Title: Friends With Benefits

Author: GageWhitney

Rating: M

Pairing: Nick/Jess

Disclaimer: Very much not mine.

Summary: "Are you kidding me? You're not a friends with benefits kind of girl."

Note: For Porn Battle XIV with the prompt: proposition.

This is the first fic I've been able to finish in for-freaking-ever (damn writer's block), and it's been about a year since the last time I wrote for this fandom, so... hopefully this isn't too awful or ooc.

It all starts because of Ashton Kutcher, really.

She has a little crush on him; that's the only reason Jess had let the remote land on No Strings Attached in the first place. Then she'd gotten sucked in because Natalie Portman was there, and who doesn't like her? Plus, there's her penchant for romantic comedies in general, so.

Nick had come home in the middle of her shame watching and flopped down onto the couch beside her with a groan, complaining almost immediately about how horrible the movie was and stealing half her popcorn while he watched it anyway.

"The friend looks a lot like you, Nick," she points out.

He squints at the television. "I don't see it." He sighs. "I thought this was supposed to have the hot girl from That 70s Show. That's the doofy guy from That 70s Show."

"I think the girl from That 70s Show is in the one with Justin Timberlake."

"Oh." Turtle face. "Well, what's that about and why did I think it was this?"

"It's also about friends that have sex with each other," she tells him. "It's basically the exact same plot as this one, except not as terrible."

"Huh." He pauses, then says, awkwardly, "What is it, like, some new trend with the cool kids, having a friend with benefits? I mean, that they had to make two movies about it in one year?"

"I wouldn't know," she half-chuckles. "I'm never hip to what the cool kids are doing."

They watch for a little while in silence, until Nick notes, "It's a terrible movie, and yet it's kind of hot. I guess I could see how people went to see this."

"Seriously," she says. On screen, Ashton and Natalie are at it again. "This kind of makes me wish I was one of the cool kids."

He laughs in her face at that. She frowns.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, just…" He gestures at the television. "You could never handle something like that."

She's offended, and she's not sure why. "What? Why would you say that?"

"Jess, come on," he says. "Are you kidding me? You're not a friends with benefits kind of girl."

"Um, what about what I was doing with Sam in the beginning?"

"Okay, first of all? You were never friends with Sam. You met him with the intention of having casual sex, which is not the same thing, and second, you developed feelings for him anyway, which is why you spent two days hiding in your room last week when you guys broke up."

"Okay, I was not hiding –"

"In fact, didn't he think your name was Katie when you first met?"

She thinks that over for a moment before concluding, "I see where you're going with this, but I think you're wrong. I could totally just, you know, bang a guy I was friends with and leave it at sex." She jabs at his thigh with her index finger. "Remember that one night you stopped me from going to Schmidt and –"

"Please don't remind me of that ever again," he says. He makes a face like he wishes he could bleach his brain of the mental image.

She shrugs. "I'm just saying, I would've gone through with it. I would've been just fine going through with it."


They both turn back to the television. She watches idly for a few minutes, consumed with her thoughts, before she bites her lip and turns to look at Nick. "I have… a proposition," she says.

"What's that?" he asks, eyes still on the movie. He laughs. "Look at this clown."

"I think you and I should do it."

At that, he looks over at her. "What?" She raises an eyebrow, and his eyes practically bug out of his head. "WHAT?"

"You heard me."

He stares at her. "You mean do it, do it? Sex, do it?"


"Sex," he says again, like if he repeats himself it'll make more sense. "Me and you, have sex, is what you're proposing."

"Friends with benefits."


"You said it once yourself, Miller. We're friends who are also sometimes attracted to each other." She twists herself to face him more fully and leans forward. "So if we can stay friends but also sleep together sometimes, doesn't that solve all of our problems?"

"Okay, are you serious right now?"

She nods. "Totally serious."

He rubs the back of his neck and grimaces. "I don't know, Jess. I think we're going to a dangerous place here."

"What's the matter, Nick? Can't handle it?" She folds her arms over her chest and stares him down. "Because I know I can."



His face crinkles. "I'm not Marty McFly!" he cries. "That's not just going to –"

"Maybe I should just go to Schmidt again." She snaps her fingers. "Ooh, or Winston!"

He sets his jaw and squeezes his eyes shut. "Okay, fine. Let's do it. Let's be friends with benefits."

Her eyes light up. "Really?"

"If you think you can handle it."

"I know I can handle it."

"Can you?"

"Can you?" she parrots.

"I totally can," he shrugs. "I'm a guy. I'm – are you kidding? I'm fine. I've done this before. I just want to make sure you can handle it."

She narrows her eyes at him. "Can you?"

"Okay, I'm not doing this," he mutters. "We can both handle it. Let's have sex."

She smiles widely. "Okay! Great. Um, so… how do we…" She gestures back and forth between them. "How do we do this?"

Nick stares at her. "You want, like, a drawing, or…?"

She punches his shoulder. "Shut up. I've never done this before, I'm just trying to figure out how we start. Do we draw up some kind of contract?"

"A friends with benefits sex contract?"

"Yes? Oh! I just bought calligraphy pens!"

"No," he says quickly. "No contract, no calligraphy. I'm pretty sure we just have sex and then go back to being just friends right after."

She nods. "Well, I'm slightly disappointed about the pens, but okay." She folds her hands in her lap and asks, "Would you like to start?"

"Now? Uh… yeah." He blows out a breath and lightly slaps himself on both cheeks. "Here we go."

Shifting forward in his seat, he carefully grasps her chin in one hand, pulls her face up to his, and kisses her softly. She hesitates for a few moments, getting used to the idea of it, before opening her mouth under his and kissing him back.

She lifts herself up to balance on her knees and throws her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. While he tightens his arms around her waist, her hands travel across his shoulders and down his chest to settle on his belt.

He pulls away from her mouth with a wet pop. His eyes struggle to focus on her face as he asks, "Seriously, Jess: no kidding around, are we really doing this?"

She nods confidently, rubbing the worn fabric of his t-shirt between her fingers. "Yes."

"Okay," he says. He cups her face in his hands and kisses her again, harder, less tentative than before. She fists the hem of his shirt in her hands and sighs. He licks into her mouth and she moans, pressing her body to his.

Nick shifts their bodies and leans into her until she's flat on her back, his hands pressing her legs apart so he can crawl on top of her. She hooks an ankle behind his knee, lifting herself up closer to him. She rubs herself against him, pleased when she feels his body responding to her.

He groans. "God, Jess." Gripping her hips, he thrusts against her, the friction making them both gasp.

"Wait, wait, wait," she says. She pushes at his chest. "I don't want to do it on the couch. I feel like that's maybe not really fair to the guys."

"Oh, believe me, we would not be the first people to have sex on this couch."

She wrinkles her nose. "That makes me not want to do it on the couch even more."

He nods quickly in agreement. "Yeah, okay, you're right." He pulls her legs more tightly against his hips and grips under her thighs before attempting to stand up with her.

"Whoa! Nick!" She grabs at his neck and shoulders as he lifts her unsteadily off the cushions. Her legs squeeze around him tighter in an effort to not fall off.

"Sorry! I'm sorry," he groans. He comes close to toppling over before she helps him right himself. "Bad leverage. Sorry. You good?"

"I'm good. Let's go to my room."


"No, wait!" she cries. He stops in his tracks. "I have freshly folded clothes on my bed. Your room."

"Okay! I haven't made my bed in a week."


With his arms around her waist, he hurries as best he can down the hall and into his room, kicking the door shut behind him before dropping them both onto the bed.

"Oof," she says as he lands on top of her.

He grimaces and pushes hair out of her face reverently. "Sorry."

Jess looks up at him, eyes wide, and bites at her lip. Her fingers move to the hem of his t-shirt and tug up, up, until the shirt is over his head and tossed onto the floor.

She smiles. "Your turn."

He swallows hard and kisses her, running his tongue along her bottom lip while he moves to unbutton her polka dot pajamas. She's not wearing a bra underneath, and he can feel her breath hitch when he cups her breast and thumbs at her nipple.

"You good?" he whispers against her mouth.

She responds by reaching a hand down between them and palming the front of his sweatpants, and he groans when she squeezes him gently. Her hand slips inside to wrap around his shaft.

"Jess," he sighs.

She strokes him up and down, and his forehead drops to her collarbone.

"Ohmygod," he mumbles into her skin. He thrusts his hips helplessly against her hand. Her thumb brushes the head of his cock and he groans again.

He pushes her top fully off her shoulders and dips his head to ghost his lips across her chest. He lowers his mouth to one nipple and scrapes his teeth against it gently while rolling the other against his palm. He switches sides and licks a stripe under her breast.

His mouth moves to her collarbone, kissing and nipping along her porcelain skin. His hand moves down, down, brushing against her naval before sliding under her panties.

"Nick," she moans, her fingers curling against his waistband as he explores between her legs.

He slides a finger inside of her, then two, and her hips buck when he presses his thumb to her clit and rubs. She pushes his sweatpants and boxer-briefs down his legs with her feet and then makes quick work of her own, kicking them off and onto the floor.

"Now, now, now," she mumbles against his lips.

He pulls his hand away and strokes feather-light along the inside of her thigh. "Um, do we…?"



Pushing her legs further apart, he settles between them. He runs a hand down one leg and tucks it closer to his waist. She arches her back, pressing her breasts against his chest, and pulls him in for a deep kiss.

He pushes inside her slowly, giving both of them time to adjust; she cries out when he finally fills her to the hilt and rocks her hips up against his.

Long, dark hair fans out against his pillow, a stark difference between the white sheets and her pale skin, and for a moment, he can't bring himself to move as he looks down at her. He twists a few dark strands around his fingers as he considers her.

Jess pulls his face down to hers, nipping at his lips. She rocks into him again, forcing him to move, and he makes a strangled noise against her lips.

The pace she sets for them is brisk, and he matches his thrusts with the movement of her hips, his fingers gripping tight enough to leave ugly red marks on her skin.

Shifting himself to sit up a bit, he changes the angle of his hips, his pubic bone hitting her higher up as he drives into her, and she gasps, open-mouthed against his collarbone, when she comes. Her muscles spasm around him and he loses it, too, his face buried in the side of her neck.

He pulls out and flops onto his stomach beside her. They're both breathing hard, and when she turns to look at him, she grins, giggling. He smiles back at her and pats her leg absently.

They lie in his unmade bed for a while in companionable silence, listening to the other breathe and trying to figure out what the next step is.

"That was fun," she says after a while.

"Uh, yeah," he chuckles, glancing over at her. He turns over onto his back so he can see her better.

"So… I guess I'm just going to get up and go back to my room, because I'm pretty sure Schmidt and Winston will be home soon, and… I'll just see you for breakfast in the morning."

He nods and watches her rise from the mattress. "Okay. Sounds like a plan."

Picking her clothing up off the floor, she adds, "Speaking of breakfast, remind me to get eggs when we go to the store tomorrow."

"Eggs. You got it."

She holds the bundle of clothes against her body and considers him for a moment. "We're good, right?"

"Absolutely." He grins. "We're great, Jess."

"Great." She smiles and heads for the door. "Night, Nick," she calls over her shoulder.

"Good night," he answers.

When he hears the door to her room bang closed, he lets out a deep breath and rubs his fists into his eyes.

"Yeah, no. Nope. I can't handle it. I am so screwed."