AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This, while my first time publishing a poem, is not my first time writing one.

I would appreciate constructive criticism but this is kind of in vain, since people rarely read poetry on this site.

Ok, those rare few gems of readers, you can pretend that it's Tony's POV or even Gibbs'.

And, by the way, I've absolutely no training or specific education on poetic structure or anything like that, so if it 'doth not rhyme', see if I care! :-)

Read, Read, Re-read, and review!

All authors love reviews, even one-worded reviews!

**Kate**

p.S: R&R

HOPELESS HOPE

Innocence shining,

I entered a new world

Not knowing whether to believe or not

If to believe, then in what?

I was alone in that world.

Some had friends, most did not

I was among the most who did not have any

Yet, I wanted to believe

So I believed in you, gave you my trust

Trusting you not to betray

Trusting you to cherish what we had

Trusting you to believe in me as I did in you

Trusting you to forgive me as I would you

Trusting you to remind me to smile in bad times

Trusting you to share what I thought we had

Trusting you to be honest.

Years went by,

It felt like I had invested my life

Gambled off a piece of me

Yet, I did not regret as I believed in you.

Then, the rose-tinted mirror shattered

My head whirled I could not think

Coherency became a forgotten friend, unfamiliar.

Never had I been superstitious,

Now I cannot help but think of the 7 years of bad luck

After all, it was a mirror that broke,

Figuratively, but still a mirror,

The mirror of our friendship.

Nearly a third of my life had gone,

Spent by your side.

I picked up the pieces when you were broken,

Protected from the shadows when pride forbid you

From accepting help,

Relied on my spy-network of friends

Trusted them to tell me what you refused to confide in me,

Made you believe that I knew everything.

But the illusion became as see-through

As that hooker's dress in front of Hoover Building.

You saw through the bluff,

Single-handedly, you destroyed years of friendship

I can't help but feel that tug in my gut,

The tell-tale signs of prickly eyes announcing tears

Unashamedly, I did tear up a bit

It was years of my life going up in smoke.

I look at myself in the mirror and wonder

About the what-ifs, the possibilities, the choices

Could I, Should I, Would I have done more?

Had I, would it have been better?

I had trusted you

You had not returned the gesture

I had given you a priceless gift of my trust

You stomped on it,

Crushed it, destroyed it In a temper tantrum worthy of a 5-year old.

I would have been, should have been wondering

About whether to forgive and forget,

But you never saw your mistake,

Never acknowledged the mess you made of our bond,

Never apologized,

Not that I expected you to.

But I had hoped that you would make that first step,

Much like I had once trusted you,

The trust was thrown away, unseen, like yesterday's trash,

I should not have expected different for the hope,

Hopeless Hope.

I could rage at the stars,

Scream why, for once, could you not act out of character,

Cry over a third of my life gone,

Whimper over the loss of, whatever it is we had.

Remember, we used to sit and name the stars?

Remember, we used to say that

Our friendship was one of a kind?

Did you realise that its destruction would be as unique?

I had never anticipated such.

Now, I can't look at you without

Resentment bubbling in my heart,

Anger burning away all rational sense,

Derision over your blindness to this mess.

How can you not see?

Not see that we are no longer the same?

Not see that we have drifted so far apart that

The horizon feels closer, attainable.

What burns, pains, pricks, itches,

Is that I can't go away,

I can't 'not' blame you!

Were you not supposed to be the intelligent one?

I cannot read you anymore,

You think I am ignoring you.

I am not,

I am searching for the person

I had met years earlier.

I can't find the person...

So great my disappointment is

That I can't even bring myself to feel anything,

The numb, sweet feeling of morphine spreads.

Tomorrow, I will look you in the eyes,

I will feel none of the pain of these last days,

I will move on, some day.

Perhaps, I will be able to trust again,

Perhaps... It will not be

Hopeless Hope.

Author's Note:

Was it any good?

Did someone, anyone(Woo-hoo, anyone there?!), like it?

Review and let me know!

Oh, and flames are great for marshmallows, which I love by the way!

So, flamers, do your best!

**Kate**

p.S: ... Uhh, review?