I Refuse To Let Her Go

RenRuki One-shot/ Drabble

Summary: Renji's thoughts on Rukia. Based on episode 61 & 62

Renji knew that he was badly wounded. But, he couldn't let the pain cloud his vision. He was entrusted with the job to protect Rukia.

'I won't let go of you… again, Rukia. Not this time.' He thought with such confidence that he was sure he wasn't going to. He couldn't bear to lose her again. Not after all those years of avoiding her and letting her live her own life.

Even with Rukia begging him to let her go, he wouldn't. It was his damn stubbornness and unwillingness to budge from his spot. He heard "Renji" being said, over and over again, with such sorrow in them that he clung to the source of the voice even tighter.

"I ain't letting go of you." Renji said, more to himself then to Rukia.

He thought back to the time when she left, with a single tear slowly falling from her face and how heartbroken he was. That was the last he had seen her- or at least talked to her. He tried so hard to convince himself that Rukia was doing well and that she didn't need him anymore, but he was a fool.

So, he raised his head once more and gave a smile to the man standing in front of him who was about to take away the woman he loved. It was a smile that held pain, longing, regret, guilt and most importantly, confidence.

He repeated the sentence, now to Aizen instead of to himself as he had already convinced himself that he would win this fight- if not to stay alive, then for Rukia.

Renji then jumped into the air, with Rukia still clinging onto him and used his shikai to at least buy time. But Aizen was being adamant about being an arrogant bastard by trying to break his spirit by saying that it wouldn't even buy him time. What Aizen didn't know was that it only made him stronger. He swung down Zabimaru in an attempt to at least scratch Aizen, but to no avail. Renji tried again, as he is as stubborn as he is a fool.

It was only when he was crouched down on the ground, with Rukia clutched to his chest, that he realized his situation was hopeless. He could only watch as the blade was swung down upon him and his love. And then, when all hope seemed lost, a ray of light shone through the clouds and they were saved.

But, because they were saved, they fought, and because they fought they were defeated. And because they were defeated, Renji let go of Rukia… again.

He could only watch helplessly as Aizen took a hold of Rukia and extracted the hougyoku from her chest.

He couldn't scream- as it was physically impossible for him to do anything but watch- but oh how he screamed inside himself. It was a scream of pure guilt and torture that could only be free when Rukia was safe once again in his arms.

Rukia's eyes clouded over, but he knew she couldn't be dead. It was impossible. There was no way that she was going to die on him, not after they had finally just reunited after all those years…

When her eyes became clear and the hole in her chest had closed up, he breathed a sigh of relief. But, his relief did not last long as he heard Aizen say, "Kill her, Gin."

Then Aizen seized Rukia's red collar and lifted her off the ground, as she struggled to get out of his grasp. Renji wanted nothing more than to save her, but he was immobilized, useless, and unable to help the woman he loved.

When all hope seemed lost, something happened- a miracle. It was his taicho that surprised him, as he was the one who saved Rukia from Gin's blade. And that's when he finally passed out.

…But, maybe it was because of those years so long ago, that he can't hold her anymore.

A/N: Ughh so many damn RenRuki feels! Anyways I hope you liked it! :D