A/N: Thank you for your reviews! This is the chapter before the finale. I used Zero as the narrator in the first 2 chapters of "Feel with your heart", and I'm using Ichiru to narrate this story. I've learned a lesson, I will make sure to use myself next time *note down carefully* Hix, it's too difficult, whenever I wanna say something about Zero or Kaname, I have to ask "How does Ichiru know it?", so I can't dig deeply in their feelings and can't blabber about them as much as I wish.
I like Takuma in the manga and feel sorry that I have to 'sacrifice' him in this story. He is casted to be Kaname's ex-boyfriend, thanks to the cover picture of volume 17, which I'm using a part of as my avatar :-)
And I loveperce-neige's comment that Ichiru is not only the "stalker", but also the "voyeur". Yeah, it's true! He will have to be in the final chapter, and that's one of the reasons I will make sure to be my own narrator in my next story! How to write yaoi with an invisible 'ghost' sitting there ack ack
Wondering if I should put a warning:there is a sex scene in this chapter, but not a pleasant one.
"Zero... take me in! I'm not ready to go now... I want... vengeance..."
My brother woke up with his forehead bathed in sweat. A familiar nightmare had come back to disturb him once more. He could never have a good sleep in this room, where held our fond childhood memories, the furniture reminded him of me, and how we lost each other. That night I had stealthily opened the door and tiptoed out to seek for my free future, and Zero pretended to be sleeping, he couldn't watch me walk away, but he didn't want to hold me back. In this family, we knew exactly where we would end up to. He had been requested to move to Hokkaido for a ten year training, some day he would sit on our father's chair, and continue his life, yes, continue our father's life, because he would think what our father was thinking, do what our father was doing, who cared about his own thoughts, his own dreams, his own goals? And myself, I had been born with a bad health, there was no future for me. Zero promised to protect me all my life and give me whatever I wished for. So my fate was tied to his, to be his shadow. Regardless of my gratitude to have a kind brother, I couldn't make up my mind to accept it.
Pure blood was very nutritious to the drinkers, both vampires and humans. It was the only remedy to improve my health. If I had it regularly, it was quite possible that I would develop my strength and catch up with my twin brother after a while. Coincidently, I got to know Shizuka Hio at a party, and unlike other people, she wasn't interested in Zero, she just talked to me. Something seemed to grow from our first meeting, I wanted to extricate from our family and our rigorous customs to be with her. It didn't sound like a smart decision, because Shizuka was an ancient pureblood, the type which our ancestor had hunted down to create his great name, but I believed in my feelings, I was too desperate for a change, and didn't want to miss it.
I had no intent to share with you my journey, because that journey hadn't brought me to my happy dream, it wore me out, ripping my pride off, tearing my dignity, stealing my right mind, and at the end, it led me to a suicide. I contacted Zero, asking him to come see me, and asking him to accept an eccentric request in my last minute. I held his generosity against him, forced him to fulfill my wish. Shizuka had left me alone, I wasn't the first guy she had abandoned, and definitely not the last, she seduced us by her blood, then tortured us by the same thing when it became our indispensable drug. Pure blood was extremely nutritious, yet the drinker must have sex with their giver to gratify the sexual arousal which was born from that drinking. She enjoyed provoking our frenzied excitement, enjoyed letting us suffer in carnal desire, enjoyed watching us in our hysterics, but her deepest pleasure was to walk away and let us die in the drastic, ignominious craving for sex.
I couldn't resign myself to die as another victim of hers, I wanted to see her pay, I wanted vengeance. And I arranged Zero to see my death to bind him into my enmity. Since then I became a resentful spirit, tied with my twin brother, following him to wait for justice. It had been nine years, my indignation had faded away, not because I had forgiven Shizuka, but nine year was enough time for me to calm down and realise I had been too selfish. Everyone praised Zero for his glorious achievement at the age of twenty five, our family, especially our father, were proud that nobody else had ever reached the supreme level at such young age. What if he had failed? What if he had died trying? They would laugh and say it was a greedy, haughty action of a self-conceited person. Even if they dropped a few tears, it wouldn't reduce the damage caused by his failure, it wouldn't give him another chance to recommence his life. Each of us could only live once, that's why we should live for ourselves, accomplish our own goals, enjoy our own pleasure. Yet my brother chose to live for the others. He had tried his hardest to improve his strength for a promise I had forced him to make. Shizuka Hio was an ancient pureblood, he would need more strenuous trainings until being able to fight against her. For years I wished I could somehow influence his thought to beg him to stop. I had died for my own fault, it wasn't fair to let him sink together with me.
After getting tired of bedding me, Shizuka bit me, then locked me in with her other abandoned living toys. Once converted to a vampire, pure blood wasn't an optional nutrition, but a drug which could never be detoxified. Each time she felt like torturing us, she would throw in a few drops, and watch us shamelessly licked them off on the floor, but the greatest horror only came after that. When that demoniac liquid dripped down our throats, an ignoble desire awoke. Burnt in that hysterical heat, nothing but sex existed in our minds, what type of intercourse didn't matter, who the partner was became the last thing we cared about, we would go on and on, tired our wrecked bodies out, even died of exhaustion, yet that arousal would never die.
I hadn't known my sexual craving was embedded in my resentment, and follow my spirit to haunt Zero. I no longer had a physical form, that corporal suffering couldn't affect me, instead it clamped down on my brother, in the first time seeing it arouse him, I was stupefied. Because Zero had never drunk Shizuka's blood, he wasn't thirst for hers, he didn't want her either, he simply needed sex to release his arousal, but as a hunter, he must preserve his first time for his wedding night. That humiliation came each of month-end, and lasted for a full day while he was restraining himself in his private room, enduring it alone until it was subdued. Except those torturing days, he never voluntarily grew a sexual desire, never tried to pleasure himself, never paid attention to any girls. I was worried what he had to endure because of me had quenched his intimacy instinct, but Kaname eventually came to the picture. Having a lover was a good solution to soothe his pain, however, I was wrong again while using selfishness to analyse his action. Zero didn't sleep with him, despite of his feeling, despite of his suffering. They only met when he was at his clearest mind, and their time spent with respect and purity, which a tainted soul as mine couldn't realise it was love.
Groping for the cell phone next to his pillow, Zero checked if there was any missed call or message, then once again disappointed that it was nothing. He had ended his supposed relationship with Kaname yesterday, but repeatedly waiting to hear from him since getting back home. I had never seen him missing his lover, but in this moment he was apparently feeling worried. Kaname was a powerful pureblood, it would be hard to endanger him, however, he had just got heart broken, what would he do by himself in a strange place as Naha City? Why did he not call my brother and beg him to reconsider his decision? It was childish to dump someone and expect that person to contact you right away, but if the feeling remained in your heart, whether you were in or out of the relationship, you would still care. Perspiration oozed over his body, my brother was getting hotter, though the weather was quite comfortable in this season. He glanced at an antique clock hanging on the wall, then got up, decided to take a shower to cool himself down.
Our home followed the ancient style, and the bathrooms were built separately at the back of the estate. It was still dark outside, things were still submerged in the quiet night, Zero quickly finished his shower, and changed to a modern outfit. He must feel it was coming, yet wanted to get something done first. If only I could have a way to terminate it or at least share the pain with him to solace my twinged conscience each time seeing him take it as a part of his life. Year after year, I scorned my selfishness, scorned my inability to control things, scorned my pathetic, ineffective existence. All I could do was to stare at his agony with my wide open eyes.
On the way out, I saw two of our cousins running toward the opposite direction, so hurry that ignoring my brother. "It must be reported to uncle Nori urgently." One spoke to the other while hastening his pace "The correct person was Saito Miyake, but in our Order letter it's written Sato Miyake."
"But Sato Miyake was also an ex-human." The latter said.
"He hasn't fallen to level E yet." The first explained "I'm afraid his lover won't let it go easily."
They disappeared after the pine trees, Zero also strode over a bend toward the tower gate. Nothing was more important than finding Kaname and making sure he was safe before this outburst really came. Everything would eventually be alright, the pureblood's strong will should help him to get over this break-up. Zero had insulted him with rude words, purposely provoked his anger to reduce his pain. However, it didn't mean he wasn't hurt right now, right in this moment, and I couldn't think about anyone who should stay with him and offer their consolation. Kaname had no family, no friend. For such a sensitive issue, I didn't think a follower was suitable to comfort him. A hasty drive to the hospital, a hasty run to his room only worsened my brother's worry as nobody was inside, his suitcase remained the same place where he had put it earlier. In such a dreadful moment, I realised their connection was too fragile, they hadn't prepared how to find each other if one day they got out of contact, Zero didn't know his lover's home phone number or any of his noble followers'. Even if he knew, they would be shocked to hear from him, because none was aware of their relationship. His feelings were denied in public eyes, covered in private, even in his innermost. The pureblood's aura had vanished in the air, as a proof that he had left for hours, probably right after my brother left.
"I love you, Kiryuu-kun! Could you be my boyfriend?"
"Could you give me these three years? I don't need anything more than how we have been. I will comply with your custom when the time is up."
It was the reason why Zero had to push him away. On the same day, he had a girl who was engaged with him, but unready to bind her life to our traditions to get married to him, and he had a man who was on his pinnacle of fame, but willing to trade everything he owned to be with him for three years. Who couldn't not think about it? I still disagreed with the pureblood's compromise in his previous relationship, however, he was a dedicated type, he didn't care what was happening to himself, but how to make his lover at ease, how to satisfy his lover's requests. It's probably why he had missed the chance to win Ichijou's love, and again, he seemed to have committed the same mistake, Zero couldn't accept him for his dedication, yet at the same time I thought he had successfully won his whole heart. Kaname was the type who my brother had been looking for, but unfortunately, couldn't keep. In this strange city, he didn't know any roads, he was unfamiliar with any directions, where could he go?
"As to me, the most beautiful beach is Naminoue Beach. Ichiru and I used to go there for swimming many times since it's very close to our home. But I haven't been there for years, because I don't want to go alone."
"Can I go with you?"
Searching over what they had talked to each other, I suddenly remembered a location which Zero mentioned a while ago. Their conversations had never been deep, they just talked about daily stuff, some hobbies, some habits, some casual things. Kaname actually enjoyed listening to every word from my brother, and remembered his likes and dislikes to prepare their meetings or occasionally surprise him with a gift. If he was in Naha, he might want to go to Naminoue Beach for once. This idea seemed to flash in my brother's mind too, as he rushed back to his car and hastily directed to that area, ignoring the heat which was burning up more fiercely.
Naminoue Beach was beneath the highway running through our city, not a beautiful landscape, yet very convenient and good enough for recreation. As other locals, we often went there when having some free time and missing a feel of hot sand between our toes. Zero hadn't come back there for years since I left, he avoided looking at things which reminded him of our memories. Not that he wanted to forget, but he still hadn't accomplished his promise to me, he felt owing me, while I was the one who was in deep debt to him. I wanted to go there again, to recall our innocent moments, to pretend peaceful time had come back. But today was definitely not the day, Zero climbed over the edge of the pavement and almost hit a lamp post while managing to stop his car, concentration became uneasy in his current state of mind, he had a difficulty getting out, and had to pause a few seconds to pull himself together before slowly moving his legs one by one to stand on the ground, then heavily shut the door up. It was almost empty in this area, all shops were still closed, he carefully stepped down the sand bank, throwing his bleary eyes around. Not wanting to get too close, he just hoped to find a loving figure, just a brief glimpse to know everything was fine.
Red clouds covered the whole sky as twilight was preceding sunrise. In a quiet scene, there was a lonesome man facing the tranquil sea, wave foam lapped over his ankles, light breeze flirted on his dark hair. My brother's blurred eyes fell onto his image, and contentedly ceased to caress him from such a long distance. To think he had stood there since last night, his feet suddenly froze. It should be enough, Zero should hurry up now, getting back home, hiding himself in somewhere private, if not wanting to create a scandal which would stain our family's reputation. But that scene forcefully held him still, in a moment erased all other worries, now the only thing left between them was a forbidden love with no future. One step backward, one turn around would forever separate them. For the first time I had seen his hesitation. Was it the result he had hoped for? Not the one in his mind, but from the bottom of his heart, when bringing Kaname home, what had his heart hoped for? A sad smile shone on his dry lips, he eventually turned away.
Dawn was beautiful as yellow clouds brightened up the sky, arrogantly dying the water with their charming color, a few earliest people had appeared to start their new day, the area would soon become bustling. This was a human lifestyle, this was how we spent our time. I used to have a naive wish to share my limited life with an immortal being, and received a regretful revelation at the bitter end that two different races could never get into a relationship. Before saying your disagreement, could you tell me you honestly believed a rooster could mate a duck or your puppy would really fall in love with your kitten if you raised them together? In some aspects, we couldn't go against the will of Mother Nature. As sorry as I was feeling, I thought Zero had made a right decision. He tottered across the parking lot to get back to his car, it wasn't very far, but in his state, it was a serious challenge. There were some other vehicles beside his, though I assumed they had been left overnight, and their owners weren't around at this time. A figure swiftly approached him from behind, as busy opening the door, he was caught out of guard, the aggressor's hideous fingers with black, pointed nails gripped his neck up, a stink dashed into his nose. An E vampire.
"Hunter, what are you doing at this hour?"
Not bothering to answer him, Zero clutched his hand to pull him off.
"Ouch." The vampire yelped, blood poured from his own bruises. He lifted his hand up to have a taste, and jumped onto my brother again "I can sense your tiredness. Stop struggling, just give me a bit of your blood."
He must be very desperate to attack a human in such a public place, from his ragged appearance and those red eyes, he must have spent the whole night hunting with no luck, and that hunger had tormented him for days. I wished I could have strength to kick him away. After following my brother in many hunting trips, I was familiar with those insane creatures, what they thought, how they reacted, but in the previous times, it was Zero who hunted them down. Unfortunately, he was incapable of protecting himself in this moment, when the heat took control over his body, he became defenseless. The vampire gathered his full strength to squeeze him, and Zero struggled weakly to push him out with my useless, worthless assistance. That's it. My damned existence was only meant to bring troubles to my brother. I wasn't ready to meet him now, I wouldn't have a face to see him if the reason we were able to see each other was this. Whether this vampire killed him or not, Zero would surely commit suicide if he got bitten. I miserably recalled the horrific moment when Shizuka had bitten me. No, my brother didn't deserve it, it was a great shame to any hunters. If only I could shout out, if only I could find a way to stop it, and while I was in my deepest frustration and self-reproach, that vampire released him.
Zero collapsed, coughing heavily. His attacker made a respectful gesture to greet the newcomer and quickly got himself out of sight. Kaname rushed to my brother, kneeling down to help him get up, Zero grabbed his shirt, in a second wanted to struggle, but right in the next second, realised his familiar scent, and still held him tight, but pressed himself closer. In that fateful instant, he had unconsciously revealed a secret which had been hidden for a year. With a hunter instinct, he was resting assured that he was safe in a pureblood's embrace.
Kaname carried my brother back to his hospital room by turning both of them into bats and flew on the sky. It would be better if we could go home, but he couldn't come to our house without startling the others, especially when Zero was in such a situation. However, I honestly didn't know if staying in the pureblood's room right now was a good idea for them. Laying my brother on his bed, Kaname undid a few buttons of his shirt to check the bleeding scratches which that vampire had created on his neck. They weren't really deep, yet blood was still dripping. His pupils suddenly, alertly turned into dark crimson. Being a surgeon, he must have worked with blood countless times, and known how to control his instinct, yet my brother was the man he loved. The other day, he had admitted that he yearned for Zero's blood. Seeing him being fascinated by those scratches and unable to take his look off, my tenseness rose beyond limit, but my brother just gazed at him without a word. I would have said something to warn him or at least remind him to keep fighting against his crave, it's only for his own sake, yet Zero seemed to expect Kaname to struggle by himself and decide on his free will.
At length, those crimson eyes moved up to seek for my brother's amethyst "I won't bite you..." His voice quivered "...Trust me." His hand stroked my brother's hair, assuming he was shaking in fear "I will clean them up."
He left for a second and returned with a soft cloth which had been wet in lukewarm water, then started wiping off the blood on his lover's neck. Long, brown lashes drooped down to hide the shining crimson spheres as he managed to focus on his work. Although it's just a little of blood, a pureblood's senses were many time sharper than humans. I was sure each time meeting my brother gave him a difficulty as imagining his blood running in his veins, but it got worse when this desirous liquid was now coming on the surface. He discreetly moved his jaws, perhaps trying to repress the protruded fangs. When the cleansing was finished, my brother had already closed his eyes, brows knitted into a bow, both hands rolled into fists. He couldn't take it any longer, the pureblood's presence was making it harder for him this time.
Kaname anxiously touched his sweaty forehead, and his hot cheeks, then opened a hand to check his red palm.
"L... Leave..." My brother struggled to pull his hand back.
"What happened? You're having a fever." The pureblood whispered, anxiety had changed his crimson back to natural claret. He certainly sensed something wrong was going on. Zero shouldn't easily fail to an E vampire, and right now he didn't seem in full consciousness. Weather was cool, yet he's burning, his hands unawarely pulled up his own clothes. Kaname got his intent, and untied the belt, helping him to loosen them.
All of a sudden, Zero grabbed his hands and stared at him fiercely "Don't... touch..."
A glint of hurt flicked in the pureblood's eyes, but it quickly vanished as he ignored his own feeling to explain "I just want to help you feel comfortable."
"It's... an after-effect." Zero stuttered "...am... in heat."
Kaname was shocked. Once again his lover put him in a challenging circumstance. All he had ever dreamed from my brother, he was right here, in front of him, in a state that suited him best. It could be his only chance to have them, if just ignoring what he was saying.
The third time Zero had made his request with determination. Kaname took his hands back and they technically had no more bodily contact, though both of them were still very close on the bed. He must still remember what my brother had said the day before, right in this room, they couldn't be together, and he had never slept with him because he wanted to preserve his purity as a sacred gift to his wedded one. That blossoming red rose of the Kiryuus, Kaname wasn't pure to receive it. And if in such a situation, he still struggled to refuse him, then the pureblood couldn't hope their encounter at Naminoue Beach to have any meaning rather than his concern for him as he usually did since their first meeting.
The first convulsions started coming, my brother rolled on his side. Kaname adjusted his pillow, and decided to overlook his words for once to unbutton both his shirt and trousers. We knew fever wasn't an illness itself, but a symptom of an illness. In this particular case, it was caused by the aggressive, insatiable heat which was overwhelming my brother's body. In respect of medical opinion, you could take a cold shower to reduce your fever, but taking a long bath wasn't a good method. Since Zero said it was an after effect, it's unlikely to be the first time he experienced it, and absolutely not the last. Unsure about its frequency and how long it lasted, Kaname whispered "Tell me what I need to do now."
"Leave... me." My brother stubbornly repeated.
"Would you like to call... Aimi?" The pureblood's hand was magically cold as ice when he touched his lover's forehead. Yesterday Zero said they had agreed to hold a wedding after her graduation, which meant she was the only one in this world who had the right to cure him.
My brother groaned some incoherent words instead of an answer, and exerted to turn over, his nails gored into the flesh of his palm. Sobriety had completely gone, it wouldn't take long until the most terrible phase came. Without his consent, but worries didn't let Kaname think out any better solution, he grabbed his cell phone and scanned through the contact list to find a number.
"Aimi! Is it convenient to talk?"
"I heard your and Kiryuu-kun's families had just had a meeting to discuss about your marriage."
"Didn't you just want to postpone it?" His voice couldn't hide the astonishment.
... ... ...
"No, I called to check if everything is alright." He cleverly masked his emotion to make it sound casual.
"Aimi, I'm sorry to hear that. I will meet you when you arrive here."
I was thankful that Kaname had smartly asked about their marriage arrangement before making his request. There was no wedding after graduation as my brother said, Zero had terminated his engagement with Aimi, and made her unsuitable to help him get over this situation. So the pureblood didn't need to disclose what was going on to her ex-fiance, or where he really was at the moment. It's only two of them alone together in this room, with a secret which couldn't be revealed to any third person. Kaname put the phone down, and turn back to his lover, who was no longer aware of what he was doing, his hands were brutally grasping his swollen manhood under the boxers, yanking, squeezing it as a hateful thing. The pureblood worriedly unclasped each of his stiff fingers, trying not to break any part of his body.
"Please don't hurt yourself, Zero." As he could press my brother's hands down on the bed, the head of my brother's hardness had exposed from his lowering waistband, with pre-cum leaking out, a color of purple bruise outstood on his fine skin. Kaname gasped "It's the heat from drinking pure blood." but after that stunning instant, he whispered affectionately to his lover "Let me release it."
Before I could comprehend the meaning of his words, he had pulled my brother's arousal out, and engulfed the whole length into his mouth. I thought I had blacked out for several seconds. It's definitely not an erotic, exciting scene which would make you jealous. I wished I didn't have to witness it. Zero wasn't a kind, caring person in this moment as he truly was, the heat had overpowered him, he looked like a wild beast which just caught a prey after being starved for months, his hands snatched his lover's silky hair with no mercy, pulling him up and down hysterically to gratify his own feral need, his hips heaved in rhythm to get himself deeper in the hot, moist cavern where was giving him so much pleasure. It never seemed to reach an end, the longer it took, the stronger I believed Kaname didn't intend to stop him, despite of his escalating discomfort. Perhaps he didn't mind being used as a mean, but I was afraid he would faint from suffocation, so far he had made no sound, his arms, which supported him from the beginning, was shaking tremendously. Yet it wasn't what Zero cared about as he held his lover's head down, and thrusting in more violently until releasing his first shoot deep in the pureblood's throat.
Both arms dropped, he sprawled on the bed, while Kaname choked and coughed heavily beside him, now I saw his bushed face wet with tears. After drinking pure blood, one would get excited, and their excitement worsened with time until they could have sex and release with the pure blood giver. Shizuka had enjoyed our craziness, but never let it grow to such level if planning to sleep with us. My brother hadn't drunk from her, and usually endured it alone, so the heat would reach its worst each time before it subdued.
As soon as the cough was eased off, Kaname turned to check Zero. To his horror, my brother was squeezing his dark purple erection again as if he had never come a minute before. His arousal couldn't be sated with just a blow job, no matter how intense it was. Even if he tried it again, he would get hard again in no time, and those consecutive orgasms would wreck his body at the end. Kaname hastily pulled my brother's hands off "Stop, Zero! You'll get hurt."
My brother struggled to break free from his grip, and glowered at him in fury. He didn't recognise anyone now, didn't care who was in front of him. That's why he usually made sure to lock himself in a private place where nobody could come to disturb. Now the pureblood might figure out the reason why he hadn't answered his calls or refused to meet him sometimes in the past, then actively contacted him back a few days later. He had never complained about his late responses, but if he ever thought Zero had chosen something else over him in those times, it became clear now that they were the days my brother had endured this excruciation.
"Hold on! I'll help you." Kaname gently said to him, and gave him his most seductive smile which I had ever seen, as if they were going to have a happy, passionate love making.
He slid in the bathroom, and when he walked out, his clothes had been taken off. Rapid steps didn't make his movement less graceful as he hurried up to my brother, who was frenziedly rocking his virile erection. Managed to straddle him, he bowed down to caress my brother's burning skin "Forgive me, I can't see you suffer like this. I will take any punishment once you're recovered."
Kaname reached backward to wrap the huge, overheated hardness, and resolutely pushed its swollen tip into his body. Just by looking, it's easy to say it wasn't a normal excitement, one of the symptoms of an arousal from drinking pure blood was the manhood would bloat more and more and end up doubling the size one could reach at his best. The color also darkened with time to the point that he couldn't believe it was a part of his body anymore. It gave him no pleasure but pain, and the excruciating need to be released. Kaname had lubricated himself to smooth my brother's penetration, the rugged, purple shaft was driven to his marrow in one go, resulted in a painful moan slipping out from his torn lips. Lubricant made it easy for Zero, yet Kaname still couldn't cope with such fast, uncaring stretching. I felt my whole existence frozen. If my brother was looking at something, I would also see it, but if it's something he didn't look, I had a choice to see it or pass it. I might have wondered how their intimacy would be, supposed they did it out of love and would try their best to please each other, but right now, there was no excitement, there's even no curiosity. I decided to turn away. The pureblood's gasps and aching moans kept piercing through my ears, Zero obviously didn't wait until his lover got used to the occupation of his inflated flesh, but hurriedly sped up his pounding to indulge his lust.
Behind my back, my brother was spending his first time with the person he loved. Ironically, he wasn't giving him any pleasure. He groaned sometimes, when the beast from me, which was controlling his body, overwhelmed with enjoyment and gratification, and other sounds were the squeaking of their bed, the smack of their bodies banging each other, the pureblood's whimpers in agony, yet somewhere between his pants I heard his repeated confession "I love you, Zero."
- to be continued -
Posted: 16 Feb 2013
Could you let me know what you think about this chapter?