Happiness, what is happiness? When I was a kid it was a simple as going downstairs and find a plate of Captain Crunch waiting for me or maybe dancing with my brother, if I'm being honest both of those things still make me "happy". For other people maybe is more complicated for example for Ty it was to finally found himself and it took him a while to actually do it and accept that dancing was his gift.
For a large period of time happiness meant something as simple as walking to school with my best friend but then things change and they usually get more complicated and so does the search for happiness. For example I have being dating Elliot for a year now, he is a dancing major in MSA, I met him when I was waiting for Moose to come out of one his classes. We talk for a while and the next day Moose told me that Elliot kept asking questions about me. At first I wasn't interested in him, I have being developing a crush on Moose since I met him so even thinking about someone else felt weird.
Our first date was force, he send me a text asking me out and when I was about to reply telling him no, Andie took my phone away and answer him telling him how thrill I would be by going out with him. I wanted to kill her, but she reason with me that I should give him a chance, he seemed like a nice guy and one date couldn't hurt. I hate admitting when I'm wrong but I was wrong the date went ok, he was nice even funnier that I thought. He had this sarcastic humor but I could tell he was trying his best to turn it down for me. After that two dates turned into 1 month and now is being a year, tomorrow is going to be our one year anniversary and I'm "happy".
There was a moment, after our first month that I thought that I should probably end the relationship because even though I care for him I wasn't in love with him. My heart belong to someone else but as my heart was his, his heart belong to another girl, and as much as it pains me to admit they do looked great together.
I get ready to sleep and lay down on my bed counting 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and my cellphone rings I don't need to see the ID to know is Elliot.
"Happy Anniversary Babe" I can hear the smile in his voice and I can just picture his dimples as he smiles.
"Thank you E, Happy Anniversary to you too" and I smile because I have the best boyfriend ever, right?.
"Did I wake you up?" Is funny how he can sound happy and worry at the same time but he is always worrying about me so I'm used to it.
"No, actually I was waiting to call you at midnight too but you beat me to it" Sure I wasn't on actually doing that because I knew well enough that he was going to do it for me but a little white lie doesn't hurt.
We talk for a little while mostly about our plans for tomorrow and how we were going to skip our classes so we could go to Oriole Park and have a little fun just the two of us. After we hung up I sighed thinking about the last year and how he had proven me that he really care about us. I went to sleep but Elliot wasn't the last thought in my mind even though I really try.
The next day came to fast I woke up change into a nice outfit and went downstairs, I didn't lie to Mary about skipping class and even though she wasn't happy about it she understood. I took my phone out of my jeans wondering if I should just leave it here, it was a special day and didn't want to be distracted, Elliot deserve that much of me specially today. So I went back to my room took my phone out put it on silence and left it on my desk. Again I went downstairs and walk out to find Elliot ready and waiting for me with huge smile and open arms. The moment we start walking I put my head on his chest while he put and arm around me and pull me close and our special started. It was really fun we went to Oriole Park we try everything imaginable from Little Italy to the observatory and the aquarium, I had a blast and Elliot told me this was the best day he had since he move to Baltimore. At the night we went to have a nice dinner and then we walk through the Sherwood Gardens.
As we made our way to my house hand in hand I felt "happy", my life was great. I had a great boyfriend, I had Ty and Mary and lovely friends. I felt very bless for everything in my life. We said our goodbyes and he kissed and walk away, I went into my house and up to my room change into my pj's but as I lay in my bed I could see my phone flashing and my stomach start to feel with butterflies and smile appear on my face and I knew who was calling without looking at my ID.
"Hey Moose" I said smiling and feeling guilty because it was the first real smile of the day.
"Cam!, finally I've been calling you all day. I went by your house because you didn't come today but Mary told me about your ditch day, why didn't you tell me?" I didn't tell you because you would wanted to come and would have said yes because I can't say no to you and then I had to try harder to act like Elliot is more important to me than you are.
"Sorry it was just a spare of a moment thing with Elliot, we just planned it last night" Again a white is ok right?
"Oh ok, then but next time please tell me before you do something like that I was really worry about you" I wish you would be a little less worry about me and a little more in love with me.
"Sure thing Moose"
"Well I'm glad you are ok, I'm gonna go now I just needed to know that you were ok, after all you are my little Camille and I have to take care of you" How come you can make me feel giddy and sad at the same time?.
"Ok, go to sleep Moose, see you tomorrow"
"Bye Cam" And with that he hang up the phone.
So yeah what is happiness? Well here alone in my bed without anyone judging me or hearing me I have to say that happiness is hear his voice, now that he cares about me and imagining that all my day was with him instead of Elliot. So maybe for me happiness for now is lying to myself about what happiness is for me.