I tried asking around the apartment about the strange man I've been seeing for the past few days. As expected, no one seems to know what I'm talking about - or if they do, they're playing dumb. I expected as much, but it still frustrates me to have absolutely no leads even after all of that trouble. The frustration seems to have occupied my thoughts for the time being, so I guess I can be thankful for that.
But even then, I can't help but wonder… do they really not know, or were they lying to me? A few of them had seemed fidgety and evasive, and that raises my suspicion. If they're trying to hide this man's identity from me, then that must mean there's something about him that warrants such behavior. Is he a criminal? A drug dealer? Stalker? Molester? Even if he is any of these things, why would they feel the need to protect his identity?
Am I thinking too much about this?
No, I don't think I am. This man is obviously stalking me. I have a right to know who he is and what his intentions are. But the problem there is I get this insane fear and paranoia whenever I see him, so I can't ask him directly. Maybe I should just stop being such a wuss. Yes, that's exactly what I should do.
Additionally, I've had a terrible headache today. I've had it ever since the encounter last night. It would be bizarre to think that it has to do with that man, unless I'm stressing myself out to the point of giving myself migraines. That's actually probably not too far fetched. Hopefully it will be gone by tonight; I think I'll go back out there and try to confront him again. There's no sense in being so scared of a man who just stands around, right? Besides, even at night there's too much of a chance that he would be seen by someone if he tried to attack me, so he wouldn't try anything too risky, right?
So, I have nothing to worry about… right?
Then why am I so scared?
I chickened out.
I freaking chickened out.
As soon as nighttime rolled around and the time when he usually appears started drawing near, I started getting scared. I had even gone through all of that reasoning and self-consolation to prepare myself, and then at the last second I couldn't even bring myself to look out the window, let alone go out there.
What is it with this guy? Why does he unnerve me so much? Or is it a problem with me? Maybe I'm just too paranoid. But why am I paranoid? It's just a guy in a suit. His creepy staring into my window late at night aside, there's not much to be afraid of. Besides that, I still don't know for sure if it's even me that he's watching. So why am I so paranoid?
My headache is getting worse… it seems like it amplified when it got dark. I'm trying not to let the thought that it might be related to him invade my mind. I'm already freaking out over this guy way too much, and I need to stop and just calm down.
…I wonder if he's out there right now… I never looked out the window, so I have no idea.
Should I go look? I can feel the paranoia setting in already. If anything, I should go just to put my mind at ease - or possibly set it off worse than it already is.
Ugh, I can't think straight. This headache...
I feel like someone is watching me… Maybe he really is out there… No, I know he is.
He's out there. Watching. I know it. I know he's out there!
Why is he out there? Why does he just stand out there every night? Am I the only one who sees him? Why won't my neighbors tell me anything?
He's out there, I know it. I don't want to look out through the window because I know I'll see him. I can't stand the thought of him just standing out there. Staring. Just staring.
It feels like he can see me even now, sitting huddled in my living room writing in this journal. I can almost feel his eyes on my back.
Can he see me?
No. No, that's impossible. There's no way…
There's no way, right?