This is just something that came to me suddenly and I decided to write it down. It's a bit humorous and silly.

I do not own Bleach.

ALA Meeting

It was one of those mornings when everything seemed to be covered in mist, when there was enough light to see where you were going but you couldn't actually see the sun yet. The usually busy streets of Gotei Thirteen were quiet and devoid of people.

This was precisely the kind of morning when Toshiro Hitsugaya, the young captain of Division 10, preferred to walk slowly to his office. He had learned that this was the only time of day he could enjoy complete peace. Even if the day ahead of him would not include massive Hollow attacks, conspiracies to destroy Soul Society or a certain group of teenagers appearing from human world for yet another dangerous mission, it would still be a day to run the division smoothly, attend different meetings and keep his lieutenant out of trouble.

Seriously, Hitsugaya thought when thinking of his lieutenant, they still call me a child despite the crazy antics she does.

Yes, Hitsugaya enjoyed his morning walks. The fresh air of a new day energized him. The white haired boy genius allowed a small smile to graze his face as he entered the yard of his division. He expected it to be empty as he had a habit of arriving before any of his troops had gotten out of barracks yet.

So it was no small surprise to him to realize he was not the only one up that morning. There, in the middle of the misty courtyard, stood two figures. One was the unmistakable large figure of Marechiyo Omaeda, the lieutenant of Division 2. The other was Nemu Kurotsuchi, the lieutenant of Division 12. They both stood side by side in the middle of the yard, their backs turned to him and gazing his office as if waiting something to happen.

For a moment Hitsugaya was startled by their presence, fearing some new unimaginable catastrophe had strike Soul Society, calling an emergency meeting in place. However he soon calmed himself as he realized that the two lieutenants didn't seem to be in a hurry or even anxious. They just stood there.

While Hitsugaya was not one to meddle in other peoples affairs, their presence on his division's grounds had peaked his curiosity. He walked to them and only then got a reaction out of them.

"Captain Hitsugaya, good morning, sir" they both said and gave a respectful bow, before turning their gaze back to his office.

"Good morning. Is there something you need?" he replied.

"No thank you, captain, we're good" Omaeda said.

"We're simply waiting for lieutenant Matsumoto" Nemu continued.

They must not know Matsumoto that well, Hitsugaya thought. "I'm afraid you'll have to wait a while longer. It is not in the habit of my lieutenant to arrive to office until after noon" he said.

"Wrong, captain Hitsugaya" Nemu said with her typical unemotional voice. "Lieutenant Matsumoto is already inside".

Hitsugaya gave the only response he could for that. He blinked. Matsumoto in the office this early in the morning? Impossible!

"Are you sure?" Hitsugaya asked, trying to keep the surprise out of his voice.

"Quite sure, sir. We chased her there last night" Omaeda replied.

"…You chased her in the office?" Hitsugaya said very slowly.

Both lieutenants gave an affirmative nod.

"And what exactly are you going to do when she comes out?"

"We're going to cause her great bodily harm and bury what's left of her in an unmarked grave where no one will find her" Nemu said, her voice still emotionless, like she was giving a daily report.

"Okay then" Hitsugaya said, and walked to his office.

As he entered his eyes automatically scanned the couch first. It was the place he usually found his lieutenant taking a nap. This time the couch was empty however and he started to wonder if maybe he had fallen victim to a strange practical joke. However it was then he noticed the blonde-red hair of his lieutenant peeking from behind his desk.

"Matsumoto?"

"Captain!" came voice that sounded both relieved and scared. His lieutenant, Rangiku Matsumoto, raised her head from behind the desk with a worried look on her face. "Are they still there?"

"Kurotsuchi and Omaeda? Yes, they're both still here".

Faster than he could blink the figure of his buxom subordinate appeared from behind the desk and crossed the room before pulling him in a bone crushing hug.

"You have to save me, captain! They're insane, both of them! Absolutely crazy!" she wailed.

"Let go of me, Matsumoto" came Hitsugaya's muffled voice as his face was showed in her cleavage. When he could again breathe he looked her sternly in the eyes. "What did you do this time?"

"It wasn't my fault, captain. Honestly! Those two just are very sensitive. They don't get a joke when they hear it!"

"What. Did you do. This time?" Hitsugaya repeated.

Matsumoto started fidgeting. "Well, last night after you left the barracks I was feeling rather bored and so I went out to look for ways to past time…"

"I don't suppose you finished the paperwork I left for you?"

"Captain, don't interrupt me, this is important! So I was first trying to find company to have drinks with me but both Ikkaku and Yumichika are away on some Hollow smashing trip that captain Zaraki ordered. Renji is away in human world with Rukia and Kira I think was spending the evening with Hinamori… What's up with those two anyway, captain?"

"Stay to the point, Matsumoto".

"Right. So then I went to see if captain Kyoraku would share a cup of sake with me, but Nanao had decided this to be the evening they both finished the paperwork and she practically had me thrown out of their division".

There's a lieutenant who finishes her paperwork, Hitsugaya thought.

"I had no one to have drinks with. Well sure I could have asked one of the lower ranking officers to keep me company but you know how they instantly start thinking a girl is offering just because she enjoys drinks. And drinking alone is just… depressing. And I'm not a depressed drinker, I'm a happy drinker".

"Yes, yes you are" Hitsugaya sighed. He knew from personal experience. "Are you getting to the point where you made Omaeda and Kurotsuchi want to kill you?"

"Yes. So I was giving up hope of finding anyone to spend time with when I came across ALA meeting and…"

"ALA?" Hitsugaya interrupted.

"Abused Lieutenants Anonymous" Matsumoto explained.

"Seriously? And you felt the need to go in there?"

"Well never before, captain, but as I said I was bored and I thought I'd take a peek. Turns out the whole ALA is just two people in a small room telling each other how their captains abused them that week".

Hitsugaya took deep breath. It was a general knowledge that captains Kurotsuchi (the elder) and Soi Fon were not the easiest people to work with. Both had quite a temper and it was each divisions own business how the subordinates were treated. So it was not hard to believe Omaeda and Nemu would indeed meet up to discuss the treatment they endured.

"So what did you do?"

"Well, I just wanted to be part of the group of course. So after Omaeda was done telling how Soi Fon had kicked him down from a mountain and Nemu had told how her crazy dad broke three of her ribs, so then I…"

"You… what?"

"I told them how my mean but utterly cute and brilliant captain always forces huge piles of paperwork to me" Matsumoto said quickly, trying to keep a smile on her face.

Hitsugaya felt like a vein on his forehead was about to burst. Of all the things…

"Matsumoto, sometimes I wonder if you are aware where you are in the time-space continuum" he muttered while rubbing his temples. "So I take it they didn't like that story".

"Not at all. They started chasing me and shouting how they were going to teach me what it means to be them. I ran here because I knew they weren't stupid enough to break into a captain's office but I didn't expect them to stay the whole night waiting outside. Captain, you will save me, won't you? You're not going to let them cut me into little pieces, are you?" Matsumoto practically pleaded.

Hitsugaya sighed. Why do I keep putting up with her? Oh, that's right, because she's one of the few people I trust to have my back in the battle. What does that say about me then?

"Yes, Matsumoto, I'll save you" he gave up.

In an instant he was back in the bone crushing hug. "Oh thank you, captain! Thank you thank you thank you!"

"Let's go then" Hitsugaya said as he untangled himself off her.

"Go? Out there? To them? Maybe I should wait here" Matsumoto squealed.

"Now, now, Matsumoto. There's nothing to fear. I'll even hold your hand the whole time". And as if to make his point Hitsugaya took Matsumoto's hand to his own and led her outside.

By then the morning mist had started to evaporate and sun had appeared. Some of the officers of division 10 had now emerged from the barracks but they were not gathered together. Instead they were all over the yard, eyeing the two lieutenants of other divisions with interest and wariness. All of them looked with even more surprised when their own captain appeared holding hands with lieutenant Matsumoto.

Hitsugaya led Matsumoto in the middle of the yard where both Omaeda and Nemu still stood like statues.

"Matsumoto has told me how she upset you both" Hitsugaya addressed the two lieutenants. "While I agree she can be an airhead at times"-

"Hey!"

"- I cannot allow you to kill or in any way harm her. If you were to attempt that I would have to take this to your captains and I'm sure you'd prefer to avoid that".

Omaeda sighed loudly and rubbed the back of his head. Nemu stayed unfazed but even she cast her eyes to ground.

"Matsumoto, I believe there is something you want to tell them" Hitsugaya said, adding pressure to her hand.

Matsumoto bowed her head and apologized.

"As a form of apology Matsumoto has agreed to share her personal sake storages in your next week's ALA meeting" Hitsugaya said.

"What?!" Matsumoto hissed under her breath but instantly she felt how her captain's cold spirit energy started to run through her hand. "I mean, yes, of course I will".

This seemed to appease Omaeda at least. "Very well, apology accepted" the large man said and like nothing was out of ordinary turned around and started walking out of division 10.

Nemu brought two of her fingers to her eyes and then turned them to Matsumoto, before following Omaeda outside.

"She's more vindictive than she lets out" Hitsugaya said in mild surprise.

"Must take after her father" Matsumoto said. "Thank you, captain. But did it have to cost all of my sake?"

"You're an idiot, Matsumoto" he said and started walking back to the office… without letting go of Matsumoto's hand.

"Er, captain, I think you can let go now".

"Oh no you don't. You still have all that paperwork from yesterday to finish".

"What? But, captain…"

"No whining, Matsumoto. After all" Hitsugaya said and turned to look at her with a smirk on his face "you wouldn't want to attend to an ALA meeting with a good reason, would you?"

"Captaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin".

I want to make this clear to those who don't understand when something is meant for entertainment: this was NOT meant to make fun of people who are abused. Got that?

I have no idea where this came from. I've always thought that Omaeda and Nemu should hang out as they both take a lot of crap from their respective captains. And of course I had to add Hitsugaya and Matsumoto because they are the funniest captain/lieutenant in Bleach.

Reviews are welcome.