11From sweat and blood we make our tears,
And from our tears we grow our fears.
Fear the now you've come to know,
Fear the then you've left too cold.
Date: September 2nd, 2009.
Time: 12:47 p.m.
For a moment, the two men just gazed at each other from their positions; Belward stone-faced and Mathias grinning pointlessly. What can he say? He was really, really happy to see the Swede.
One piercing look from Belward threw Mathias back in time, back into his memories. It almost- almost, as in 'not really'- made him blush. He could recall many memories from their childhood and some from their teenage years…memories that made blood threaten to rise to his cheeks. See, for a while…he and Belward had been a 'thing'. Mathias wasn't quite sure what to call it honestly; it was a very confusing time in both of their lives. Both boys, being teenagers, didn't understand anything. Why they felt the way they did towards each other…it took a long while before they finally decided to do something about it, to investigate what they had been taught was unnatural.
A snippet of a scene passed behind Mathias' eyes: a dark sky, twinkling stars, warm campfire…he and Bel sitting under a tree, pointing out the constellations they knew and naming the ones they didn't. A kiss was shared. Granted, small, but the tingling contact haunted Mathias to this day.
Almost as if to make fun of him—if this were the case, he blamed Jim wholeheartedly-, Mathias' lips began to tickle. He refused to allow his hand to come up and touch them in remembrance; he was over that phase of their relationship.
"Mathias!" Tino exclaimed, his eyes brightening up as he jumped past Belward to approach the Dane. "It's been so long, how have you been?"
Mathias, without taking his eyes from Belward, replied, "I've been great, Tino," He stared hard at the Swede, as if talking to him and not the Finnish man, "What about yourself?"
Belward caught and held Mathias' gaze, his eyes sparking in a hint of a smile as Tino continued talking to Mat.
"We've been wonderful, haven't we Belward?" He turned back to smile at his husband, who gave a discreet nod.
The nod was so small that anybody could have brushed it off, but to Mathias it meant more than anything. In Belward's eyes, he saw a gleam of happiness…happiness he hadn't seen in a long time.
So he really is in love, Jim commented, that's really good.
Mathias nodded mentally, Yeah it is. I'm happy for him.
Do you wish he was still with you?
The Dane weighed his answer carefully, hoping to find the right words to explain it. He didn't have to get the words perfect, he knew, for Jim would understand what he was talking about. As he tasted his reply, he stole one tiny look at Lukas, who still sat against a tree, submersed in his own thoughts. A throb of…something…went right through Mathias' chest and he knew he could finally respond.
Not at all, actually.
"Well, you guys sure are an awkward bunch," Emil muttered, having witnessed every last uncomfortable scene played out within the past hour or so.
Lukas glanced over at his brother, "You're no better."
Emil straightened defensively, puffing his chest out some, "Am too."
"Are not."
"Am too!"
"Hey, hey, boys," Tino interrupted, putting a hand up to signal for their bickering to stop, "Let's not argue. We should probably start going…it's going to be dark soon and I don't know how far we have to go…" He looked at Belward and Mathias as he said the last part, urging them to explain where to go from there.
Mathias smiled at Belward and nodded, shouldering his backpack with a swift movement, "It's a bit of a walk…but we can stop for the night along the way."
"Also make your last calls or texts," Belward added, "This is the last area we have service in."
Almost as if it had understood Belward, Tino's phone began ringing. It was a simple ringtone that sounded almost like bells, but Mathias wasn't sure as Tino pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID, frowning at the device in his hand.
"Bel, it's Peter." He said, glancing up at his husband. After a nod from Belward, the Finnish man clicked a button and held the phone to his ear, "Yes, Peter?"
Everybody could hear the frantic wailing of Peter on the other end, his words cracking from pure emotion.
"You and Papa have to come and get me! Take me with you!" He cried, sobbing relentlessly.
"Peter…." Tino looked at Belward worriedly, or for help, "Peter, Arthur will take care of you for the weekend…"
"No! Please, I don't like his house! Take me with you!"
At this point, Belward took the phone, "Peter, Tino and I have already left. We can't come get you."
Peter had calmed down a bit, so the next few hushed phrases were incomprehensible to the rest of the group. While Lukas and Mathias exchanged looks, Tino bit at his nails. He was obviously not happy with leaving Peter at Arthur's, but this hike was exclusive for the five friends.
"Good boy. Say bye to Tino," Belward said, placing the phone back to Tino's ear. Tino whispered his goodbyes into the mouthpiece, and then the phone was turned off and put back into the backpack the couple was sharing.
"We should get going," Lukas said, standing up with a smooth motion.
"Sure," Mathias replied, looking around to make sure they hadn't forgotten something. Satisfied that he hadn't, he gestured to the cooler Emil was perched on, "Need help carrying that?"
Emil's eyes widened like Mathias had suggested having children with him, "Uhh I lugged it all the way up here. I'm not carrying it any farther."
Mathias sighed, turning to Bel, "Help me carry this."
Belward looked at Mathias, eyes gleaming from behind his frames, "make me."
Mat smirked, liking where this was going. It was just like old times, "Maybe I will, dickmint."
"How will you manage this, shithead?"
"I'll kick your ass."
"I'm so scared."
Nobody made any move to stop the bantering; it was a normal thing for the two to do. Tossing names and insults around like they were nothing, which they weren't. The two could say the most hateful things to each other, and it wouldn't even faze them. Mathias thanked these insult showdowns for his ability to take insults from anybody else, namely Lukas.
"Just help him," Tino laughed, after the name calling had gotten a little more explicit.
Mathias wanted to snicker at how Belward gave in so easily after that, heaving up one side of the white cooler while Mathias got the other. Is that what marriage did to you? He wondered, ignoring the slow burn in his forearms as their group began to migrate up the trail, nearly completely overgrown from misuse.
What is marriage? He questioned, hoping for Jim to reply, which he obviously did.
Marriage is a prison, duh. Jim replied like the smartass he was.
Is it? They seem happy to me.
That's because they are. But they're the kind of people made for marriage. But you? Let's just say you aren't the marrying type.
Psh I can be whatever I want to be.
Marriage ties a person down. All of a sudden they have thousands of responsibilities; they can't do the things you can. Do you want that?
Mathias decided to shut Jim up before the conversation went further. He was completely right, Mathias wasn't made for marriage…yet something about it appealed to him. Perhaps it was just the fact that he had never done it, and he enjoyed experiencing new things. He wasn't exactly sure.
The group walked along in an atmosphere of friendliness and awakening, given they had been split for a while. They laughed and exchanged stories as the canopy above them began to lose its glow, the sky dimming to a purple that matched Lukas. They decided to set down the cooler once they reached a flat spot, pulling and setting up the tent that had until recently resided in Emil's backpack. It was actually a four person tent, and given the space Mathias volunteered to sleep outside.
It was as Mathias was crawling into his thick sleeping bag, zipping it up to lock in the heat, that Lukas came outside as well.
"I just…wanted to thank you for bringing me. I understand this was yours and Belward's thing to do," He said, avoiding eye contact with the Dane and poking at the wood of a dying fire with a stick.
Mathias propped himself on an elbow to face his friend, "It's no problem. It's not like this place is all mine and Bel's. We decided we wanted to share."
"You? Sharing? These woods birth miracles," Lukas' voice was almost emotionless, but Mathias had dealt with him so long that he could read the sarcasm.
"Ha ha. Funny. You should be a comedian, Luky."
Lukas' eye twitched, "Don't call me Luky."
"But it's so cute…"
"Precisely. Don't."
Mathias, smirking, pushed himself higher on his elbow to face the Norwegian head-on, their faces dangerously close to touching, "And what if I continue?"
"I'll bite you," Lukas threatened, though he made no move to get away from Mathias.
"Bite me? Sounds kinky, Luky."
Lukas' eyes flickered, "It's not, and don't call me that."
"Luky." He moved his face a centimeter closer.
"Don't…" Lukas matched the movement.
"Luky," Mathias' voice was now a purr, their lips only inches apart.
"I said don't…" Lukas reached up with one hand to cup the side of Mathias' neck, "…call me that…."
"Woah woah woah….am I intruding…?" A new voice cut in, a voice who's owner Mathias currently wanted to kill.
"Emil," He groaned, feeling cool air on the spot Lukas' hand once was, "What do you need?"
"Well," Emil started, staring at his brother with a weird expression on his face, "I was going to ask if Lukas was coming in, since I truly don't want to be alone with the married couple…but…erm…I'll leave you two to it," He turned to go back into the tent when Lukas stood up, his knees popping with the movement.
"No, I'm coming," He walked past Emil and stepped into the tent without so much as a backward glance.
Emil fixed his eyes on Mathias and stared…it wasn't so much a glare as it was an evaluating leer.
"What?" Mathias finally asked after a few minutes.
Emil wasn't paying much attention to him anymore. Instead his eyes were focused on the ground in front of Mathias…the fire was flickering in front of him, Emil noted, so his shadow should be behind him…right?
However, Mathias' shadow draped over the dirt in front of him and towards the fire…and there was another one behind him as well.
Emil could feel his brows furrow in confusion as he stared at the shadow. Something wasn't right about it….he just couldn't pinpoint it. He supposed there could somehow be a separate light source, however he doubted it. Not only that, but the shadow seemed so…thick. Like jelly spread across the ground. He tried his hardest to categorize the thing into his mind, but the one thing that kept flashing across his thoughts was it does not belong. In all honesty, that thought registered into the deeper, more instinctive parts of his brain and stirred up an ancient, primal fear in the boy. He didn't understand why he was so scared….he just was.
Without saying a word, Emil stepped backwards and zipped the tent close.
Mathias frowned; intrigued by the strange behavior the boy was exhibiting. He looked around him, trying to find the source of such a reaction, but found nothing.
He's probably tired, Jim said, just like you are.
With a yawn, Mathias accepted that conclusion. It made sense, and as he drifted off into sleep, he completely brushed off the incident.
The shadows whispered to each other, whispered fiercely and hastily. They had seen and they had decided.
"They do not belong."