a/n:: okay, so, first drabble in a while. it's dedicated to louise (downstage), who gave me prompts and encouraged me to post it and is just a generally lovely person.

WARNING: incest approaches. do not read if this makes you uncomfortable- or do, if you like feeling uncomfortable. just know that there is an insinuation of a relationship between two siblings.

And the thing is, if this is the sort of tattered life he leads, how can he expect this love to go any better?

He's not naturally a pessimistic person- not even one of those pessimists who claim to be realists and say 'they just know their lives are fucked'- but this is going downhill. Of course it is. He's in love with his sister. How can that go right? Only⎯ exitium et radium in amore est⎯ and he wishes he could write a spell to explain that.

Explain to himself, because while the ruin part is the part of him that never leaves, the joy is something that takes getting used to, and Lily is joy⎯"Albus, you'll be okay"⎯in every sense of the word. He wants to have her forever, because she heals him, and under her gaze, he gets the inspiration that nothing else can provide, but he knows that his mind won't let him. Because she is his sister, and she is his love, and these cannot be at the same time (and the longer they are, the longer they can).

"Please don't believe me," he interrupts himself one day, and she is not confused, is instead patient and kind, "when I say what I will eventually say." And she does not, and that is perhaps the hardest part, second only to⎯

"Please don't go when I ask you to."

"Okay, Albus. I'll stay."

i'd appreciate feedback, as it's my first dab into the world of the ~forbidden~ and all that uncomfortable jazz.