Soooo, I'm in kind of a schlump with my current stories, especially TLMC. Sorry, people who like it! It's just on hiatus for a bit, I swear! Just until I can work the rest of the plot out.

Aaaanyway, I decided to start off the new year with something new. I wrote (and rather shamefully drew) a Sonic the Hedgehog-based comic a while back, and decided to turn it into an overdramatic crackfic for youz! If this turns out to be anything but a crackfic, please inform me.

Without further ado (I swear I will find out what ado is), I present Sonic the Hedgehog and the Potion of DOOOOM!

"I've finally done it..."

A camera pans over a shadowed head, conveniently not revealing their identity. How considerate of that camera.

"I've found the perfect way..."

Now the camera's panning over a dimly- lit laboratory table covered in beakers, test tubes, bubbling liquids and the like, all in eye-popping rainbow colors. The camera slowly turns to the mysterious, formerly shadowed person as whatever mysterious liquid they were working on is mysteriously completed.

"To get Sonic to fall in love with me!"

And you guys were expecting Eggman or somethin'. Nope! Chuck Testa! ...I mean, Amy Rose. In a lab coat. She held a trapezoid-shaped beaker filled with sparkly lavender liquid above her head, letting it catch the light.

"A love potion!"

Sure enough, the beaker had a heart sticker on the front of it, automatically determining it to be a love potion. Suddenly, red and yellow cartoon superhero beams shot out from the potion and filled the background, spinning slowly.

"As soon as he consumes this," Amy conspired from behind the superhero beams, "He'll think of nothing but me!"

Aaaand now we know her plan. But I mean, come on! It's not like Sonic would actually drink a random lavender potion given to him by Amy! I'm sure he'll be fine.

"Just gotta pour it on some chilidogs and I'm all set!"

...He's doomed.

Wait, how did Amy get in Sonic's house?! She put the potion-infested chilidogs right on his dining room table, where he would see them instantly. And they smelled good. Seriously, I can smell them from here, and they smell awesome.

"He should be home any second now..." Amy mumbled to herself from her hiding space behind a wall near the table.

Sure enough, her Sonic senses were tingling, for Sonic ran through his front door at that very moment.

And of course the first thing he noticed were the plate of steaming-hot-already-mentioned-as-being-delicious-smelling-hyphen-hyphen- "Ooh! Chilidogs!"

Yeah. Those.

Needless to say, his OM NOM NOMZ were so big, he got chili all over the fourth wall. He would've gone over to lick the wall clean as well, if it weren't for the potion taking effect.

He was frozen in a trance as his eyes turned into little pink hearts. Which looked kinda creepy, since he had no pupils anymore.

...What? No, I'm not shuddering. It's just a little cold in here. Don't you feel that draft? No? Uhh... Oh, look! Amy's come out of her hiding place!

"So, Sonic, did you like the chilidogs I made you?"

I don't know why she's talking to him. He's in a tra-

"Oh, Amy. You've never looked more beautiful."

"It worked!"

What?! E-excuse me. I think I'm going to-*gag*-barf. *gag* Quick! Where's the nearest bathroom?! *runs off*

(a few minutes later)

OK, all better. Sorry about that. Now where was I...? What? They're gone! I can't find Sonic and Amy! ...Greeeat. Sigh, hold on, all you happy peoplez. I'll just be a minute.

(several hours later)

Tails found them! After all my time searching, Tails found them! Sigh, let's just listen in.

"Hey, Sonic!" Then Tails realized the hedgehog's arm was around Amy's shoulders. Comfortably. "What... are you doing?"

"Spending precious time with my beloved Amykins." Ugh. He's even speaking in a trance-voice. Does NO ONE find that creepy?

"'Amykins?'" Sure, that's what Tails picks up on. "Sonic, are you OK?"

"Never felt better in my life!" OK, now he has a little fake emotion. Keyword: fake. "I'm filled to the brim with the power of love!"

"*GAAAAASP*! Amy, what have you done to him?!"

She at least had the decency to look sheepish. "Just... snuck into your lab and made a love potion."

Three words. Tails. Was. Peeeeeeved.

He grabbed Sonic by the arm, pulled him to his side and started shaking him by that single arm. "You snuck into my lab and did THIS to Sonic?!"

Even in a trance-like state, Sonic had impeccable timing. He chose that moment to start murmuring "Aaaaaaaaamy..."

Speaking of which, she just stuck her nose up and said "I don't see anything wrong with him."

"Aaaaaaaaamy..."

"Oh, yeah?" Tails countered. "And what happens when you get sick of Sonic the Love Zombie?"

"Aaaaaaaaamy..."

"Shut up."

"Sorry."

Sonic then chose to go back over to Amy and put his arm back around her shoulders as she replied to Tails question. "How could I? Sonikku loves me!"

"I love you."

"I know!" Yeesh, Amy! Could you squeal any louder? "EEEEEEEP!" GAH! I had to ask. Oww...

Tails, meanwhile, began backing away after Sonic said "I love you.", looking traumatized.

"This is worse than I thought." He mumbled. "I'm gonna need some help!"

He then took off with his tails and flew away, ignoring Amy's brief pleas to wait, after which she shrugged and said "Oh, well." She then turned around and called for her "Sonikku!"

I do not want to watch a coupla lovebirds runnin' around, doin' romantic stuff (like picnics), so I'll check on Tails.

It seems he headed to Angel Island, where Knuckles was in front of his precious Master Emerald, sleeping in a sitting position. He sleeps while sitting? No wonder he's grumpy all the time. He never gets a good night's sleep. Seems today'll be worse than usual, because Tails is shouting his head off as he approaches the island.

"Knux!"

...That didn't wake him up.

Tails got closer. "KNUCKLES!"

"Whuzzat?! Dun tucha Mussumrald!"

Tails landed in front of the disoriented echidna and shook his head. "It's me, Knuckles."

"Oh." Heh, the look on his face. Priceless. "Hi, Tails. What's up?"

Well, that put Tails back in panic mode. "Something's wrong with Sonic! He's been hanging out with Amy! Willingly!"

Unimpressed Knuckles is unimpressed. "So?"

I don't know about you, but I think getting a bit frustrated is justified here. Tails is forgiven. "So, he was calling her Amykins!"

"I'm sure he was just being nice."

Ready guys? 1... 2... 3... FACEPALM.

Tails gave Knuckles the Deadpan Look of 'Really, dude?', the one that comes with the disapproving monotone voice free of charge!

"He said he was filled to the brim with the power of love."

"*GAAAAASP*! What did she do to him?!"

"She made a love potion. With MY equipment!" He then went into, like, a total rant over how she used his stuff without permission and blah blah blah. Knuckles did the most dangerous thing he could've possibly done in that situation.

He interrupted Tails.

But, insanely luckily, he said "We have to get him back to normal, pronto!" which snapped Tails out of the RAEG MODE he had worked himself into.

"Right. That's why I need your help, Knux. Y'see, I need you to..."

What? Needs him to what?! Ugh, he's mumbling too quietly for me to hear. I guess I'll just find out the plan when they execute it.

...I'm bored. I'mma play some Rhythm Thief. I like to read Raphy's lines cuz I do 'em better than his voice actor does. ^u^ (leaves)

...

...

...

(comes back)...~You like to dahnce wiz ze finest of Frahnce, well we'll see in Palee who-~ Oh, sorry. Are they...? OH, CRUD! I'M MISSING IT, AREN'T I?!

No? Phew. I'm actually just in time! W00T!

"Amy! Turn Sonic back NOW!" Knuckles goes in for the punch, aaand!

"Don't you touch my Amykins!"

Oooo. OH! Yikes, that's gotta hurt! Oooow... Eesh, dude. Wait, he's not done?! Ack! Whoa! Harsh much? Oooooh, that's gonna hurt in the morning.

Poor Knuckles.

Tails marched up to the injured echidna and said "Knuckles. That was the EXACT OPPOSITE OF MY PLAN!"

The only response he got was a pained "Uuhn..."

After a few minutes Knuckles was able to get up. "Now go say what I told you." Tails scolded.

Wait, is that...? Knuckles is actually blushing!

"...I don't wanna."

"Knuckles!"

He gave a sigh of defeat. "Fine." He slowly shuffled up to Amy, his blush getting brighter with each step, and growled "I heard about the love potion and would like to give some to Rouge would you please give me the recipe wrahgashimagunafregr-"

As an avid supporter of Knuxouge, Amy brightened significantly. "Why of course, Knuckles!" She handed him a paper with pink writing on it.

"Grrrrrrr thanks." He grabbed the paper and walked back to Tails shouting "TAILS, YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

Tails took the paper and waved him off with a "Yeah, yeah, you can kill me later." Does anyone else think he's getting a tad overconfident around such a volatile temper?

He stuck his pointer finger in the air and yelled "TO THE LAB!"

Da na la da la da la da la da la!

Hey, look! We're back in the laboratory from the beginning! Now with better lighting.

"Thanks, Knuckles, for completely embarrassing yourself like that for a stupid potion recipe."

Can you guess who said that? If you guessed Tails, you get sent home with a consolation prize. He was busy searching through shelves of eye-popping rainbow substances.

Knuckles was the one who said it. It might help to know the sentence was said sarcastically, oopsies!

Tails finished grabbing all the substances he needed before rolling his eyes at the griping echidna and deadpanning "Thank you Knuckles." He then placed all the jars he had grabbed on a table and asked "Now, will you help me make the antidote?"

"Sure!"

...Is he bipolar or something? I swear, that mood swing cannot be healthy.

Tails slipped on a lab coat (OH MY GOODNESS HE LOOKS SO CUUUUUUTE~!) and said "Just hand me the chemicals I ask for, got it?"

"Yessir!" Knuckles announced with an innocent salute. Ahahaaaaw...

Tails started setting up supplies at an empty table. "Hand me the dithionic acid."

"The who-wha?"

...Looks like Tails got to reuse his Deadpan Look of "Really, dude?". Sadly, the dissaproving monotone voice was a one-time deal. He settled for talking to Knuckles like he was a toddler. He took off his lab coat (aw, poo) and held it out before saying "Y'now what? I'll hand you the chemicals, and you pour in the amount I tell you."

"Sure thing, Professor Tails!"

...Tails? What... have you done? No, Knuckles, don't-!

BOOOOOOOOME!

Mr. Boom?! What are you doing outside of We are the Smashers 2?! Get outta here!

Anyway, back to... the... lab...

They did it? With the lab still intact? IMPOSSIBRU!

Now all they have to do is find Sonic and Amy. This might take a while. I think I'll have to use one of those. I only have a limited amount, so feel lucky.

SCENE TRANSITION!

Sonic was with Amy. At a mall. In front of a cupcake store. This has gone too far.

"Stay here while I go get the cupcakes. OK, Sonic?" She's treating him like a pet!

"Sure thing, Amykins." And he's LETTING HER!

As soon as Sonic was alone, Tails whispered "Now's our chance. Get him!" and him and Knuckles jumped out of a convenient potted bush, pinned Sonic's arms down, and dragged him back behind the bush with them.

"Knuckles!" Tails yelled. "Hold him down while I get the antidote!"

Knuckles used one hand to hold Sonic's arms behind his back and the other to hold his legs to the floor, while Tails dug the beaker with the antidote out of one of his tails. The beaker had a heart sticker with an X running through it, singifying an anti-love potion.

Tails held the beaker out to Sonic. "Here, drink this! It'll... uh... make Amy love you even more!"

And being completely doped up from the love potion (see, kids? This is why you don't do drugs), Sonic just said "OK!". Knuckles let his arms go, he grabbed the potion, and drank it, GULP GLUGing so loud, the sound effect filled the entire screen.

Sonic was frozen again as his eyes finally uncreepy-heartified. He blinked. Then blinked again. Then blinked again. Then asked "T-Tails? Is that you, buddy?"

To which Tails (and I) answered by punching both arms in the air and yelling "He's back!" with huge grins on our faces.

Sonic confusedly rubbed his head in such a way that his ear bent in the most adorable puppy fashion you can think of. "Did I go somewhere?"

Tails broke it to him straight. Maybe not the best decision. "Amy gave you a working love potion."

"SHE WHAT?!" Yup. He's mad. A bit too mad... OH, CRUD I THINK HE'S GOING DARK SONIC ON US! I CAN SEE THE AURA! "This calls for MAJOR REVENGE!"

Oh crud crud crud crud crud this is bad this is bad this is- oh, look, he calmed down. Kinda. He still looked tiiiicked, but he was rubbing his hands together and he had a smirk on his face. The kind you only get when you have an evil plan.

"So, do you have a plan?"

Seriously, Tails? I just said that.

"Oooohoh, yeah!" See? I was right! "She want love, she gets love, hehehehehe..."

...I can't hear him now. Why does everyone have to whisper their plans?! Ugh, more waiting.

...

...

...

"Let's go!" What, they're done? I didn't hear any of that!

"Sonic? Sonikku?!" Aaaand they left Amy all alone. Wait a second. She has cupcakes! No fair, I want cupcakes! Must. Devise. Plan. To get. Cupcakes...

...I lost 'em again, didn't I? Sigh, I'll find them.

(a very long time later)

Shaddap, you! It wasn't that long!

"Sonikku!"

"Amykins!" Amykins?! I thought he was cured of the love potion! Wait. His eyes still aren't hearts. So he is cured. Then why is he still calling her Amykins?!

"Where were you? I was looking everywhere!" Well, so was I!

Sonic put on an innocent pouty face. "I'm sorry, Amykins. Tails and Knuckles were just so sad I was spending all my time with you, that I made them an extra-strength version of your chilidog recipe!"

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

From the horizon, one could hear two cries of "AMYKINS!" coming from a certain fox and a certain echidna.

"...Crud."

Oh, now I see where this is goin'. This is gonna be goooood.

Tails got to her first, and... oh my... you're either lucky, or very unlucky to not be able to see the overload of cuteness Tails has now become. He has his hands clasped to his chest, his tails are in a heart formation behind him, and his eyes... are bigger than a sugar glider's. By a long shot. And then he said, in an overly adorable tone of voice mind you, "I used to think girls were gross, but you're so pretty!"

Then Knuckles came up to her with a lovesick head tilt and said "You're even hotter than Rouge!"

Rouge, please don't kill Knuckles. Or me. Please.

Then they started blathering over each other, saying sickly-sweet nothings and compliments, all directed to Amy.

It got to her just before it got to me. "Oh, what have I done? I should've never made that potion in the first place!"

That gave Sonic what he needed. He held up his hands and said "OK, guys, I think she's had enough." with a smile on his face.

Knuckles breathed a sigh of relief and said "Thank Chaos! I was running out of gushy junk!"

Tails started spitting, sputtering, raspberrying and mumbling "Blech! So lovey!"

Confused Amy was confused. "Huh? Wha... Sonic? What's going on? How did you turn back to normal?"

At this, Sonic turned serious. Rightfully so. He crossed his arms and answered "Tails and Knuckles snapped me out of it back at the mall." Then he got maaad. "This little act was to teach you a lesson. Ya learn it?"

Amy gave him a small smile. "Of course. I promise I'll never use love potions again." Her smile morphed into a maniacal grin as she held her arm out to her side. "I'll just resort to the traditional methods!" Her hammer popped into her hand.

Oh... *bleep*.

"HEEEEEEELP!" Sonic was running away, screaming bloody murder, Amy in hot pursuit.

"SONIKKUUU!"

Tails and Knuckles just shrugged to each other and let them be. Like jerks.

The End.

Welp, there you have it! This is the longest singular thing I have ever posted to FanFiction, and it probably will not be topped.

Just felt guilty about something. SEGA owns Sonic the Hedgehog and Rhythm Thief and the Emporer's Treasure. I hold the utmost respect for Raphael's voice actor. That line I was singing in a horribly typed French accent is owned by Random Encounters Inc.. And Mr. Boom belongs to a brilliant Author by the name of The Element Commander.

So, if you liked this, could you tell me your funniest moment in a review? This isn't just to scrounge for reviews, I really want to know which terrible joke of mine was the least lame. I made myself laugh at a few of 'em, so they can't be all bad.

And, if you want an omake, I have something I can do. Only if more than one person wants one.

So, yeah. I'm proud of this. Still not sure if it's crack. Hope you liked it, too. I'm tempted to say goodbye in a bunch of different languages, but I won't. I'll just say TatlTails out. PEACE!