HELLLLLOOOOOOO BROADWAY JUNKIES AND RANDOM HOBOS!

I LOVE Avenue Q, and so, I decided to make this story.

Be prepared for LOTS OF SPOILERS! Oh, and if swearing offends you, this is probably not the story for you, cause that T rating, yeah, thats based on the source material. If this were in a different category, it would probably go to M (for reasons that will be explained later) and this is really getting long and boring to write. The intro, not the story.

ANYWAY, I made this story because of one song, "The More You Rove Someone" sung by Christmas Eve. In the play, she loves Brian, yet she sings about how she hates him. But she loves him, right? Eventually, I figured out a whole alternate reality that acts as sorta a prequel to the real Avenue Q story, but I will just get into the awesomeness of it and go from just before the real story picks up.

ANYWAY ANYWAY

I actually haven't seen the show yet! This is pretty much based on the album, Youtube videos, and the all important Wikipedia, which gave me the entire plot and has been read by yours truly a million times! So hopefully it's good.

One last thing…the disclaimer:

I, state your name, SWEAR THAT I AM NOT THE OWNER OF AVENUE Q IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. THE CHARACTERS I HAVE MOLDED LIKE PLAY DOE ARE FOR MY AMUSEMENT AND (hopefully) THE AMUSEMENT OF OTHERS! FURTHERMORE, I DONT OWN THE SHOW, I DONT OWN THE PUPPETS, I DONT OWN THE HUMANS CAUSE THAT WOULD BE SLAVERY AND SLAVERY IS WRONG! FINALLY, I DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, OWN AVENUE Q…but it would be so cool if I did!

I hope you enjoy it!


Part 1

Princeton walked down to his home on Avenue Q, passing the stripper named Lucy on his way.

"Man, I feel bad for her. The poor girl still living under that bench." Princeton thought as he saw his cousin crying under a bench. She lost her eyesight years ago, and her life had never been the same. She lost her job, cut off the rest of the family (except Princeton), her husband left her with their child, and it drove her to prostitution, which she wasn't too good at because of her lack of vision. Now, she will flaunt her body off to anybody, whether they pay or not.

Princeton silently dropped a dollar to her through the bench, as well as a few quarters. When the coins dropped on her, Lucy stiffened, and turned, and flashed Princeton, as well as a very stressed man in a suit, whose eyes lite up at her. Not that she could tell or anything, since she was blind.

Chuckling to himself, Princeton went home to Avenue Q, where his lovely wife, Kate, was finishing up preparing dinner for him.

"Hi Princeton! Did you see Lucy? How is she?" Kate asked her husband, who had been gobbling up dinner from the moment it was set I front of him.

"Still blind, still a slut. Although I think she made some poor stressed sap's day when she flashed me for giving her a few bucks for food." Princeton replied once his food had basically vanished. Kate smiled at her husband's generosity, no matter how bad things got for them, Princeton believed that there was always someone who had it worse. He had given money to all of his friends at one time or another when they had gotten into a tough spot, even though he was always working to provide for Kate and himself. But Princeton couldn't help it, he loved the feeling of self-accomplishment he always got when he gave charity, and Kate loved that about him.

She was remembering how Princeton had helped Gary Coleman get the rat out of the toilet for the reward of free pizza when the happy couple heard a bunch of angry Japanese words coming from upstairs.

"Sigh, let's go baby." Kate sighed as she and Princeton went upstairs to separate the angry Christmas Eve from an annoyed Brian.

Brian and Christmas Eve were neighbors, and from the very first moment that they saw each other, they hated the other. Brian was everything Christmas Eve hated about America. He was fat, he was lazy, and he was jobless. What was the point of being in America if you weren't going to have a job?

On the other hand, Christmas Eve was, well, she was Asian. Although he denied it so much, Brian was incredibly racist against Asians. And Christmas Eve matched every racial thought Brian every heard or had.

So naturally, when he hated her, and would usually make a racist statement at her, which caused her to yell at him. That would soon start to cause an all out war outside their doors.

Which meant that every single day, Kate and Princeton had to keep them from killing each other.

And everyday, this happened.

"BRIAN! EVE! Why must you two always fight when I'm arriving home from work!" Rod complained loudly, briefcase in hand. His apartment door opened, and Nicky came out, hair tousled, stubble coming in, grumbling from being worked up from his nap. Just like everyday.

"Hey, Roddy!" Nicky brightens up, and almost runs over his boyfriend.

"Ah, hello Nicolas! How was your day? Did you start dinner?" Rod grinned, forgetting that Christmas Eve and Brian were fighting with each other.

And, just like it did everyday, Gary and Trekkie come out of Trekkie's apartment to see what all the commotion is about.

"HEY! What you all complainin' about TODAY!" Gary snapped at the rivals. They began to explain their argument to the annoyed Gary while Trekkie just glared at his brother in law, as if he had something to do about it.

Before you start wondering, no, Gary and Trekkie aren't dating nor are they gay. They always play video games together everyday at this time, though. And everyday, they have to shut off the game to see why the noise hasn't resolved itself.

Trekkie is pretty sure it's because Princeton and Kate wish that he didn't spend eternity on the video game. Since Kate is his younger sister, she is worried that Trekkie wouldn't find a girl friend or take interest in women before he was too old to date. So everyday, Trekkie believed that his gameplay was interrupted to get him away from it.

And everyday, while everyone was outside Brian and Christmas Eve's apartments, Kate and Princeton sneak away to finish their dinner, and go to bed so that they could get a head start in the morning.

Except this day, Princeton was tired of it all.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" He yelled louder than anyone had ever heard him yell. Including Kate. Everyone suddenly stopped their arguing and such, and stared at Princeton, shocked.

"I HAVE HAD IT WITH ALL OF THIS ARGUING! EVERYDAY, IT'S THE SAME OLD ROUTINE! CHRISTMAS EVE AND BRIAN FIGHT, KATE AND I TRY TO FIX IT, NICKY AND ROD GO ALL SMOOCHY GUSHY INSTEAD OF HELPING, AND GARY AND TREKKIE STOP THEIR GAME TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON, WHICH MAKES TREKKIE GIVE ME A DIRTY LOOK! I'VE MISSED TOO MANY DINNERS BECAUSE OF THIS ROUTINE! WELL I'M DONE! IF I HAD GOTTEN THAT BACHELORS DEGREE IN ENGLISH, MY LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER! BUT NO!" Princeton began to back away from all his friends and some family, not noticing the railing behind him, "I HAD TO QUIT COLLEGE AND TRY MY LUCK IN THE REAL WORLD WITH MY CRUMMY JOBS INSTEAD! I JUST WISH...I just wish that...well, I wish I could make my beautiful wife's dream come true. I mean, imagine what you could do if I had gotten the bachelors degree in English instead of dropping out, Kate! You would be on your way to your dream, the Monstersory School! You'd working as much as your heart desired, making a difference for children and monster children everywhere! But then I think about all of you guys, and how I affected you. Brian, Christmas Eve! I bet you two wouldn't hate each other as much, hell at all, if I weren't around! Nicky, if it wasn't for me, you might still be in the closet! Come to think of it, I bet Rod would still be in the closet! Trekkie, you wouldn't have any need to waste your life on video games, you'd be enjoying all the enjoyments the world and women can provide, and Gary..." Gary tapped his foot impatiently. "Well, I don't know if your life would be different. I barley helped you get to where you are now."

"Wow Princeton, thanks for that bit of insurance. Makes me feel so accomplished!" Gary sarcastically said back to the orange man. The sarcasm reminded Princeton that he was upset, a fact he had failed to remember when he thought of Gary and his pathetic life.

"WELL I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I CAN'T STAND THE SAME DAMN ROUTINE EVERYDAY! I CAN'T TAKE THE ARGUING! I JUST CA-"

And then Princeton fell over the balcony railing, landing with a loud CRASH!

"PRINCETON!" Kate cried, as all the residents of Avenue Q and herself ran downstairs to see what was wrong.

"Nicholas, call 911, NOW!" Rod told his boyfriend, who ran inside again, panicky.

"Princeton? Princeton! Can your hear me? PRINCETON!" Kate cried, Christmas Eve and Trekkie comforting her as Gary, Rod, Brain, and Nicky, who had returned from calling 911, attended to the unconscious Princeton.

Soon, everyone heard sirens in the background, and for the first time on Avenue Q, all the residents were silent.