Author's Note:

This is yet another kinkmeme fill, this one from Avengerkink. Here is the prompt:

"Loki is still the Avengers enemy. During a fight with Dr. Doom, Loki's ally, Doom fires an experimental ray at Tony and Loki ends up getting hit by it as well. Doom escapes and the Avengers find two kittens where Tony and Loki were standing. It's easy to distinguish between them, Tony's the black and white kitten with fur on his snout that looks like his goatee and Loki is the black cat with green eyes. Thor insists that they take Loki as well back to the Tower, but they keep them separate.

The next day, when they wake up, neither of them can find the kittens and they're panicking that Loki killed Tony and ran off. Instead, they find the two kittens snuggling and asleep in a sunbeam. After that, they find them either playing together of cuddling and purring, etc. The Avengers assume that they don't have memories of their human forms and let them be. They don't turn back for a good month. Loki immediately kisses Tony before giving his farewell and the Avengers are too shocked to follow. Turns out they've been together for much longer."

Disclaimer: Not mine – now or ever.

Kitty Kitty, Bang Bang


The bad news was that Loki had slipped his leash less than a month after arriving back in Asgard and had immediately returned to Earth to cause trouble. The good news was that he hadn't killed anybody yet. This appeared to be due to the fact that his idea of trouble had apparently downgraded from "Conquer All the Humans!" to "Turn All the Human into Kitties!"

No, really.

He had even teamed up with Doom to do this.


"You called it, Banner," Clint said. "Bag of cats. Bag. Of. Cats."

"Well," Bruce said, pulling on a shirt, "Technically he's just the one cat. The black and white one is clearly Tony; the arc reactor is a dead giveaway."

"I'm seriously creeped out by how calm you are about this."

Bruce smirked, "Interesting. People are usually more creeped out when I'm not calm." He's such a troll.

"I'm more concerned about the fact that we lost Doom," Steve said, all responsible and leaderly, "He took the ray with him. How are we supposed to reverse this?"

"We beat it out of Loki." Clint groused.

"Nay, Man of Hawk, my brother cannot answer your questions in this form, regardless of your brutality," Thor replied calmly from the ground. He was on his hands and knees, trying to coax his tiny, furry brother out from under an overturned car. Loki was not having it. This surprised no one.

Neither did Clint's suggestion of beating the answer out of the transformed god, his inability to speak notwithstanding; it was the archer's default proposed solution to any problem since the trickster's return (The coffee machine is broken? Beat a new one out of Loki!). It began as a form of catharsis for Clint, and had since become an ingrained habit; even Thor had come to accept it as the way of things. Banner became the Hulk, Stark got drunk and built shit, and Clint threatened Loki with bodily harm. Sunrise, sunset.

"We'll simply have to take them both back to the lab and try to find a cure on our own," Bruce supplied. He was fully clothed once again, and moved to take Tony from Natasha, whom the kitten had been trying to maim for the last few minutes. Bet you didn't notice that silent battle going on, huh? Natasha's just that badass.

But Bruce and Tony are sciencebros, and Tony eagerly jumped into Bruce's arms once Natasha loosened her grip. The wealthiest cat on Earth (or any other planet) instantly began purring like a 400 horsepower engine, rubbing his furry head against the bottom of Bruce's chin. Deep inside of Bruce, the Hulk went "AWWWWWWW!"


JARVIS is a smartass. This fact was undeniably proved, once again, when the Avengers (plus Loki) arrived back at the tower. "Good afternoon. I have retrieved the Mark VII Iron Man suit from the scene of your last battle. I have also taken the liberty of ordering kitten food, litter boxes, and other assorted supplies; they will arrive within the hour. Will you require anything else?"

"How about a kitty taser?" Clint asked, glaring at Loki (or rather, the bundle of green cape containing Loki – it was the only way they had been able to catch and keep a hold of the scrappy little feline).

"I'm afraid no such product exists, Agent Barton. I could request that Mr. Stark invent one, but he is currently indisposed." See? Smartass. "However, five spray bottles will be arriving with the shipment of pet supplies." At least he's a helpful smartass.

"Spray bottles?" Steve asked.

"Bottles that spray water are commonly used to deter cats from investigating areas or substances that may be harmful to them; considering the sheer number of such areas in this building, I thought it would prove useful for each Avenger to have one on hand. And Agent Barton, I must request, out of concern for Mr. Stark, that you refrain from filling yours with anything other than water."

"How about booze? He'd like that."

"Unfortunately, what Mr. Stark likes and what is good for him rarely coincide."

Does it sound to you like JARVIS is speaking here about something more than his creator's drinking habits? Good, go with that feeling.

"I will take Loki to my room," Thor announced.

"There's a shocker," Clint responded.

"I'll take Tony to the lab," Bruce supplied.

"And there's another."

Steve merely nodded, "It is a good idea to keep them separated for now, and I don't much care for the idea of Loki being near the experimental equipment, particularly the Iron Man suits. And I want Tony's arc reactor looked at too; there's no telling what the spell did to it.

"While Bruce does that and Thor watches Loki; Clint, Natasha, and I will give the mission report. Fury needs to know what has happened, and that Doom is still on the loose with that ray. We don't know his plans, or what impact Loki being hit might have on them; he might even have planned it this way from the beginning."

"I'm thinking not," Clint said, "Unless he's into bestiality; everyone knows Doom has a boner for Loki. Plus that shot? Near impossible to do that on purpose."

"I agree," Natasha added. "Doom's rage at Loki being hit was real. If anyone planned this, it was Loki."

"And doesn't that just give us all a warm, fuzzy feeling?" Clint quipped.

Steve sighed and gave him a look.

"What? Stark can't talk; someone's got to pick on the slack!"


"Tony, hold still," Bruce scolded. It turned out getting a tiny, hyperactive kitten to sit still for an x-ray is really pretty difficult – who knew?

In the end, Bruce simply had to gently hold Tony still and wait for him to fall asleep; it didn't actually take all that long. That thing about cats falling asleep anywhere? Totally true. Even Tony Stark is not immune (when he's a cat).

"Well, Tony," Bruce said once his tests were over and Tony was once again awake, "The arc reactor appears to have adapted just fine to your new body, which is pretty neat trick if I do say so myself. I'll have to ask Doom and Loki how they pulled it off once we have them in custody. And human. Aesir. Jotun. Whatever."


"What? I'm not letting you off that table."


"Here," Bruce said, tossing a large screw onto the table next to Tony, "Play with that."

Tony did.


"Here we are, brother!" Thor announced.

The bundle of green fabric hissed.

"Patience! Once I secure the door I will let you free."

Loki screeched.

"What? You don't want me to set you free?" Thor smirked. "See? You're not the only one who can tease." Yes, Thor, we're all very impressed.

Ok, so maybe Loki wasn't. The first thing the black kitten did when Thor released him was to flee into Thor's closet and pee on his boots.

Thor sighed, "Must you flee from me, brother?" Yeah, he didn't notice the pee thing yet; he'll throw a proper temper tantrum when he does.

"Mrow!" And that means 'yes'. Loki also began shredding the pants of the suit hanging in Thor's closet; I'm pretty sure that means 'fuck you, Thor'.

Thor sat on his bed, all blond and morose. We feel for you, Thor.

Loki stuck his head inside Thor's running shoe then fled in terror. Yeah, we feel for you too, Loki.


By eleven no progress had been made towards reversing Tony and Loki's transformations, and Steve told Bruce to get some sleep and pick it up again tomorrow. He also bore some bad news from his meeting with Fury, "SHIELD's resources are being directed towards locating Doom. Until they find him, we're on our own with Tony and Loki."


"You know, he is kind of cute like this." Steve tickled Tony under his fuzzy chin. "Thor's taking Loki for the night; I'll take this little guy. You know, so you can get some sleep and he won't tear up the lab." Sure, Cap, we totally believe you.

Bruce chuckled, "If that's what you want. I should warn you though; cats are nocturnal."

"Yeah, well most of the time, so is Tony."



Steve definitely should have listened to Bruce.

Tony spent the first part of the night as a walking, meowing, scratching flashlight. He spent the rest of the night in the guest room across the hall. Steve would come to regret this the next morning when Thor charged into his room – Clint on his heels with bow drawn - yelling that Loki was missing. The door to Tony's room was open a kitten-sized crack and the billionaire was missing too. The three of them totally did not panic (honest, they didn't) for about five minutes before an unimpressed Natasha showed up and suggested asking JARVIS where they might be.

"Loki and Mr. Stark are in the main living area."

As one, the Avengers turned and charged up the stairs to the floor above, intent on rescuing their comrade from Loki's evil clutches. Instead they found Bruce, nursing a cup of tea and smiling at the two kittens curled up together in front of the windows.

"Quick!" Clint shouted, "Check his eyes; see if they're blue!"

"Bruce's or Tony's?" Natasha asked.