Disclaimer: Nada.


Dear Diary-Journal,

It's been a little over 24 hours since I've been admitted to this facility. What happened was the interns finally decided to report Chris and when they heard about these death threats that several people were planning against me, they decided to help. I guess I should thank those people.

I guess you guys want to know how things are going, right? I'm in a mental facility and I think I'm going to be here for quite some time. You would think that Chris would be in jail for life for pedophilia or something but it's not the case because we're Canadian and 16 is the legal age limit here and the only one who legally could press charges is Justin because he's from Hawaii but he didn't have sex with Chris so nothing could be done.

The cops showed up right after Gwen hit me in the balls at least 9 times with Trent encouraging her the whole time. My balls were pretty sore after that so Courtney went with Chef and got ice...a very large block of ice and with the help of Eva picked it up and hit me over and over and over and over and over with the block of ice until my face and my lips were turning blue from being hit with frozen water.

I did get beat up pretty bad and I'm not going to lie, at that point I'd rather being in juvie! At least there they don't have 20 some people beat you up! You fight man-to-man there!

You would also think that I wouldn't be stuck in the loony bin but I am because apparently my goal of wanting to have sex with everyone is an 'unreasonable' goal and it makes people want to 'evaluate' you! They think the show screwed me up and yet I'm the only guy who's stuck in here! I mean, everyone else was willing to sleep with me! How come they aren't locked up in here?! The people here think I'm nuts and need sexual healing for what I did! I'm the one in trouble and everyone else gets to go home and date and screw whoever they want! I'm pretty sure if I wanted I could have had a threesome with Gwen and Courtney and created Gwuncaney.

I'm happy I'm finally out of this room and away from those nutcases but I'm pretty sure being here is worse because you're not allowed to have sex and if you do they have an electric shock machine that they attach to your junk! My parents signed for this to happen to me!

I'm keeping this on the positive side though! When I get out of this place in hopefully 90 days I plan on calling Gwen, Courtney and Beth and making some dates. The only bad news is that Mal, this guy from Juvie who also was on Total Drama and goes by Mike, he's here and well Mike may not be strong but Mal is and I'm hoping that he leaves me alone because as you know, I like being on top and I don't want to be on the bottom of that sex!

This is going to be my last entry, they said I'm not allowed to write in this book anymore and they need me to give it to them for analyzing and so I can 'heal properly' so I guess this is it Diary-Journal.

This is how you survive them all and live to tell the story! This is: Duncan's Guide to Dating, Cheating and Breaking up with everyone.


FINISHED. That's how you survive. You end up hoping the interns call the cops and everyone thinks you're nuts. At least he survived. This has been a fun adventure but it's time to end it. Thank for reading this guys! I hope you like the finale.