Preface: This fic was written as a bit of a joke from a pm messaging I had with Oedipus Tex about other ways I could have written Mission (as in the most common plot lines). This is of course not meant as a critique or criticism of any of the wonderful GW/HP fics many of whom I read and love, just that there seems to be a couple established facts in the GW/HP and GW fanons that I find amusing and satire worthy. Special thanks to: TrenchcoatMan, Oedipus Tex, and TristaDin for sharing their favorite clichés with me!
"Yuy I think it's time you took a break." Une gave him a worried look across the wide expanse of her oak desk where on the other side Heero stood.
"Hn?" questioned Heero, which of course translated more along the lines to 'What has led you to this conclusion?'
"You are an exemplary agent but you have way too much vacation time saved up. You should take some time to relax, I don't think I've ever seen you take a break."
"Are those your orders?"
"Yes. Dismissed." Heero snapped to attention before turning and marching out of the room. As he made his way home he wondered what he would do with all his free time. His hobbies up till now had been completing missions and hacking, indeed if he hadn't spent such a substantial amount of time with the other pilots during the war he would have no concept of what the word fun even meant.
It was on his way home from headquarters that he first noticed the strange happenings on Charing Cross Road, there was an unusual amount of people packing the streets so Heero was forced to walk close to the wall attempting to avoid touching strangers as his time during the war had made him incredibly aloof and uncomfortable around people. It was then that a good shove forced him in an alley between two of the building. At first Heero thought he had knocked himself unconscious (momentarily forgetting his skull was much too thick for that), how else could he possibly be in an alley one minute and a dusty looking bar the next.
"Oh!" Exclaimed a pleasant looking blonde woman from behind the bar. "Are you another one here for the big sale at Quality Quidditch supplies?" Have no concept of how he should respond Heero simply let out his trademark sound.
"Hn" As luck would have it, and as these things often turned out, she simply interpreted the noise to mean whatever she wanted.
"I know, right? I'd be groaning too if my friends ditched me to stare at broomsticks all day." She pointed towards the back door "Just go right through there I think the gate is still open." With a nod of thanks Heero moved to a back alley where a large brick wall stood with a massive archway built into it, the path lead to a bustling street populated with a bizarre mixture of peoples. Nothing had prepared Heero for the sights of Diagon Alley, Heero carefully compartmentalized all his wonder and disbelief to be addressed later.
He tried to approach this new environment the same way he'd assimilated into the Black Forest, the Sahara Desert and the tundra of Antarctica, though it was difficult to visualize a plan without a giant robot and evil looking mentor to guide him however Heero felt he had a fighting chance on making it on his own. He crept down the street glaring at anyone who attempted to make eye contact (which only seemed to make him more conspicuous), carefully observing the bizarre dress and actions of the inhabitants of this hidden street. Floating broomsticks, people wearing robes and pointy hats, vendors selling newts eyes, there was only one conclusion he could logically reach: he had wandered onto the dwelling of some occult cult. Indeed he began to view his surroundings in preparation for a potential mission report when he caught sight of four individuals eating ice cream at a table outside a shop.
These four people were the last he would ever imagine running into on a sidewalk full of individuals who may or may not belong to some cult that had psychic powers (as illustrated by the levitating objects and animals imbued with transformative properties, turtles turning into teapots!). They were sitting at their table as if everything was completely normal, one lounging with his face mostly obscured by his bizarre haircut, another animatedly talking while hyperactively bouncing in his seat, the next calmly replying to the frenzied question with a friendly smile, and last arms crossed scowling. He pushed his way over to their table and loomed over them till someone noticed.
"Hey Hee-chan I thought everyone said you're not a wizard…oops shouldn't have said that. Here sit down and have some ice cream, try to forget the life changing bomb I just dropped on you." Heero was unceremoniously shoved into an empty seat and a half eaten ice cream was shoved in front of him. As the sprinkles danced in pairs across the glowing yellow frozen confection Heero chose to aim his glare at a more logical target.
"I really am sorry Heero, but we couldn't tell you about magic since you don't have any." Quatre gave his best aw shucks smile.
"Yes, there is such a thing as magic, there is a secret society around the world that practices it."
"What are you all doing here?" questioned Heero, for the first time in his life tossing aside his monosyllabic persona.
"Well I actually have an Uncle who was a wizard, he cast out my Mom because she wanted to marry my Dad and go to space. Of course once the war was over and I was back on earth my cousin got in contact with me looking to reconcile. It turns out that all that weird space heart stuff was just my empathetic magic. So right now I'm just spending time here learning more about earth magic."
"So all that touchy feely stuff was real?" Heero tried to suppress his doubtful feelings.
"Of course it was!" Heero decided to ignore the fact that he was now being pouted at.
"As you know Yuy I come from a long and established line of the Chang clan." Heero did not know this but chose to remain silent for fear of receiving a lecture. "I have always been capable of performing magic, however I made a solemn oath that I would fight this war honorably with my non magical allies."
"So all the people who lived on your colony that go blown up…"
"Were highly accomplished wizards, yes. I don't understand your confusion."
"And when you fought with Treize you could have just used magic and stopped everything before it began."
"Well, yes, but…"
"And when you and Duo were stuck on the moon base with the air slowly running out you could have done something."
"Theoretically, of course but you don't understand…"
"So when I was risking my life to blow up a giant chunk of space colony falling to earth you could have just magiced it?"
"Look Yuy," Wufei looked irate. "It isn't that easy, you just wouldn't understand."
"Well I didn't know about any of this till last week Hee-chan." Offered Duo with his trademark boyish grin. "I would have told you but Cat, Tro and Wu-man made me swear not to some kind of secrecy thing."
"How did you find out?" Heero questioned his supposed best friend, of course he wasn't annoyed that he was left out, only concerned about the possible security risks.
"Actually it's a pretty funny story, it turns out I was a wizard this whole time and just didn't know about it. They figure my mom and dad were wizards who lost me up on L2 and one of the profs at the magic school have been helping me look for them. Of course I didn't know this until I got this crazy letter inviting me to go to this school called Hogwarts, I went and showed it to Cat and he told me this meant I was a wizard! So they took me to buy my stuff, I went to school the next day and well it turns out I'm a genius at this so instead of a first year I've been bumped up to seventh." Duo flashed him a wide grin and even though Heero could only understand about half of what he had heard he still felt happy for his friend.
He turned to the last member of the group who sat at the table with his magnificent bang obscuring most of his face. Their eyes met and the most epic staring contest in all of history began. Heero had used up his personally set word allotment of the day (too many and you lose your disaffected edge, too few and people assume you are a psychopath) while Trowa simply didn't have the energy or interest to share. In the end it was Quatre with his genial personality and wide blue eyes shining with the Fire Of Friendship who offered up an explanation.
"Trowa do you mind if I tell Heero?" The Bang was flipped in a nodding motion. "It's a very long and complicated story that boils down to Trowa actually being the long lost brother of an incredibly famous wizard named Harry Potter. Apparently Harry's mother got pregnant while she was still in school so they decided to give up Trowa for adoption. It was through a coincidental set of circumstances (which would take much more time than this to explain) that Trowa and Harry came to know of each other's existence. Of course they had a series of misunderstandings, we all hid the fact that we were Gundam pilots and Harry hid the fact that he had been miserable at his former guardians. In the end it really has all worked out."
"Hn." What Heero really wanted to express was his disappointment that the other pilots all appeared to have interesting plots and connections to this magic world which they were discovering and enjoying without him while he was forced to remain stoic and general detached. But he realized that as characteristics went strong and silent certainly wasn't the worst he could have.
"It really is too bad about you not being a wizard Hee-chan then we could had some awesome adventures, you know going to Hogwarts, being magical prodigies, saving the wizarding world, training wizard students to be Gundam pilots, using magic to save the muggle world, adopting magical babies, falling in love with wizards and maybe each other." The other four pilots turned to stare a Duo in silence, the five way stare went on until one of them said what all the others were thinking.
"Where do you come up with this shit?"
My dear readers I'll let you decide who you think said this last line…actually how about something a little more fun, everyone pm/comment who they think said the line and whichever character gets the most votes gets the next one shot written specifically about them/their interaction with the wizarding world! If you want to suggest what you'd like to see add that on to!
I still don't own HP or GW or any combination of them! Thanks again for the lovely reviews and PMs I always appreciate! If you see any mistakes please let me know so I can fix them ASAP!