Madness

In which the Old Gods never drove Neltharion to madness; no, they drove him to something far more…. interesting.

Disclaimer; first of all, I apologize if this offends anyone – this just popped randomly into my head, and wouldn't leave me alone. I do not own WoW, that honor goes to Blizzard.


The whispers started long ago. At first, they made suggestions about how to go about his duties to Azeroth.

Those people, there, they have little water. Lower that mountain, and they shall not live in a desert.

Raise the water on this shore, right here. Too many idiots have been falling over the cliffs to their deaths.

Here, this area is cold and harsh to its people; give them a valley, so that they will be warm.

But not all their ideas panned out for the good of the peoples. Lowering the mountain may have made a paradise out of a desert, but on the other side lay a stronger nation, and they waged war on the weaker, former-desert dwellers.

Raising the water on that shore seemed to work. Until one foolish human who could not swim wandered out too far into the water, and when he stepped over that cliff, he drowned.

The people who lived in the valley he created had trouble acclimating to the new heat around them, and moved farther up into the mountains.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't, Earthwarder, the whispers told him.

Then one day, they said something different.

You should, you know. It'll be so much fun.

Just the once. They'll all laugh with you afterward.

At the very least, Maly and 'Sera will.

Yes, bring dear brother Malygos into it. After all; your powers surely cannot reach the entire world all at once.

Neltharion did not do this thing that the whispers wanted him to; he was too busy. Demons had invaded his precious, precious world, and they would regret it.

But always, the whispers were with him.

Do it, Neltharion.

Dooo eeeet!

After thousands of years of peace, the time was right. Malygos had joined him, and the whispers guided him. They assured him that this would be alright – that there was nothing wrong with it.

After all, Earthwarder, it's only this once. We'll even teach you how to make it.

And then you and Maly will distribute it to all the mortal lands.

So Neltharion, under the direction of the whispers, guided his brother in helping him make the ultimate tool. But beyond the intent of the whispers, Neltharion began to see how this device could serve individual mortals very well.

And finally, after months of hard work, it was ready. Ready to be released on an unsuspecting world.

"Come, my brother," Neltharion grinned. "It is time to act, Maly."

The Aspect of Magic chuckled.

"Do you know, Neltharion," the blue dragon grinned. "When you first mentioned hearing voices, I grew concerned. I am no longer so worried. Let's do this!"

Together, the two mighty dragons flew upward, out of Neltharion's home of the Temple of Earth. The two dragons used their powers to spread their device to every home. There were millions of the things, and come morning, all would be complete. The curiosity of all mortal races – even the alien orcs and draenei, Neltharion had discovered – was legendary. They would all try the little candies on their bedside tables, and when they did….

Howling with laughter, Neltharion and Malygos fled before anyone – more specifically, uptight Alexstraza, who would not appreciate such a joke – could discover the cause for the sudden, world-wide incident. Though, as they flew away, Neltharion wondered if he wouldn't be called on to help make some new waste ditches for the races that used them.


"And that, my dears," said the old gnome, "is how laxatives came to be!"


Please don't kill me!

I thought this might just be funny, so I had to write it down.