Hi!

This is my first story, so please, be gentle. Please review!

Ullabloom

"Leo! Leopold Bloom, you have a lot of explaining to do!"

The beautiful Swedish woman, Ulla Inga-Hansen-Bensen-Yonsen-Tallen-Hallen-Svaden-Swanson-Bloom yelled to her husband, as she entered Max Bialystock's and Leo Bloom's lavish New York office. She held Mia Inga-Hansen-Bensen-Yonsen-Tallen-Hallen-Svaden-Swanson-Bloom, her three year old child, by the hand. Knowing what Ulla was like when angry, Leo clutched his blue blanket from his pocket.

"Leo, why didn't you pick up little Mia from daycare today? I am zick and tired ov your attitude. I understand you and Max are busy, but I need some 'me time' now and then!" she screamed in her thick Swedish accent. "Oh, hello, Maxy" she cooed to Max Bialystock, the third wheel in her and Leo's relationship. "Hi, Dear, I don't mind…" he replied, gazing at her magnificent knockers. "Thank you!" chirped Ulla as she turned to Leo. "I should have known better than to svend my eleven o'clock hour with somvone I virk with! Virst Sing-sing, now this!"

Leo brought his blanket up to his face, and then confronted his wife. "Look, Ulla, you haven't exactly done your part with Mia, either. Can't you see she's uncomfortable getting up at 5:00 a.m every day…" he gulped. Shut up! YOU CAN'T MAKE HER MAD! He thought. "ARE YOU TRYING TO CRITICIZE THE MORNING ROUTINE?!" Ulla asked, angrily. She then fell into a heap on the floor, crying. "Mama, are you okay?" Mia asked her. There was no reply. Soon enough, Mia was crying too. "See this, kid?" Max said to Leo. "This is exactly why you do not get married. Ya have to deal with this every day for the rest of your life. Since I'm the middle-aged bachelor your kid calls 'Uncle Max', this is not of my concern. You made this mess, so…"

"But Max…I didn't…" Leo tried to respond

"Zip it! This is a woman you are dealing with! You made this mess, so fix it… Remember, when a woman is involved, it is always your fault!" and with that, Max ran out the office door, slamming it behind him.

Leo crouched down, trying to apologize to his wife. "I'm sorry, Ulla… how can I make you forgive me?" he glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's almost noon…47 minutes late…"

She immediately stopped crying. "Ve need a break." She said, softly. "I cannot do this anymore…I am going to stay in the village. I can get an apartment in Franz's building…there is something about a man in lederhosen…" Leo stared at her, motionless. Was she really leaving him…for Franz? When Mia settled down, Ulla grabbed her by the hand and said "come, my little starlet…we are leaving. God dag pa dig, Mr. Bloom!" Mia glanced at her father woefully as she and her mother left the office.

Leo went into hysterics. When Max came back, he was on the floor, spinning in a circular motion. "Oh God," Max mumbled. He stood over Leo, trying to observe his position. "YOU'RE GONNA JUMP ON ME! YOU'RE GONNA JUMP ON ME AND SQUASH ME LIKE A BUG! PLEASE DON'T JUMP ON ME!" Leo screamed. Max knew the drill. He went to his desk, sat down, and flashed a phony smile. When he calmed down, Leo told Max everything. When he finished, Max asked "So you've been going at it for 2 hours?" No reply. Leo put on his "Broadway Producer's hat", and left the office to go home to his vacant Manhattan apartment.