This oneshot is a Secret Santa present for Ashley, a beautiful artist and person who can be found at astralsymphony dot tumblr dot com. Her prompt for me was Petunia and Vernon's wedding. Merry Christmas!

Disclaimer: It's been a few months since I've written Jily and I still don't own them. Damn.

Nobody really understood how James Potter's mind worked – not even James Potter himself. In the years that he'd attempted to "woo" Lily Evans, he would go into a conversation with the intention to be completely level-headed and nice, and he would end up screaming at her or insulting her in some way.

But he doubted any of those mistakes had ever been as bad as this one. And it had to be here, in front of her whole family, and…

Why had he even convinced her to bring him anyway? She had considered not bringing him – his last encounter with her sister's new husband had gone wretchedly. But James had given that little pouty face – the same one he used to use during the wooing period, only she wasn't immune to it anymore. She'd given in eventually, and responded that the both of them would be attending.

And James had given his word that he would be on his best behavior and that he would avoid Vernon and would try not to say anything rude.

What they hadn't counted on was being seated at the table next to Vernon's family for dinner.

The mass itself had gone swimmingly. Lily wasn't chosen to be a bridesmaid (a fact that had disturbed Mr. Evans deeply), so the pair sat in a pew like everyone else. As they waited for Petunia to arrive (because she was late of course), Lily had quietly explained to him how Muggle weddings were different from wizard weddings. Hearing about Muggle things still amused James.

Then Petunia finally showed up and her bridal party made their slow way down the aisle. The bridesmaids were all wearing horrid pink dresses. Then Petunia came down the aisle on her father's arm, making little sniffling sounds.

James had only met Mr. Evans a few times, and one of them was at his wife's funeral. He was a great guy, but he also seemed to be hanging on by a thread at this point. Especially when it came to Petunia and Lily's relationship. He'd probably been hoping that their mother's death would at least make them closer, but the girls had inherited their mother's stubbornness and had no reconciliation whatsoever.

He looked happy on that day though, and James couldn't help but wondering what he would look like when he and Lily got married.

But that was probably an inappropriate thought since they weren't even engaged yet.

Anyway, the mass proceeded, and Petunia sniffled, and James had to hold back the gagging as Vernon said something he believed to be sentimental (the big oaf he was), and the priest said, "You may kiss your bride," and the ceremony ended.

At the reception, Lily and James were placed at a table with Lily's relatives, which Lily muttered was probably an honor. The tablecloths were the same horrible color as the bridesmaids' dresses, with petunias as centerpieces. As previously mentioned, the table was right next to the table where the Dursleys were sitting, and it was then that James ran into his problem for the night: Vernon's sister.

He'd promised to avoid Vernon at all costs, Vernon who hated him, Vernon who had insulted his entire way of life… But both James and Lily had agreed that he would probably be so busy that they wouldn't even have to try to escape from his insults.

But Vernon's sister – Marge was her name – had little to do for the entire night, and she ended up sitting right next to James and Lily, so when she got bored, she turned around and addressed them.

"You are Petunia's sister, are you not?" she asked Lily. "I believe I saw a picture of you when you were younger once… I recognize that horrid hair."

Lily readjusted her smile. "Yes, I'm Lily. And you are…?"

"Marge. Marge Dursley." She had big blonde hair that you could practically see the hairspray on, and her eyes were a dull brown. She was nearly as large as her brother, if not larger. "My, that was a dreadfully boring wedding, was it not?"


"What is it that you do for a living, Violet?"

"Actually, I only graduated in the spring," Lily said.

Marge made a clucking sound with her throat. "And no job yet? I can see why Vernon said he doesn't like you… And who are you?"

This last comment was directed at James himself. "I'm the boyfriend," he explained, swallowing a mouthful of food.

"Oh, yes, now I remember. Vernon told me all about you."

James and Lily exchanged a glance. "All about me?" James questioned.

Had Vernon disobeyed them and told his sister about them being magic?

"Yes, yes, how you completely insulted him when he was just trying to have a nice dinner with his future in-laws. He was very hurt by your attitudes."

James opened his mouth to protest or to shoot some snarky remark back at her – he wasn't even sure what he was doing – but Lily laid her hand on top of his. "Marge, if you'll excuse us, my cousin Michelle is over there and I haven't seen her in years. We must go say hello."

Lily pulled James to his feet and dragged him through the crowds to where Marge couldn't see them.

"You have a cousin Michelle?"

"No." Lily dragged him over to the bar. "But you need to control yourself, and I need a drink."

"Something tells me they don't have firewhiskey here," James murmured as he surveyed the bar.

Things really went downhill from there. The pair downed a little bit too much wine. Lily didn't say it, but James could tell that she was really stressed about the whole situation.

They went back to sit down at the table so unfortunately placed besides Marge's table. It was fine for a few minutes, because she was insulting one of her blood relatives, but things got bad when Vernon and Petunia came over to greet her.

And then Marge said, "Oh, yes, I was speaking to your sister and her boyfriend before," in a snobby little voice, clearly trying to stir trouble.

Petunia turned to look at the pair quickly. "Oh, Lily. Hi."

"Hello, Petunia. Congratulations."


"You said that your sister went to a school for idiots, yes?" Marge asked.

Petunia looked down at the ground. "Yes, I suppose I did say that."

"She didn't have the caliber needed to go to your school, I suppose," Marge continued, looking at Lily as though she were a cockroach.

Lily avoided both of the women's eyes, as she always did when faced with her sister. She didn't want to stir trouble, she had always loved her sister, she couldn't do that to her dad. James had heard the excuses over and over again as Lily just sat there and absorbed the insults that flew her way.

It was just so… un-Lily-like. The Lily from Hogwarts would have stabbed the bitch in the chest. But this Lily, the one that emerged around her family, was so different and timid.

It annoyed James to no end.

"No, no, definitely not," Vernon remarked.

"You know what I think?"

James realized with a shock that the voice belonged to him, and that he'd risen out of his chair, and that Lily was sending him a horrified look, and that Vernon and Petunia looked scared out of their minds.

"I think the whole lot of you are idiots. Lily is the most beautiful, intelligent, perfect person I have ever met."

"James, stop." Lily tugged on his hand.

"You all are clearly out of your minds to not see that. And to insult your own family like this. It's horrible. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves," James continued.

The newlyweds stared at him.

"So the oaf can speak, huh?" Marge quipped.

"Barely," Vernon muttered, seeming to pop back to life.

The Dursleys chuckled.

"He's right," Lily said, finally standing up beside her boyfriend. "I have let you walk over me for too long, all because I was hoping that one day you would realize that I didn't mean to leave, and that I didn't mean to make you feel inferior or whatever. I was hoping that you would get over your jealousy, but clearly you're not going to. So let's just give up on whatever this is."

Lily grabbed her purse from the table and huffed away. Then she stopped and turned around. "James?"

"Right," James said, ducking out behind her.

"Lily Evans, you are a goddess."

"I feel weird," Lily murmured. She and James were walking arm-in-arm down the street, their feet crunching on fallen leaves of red and orange.

"Are you mad at me?" James asked.

"No, actually… Obviously you could use to mature a bit, but I feel almost relieved. You know, like I've finally dealt with this problem and now I can move on," Lily said. "I don't need to try and please Petunia anymore." Her voice was serious, but happy.

"Thank God for Marge Dursley."

Lily laughed. "Yes, thank God."

"What about your dad?" James asked.

Lily let out a long breath. "I'll try to explain it to him but… in theory, we don't ever have to be around him at the same time. So really, I'm free!"

Lily withdrew her arm from James' and skipped ahead of him. Her hair blew back in the wind, the same color as the leaves that fell around them.

James caught up to her as she stopped to examine a little coffee shop on the corner of the road. "How drunk are you?"

"Only a little more than you," Lily responded.

James laughed. "You're beautiful."

"You're beautiful," she whispered back, running her fingertips along the collar of his jacket.

It was the kind of thing that James would never ever admit to anyone, but when Lily complimented him… there were butterflies. He had waited so long for her to return his affections, worked so hard to prove himself and win her over, and had had his heart broken again and again.

But now she loved him, even though he was an immature, unemployed jerk.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed!