Chapter 4: I'm not going anywhere!

The room was quiet while Ryan and I were just standing there looking at each other. Yea we've kissed before, but this kiss that we just shared was different in so many ways. I felt so much passion coming from Ryan that I had never felt in any other kiss that we had. But I still didn't understand, why did he kiss me? I was sure that when he found out that I had feelings for him, he was going to be pissed and never want to speak to me or see me ever again. Someone had to break the ice, and I think it had to be me.

"What just happened here?" I ask, my voice shaking more with each word.

Ryan slowly backed up sitting down on the edge of the bed; gliding is fingers through his hair. His breathing had picked up rapidly; I slowly try to make my way over to him to see if he was ok. He quickly puts his hand up letting me know to stay back. He looks up letting me see all the emotions in his eyes that he's trying really hard to hold back.

He sighs deeply, "Colin, I've always had feelings for you!"

My hand quickly covers my mouth, but I movie it briefly, "You…"

He interrupts me, "Please let me talk first?"

I just nod in agreement. "Colin, you have been my best friend for as long as I can remember. You've always been there when I needed you no matter what it was for. Every day that I don't see you, or that we don't talk just kills me. You make me laugh Col, you get me in ways that nobody does…not even Pat!"

Ryan stops just as a tear slides down his face, all I want to do is just hold him, comfort him.

"Colin, me and Pat haven't been romantic with each other in years! There's no romance anymore…and most of the time when we do try, I just can't get you out of my head!"

I don't know what to do at this point, Ryan is pouring his heart out to me and I can't even say anything in return.

"Do you seriously believe that all the times that I've kissed you, or held you, or anything like that on the show was for the audience?! Colin, when you were kissing Joanie yesterday, the whole time I was wishing that it was me, to share a kiss with you for that long. But I found a moment when I could kiss you, and I took it. I enjoyed your lips on mine way more then I enjoyed Joanie's, you've always been the one I wanted, but you were the one that I couldn't have, and I couldn't make you lose Deb!"

I walk over to Ryan unsure if I would be able to tell him my feelings, "Ryan can I talk now?"

He reaches out telling me to sit, "Of course!"

I don't sit; I bend down so I'm at eye level with him. "Ryan, I knew that kiss was different yesterday. And honestly the more that I thought about it, the more I wanted to kiss you again! I didn't know what I was feeling, and I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to do anything to ruin our friendship. You mean everything to me, and I didn't want to risk losing you…I still don't!"

A look of disappointment crossed Ryan's face as he slowly looked down at the floor; I pick his head up so he's back looking at me. "Ryan listen to me, whenever I was thinking about that kiss, I was also thinking about our other ones, and if I had felt something with those…and I did!"

Ryan had managed a small smile as I grabbed his hand, "And I don't know what this is, now or before, but I think I would like to figure it out!"

He squeezes my hand back, "So would I!"

I slowly lean forward as I kiss him softly; he returns the kiss and places his hands on my face. We stand up together and slowly pull apart; he smiles then pulls me in for a harder kiss. It felt great this is exactly what I wanted, ever since that last episode and before that. He pulls me even closer to him as our mouths open and our tongues meet, I was yearning for him, I wanted him. Our kissing became even more intense when he backed me up to the door, his body was now pressed up against mine, and I could tell he was enjoying this. A slight moan escapes my lips as he slowly slides his hands up my shirt to my back. I do the same but rest my hands on his chest; he bites my lip as he slowly slides up and down my body brushing our hard-ons together. He moves his hands down, past my hips, to my pants quickly undoing my belt whipping it out and throwing it behind him. I grab his shirt not caring, or bothering to take the time out to undo the buttons; I just rip it open and expose his chest, his gorgeous chest. I walk with him backwards, still kissing, as we make it to the bed. He sits down as I sit down on top of him, placing each of my legs on either side, I remove his belt as he lays down and I follow laying down on top of him. He pulls my shirt up and over my head; he kisses my cheek then moves down to my neck then remains on my chest. He unbuttons my pants and slides them down past my hips, again I follow when he lifts his ass up while I pull down his pants. We're now basically wearing the same thing…nothing but boxers and pants around our ankles. All I can do is shout out his name when he starts to stroke my very hard member through my boxers, the sound of me screaming his name made him grab my face and pull it towards him for another really passionate kiss.

I pull back from him just a little with a smile on my face, "So, um…do you have a condom?!"

Ryan laughs, "Yeah, but we're not going to use it…I know you and you know me we both know that we're clean, and I just want you in me…only you!"

I give him a soft smile as I stand up and slide my boxers down, Ryan groans at the moment I do so, he follows by taking off his. We then take a quick moment to remove our shoes and our pants that were stuck at our ankles, the minute everything is off, Ryan instantly pulls me back on top of him.

"I want you in me…NOW COL!" just seeing Ryan crave me so much turned me on like I had never been before.

He then reaches over to the end table pulling out a bottle of lube, "After I saw you getting hammered I…well let's just say I was hopeful!"

I shake my head and roll my eyes as I take the bottle from him. "Are you ready?"

He nods as I lube up, "Yes…fuck me Col!"

Just as I'm about to go inside him there's a knock at his door.

"Ryan?! It's Brad, have you seen Colin?"