The rest of the wedding is a blur, there was a lot of shots and a lot Trinski involved. The last thing I remember is watching Auntie B wander off and leaving the reception with a man who most defiantly was not my Uncle. I woke up in my own bed with a glass of what I thought was water beside me and a raging headache. The reception (from what I remember) was a good one, without any family fall outs and without any mischief from Auntie B, for that I am grateful. I don't want to get out of my nice, comfy bed today, but Head Girl duties must prevail. As Head Girl I must overlook the clean-up process of the school and prevent the hungover fuelled fights of the tribes.
As I stumble from my room, I see many lifeless bodies lining the corridors that lead to the main hall. Thankfully, everyone is fully clothed and without any vomit on their clothes. My first stop is the teacher's lounge for some-kind of pill to kill off this pounding headache that I have woken up with. As I stumble my way there I find my cousin Jenifer French passed out in the fall, trying not to wake her, I attempt to step over her. She looks peaceful when she's sleeping, it's as if butter wouldn't melt as drool dribbles from her snoring mouth. I don't remember much from last night, but I do remember Jen running off with one of Annabelle's distant cousins.
Stepping over her, I carry on with my mission to find relief for this throbbing head of mine. I have no idea when Mum and Fritton left the party, the only thing I know is that I left after them. They had a romantic first dance, so romantic that I felt physically sick. The St Trinian's band decided to play the school's anthem, but a slowed down acoustic vision, specifically for their first dance. After that, they disappeared off into the night, right after my Auntie B.
Finally, I reach the teacher's lounge. Surprisingly, this room is free from the lifeless bodies of wedding guests and students. I make my way over to the fish bowl, I put my hand in and lift the decorative rock. Underneath I find Camilla Fritton's (my new Grandmother's) stash of painkillers. I then pull out the submerged bottle, pop the cap open and tip two pills back down my throat. Being Head Girl has certain perks, such as knowing where the drugs are stashed within the school walls and knowing which teacher, or ex-teacher, hides the best medication. I would be lost without that knowledge.
As the tablets take away my pounding headache, I start making my way towards the main hall. I have two options; I can either waken up the sleeping girls or I can begin to tidy up myself. If I wake up the girl's it is liable to reignite my head ache, if I tidy up myself then it is likely to make myself vomit. I choose option three, wake up my elder cousin Jen. I make my back to the corridor where I last saw her, she's still snoring and dribbling. Standard drunk Jen. The first thing I do is take a selfie with her lifeless body, complete with a dog filter, for blackmail purposes and then I gently nudge her with my foot. At first, she grunts, so I do it again.
"Jen." I whisper. All my sleeping cousin does is grin at me while she sleeps. "Oi, French!"
"No, not now. I'm sleeping!" She sighs as she carries on in her semi consciences state.
"Oh my God!" I yell, mimicking the Totties' hand gestures. "There's a sale on at Kurt Geiger!"
"What?" She yells as her eyes flick open and her body jerk's up. "Where? Which shop?"
"Welcome back to the land of the living!" I laugh. "As my favourite cousin and as your Head Girl, I hereby decree that you are the lucky one to help me clean up the school!" Jen looks at me in disgust, but it is worth the death glare if it gets me help in cleaning up this mess.
Jen doesn't have a choice but to follow me down the halls. At least I have my cousin and at least I don't have to clean up this mess on my own. During our journey though the school we see many people passed out and slumped against the walls, thankfully none of them are of Mum and Fritton. I don't want to find them consummating their marriage within public view, I can't take that embarrassing story. Instead, I find my Uncle Brad. The same uncle that is married to Auntie B, the same man that I defiantly did not see leave with her last night.
"Jen," I whisper as I see my Uncle Brad's lifeless body passed out on a sofa. "Where's B?"
"Who?" Jen answers as she rubs her sleepy eyes.
"Jen!" I snap, I'm beginning to remember the events of last night. The last thing I need at this moment in time is another family fall out, especially the day after Mum's wedding. "Wake up! What happened to Auntie Becca?"
"I don't know, I don't care. I just want to go back to sleep." Jen huffs. "She's a grown woman, let her get on with whatever childish scheme she has planned." I always forget about the feud between Jen and our Aunty B. Sometimes I wish that there was a peaceful understanding.
"Jen, where is Auntie B? What happened last night?" I persist, it never ends well for Mum when her younger sister goes missing.
"Why do you care so much? She's only interested when she wants something from you," Jen huffs. "If you're just going to stand there and worry about Becca's schemes then I'm just going to wander off back to my bed."
"Don't be like this, something isn't right." I tell Jen to reason with her.
"Get over it, sometimes you are so up B's arse that you forget the people who have been since the day you walked through those doors!" Jen shouts as she points towards the entrance of St Trinian's. "B is no aunt of yours, she only appears when she needs or wants something form you! Where was she when you were growing up?" Jen yells in her hungover rage. "Where was Becca when you needed her? Probably jetting off in her own little world trying to make her own money, the only thing Auntie B is good for is to get money out of the family bank account!" Jen rants.
"Jen," a voice booms from the entrance, echoing from the walls. "You may not like me through your mother's prejudice but that is not how our family speaks about each other." I look towards the source of the new voice in the room and see a silhouette of a dishevelled woman. "You may not like it, but I am as much as your aunt as I am Kelis' thanks to your paternal grandfather! Now," she states, "I have had a very bad night and I would appreciate it if you stopped being the brat, that my least favourite half-sister raised you to be, and would drop whatever preconceived idea you have of me." Auntie B states as she struts off, towards the dorms.
Well, at least that solves the mysterious disappearance of Auntie B. I suppose trying to uncover whatever misdeed she's up to will have to wait another day.