Note: Contains suicide
He sat on the edge of a cliff both literally and figuratively. He'd been there for hours ever sense he'd imprinted on the child. He let the reality of what had happened wash over him. He had been so in love with Bella. It was as real to him as the grass and trees, but he did not imprint on her. Jacob Black imprinted on her child. The half vampire baby of the girl he loved and the blood sucker he hated. How was that possible? It made no sense to him and it tore his heart in two. Had he not suffered enough? He had the misfortune of falling in love with Bella Swan. She denied loving him and then when she finally admitted that she did love him it still wasn't enough. She was going to marry Edward.
The tears fell down his face as he remembered the pain that followed. He could do nothing as the girl he loved married another man. Then she got pregnant with a child that ultimately killed her. After that he imprinted on the child. He was grieving for Bella and full of hate for the child that had killed her, but when he saw her, he loved her. She became the center of his world; the reason for his existence. This thing that he had every reason to hate was his destined match. It was all too much. Neither his heart nor his head could make sense of what had happened so after a few hours he stopped trying. Now he just wanted to feel something that was real again. His love for Bella had been real to him. This connection to her child wasn't. It was a fate forced on him by the world of magic and monsters to which he belonged.
Eventually he learned of Bella's survival. Her transformation into a vampire had worked. She was not dead. He should have been happy about that, but it only made things worse. Now he was bound to both of them. He would see Bella every time he came to see her daughter. He would also have to deal with Edward. They were all connected through the child.
He hated the way he felt. It confused him. How could he have hated someone so completely and then love them so fully in so short a time? How could he love someone so completely and just have that love replaced? Even the situation with Sam hadn't been this backward. Sam was in love with Leah and then imprinted on her cousin, but he never hated her cousin. The change wasn't so drastic, but it had been painful. Jacob knew that. The whole pack knew it. Sam's imprinting had hurt everyone involved. Now it was Jacob's turn to suffer. He'd be the only one. Bella had already rejected him and the child was too young to really care.
He knew then that imprinting was the problem. This mystical imperative was to blame for so much suffering. How many lives and loves had it ruined before it got to him and Sam? He wanted to fight against it, he wanted to be in control of his life the way he used to be, but most of all Jacob Black wanted to be himself again. He wanted the emotions that were his. Jacob wanted to hold on to his love for Bella Swan and the pain of losing her to the leech. Those feelings were real.
"It was real." The words repeated themselves in his head over and over until he couldn't contain them anymore. "IT WAS REAL!" He yelled and then screamed into the emptiness around him. He knew he had to break the imprint, but there was only one way to do that. One of them had to die. That was the only way they could be free, but he knew he could never hurt her and he would never allow her to be hurt. The child could not be harmed. He loved her too much to kill her and he love Bella too much to kill her child. He knew what he had to do.
Jacob left the cliff with a clear goal in mind. First he went to Sam to tell him about the imprinting. He made Sam promise no harm would come to Bella or the child. Then he went to the Cullens. He told Edward that his family would be safe. He checked on Bella and saw her in the midst of her transformation. He smiled, kissed her hand softly and whispered "I love you" before leaving. He smiled at the baby, but was careful not to touch her or stand too close. Jasper noticed his conflicting emotions, but was unable to pinpoint what was wrong. Edward tried to hear his thoughts, but Jacob was careful to control what he was thinking. He wouldn't let anyone stop him.
Going home was hard. Jacob's father could see his son was distressed and tried to comfort him. He smiled at Billy and assured him everything was going to be alright and that he just needed to be alone for a while. He regretted the pain he was going to cause his father, but there was no way he could go on living the way he was. He went to his room and wrote two letters; one for Bella and one for his father. He left the letters on his bed, took a knife from the kitchen and walked into the forest.
He was found a few days later after his father asked the pack to find him. Billy was worried when his son didn't come home and knew the worst had happened when he found the letters. Jacob Black was found in the forest with the kitchen knife through his heart. He was buried next to his mother.
Bella took the news hard when she found out and many years later the wound he left in her heart was still raw. His letter to her had been short. He told her why he had to die and assured her that it wasn't her fault, but she wouldn't believe it. She needed someone to blame for the loss of her best friend and she blamed herself. She was filled with grief and anger. She wondered how someone could hurt so much and still live.
Once a year she visits his grave and curses his name to the wind. She curses his weakness for having fallen in love with her and being unable to let it go. Then she cries an apology. She cannot blame him for his love because she still loves him. She had been blind to it for so long and now it won't leave her. It isn't the same love she has for her husband, but it is stronger than she thought it was. It left a hole in her heart that could never be filled and as the years turned into centuries she recalled the pain of his death when she could no longer remember his voice.
For the Quileute people, Jacob's story became a cautionary tale for some and a call to rebellion for others. Some learned to be more cautious with who they gave their hearts to so that the imprinting would not be such a traumatic event. The rebels learned to reject the imprinting through sheer force of will. They learned to love as normal people did. They suffered heart break and found great joy always knowing that their feelings were real. The love they felt, right or wrong, was theirs and not the product of supernatural tampering.
Just a story to show how I feel about imprinting and true love in the Twilight universe. I hate how the books actively go against normal romance where love builds over time to glorify love at first site and fate to the exclusion of the lover's ability to chose who they love.
Bella supposedly chooses Edward, but there is a strong feeling of fate in the story. The pull between them is so strong that she never even seriously considers that she could be happy with anyone else. Also we don't even get a real reason for why they are in love. We never see love grow between them. It is just there. Before we are halfway through the book they are willing to risk life and limb for each other. It happens too fast. I was not feeling the love when I read that first book.
Jacob's love for Bella is a bit more believable because it builds over time. They knew each other as children. They become friends. He has a crush on her that eventually becomes love. His love for Bella is more realistic, yet it is invalidated by his imprinting on her daughter.
Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer I don't want it.