member of his team.

And his pants were all sticky.

And he hadn't even noticed.

And he'd completely forgotten why he was even in there in the first place.