Well... I don't know why but i've been thinking about death a lot... It's not like i have an urge to commit suicide anymore and as far as I know none of my friends want to either. I wrote this on the last day of school before winter break and this is just something i wrote on whim. I just never got around to posting it.
It's kinda... Depressing. Sorry. I'm just in a really mellow mood right now.
People disappear everyday but I've never cared so much a when Lovino disappeared. When I found out, I screamed until my voice gave out and then I cried. When I ran out of tears I just sat. I sat and ignored my work, my country, my friends. I was seriously considering trying to disappear to. What use was living if my most important person was here? There just wasn't any reason to smile when the person I smiled for wasn't here.
I went back to Italy. I thought that maybe if I tried searching for him in his land I would maybe find him or a reincarnation of some sort. Or maybe if I went away from my house long enough I would come back and walk into the kitchen and he'd be there cooking his pasta. He'd turn around with his cute scowl on his face and scold me for making him wait and tell me I should've come back sooner.
But that didn't happen, of course. He truly was gone.
"Mon ami, are you alright?" Francis sat across from me and looked at me with a concerned look. It had been a week since he'd disappeared.
I slowly raised my head from my arms and gave an absolutely dead look to Francis. Smiling grimly, he patted my back reassuringly and promised things would get better. I would've sneered but I just didn't feel up to it. Slightly shaking my head, I got up from the table and was going to leave when I bumped into Prussia on the way out. He stumbled a little but didn't stop me from leaving.
Prussia had also been affected by this incident as well. Everyone thought he'd be the first to go. So did he, I think. He should've disappeared when his nation was dissolved, either on the spot or a little after but I guess that because he started representing East Germany, that kept his existence secure. I don't know if he still represents East Germany since Germany is whole again but he still hasn't disappeared. Being with Canada also helped though I'm sure. New Prussia probably added to Prussia's life span.
There was nothing I could've done to save my Lovi though. I would do anything to even have an attempt to save him and bring him back. There is no way My boss would allow me to take a part of my own land and name it Romano or South Italy, but trust me, I would if I could.
Francis and Gilbert tried to console me to the best of their abilities, but there's only so much you can do. Francis sent over a new type wine each week and Prussia would try to take me out to bars to meet women, always ending up getting drunk himself. To me, every person would never be able to compare to Romano. The love that I might find wouldn't even last long anyways. Why even try?
One of the nights Prussia took us out, Germany, Italy and Francis joined us. They were worried about me, but I knew they also wanted to have some fun. Italy had been devastated, but not as much as I was, I don't think. He was sad for the first few months but soon got over his loss. Everyone needed to be cheered up to some degree. Me? I just needed my Lovi back.
"Big Brother Spain! I think that girl is looking a you!" Italy tugged at my shirt as i sat at the bar nursing some alcoholic drink that burned as it was tossed back.
"Hm? I don't care," I shrugged him off and Italy's face fell. I felt kind of bad for brushing him off, but I couldn't think about anything but the time I could've had with Romano. Often times I would worry about if he went somewhere after he disappeared, if he was comfortably or if he was watching me now.
"Holaaa. Earth to Antonio," someone said to me and waved their hand in front of my face. I turned to my right and my eyes widened. There sat a girl who looked like the girl version of Romano. I think my mouth fell open because the next thing i knew was that she had a finger under my chin and she was closing my mouth with a smile. Her eyes were the same, her skin was the same, she even had a cute little curl like Romano did. "Hey." She said. "What's up?"
"...hello." I said after several moments of shock. "Who are you?"
And then suddenly I blinked at she was gone. In her place was Italy giving me a puzzled look.
"Hm? What do you mean, Toni? I'm Veneziano!" Italy cocked his head to the side with a puzzled expression.
"A-ah, I think I've had too much to drink..." I mumbled shaking my head. I slid off the bar seat and grabbed my coat from the back. "I'll see you sometime later alright, Ita? Tell the others I'm sorry..." Smiling guiltily at Veneziano, I left the bar feeling alone and confused.
My eyes drifted around the small Italian town and I felt lost. It was almost holiday time. I was going to spend the holidays with Lovino of course. But what now? What would I do now that I saw the world as a dull, dull place?
"You could continue to live, baldie. That's what I'd do." I flinched and spun around. There the girl stood again. She was wearing a coat as well and the small little snowflakes spun around her feet. A smile played at her red lips and she walked towards me slowly.
"Who... Who are you?" I was so confused. She looked so much like Romano.
"Bastard, you don't recognize your own former henchman?" The girl teased and fake scowled at me.
"You're... Lovino?" I almost choked as I stared at her wide-eyed.
"No, I'm Lovina." She said. "Now at least."
"... What does that mean?" She shook her head and continued smiling at me. She wasn't as tall as Romano but she came to just below my nose.
"It means..." She leaned in dangerously close. I think the fact that she looked like Roma so much was getting to me because my heart started pounding and my cheeks flushed. "Lovino is no more. I am Lovina. I came here to tell you get over him. He's gone."
Her words shocked me and where unusually cruel. I started crying right then and there, suddenly hugging Lovina and sobbing pitifully into her coat. At first she tensed but then relaxed, even gently rubbing my back.
When I finally got the will to compose myself, I straightened up and took a deep breath. Lovina eyed me over and I saw her eyes soften.
"... I still have feelings though... I'm not sure if they're my own or Lovino's but my heart is telling me that you're a good guy." She pats my shoulder, almost roughly, turns on her heel and then walks away. I watch her wordlessly, trying to wrap my mind around what she said.
Not sure if these feelings are mine or Lovino's... What did that mean? Her and Lovino are the same? Lovino is now Lovina?
Confused and bewildered, I stumbled home. Prying open the door against the winter wind, I walked numbly into my empty house, stripping off the heavy winter clothes and flopping onto my couch. I threw an arm over my eyes and sighed.
Now what? I thought. Is Lovina the new Romano?
Based on the ending, i'll probably make this a two-shot or maybe a three-shot... I can't ever seem to get a series rolling and then finish it... It's sad.