28CHAPTER 12 OF 'THE MANSION'!
Warning-Extreme Stupidity!
Me- Ho hum... Just another abnormal day! Yep just me and everyone else!
Seamus- Prof. M isn't here
Me- Do my mistakes bug you bumpkin? Ok fine, let me rephrase that! Ho hums... Just another abnormal day! Yep, just me and Tina and Draco and Ron and Harry and Hermione and Parvati and Dumblydore and Snappy and Crabbe and Goyle! Happy now Mr. Seamus face?
Seamus- Ummm I suppose so...
Me- Good, and it is good that I still remember everyone's names, right Sirius?
Sirius- (unconscious from flying fish)
Tina- You hit him with a flying fish. Remember?
Me- No...
Tina- Think about it
Me- (thinks)
Ron- Anything?
Me- (still thinking)
Dean- While we're still young please!
Me- (still still thinking)
Seamus-Oh come on!
Me- Errrrrrrrr... I give up!
All- OO
Tina- I know, tap into your self conscious you must!
Me- Movie line taker!
Tina- What?
Me- Don't play dumb, you soooo took that from 'Dude where's my car?' Hal Sparks was in that!(Drools) Sexy Mon, sexy Mon!
Tina- No I didn't! I thought of it myself!
Me- (rolls eyes) Sure ya did!
Tina- Are you questioning my authority?
Me- Ewww you sound like my mom...
Tina- (sighs) you're hopeless
A voice from up the stairs- Indeed you are right Miss Tina!
All look to see Prof. M coming down the stairs dressed very badly. She's wearing a really (and I mean really) short yellow skirt with a short blue sleeveless shirt with polka dots on it and for some reason it has huge holes down the back and front of it. On her feet are multicolored sneakers, mostly orange and green.
Dumblydore- (wolf whistles)
All guys- (covers eyes in horror)
Random camera crew guy- (wolf whistles)
Draco- (stares in horror)
All girls- (utter speechless and staring in horror, except for...)
Me- Ewwwwww! Prof M. you look like this girl at my school that I hate! Ewww she wore that exact outfit to school on the last day! Ewwwwww...
Dumblydore- (in a low voice) I think I'm in love!
Me- (still saying ewww)
Tina- Give me a break, this is not love connection! And besides inter cast relations are strictly prohibited.
Harry- Since when?
Tina- Well except for a couple
Snape- I don't understand!
Parvati- Figures...
Me- (still saying ewww)
Tina- See Hermy and Harry are one of the favorites on the pairing meter. They're up there with the Ginny/Harry, Draco/Hermy, and the Ron/ Hermys'! Dumblydore and Prof. M. is a weird pairing though, well maybe not in the world of fan fiction but here it is. Anyway, if a weird pair like that stays we could possibly lose viewers if they become disgusted! It's in the contracts and the original writings of the show from when we first started!
Hermione- That is correct
Dumblydore- I must protest! My love for Minerva is something I can not ignore! And this show will not stand in my way!
Me- Quite romantic if you ask me!
Tina- In some circles I'm sure...
Prof. M (hereby known as Minerva! ) - Oh Albus!
Dumblydore- Minerva my love! (Gets down on one knee) I love you more than anything in the world, will you marry me?
Entire cast and staff- AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Minerva- Of course Albus! (Dumblydore puts the huge ring on her finger and kisses her)
Entire cast and staff- Ewwwwwwwwwww
Minerva- I just need to get a divorce!
Dumblydore- You're married already?
Minerva- Yes... (Looks at Snape)
Snape-What? Don't look at me!
Me and Tina- (gasp loudly)
Tina- You're married to Prof. M?
Me- That is the mysterious mystery person? We thought it was like Monica Lewinsky, Elton John, or Whitney Houston!
Draco- Elton John would not be so bad...
Ron- Well that's your opinion
Harry- Indeed...
Me- I can't believe this... When did you get married? Did you have a big elaborate wedding? Was the proposal romantic as this one? Did you have a big cake? How much did the wedding cost?
Minerva- In this order, about 3 years ago last month, no, no, no, and about 50 American dollars I believe
All girls- 50 American dollars?
Hermione- You cheap bastard!
Parvati- Yea what's a matter, too cheap to spend money on your own freaking wedding?
Tina- You should be ashamed!
Me- You're a dork!
All-
Snape- It's not my fault! It was one drunken night in Las Vegas!
Hermione- Well if it was Las Vegas...
Parvati- And you really can't think when you're drunk...
Tina- I guess in this case what happened in Vegas did not stay in Vegas...
Me- You'd think the wedding would have been cheaper! I mean 50 bucks is kinda a lot to have some guy says some stuff and then it's done!
Draco- Ahem... Not really the point ...
Me- Esh... well anyway you then have huge wedding!
Draco- I could be the wedding planner!
Me- Yay! Like the Jennifer Lopez movie 'The Wedding Planner' and that show 'For better or for worse' and that other show 'A wedding story' and...
Sirius- (wakes up and rubs his head) - Is she talking about reality shows again?
Ron- Yep is that what woke you up?
Sirius- Too much noise... (Sniffs) What smells like fish?
Me- You do!
Sirius- I most certainly do not!
Me- Yesh you do! (Sings) Fish heads, fish heads, rollie pollie fish heads, fish heads, fish heads, fish heads, eat em up yum!
All- OO
Dean- You are defiantly mental
Me- Why thank you!
Seamus- That was not a compliment...
Me- So?
Tina- Good point, and anyway it's customary. The real host is always a bit dim-witted, but it makes good television!
Me- What if I was smart?
Seamus- Like that would ever happen...
Me- You want to start something, Irish man?
Sirius- (still rubbing his head) Geez where's a S.W.A.T team when you need one?
Me- I don't know... but it's time for... TRIVIA HOUR!
Three big guys run out and put up three podiums next to each other and one bigger podium about 6 feet in front of the three. They also put up a sign that reads, 'THE MANSION!' in blinking lights. A bunch of bleachers come out of the ground also.
Me- Where's our audience? (Looks around) Hey you Hogwarts people, be the audience and go sit over there! (Points to bleachers)
The Hogwarts people go and sit on the bleachers
Harry- I want popcorn!
Tina- (throws popcorn at Harry's head) There, now be quiet!
Harry- (knocked out unconscious)
Tina- Sheesh it was just popcorn, not a brick!
Crabbe and Goyle- (drools)
Parvati- Who eats bricks?
Crabbe and Goyle- We do
Draco- Yes most foods don't even make a difference to those slobs... (Looks at Crabbe and Goyle and cringes) They pour ketchup and mustard and all sorts of disgusting things on them... On bricks!
Goyle- (pulls a brick out of his pocket and starts eating it)
Draco- GOOD LORD! (Faints)
Parvati- Goyle you idiot! (Whacks Goyle in the back of the head) Put that away!
Hermione- Wow Parvati, at that moment you sounded just like the old Draco used to!
Draco- (still fainted)
Parvati- No! I don't want to be mean!
Me- It was just Goyle... it's not a big deal. He gets hit all the time anyway. (Throws a shoe at Goyle's head) See?
Ron- Let me try! (Throws a hammer) Haha what a lump!
Goyle- Why thank you!
Me-Yay you quoted Ed, Edd n' Eddy! You both get a cupcake!
Goyle- CUPCAKE! (Drools)
Me- Awwwwww yet another quote! Be like Ed some more!
Goyle- I forget what we're doing...
Me- Hahaha! Yay! You get a basket full of cupcakes!
Crabbe- Yahoo!
Me- (gasps) that was not an Edism! No cupcakes for either of you!
Crabbe- Awwwwww...
Me- Ok everybody, it's time to start the show!
Sirius- The show has been on for the last half hour...
Me- Not that show! The Mansion trivia hour! Please meet our contestants; just newly divorced and engaged; with her obsession with MTV and her horrible fashion sense, only Dumblydore could love her...
Dumblydore- Which I do!
Me- Shut up! Anyway, please give it up for Professor Minerva M. soon to be Dumblydore!
Minerva- (blows kisses to the audience)
Dumblydore and weird staff guy- (clap loudly)
3 Minerva fans- (faint)
Cricket- (chirps)
Me- Ahem... next, he's a blonde haired hottie who likes shopping and well... Shopping! Your favorite gay Slytherin and mine... Draco Malfoy!
Everyone the girls - (claps very very loudly)
Draco- (gives sexy smile)
Millions of Draco Malfoy fans- (faint)
Me- (sighs) And our last contestant, he is a gorgeous red head who loves Quidditch and food and is a damn good keeper! Give it up for Sexy McGee, Ron Weasley! I love you Ron!
Ron- (waves)
Millions of Ron Weasley fans- (faint)
Me- So let's begin, here is the first question from the category 'Harry's secrets'
Harry- What? I have no secrets!
Me- Yes you do, I read your diary!
Harry- It is not a diary, it's a journal! I mean... errrrr...
Me- Be quiet! Ok here's the question, 'In the first anniversary episode of this show we showed footage of Harry being pranked. When Ron asked him what his deepest, darkest secret was, what did Harry say it he sometimes pretends to be?
Draco- (buzzes in)
Me- Yes Sexy Draco!
Draco- Harry said he likes to pretend to be a fairy!
Me- Correct!
All except Hermy, Draco, Ron, and Tina- (laugh)
Harry- (blushing) I never said that!
All- (still laughing)
Harry- (blushing beet red)
Me- SHUT THE HELL UP!
All- (silent)
Me- Geez...Now for the next question from the category, 'Before & After'
Snape- What?
Me- Just shut up a listen! Ok here's the question 'These mischievous boys didn't quite finish their 7th year at Hogwarts but instead started this new store for pranksters'
Ron- (buzzes in)
Me- Yes Sexy McGee!
Ron- What is Fred and George Weasley Wizard Wheezes!
Me- Correct!
Minerva- No fair those are his brothers!
Me- Judges do you care?
Judges- (shake heads)
Me- Nope they do not care! Next category! 'Ed, Edd n Eddy!' Yay what a great category! And here is the question! 'This is the number of ants that Double D stated having in his ant farm. He only said this once in one episode!'
Snape- How are they going to know that?
Me- Shut up! What a rude audience!
Minerva- (buzzes in) what is 5239?
Me- Correct! (Does a happy little jig)
All- (stare at Minerva)
Dean- How did you know that?
Minerva- That show is soooo stupid that everything I see from it sticks in my brain only making me dumber!
Me- (stops dancing) WHAT?!
Minerva- You heard me... Stupid stupid show!
Me- (pulls out wand and points it at Minerva)
Sirius- (panicked) how did she get that?
Harry- (checks his pockets) that's my wand! That pickpocket!
Me- (still pointing the wand) I am going to turn you into a pile of mush! That wouldn't be very nice for your wedding now would it? Oh you would be a big mushy bride! Or maybe I could get some mean boys to give you a swirly! You would be a mush and smell like a toilet!
Minerva- Nooooo not a swirly! I must be beautiful for my wedding! But I will not take it back that is a stupid stupid stupid show!
Me- (throws a huge fish at Minerva)
Tina- Now you smell like Sirius!
Sirius- I do not smell!
Tina- (goes by Sirius) Yes you defiantly do!
Goyle- I like fish...
Crabbe- Me too! (Drools)
Sirius- Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Goyle- (pulls out a butcher knife and a fork)
Sirius- Umm I have to go now! (Runs out of the room and up the stairs)
Crabbe- Food!
Goyle- Chicken of the Sea!
Both of them run out of the room but of course Goyle trips and the knife goes flying out of his hand. He just gets up and they both run after Sirius up the stairs. The knife just barely misses hitting Ron, who screams bloody murder (Heh Heh no joke intended) and, along with everyone else, dives directly onto the floor.
Me-(gets up) ASSASSIN! (Dives back on the ground then looks around) Hey wait a minute... (Stands back up and points at the crew members) You guys have to get down too, there is a frickin' assassin!
So all the crew members slow crawl onto the floor, including the camera guys who take the cameras with them to the floor.
Tina- Well I guess that's the end of the Trivia show...
Seamus- So who wins?
Tina- Ummmm, how about Ron?
Ron- YAY!
Dumblydore- Why does he win?
Me- Because he's hot!
Tina- Well that's settled!
Draco- (smirks) indeed!
(NOTE: They are all still on the floor)
A scream is heard from up the stairs, followed by an, "AHHHH MY LEG!"
Me- Errrrrrrrr...ok (looks at the camera which is still on the floor) I guess that raps this episode for today, next episode we will be having another elimination! Until next time, we have to go save Sirius after the assassin is gone!
Snape- There is no assassin!
Me- Oh... Well ok then we have to go and save Sirius now! I hope you enjoyed this episode of "THE MANSION!" Until next episode! (Everyone waves from the floor)
Everything goes black, but the voices are still heard
Snape- Can we get off the floor now?
Tina- NO! Not until the cameras stop filming!
Hermione- Are we finished yet?
Parvati- Yea my back is getting cramped
Jack the camera man- Oh ok... CUT!
Everyone sighs and starts chattering amongst themselves
(AND THAT IS THE END OF CHAPTER TWELVE! Heehaw I could tell you all liked the capitals right there. Anyway next chapter will be an elimination so I need everyone to put their votes in! Maybe I will add another twist... So go now and review! Until the elimination!