Just something I thought of one night when trying to fall asleep
I don't own One Piece or anything else that may or may not have inspired this madness.
WARNING: extreme craziness and randomness
Dragon liked to think of himself as a smart man. He led the frickin revolutionary army for heavens sake! But this…this was just getting annoying! The tall, dark haired and most definitely feared man glared at his pillow, no, his whole bed with a vengeance. It wasn't the bed's fault, not at all! It was…..dare he say it…..his brain. His head. His skull. His cranium. Whatever the heck you want to call it! Yes the infamous Revolutionary leader was convinced he was losing it. Going crazy. Nuts. Psycho.
'Tch, I blame it on the old man.' He thought savagely. He was bound to pick up on his father's eccentric personality. Or maybe Invankov was spiking his drinks with something. 'I wouldn't put it past him,' Dragon shuddered. But it was probably just stress, it was making him tired and giving him…nightmares. Like a little child! He groaned and rubbed his temples wearily. He gave his bed one final look before he 'hmfed' and plummeted down to the bed and closing his eyes with a small sigh.
'I will defeat this foe once and for all!'
He awoke to singing.
With perfume…no…cologne wafting through the air.
Hmmm…..wait, what? Dragon shot up to a sitting position with his head whipping back and forth and his eyes bugging out slightly. Pink?
'Pink?!' Gagging on the heavy cologne drifting on the wind, Dragon stood to his feet cautiously and looked around wearily. He was surrounded by pink clouds, almost cotton candy colored; even the ground was made of this soft pink stuff. He scrunched his nose and wiped his sweaty palms on his pants, his stomach doing nervous flips. Looking around he noticed a floating pink cloud (death trap) approach him slowly.
He froze staring at it for a second, then stepped back suddenly mortified,
"No! Stay back! Gah!" He proceeded to flail his hand in front of his face and using the other one to cover his mouth like he was afraid to inhale a contagious toxin from the unnatural pink thing! He turned on his heel and was about to break out running, only to run right into another pink monstrosity.
"Ah!" he jumped back to run another direction only too have the incident happen again and again and again.
"You don't know who you're dealing with!"
In the back of his head he inquired what the big deal was. Real men like him DON'T run from clouds, pink clouds none the less, but before he could dwell on this to much he heard someone call his name,
"Dragon! Vour here too?! Come join us!"
He stopped in mid run with his left knee still in the air. With his eyes bugging out he slowly turned his head toward the voice. What he saw disturbed him greatly but he refrained from projectile vomiting, he didn't want to offend his friend after all.
Invankov. There she, excuse me, He…wait "he" has boobs now… so he's in his woman form? You can never tell with him/her. Anyway there he was in all his fishnet glory with a white/grey haired women skipping in a circle singing at the top of her lungs in a similar outfit.
'That explains the singing I heard earlier.'
The other mysterious woman, who was now doing a disturbing booty jig, looked up noticing him. Dragon then observed that the nameless woman had a scar running across her cheek much like the one on his own…father.
"Dragon, my boy!" the white/grey hair colored woman exclaimed raising her arms in a 'come hug me position'.
'My boy? Only one person ever in my life has called me that.'
"Oh no." Dragon practically whimpered
"Oh ves! Imagine my surprise vhen I heard the vather ov my dear vriend and veader vanted to be just vike me! Isn't it vondevull!?" Invankov declared happily.
Dragon seemed to be between thinking of what to say and choking on air. The two men turned female mistook his horror for choked up emotions,
"Dragon, my boy! I'm so glad you're happy for me!" Hero of the marines, Garp, threw his arm around his son squealing for joy.
Dragon froze in shock, and then proceeded to wail out an unmanly shriek when he felt his father's new appendages against his chest.
A dark, thick feeling hung in the air. Dragon was standing tall and intimidating wearing a pure black cloak. In front of him, a few feet away was a kneeling teenager in a white, dirty jump suit of some kind curled in on himself cradling his arm against his chest.
"Your Grandfather never told you what happened to your father." Dragon exclaimed dramatically
"He told me enough!" The teenager bit out harshly, looking up at him," he told me you killed him!"
"No, Luffy!" The revolutionary paused theatrically, "I am your father!"
The teenager went from pissed to wide eyed in a manner of seconds. Then his face split in a big goofy grin, that didn't fit the mood at all. Using his good hand he pointed at Dragon,
"Haha No you're not! Stupid!" he accused childishly, waving his finger in front of his face.
Dragon balked, "No it's true! Search your feelings, Luffy, you know it to be true!"
"But fathers don't cut off their sons hands?" Luffy cocked his head to the side his eyes big and innocent. Dragon went on ignoring him.
"Join me and together we can destroy the world government and rule the world as father and son!" Dragon declared, clenching his fist and thrusting it in the air. He stayed in that position and waited while his son stroked his invisible beard, thinking. Luffy reached a conclusion and darted his eyes towards his self-proclaimed father,
"That does sound pretty good…but do I get to be a pirate?"
"THEN ILL NEVER JOIN YOU!" Luffy bellowed and threw himself down a cliff that was not there a second ago. Dragon dropped his hand at his side and stared blankly down the ravine. He lifted his head eye twitching,
"Sir, The revolutionary army has fallen!" a faceless revolutionary gasped
"Nooooo!" Dragon shot up in bed, floundering with his sheets. He took a moment to scrutinize his surroundings.
'Oh good, it's only a dream, I'm in my room.'
He clutched his head letting out a groan, was he hung-over? He didn't remember drinking, especially enough to get him drunk…but then, why was he naked? He was wearing clothes, right? An immense feeling of dread washed over him. He looked up suddenly at the sound of his bathroom door opening.
'Oh NOO! Please, NO!' He wailed to himself.
"I don't vhink the revolutionaries suspect a vhing Dragon."
The scream that followed could be heard around the world and echoed for many days.
"Then you've run out of luck." Smoker snarled menacingly on top of the Straw Hat pirate reaching for his weapon to make an arrest.
"I don't think so," Dragon said smugly as he stopped Smoker with his hand. Smoker looked to the side and his eyes widened,
"YOU!" he gasped in recognition.
From the ground Luffy struggled and squirmed his way out from under Smoker, "What!? Who!? Who?" he shouted. He finally escaped his predicament with a cute pout and looked up at his rescuer,
"Who are you?"
Dragon grabbed the scruff of Smokers jacket and tossed him aside like he was a rag doll and looked fully down at his son. Ignoring Luffy's question he stated,
"Your grandfather never told you what happened to your father."
A few feet away Smoker raised his eyebrows and produced a box of popcorn out of nowhere and sat on his bum, this was going to get good.
"He told me enough! He told me…..actually he didn't tell me anything! What happened to my father!?" Luffy yelled desperately.
Dragon sniffed and put his hand on his heart, "Luffy, I am your father!" he sighed dramatically.
Smoker gasped and proceeded to stuff more popcorn in his mouth. The red vested teenager donned a look of disbelief as little tears lined his eyes,
"Really?" He squeaked hopefully.
"Really!" Dragon sighed happily. The newly declared father looked down at his son with tears of his own lining his eyes.
The father and son duo embraced each other with tears in their eyes. Smoker made a snort of disgust watching as a brilliant sunset came out of nowhere and acted as a back drop for this…youthful scene.
'No one in this world, no universe could not find that at least a little disturbing,' Smoker thought watching the scene with a scrunched up nose.
Somewhere far away the Green Beast of Konoha sneezed violently.
"Father…I'm joining the Marines!"
Back in the meeting hall the revolutionaries cast weary glances at each other while they heard their fearless leader screaming profanities and other nonsense in his sleep.
"No! Old man WHYYYYYY!"
"Son! I am your Father and you HAVE to join the Revolutionaries you don't get a choice!
"I HATE PINK!"
"What do you mean? We won! Revolutionaries kick serious a**!"
"I don't care if you're the Green Beast of the Universe, stop hugging my son!"
"EEKK Invankov don't touch me there!"
The revolutionaries raised their eyebrows at that one. Maybe he's finally snapped. The revolutionaries looked at each other and shrugged, we love him anyways.