a/n: sorry i've been away for so long! i left the glee fandom, but these two idiots somehow dragged me back in.


Looking at the Stars, Looking Back to You (sebtana AU)

x

Sebastian moves to Lima when he's five. His mom is sick, and his dad works a lot, so he's out of the house most days. He quickly learns the ropes of living in Ohio. His English is fairly sturdy for a boy who's lived in France for the majority of his life, but he has a bit of a hard time speaking fluently, especially to his tutors. But it straightens out after a few weeks. He likes being outside more than anything, though. His parents can barely keep him within the walls of their (rather big) home, as their backyard is massive and fits the scene for every one of his games. Gabriel usually watches him from their back porch, a sad smile pasted on his face. He knows his wife isn't going to be alive for much longer, but he can't find it in himself to force his son inside. Not when he's happier there than he's ever been in France. Clara won't let him take Sebastian inside, either. She doesn't want her son to see how frail she's become. She settles for getting kisses at dinner and before bed.

Sebastian is obviously unaware of this. He has too much fun playing with his toy planes and crashing them into the sandbox they've settled in the middle of the yard. He plays alone most of the time. He's a strange boy, like that. He's never fond of people playing in his games. That is, until he meets the Lopez family, their neighbors from across the street. Dr. and Maribel Lopez, and their daughter, Santana, are all invited inside, and while the adults step into the living room to chat for a little while, Santana walks up to Sebastian with a smile on her face.

"I'm Santana," She says, and then sticks her small hand out.

"I'm Sebastian. Why're you sticking your hand out?" Sebastian replies, and she drops it.

"I dunno. Mommy and Daddy say that's wha'I'm supposed to do. You won't tell 'em I didn't, right?"

"Nope!" Sebastian shakes his head. "Promise." She smiles at him. "Hey, wanna come outside with me and play in the sandbox?"

"Yeah!" She exclaims. They scurry out the back door, and as his parents see when the peer out the kitchen window, Sebastian shares his toys with Santana willingly. It's the beginning to an unlikely duo that Clara won't live to see.

x

The first day of school comes quickly, and Sebastian is really glad that Santana is in his kindergarten class with him. He doesn't know how to make friends that well, or so he thinks. Pretty soon, class starts, and Sebastian plops himself down next to his best friend, who grins at him as the teacher finishes attendance. A boy with curly dark hair toddles up to their table and asks to sit with them.

"Who're you?" Santana asks, cocking her head to the side. Sebastian copies her, folding his arms.

"I'm Blaine." The boy says. She looks at him, then back at Sebastian, and then nods and pats the seat next to her. She only talks to Sebastian, though. He doesn't think Blaine minds too much.

x

Most of elementary school passes that way. Sebastian and Santana manage to be in the same class, and they get even closer. Sebastian sometimes sleeps over her house, when his mom is getting treated at the hospital. They stay up late and tell silly stories and make pinky promises to be best friends forever. He gets a little tingle when her pinky finger wraps around his, but doesn't think anything of it and instead asks her what she wants to play. Sometimes, they're firefighters and they have to save a baby from the top of the shelf. Other times, they pretend to be married, and their kids are Santana's stuffed rabbit, Snix, and Sebastian's stuffed tiger, Dizzy. She takes them grocery shopping in her closet while he sits on her bed and pretends to do work things. And, on the occasion, he'll pretend to be a bad guy robbing a bank, and she pretends to be a superhero. She'll tackle him onto her bed and they'll giggle when she accidentally slaps his chest with her hand. She's strong, for her age, but then he gets a hold of her and flips her onto her back and tickles her sides, and she squeaks at him to stop.

He doesn't think he'll ever get tired of sleepovers with her.

x

Clara Smythe dies of cancer when Sebastian's only 11 years old.

There's a big funeral, in a fancy parlor, and Gabriel is frighteningly distant. He doesn't talk to Sebastian and constantly has a glass of champagne in his hand.

Sebastian doesn't have anyone but Santana, at this point. He tells her that, and she just grabs his hand, squeezes it in her own. Tells him he's going to make it through this okay. He nods.

After the ceremony, he cries on her shoulder for an hour. She doesn't mind at all.

x

Gabriel's lack of communication with his son starts to impact his personality. By 7th grade, Sebastian's attitude has taken a dive and he's shutting out his dad's voice instinctively. He's home for the least amount of time he can manage, and he's gradually working his way around the school in terms of dating. His schoolwork hasn't changed—still a grade-A student—but just about everything else has. Santana has noticed this a lot. Her group of friends talks about him a lot, how gorgeous they think he is, and how edgy he looks. They think he's perfect. She thinks he's in trouble.

"Seb!" Santana hisses, grabbing his arm as he walks by her locker. He turns and notices her, giving her a cheeky smile.

"What, San?" He asks, cocking an eyebrow. She narrows her eyes at him and drags him down the hallway and into the stairwell. Fifth period has already started, so it's completely empty, and his voice echoes against the walls when he asks again, "What do you want?" She shoves him against the wall angrily.

"What the hell are you doing to yourself? You're not this—this—" She motions at the outfit he's wearing. "This douche! God, Sebastian, what happened?"

"Listen, honey, if you want some, you can just ask and I'd—" He begins. She slaps him across the face, though, effectively shutting him up briefly. He looks at her, a hurt look in his eyes, and she spits at him.

"You're a pig, Sebastian. You're the biggest pig I've ever had the displeasure to know, and I don't want to even look at you anymore." She walks out of the empty landing, leaving behind the remnants of Sebastian and what little dignity he has left.

He shows up at her front door after school, knocking in their code that they created so long ago. She opens the door, tentatively looking him up and down. He holds out a bouquet of bright colored flowers and gives her an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry I was a total…uh, douchebag. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. You're my best friend, and that's not the way I ever intend to treat you again. I'm really sorry, Santana." He says, and she takes the bouquet of flowers with a small smile on her face. She closes the front door. He's about to shout at her to let him in, but then it swings open again and she throws herself at him in a spine-crushing hug, and he laughs and buries his face in her hair.

"Thanks for the flowers, asshat." She mumbles, and he squeezes her a little tighter before setting her down on the ground. "You can come inside and eat with me, I guess." He winks at her and they walk into her house.

"Where're your parents?" He asks, closing the door for her and following her into the kitchen. She turns to the cabinets, reaching for a box of pasta from the middle shelf.

"Dad's got some new client, so I guess he's off to check the guy's health or whatever. It's in South Carolina, so they left me home alone for a few days." She looks over her shoulder at him. "You want some spaghetti?"

"Lemme help you," He replies, and then proceeds to cook up a French pasta dish he'd almost completely forgotten about. They sit in the kitchen and talk about how stupid their school is, and he promises that he's going to get out of the shitty public education system soon. She laughs, puts her hand on his, and promises that she'll get out with him.

x

Sebastian falls in love with Santana the summer before freshman year. They're sitting together under a tree in his backyard and talking about how boring history class was that day, and she tilts her head to the side as she laughs and he's overcome with the urge to kiss her senseless. It literally sneaks up on him. Like, he's so stunned about this realization that she actually notices him freeze up.

"Seb?" She asks, scooting closer to him and looking at him worriedly. "Seb, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," He replies quickly, and he stands up immediately because he feels like he's suffocating when she's around him. He feels like she's lodged herself in his heart, which is now halfway up his throat out of sheer attraction. "I'll be right back—" He hurries off back to his house. He needs a drink of water, and a cold shower, and a way to forget the feeling of desire that surged through him when the sun hit her skin just right. He's certain he can attain at least 2 of those things inside, away from her.

The problem is, she follows him.

"Sebastian! Sebastian, wait up!" She yells, and he can't ignore her, he can't, so he turns around as he reaches the porch. She's there moments later, and the suffocating feeling comes back. "What the fuck just happened?"

"I…I can't…" He shakes his head.

"Sebastian, please. Just tell me what happened. I'll get off your ass about it if you just say something." She's got her big puppy eyes on, and he doesn't know how to hold it back from her. He's never been able to lie to her before.

So he kisses her. He takes her face in his hands, and he smashes his lips against hers, feeling the shock of his actions turn her body completely rigid. He pulls back, and she takes a step away from him, her eyes wide with shock.

"Santana, I'm so sorry, I—" He starts, trying to step towards her. She shakes her head, though, and runs off of the porch, her dark hair bouncing against her almost-bare back. He wants to chase after her and apologize, but thinks better of it. Space is probably something that will benefit the both of them, anyway.

It doesn't stop him from thinking about her, though.

x

Sebastian transfers to a private high school in freshman year. He fits in, he thinks, because he's got the money and the rich-guy attitude that matches just about everyone else's there. Dalton Academy, the all-male school, really suits him. He breezes through all of his classes, and joins the lacrosse team to fill up most of his time. Dalton is a dorm school, so he's away from home most of the time. It's nice, not to worry about his dismissive and careless father. Almost immediately after he's accepted, a group of boys (calling themselves the Warblers, though Seb isn't so sure about them) invite him to go out drinking with them. They apparently just won sectionals, which was big, and thought that he'd make a good addition to their crew.

As it turns out, he is. They all get incredibly wasted, and find a karaoke machine in the bar they've taken over, and Sebastian figures out that he's good at singing. Like, really good. Performing good. So they recruit him onto the team, and he's so drunk that he says yes without thinking it through. They all clap him on the back, giving him reassuring grins and loud praise, and he drinks it in because he's never been this accepted, this at home with a group of friends that weren't…Santana.

He misses her sometimes.

He stops thinking about it, though, when one of the kids—Hunter, he says—grabs him by the waist and starts kissing him. It's a surprise at first, yeah, but then Sebastian starts getting into it, starts gripping the kid's nice hair and raking his hands down his back, and he's so turned on that he drags them into the bathroom. They fuck wildly, clumsily, and Sebastian takes it and begs for it, needing something to get his heart pumping that wasn't Santana's dark hair slipping carelessly down her shoulders. He doesn't need that—doesn't need her. He comes suddenly, the orgasm ripping through his body and causing such a noise that Hunter clamps his hand over Seb's mouth. Hunter comes after, and Sebastian feels good, feels full and not aching and lonely. He thinks he could get used to this.

x

He comes home for a week of Christmas vacation, and while he's not particularly thrilled to be back at his house, he's glad he's getting a break from all the hard work. Hunter texts him on the way there, little things about how he misses kissing Seb's face, and it just makes him blush in the car. He pulls into his home and takes his suitcase from the trunk, walking to the door and trying not to trip up the steps. He had forgotten how narrow they were, and now, coming back to them, he was like a toddler all over again.

"Sebastian," Gabriel says as his son reaches the door. "How's school?" He asks, and then pulls his son into a hug. It's stiff and uncomfortable, and Sebastian fakes a smile and a casual manner. His dad can't really tell the difference, and almost immediately after, they go their separate ways. Sebastian tosses his trunk onto his bed and then decides to pay Santana a visit.

He walks up to her front door and knocks, heart pounding oddly at the thought of seeing her bright face again. He knows he shouldn't feel this way—he's dating Hunter, and she never reciprocated his feelings—but it's like his body's natural reaction to her. She's always made him nervous and silly, and now is no exception. The door opens, and it's Maribel.

"Hey, Mrs. Lopez!" Sebastian grins, and she pulls him in for a bone-crushing hug.

"Sebastian, mi niño, how are you?" She cries, and he laughs, squeezing her once before stepping away from her embrace. "How's Dalton?"

"It's really, well, it's great. I love it there." He nods, and Maribel smiles widely.

"Santana is upstairs with Brittany, if you're here to see her. I'll call her down." She says, and Sebastian gives her a half-smirk, briefly wondering who Brittany is.

"Make it a surprise," He whispers, and Mrs. Lopez nods.

"Santana! Someone's here to see you!" She cries, and there's a shuffling above them. He shifts his weight nervously, and when he hears heels clacking against the wood of the second-floor hallway, his face splits into a grin.

Her face hasn't changed, he notes, except that she's gotten thinner, more busty and less…childish. He likes it, likes her, and her face when she sees him tells him that she's missed him as much as he's missed her.

"Seb!" She squeals, hopping down the steps and flying at him. He laughs when she slams into him, her arms wrangling around his shoulders, and his arms wrap around her tiny (like, really tiny. It worries him) waist. He buries his face in her long, dark locks for a moment and breathes her in, the smell of cherry blossom shampoo and something else he can't place blending and giving off the familiar "Santana smell".

"Hey, baby, how're you?" He murmurs, and she looks up at him, beaming.

"I missed you so much, Sebastian, you don't even know. It's been, what—half a year since I've seen you? Your stupid Dalton school keeps you away from us!" She grabs his hand and squeezes it, and it takes several reminders for Sebastian to remember that he's in a relationship with someone, with Hunter, and he can't go after her. "You've missed so much."

"Who's that, San?" A voice from the stairs calls, and Santana turns away from him immediately. A blonde girl, skinny and a little taller than Santana, walks down the stairs, her head cocked to the side. Santana rushes over to her and grabs her hand, dragging her over. Maribel is long gone.

"Brittany, this is Sebastian, my best friend since we were, what, five?" She half-asks, and he nods his head in confirmation. "Sebastian, this is Brittany. She's my girlfriend."

"I…ah, wow. I have missed a lot." He chuckles nervously, and she smiles as she intertwines her fingers with Brittany's. It makes his stomach twist. "It's nice to meet you, Brittany. I'm glad you're making Santana so happy. I haven't seen her like that in…a long time." He gives her a smile, but it's fake, and he thinks Santana can tell, because she narrows her eyes slightly at him.

"Cool! Nice to meet you too, Sebastian. You wanna meet my cat?" She asks, and Sebastian can tell that she's a little quirky, a little different than what he was expecting.

"Uh, sure."

"Cool! I'll bring Lord Tubbington down. He'll really like you." She scampers back up the stairs, and as soon as she's out of earshot, Santana slaps Sebastian across the face.

"Jesus Christ, Santana, what's that about?"

"You're not allowed to be heartbroken, Sebastian! You're the one who kissed me and left!"

"I was giving you space!" He hisses, and she shakes her head.

"I didn't need space, I needed you! You're my best friend and you didn't even explain, you just closed yourself off from me and I didn't know what to do! Brittany was the only one who cared about me when you just—when you left me behind. You and your fancy Dalton guys, all fucking rich assholes with no care for anyone else."

"Santana! Stop it!"

"I'm not going to feel bad for moving on from you, Sebastian! I thought you'd be happy for me! But no, since it's not me you're happy with, I guess—"

"Fucking christ, Santana. I'm leaving. Goodbye." He turns on a heel and walks away. She stomps her foot down, and the sound it makes as it hits the wood flares in his ears.

"You're doing it again, you know! You're running away from me!" She screams, and he turns around to face her, eyes angry.

"You're the one pushing me away, Santana." He says lowly, and then walks out and slams the door, not caring about anyone anymore. He texts Hunter as he walks inside his house, storming up the stairs.

x

Hunter comes over on the last day before they need to go back to Dalton, and Sebastian is glad he's there, because he can't stand being alone in his house. Normally, he'd have Santana over, but he's not sure he wants to be around her. Not after his embarrassing reaction to Brittany.

"Hey, baby," Hunter says with a smile, and Sebastian grins back at him, pulling him in for a quick kiss. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Hunt." He replies, lips grazing his boyfriend's only slightly.

Santana Lopez is standing at the glass door, about to come inside and apologize for snapping at him. She sees Sebastian standing in the middle of the hall with another guy, sees them kissing, and her heart sinks into her stomach. She realizes that this is the way Sebastian felt watching her and Brittany a few days before. It makes her feel horrible. There's a creaking noise behind her, and she flips around to see Gabriel walking up the steps to the house.

"Good afternoon, Santana." He says, a bland smile settling on his face. "Sebastian should be inside, if you're looking for him."

"Nah," She says, quickly brushing the idea off. "Nah, I was just leaving, it's cool. Have a nice day, Mr. Smythe!" She skips off and hustles across the street, back to her house.

"How was Sebastian? That was quite a fast visit." Dr. Lopez asks as his daughter comes through the door.

"He's fine." Santana says shortly, walking past her dad and up the stairs to her room.

x

Sebastian picks up his phone and texts her.

Hey. Miss u.

He's not expecting a reply at all, honestly. They didn't part on the best of terms. So it takes him by surprise when his phone vibrates a few minutes later.

Miss u too. What r u doing this weeknd?

Nthng. Y?

U wanna grab a drink w/me?

Just us 2?

Yea

Sure

I'll txt u the address.

Sounds good

C u then!

He's not sure why, but his blood rushes through his veins in exhilaration. He thinks he's high on Santana Lopez.

x

They meet up at some bar he can't really care to remember the name of, and as soon as he sees her, he regrets even showing up. She's got a tight black dress on that barely covers her upper thighs, and it blows his mind how attractive she is even though he's gay. (Is he 100% gay? He's not sure.)

"Sebastian!" She calls, and he starts. "Hey, Seb, how're you?"

"Good. I'm…I'm good. Geez, you look amazing." He breathes, and he feels his pants tightening. Nonononononono.

"Thanks. You do too, if you don't mind me saying." She giggles, and he laughs, his face turning a light shade of pink. "Anyway, you wanna grab some drinks?"

"Why else are we here?" He teases, and she whacks him in the ribs with a sarcastic groan. So they seat themselves at the bar, sitting snugly close to each other, and he feels the way her skin rubs against the fabric of his pants. It drives him insane.

A few—well no, that's a lie—many drinks later, and Santana is laughing loudly at some not-quite hysterical joke that Sebastian had just told, and he's leaning against the bar, the alcohol buzzing in his brain. She puts her hand on his thigh, a little too high up to be considered friendly, and giggles.

"Mmmm, baby, you're so funny. I miss you. I miss when you were my best friend." She frowns at that last part, and he doesn't like it.

"No, San, no, I'm still your best friend, aren't I? You're still the coolest bitch I know." She laughs at him calling her a bitch.

"You're stupid," She slurs, and he laughs at her, and then she starts laughing, and now they're both laughing at nothing. "But you're my stupid." She leans in dangerously close, and he can smell the vodka on her breath, but she's so tantalizing that he can't stop himself. He grabs her face in his hands and kisses her, his tongue running over her lips. She pulls away, her eyes big, and he's afraid he's messed it up again, but then she presses her lips to his roughly, her fingers twining in his hair, and he forgets any fear he had earlier. He wants this. Wants her.

"Baby, god," He gasps as they part for air. "Let's—let's get out of here, my house is close." She nods in agreement, and they slip out of the loud bar, hail a taxi, and drive back to the Smythe house. They burst through the door, Santana's legs wrapped around Sebastian's waist, and his adrenaline propels the two of them up the stairs and into his bedroom. Her lips are at his neck, sucking and kissing and dragging her tongue over his hot skin, and he just wants to fuck her, to get inside her and be part of her. They collapse to his bed, and immediately she pulls his shirt off, running her hands over the smooth planes of his chiseled chest.

"Your turn," He breathes, his fingers easily finding the zipper on the back of her tiny dress and tugging it down her body. She squirms out of it, and he's surprised to find that she's not wearing anything under it—at all. "Fuck," he gasps, and she smiles at him devilishly as she undoes the belt of his pants, her fingers making easy work of his khakis. She tugs them down his legs and his boxers are all that's left on him, straining against his prominent erection. Her eyes glaze over with lust.

"Oh baby, you want it so bad—"

"Not—I just—you—" He starts, but she's immediately got his boxers off and flung across the room, and her lips close around his dick and all words on his tongue turn to mush as her cheeks hollow. He moans, feeling his control slipping, and his hips move on their own, begging for more. "Fuck, Santana, baby, don't—" He finally manages, barely able to lift her mouth off of him. "I wanna be in you." He would be embarrassed about being this needy, but it's Santana, and he's known her forever and he's not ashamed to say this kind of thing around her, because she knows him and she's different from everyone else. She nods, and as soon as he finds his muscles again, flips her over so that he's on top of her. She giggles in anticipation, the alcohol turning her mind fuzzy and thoughtless. His lungs stop working for a second as he pushes into her for the first time. He's done this before, yeah, but this is Santana—this is everything, and he's never felt any desire stronger than this. She lets out a scream of pleasure as he starts thrusting in and out of her, her fingers clawing at his bare back and knotting in his hair. She arches against him, her hips coming up to meet his with each thrust, and her head is thrown back with pleasure, and Sebastian loses it. He comes harder than he ever has in his life, buried deep inside her, and presses his face into the crook of her neck, repeating her name like a prayer. She comes after he does, moaning his name and clutching at him as she descends from her high.

x

"I want this, you know." He murmurs, curled up next to her in his bed. She yawns, nestling closer to him. "I've wanted this since we were 15."

"Really?" She breathes, looking up at him. He nods, and she blushes, covering her face with her hair. "Honestly, I didn't know I wanted it until…"

"Until what?"

"Until I saw you with Hunter. I didn't realize how I had taken you for granted for all this time, and I just…" Her voice tapers off. He leans over and kisses her forehead, a smile playing on his lips.

"I know, baby."

"So. Where do we go from here?" She asks after a while, the only sounds in the room their breathing. There's another long pause.

"I…I don't know." He admits. "But why worry now? It's not like there has to be a firm decision now." He turns to look at her. She's asleep, he realizes, her head resting against his shoulder, a little drool coming from the corner of her mouth. He chuckles, pulling the blanket over the both of them and gently brushing the hair out of her face. "G'nite, San."