A/N just a little one shot of Christina's thoughts after learning of Tris' killing Will. Warning- depressing. Please enjoy and don't forget to review!

I lie in a cold bed, on a cold floor, in a cold place. The air is cold, freezing my skin. The blankets are cold, freezing my limbs. My heart is cold, freezing my soul.

The cold penetrates my bones, runs through my veins. The cold is everything. Anything. All.

The cold is me.

I am the cold.

My mind scatters, cold cold cold.

She killed him.

She killed Will.

She held the gun in her hands. She aimed it at his head. She looked into his eyes.

She pulled the trigger.

She killed him.

Merciless. As if he was a stinking Erudite and not a close friend.


Cold. So cold.

The metal gun. Cold.

Skinny little hands. Cold.

Pounding heart. Frozen over.

The murderer.

She was my friend, I trusted her, I confided in her. Yet she betrayed all of that, in one slight twitch of the finger.


A friend, at first, a true friend, however annoying. But that one walk by the tracks changed everything. Everything.

I was warm then, happy. There was no trace of this cold. No anger, no resentment, no hate, no despair, no heartbreak. Warm, it was.

My mind shifts to that moment, that perfect moment. The moment all other moments of my life are now compared to.

We were walking, just walking. Chatting about something silly, something inconsequential. I don't remember. But I do remember everything else.

That moment, he just stopped. I stopped too, looked at him. His pale green eyes gazed into mine, a flicker. A flicker. A flicker of something, something that grew.

And then he leaned in, pressed his lips to mine, so soft, tender, uncertain, as if afraid. I was shocked, it was unexpected. He continued waking, starting up the conversation again. And then I realized. I realized everything.

And I followed him, ran, grabbed his shoulder and spun him round. And I kissed him back.

That moment, that perfect moment, that is now forever tainted, doesn't even matter in this new world.

This brave new world.

Because he is dead.

Will is dead.

And Tris, she killed him. She killed him. She did. And she didn't even tell me, she lied and lied and lied. She didn't care about Will, she didn't care about me. And I no longer care, either. She is lost to me.


She didn't have to kill him. She could have shot him in the arm, or the leg. But no.

She killed him.

She hated him. She hated me.

I hate her.

Cold. Cold. Cold.


She gasped it, like it tore out of her soul. Not voluntarily. She didn't want to tell me. Perhaps she never would have, if she wasn't forced to. And I would have continued life, next to a friend who had murdered Will in cold blood.

Cold, cold blood.


Cold is everything now.

Cold is me.

I am the cold.

"I shot Will."

She said it, so bluntly, so... I can't bear it. She killed him. Tris. Will.

It's a brave new world.

And I think I finally understand why Al jumped into the chasm.

I get it, now.

Sometimes life become just too hard, too long, too sad. Sometimes the good things all disappear, and the bad things multiply.

Until you don't know what to be.

I don't know what to be. I don't know anything, anymore.

I don't know.




Is dead.

And cold.