I suppose, seeing as this is the first chapter, I'd normally be telling you the main character's name, or his or her current whereabouts. Maybe what they look like, or perhaps give you a feel for their personality. Possibly sneak in their age.
However, this is not a normal story, and I am not to tell you those things.
But, if I must, I'll tell you what I can.
They go by Jade West, and Beck Oliver. That's not their real names, it's simply what they insist you call them. The people around them don't bother to ask. Any girl can say her name is "Jade West" and get away with it, no questions asked, as long as they don't give you a reason to assume that Jade West is, in fact, a fake name.
We know better.
I can't tell you where they are. But since this a story, and every story needs a setting (you cannot just place characters into a blank world of nothingness, it's uncreative and the whole thing unravels in about 5 minutes), so I guess I can set it wherever I'd like. Beck and Jade would likely not approve, but this is for their own good.
As for their looks, personalities, and ages...
That information you can do without.
Now, you might be wondering a few things.
Why can't I tell you their real names, their current whereabouts, their ages, or basically anything about them?
Why am I writing about them at all?
Who am I? Why do I know this information that can't be disclosed to the general public?
It's quite simple, my friends.
Jade and Beck had a secret, that they thought wasn't a really a secret at all.
But it was.
It was deep and dark, and I'd tell you what it is, I really would, but then you'd have to put a stop to it. It would rely solely on you to put an end to the series of events that have already followed because of this secret, and prevent any thing more from happening because of it.
Are you really ready for all that responsibility?
Well, alright, but bear in mind - what I'm about to write wasn't meant to be read. It shouldn't be read.
Are you really sure you want to read it?
I'll give you time to think.
Okay then, it's your funeral.
It started in a town that you've never heard of that has faded into the background of society. I mustn't tell you what the town is called, but I can promise you this - it's one you definitely know nothing about. Name it whatever you want. Call it "Gummy Bear Landia" for I all care.
Anyway, in this town lived the girl who goes by Jade West. She wasn't just a misfit - she was the misfit. She was a bit morbid and very dark. That's all I can really tell you about her. That, and that most people in The Nameless Town are frightened of her.
She had a single friend. I'm not exactly sure if I can tell you her name, They did not specify. I'll assume I can't. They, by the way, are not Jade or Beck or this other girl. They are a completely different group of people, the ones that won't allow me to tell you anything about our heroes. You've seen Them before, I bet. If you must, acquire a first edition copy of Where's Wally (the original, English Where's Waldo), and flip to page 8. Look for a bald man with a pinstripe suit on. He's one of Them.
What was I talking about?
Oh yes, this girl. We'll call her Cat.
Cat was sweet and nice and just a tad ditzy. She would often wonder things aloud, such as "If it snowed and then it was sunny, would it make a snowbow?"
Cat liked to explore. She insisted that she and Jade look up in her grandmother's attic for "fun, elderly people things". Although Jade had not thought it would be much fun, she had gone anyway.
If they had stayed at Cat's house and simply watched the first two Home Alone movies as planned, things would not had gone the way they did. The girls would not have found what they did, or meet Beck, or know The Secret. And you wouldn't be reading about it.
But it's already too late - if you're reading this, that is.