"Zetsu, how did you know that would work?" Zena asked, now covered in an Akatsuki cloak.

"Well, it's simple really," his white half began. "When we heard that the others had been successfully reverted by one of their 'caretakers', and Tobi's kiss didn't work on you... It only makes sense that it'd be us."

Accepting his reasoning, Zena smiled at me ruefully. "Sorry, Sakana. Yours is out there... Somewhere."

I sighed, deciding to go inform the Leader of the newest developments. What I did not realize was that Hidan and Kakuzu were reporting on their mission.

I pushed the door open, only to be regarded by the immortals oddly. "Another fucking cat?" Hidan snapped, crossing his arms.

Kakuzu smacked him.

"Ah, Sakana. I was just getting to that." Pein turned to the miser, "She is now in your care, please take care of her well."

"I bite," I warned, startling the pair. "So be nice. No sacrificing... Or selling."

"What the fuck?!" Hidan exclaimed, jumping into his chair. "Jashin have mercy on me."

"It.. talked." Kakuzu deadpanned.

"She." I corrected.

"Wait why the fuck do we have to take care of the creepy talking cat?" Hidan asked, pointing at me accusatorily. "Seriously, what the hell."

Kakuzu nodded in agreement.

"Well, seeing as Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, Deidara, Tobi, and Zetsu all have cats-"

"Actually, if I may..." I cut in, apologizing silently when Pein's rinnegan turned on me. "See the thing is, Kisame, Sasori, and Zetsu kind of... changed the others back... into humans." I explained, awkwardly nodding toward the door where the three cloaked girls stood, waiting to be addressed.

Pein dropped his head in his hands, sighing. "Konan!" He suddenly called, standing up as the blue-haired girl came in from an adjoining room.

"Oh, my." She said.

"I'm out. You deal with this." He walked through the door she had came from. "I'm going to take a nap."

Konan shrugged and took his place at the desk. "Hidan, you're dismissed. Kakuzu, stay. Girls, have a seat." Automatically in business mode, she gestured towards the table on the other side of the room, and the three sat down quietly. Kisame, Sasori, and Zetsu followed suit. Deidara lingered in the doorway, but Konan just shooed him out. Tobi was nowhere to be found.

"Alright, let's get down to business."

As we explained our revelation of the ominous curse, she nodded. "Makes sense, true loves kiss will break the spell." She was intrigued to discover that the three most unlilely members were the ones to have their 'true loves' fall into their laps.

"And Sakana hasn't tried Kakuzu or Hidan, bit I think she's content just being a cat."

I nodded. "I give up, it's probably not going to happen unless I go around kissing everybody in the world."

Kakuzu wordlessly picked me up and pulled his mask down to peck me. When nothing happened, he set me back down and returned to his spot leaning against the wall.

"See?" I muttered, pawing at my mouth.

Konan just patted my head, "There, there."

I wallowed in my misery as she directed each couple with instructions- outfit the girls and take care of them while we try to figure out what to do with me, assess them for special abilities, chakra, and their knowledge of the Naruto-verse. They were dismissed, and Suki excitedly locked hands with Kisame. Kira and Sasori silently stood together and left, and Zena followed Zetsu with a soft smile on her face.

As for Kakuzu and I, he was told to make sure Hidan didn't torture me, and I wouldn't bother him. She handed him a bit of cash and murmured something in his ear, then dismissed us. I heard her mumble a few words of exasperation as we left, then she was calling for Pein, presumably to inform him of her decisions.

~akakakakakakakakakakakakaaaatsuki!~

Kakuzu led me to his quarters, then pointed out Hidan's to me. "I guess I'll give you the room in between ours," he told me as he unlocked the door. "I was using it to hold my extra money, but I'll just put it somwhere else."

I thanked him, following him into the room. He wasn't exaggerating about the extra cash- the room was piled high with stacks of bills. I walked into his room and jumped onto his bed. Might as well take a nap while he's preparing my quarters.

I dozed for a while before Kakuzu finally came back into the room, huffing about my being on his bed. I just stuck my tongue out at him, knowing he couldn't hurt me.

I hopped off of his bed and stalked back into my room, discovering that it now had a bed, a desk, and a dresser. Not that I really needed any of them right now.

Kakuzu had kept the room pretty clean, probably from not wanting his precious money to get dusty or dirty. He had changed the bedding, even though it was senseless. He had also lit a few candles around the room, allowing a decent source of light to infiltrate the space.

I called out a thanks to him, before deciding to explore the base a little.

Okay, I was totally moping about being forever alone. I was so lost in my pouting, that I managed to find my way to the kitchen. It was empty, but I wasn't worried about that. My focus was on the completely normal looking kitchen door, complete with a doggy flap. Which was open.

I looked around and crawled through, discovering a large, fenced in back yard. I found a nice spot in the dwindling sunlight on a surprisingly nice picnic table, and began thinking my way through my current situation.

I could just remain a cat forever, its not that bad... But I also want to figure out why we're here. Why us? I was brought from my reverie by Suki and Kisame exiting the house. Suki was tugging along a disgruntled looking Kira. Zena followed absently, quietly humming.

"Hello, Sakana!" Suki's blue eyed gaze landed on me. She beamed, her pale blonde curls glinting in the sunlight. The excited girl practically skipped over to me to pet me. I sighed, accepting the assault.

"So, whatcha gonna do?" She asked, scratching behind my ears. I involuntarily purred.

"Mm, haven't decided yet. Cat life has its perks."

Kisame chuckled, his voice husky and deep. "Yeah but won't you miss... your old body?" He asked awkwardly.

"Meh. Maybe."

Kira poked me, sticking her tongue out as I looked at her. "What if it's Hidan?"

I shuddered. "He probably doesn't even have a soul," everyone voiced their agreement, and I closed my eyes, basking in the sun and almost orgasmic touches.

My attention-whoring was short lived due to Sasori and Deidara coming to retrieve Kira for some nonsense Pein ordered.

Kisame and Suki went inside too, and I found myself desolate and destitute. Deciding to return to my "caretakers", I followed a surprisingly good scent trail back inside and through the hallways. All you had to do was look for the chemically smell of Hidan's hair gel.

Well, smell for... But you know what I mean. I strolled into Kakuzu's room to find... The old man sleeping. I sighed, then deciding to try to talk to Hidan without getting killed. I tend to be annoying sometimes.

Finding the zealot's door slightly opened, I slinked in. He was sitting inside of his God's runes, seemingly meditating. His skin was black, as if he were performing a ritual, but he wasn't sacrificing anything.

I watched him intently for a while, before he finally sighed, his skin fading back to its normally pasty white color.

"Whaddya want, bitch?" He asked, cracking one magenta eye open to look at me.

I attempted a chesire grin, but obviously failed. "I'm bored. What were you doing?"

He stood up, dusting off his pants. "Not that it's any of your fuckin' business, but praying."

"To Jashin?" I asked, curiousity piquing. Neither the anime or manga really went into Jashinism, and I was interested. "Where I come from, Jashinism is all about living in harmony, with no fear of pain. They're all pacifists, too. I think. I briefly researched it, but there's nothing really interesting."

Hidan just kinda looked surprised anyone was asking about his religion. "Yeah, To Jashin."

He briefly explained that he was a prophet of Jashin, and he was only able to harm those that were deemed heathens. Anyone who rejected Jashin, basically. He did feel pain, but it wasn't necessarily painful. It reminded him of his humanity, and his deed set before him by his God.

I was actually awestruck that he had a deeper personality than, 'kill, kill, kill'. After a while of talking about stupid subjects, I took to pestering him again, now amused by how easy it was to get under his skin. He really didn't like the word, 'pussy'.

And that's how I ended up being chased through the hallway at 2 am. That's how Hidan cruelly stepped on my tail, then picked me up to scowl at me. As to how he seemingly tripped on thin fucking air, I'll never have any real proof, but I think I may have seen a certain plant man slipping back into the shadows.

All I noticed were lips on my nose, a quiet poof, and sudden drops of blood landing on my face.

I think I shrieked as loud as I could.


Seeing as we were just outside of Kisame, Itachi, and Suki's rooms, they responded first.

Hidan was suddenly yanked off of me, and I curled into a ball to hide myself. Kisame was tearing into Hidan about consent and how to not bring strange women into the compound while they were still alive, and the zealot was wiping the last remnants of his nose bleed away. Itachi spun on his heel to retreat back into his room, when Suki suddenly perked up.

"I recognize that hair color. Sakana, is that you?" A blanket was tossed onto me, and I locked eyes with the blonde and waved.

"Uh, hi I guess.."

"Sakana you are... so fuckin' hot." Suki giggled, having gotten a good eyeful. "And is that an Akatsuki tatto I spy? Very nice."

I blushed, adjusting the blanket around me as I sat up. "Had to fuckin' be Hidan."

I feared I would be forever mocked by Kira.

Hidan, however, heard my comment. "Fuck you, bitch."

"In your dreams," I stuck my tongue out at him, as Kisame dropped him from being pressed against the wall. He was like a giant guard dog. I loved it.

"Well... what do I do now?" I asked, looking at Itachi, who shrugged and returned to his room. "Damn antisocial Uchiha's." Suki helped me get up without exposing myself, and I sighed and cursed my lack of clothes. I could use a good stretch right now.

I saw Deidara, Sasori, and Kira appear, a knowing smirk immediately appearing on the raven-haired girl's face.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, you bitch," I sneered, my face flushing hotly.

She didn't say anything, I just knew what she was thinking.

"Well, now you can talk to Pein-sama..." Suki pointed out.

I glared at Hidan, who was totally checking me out, "Not before I get some fucking clothes on."

Kisame smacked the zealot on the back of the head before grabbing Suki's hand and leading her to her room. Sasori grunted something and Deidara cackled before they, too left.

"Well, come on, bitch." Hidan said, turning to go back to our designated bedrooms.

I made sure to stay behind him and out of his reach. Just because we're 'soul mates' or whatever doesn't mean that we have to be together... Right?

Hidan didn't say a word to me as we ventured back to the hallway housing our rooms. He probably felt as awkward as I did.

He was pretty decent about getting me something other than the weasel's blanket to wear. He banged on Kakuzu's door to wake the miser up, and even took the lecture from him before stabding aside to show him that I was no longer a cat.

Kakuzu handed me a very large shirt, and Hidan gave me a set of boxers that I wouldn't have to hold up to wear. I dressed silently as Kakuzu grumbled something to Hidan and then flopped back into his bed.

Making sure I was decent, (meaning that I was completely covered in Kakuzu's shirt), I

joined Hidan in the hall and followed him to the kitchen.

Everyone had likely went back to bed, but I awkwardly sat on one of the barstools by the counter as he rummaged around the kitchen and cursed quietly.

Tiring if the silence, I asked him what he was doing, and he turned his piercing gaze on me. "Making some fucking tea," he deadpanned, as if it were obvious.

I had been too caught up watching him move around that I hadn't noticed he was indeed boiling water in a kettle, and had set two teacups aside.

"Oh. Duh." I sighed, looking at my nails. They had grown a bit in the short time I was a cat, which was pretty surprising. My hair seemed to grow a few inches, too.

"So is that your natural hair color?" Hidan's question caught me off guard.

"No," I replied, absently dragging my fingers through my long red locks. "It was naturally black."

"Was?" He cocked an eyebrow at me as he poured the boiling water over the tea bags.

"Mm," I confirmed, watching the tea steep in the cups. "Orange hibiscus?"

"Uchiha told me this shit opens the spirital pathways or some shit." Hidan half-ass explained, pushing one of the cups toward me.

I just liked the taste, personally.

Hidan sipped his tea, staring at the wall behind me. It was really tense, Hidan wasn't acting how I expected him to be, but I didn't dare voice the thought.

After a few moments of awkward tea drinking, Hidan perked up. "Wanna see some cool shit?"

"Why not?" It's not like I hated Hidan. He was one of my favorite characters, in fact. But I wasn't really happy about a brash, loud-mouthed murderer being my soul mate or some shit.

Yeah, we're both alike in our love of profanity and acts of stupidity, but I was raised by Catholics. They preached peace and hatred of the gays, and Hidan's a psychopathic zealot with homocidal tendencies. Given, he claimed he was a prophet of his religion, but he was more of a religious extremist.

As I monologued internally, Hidan carried his teacup towards the door and opened it, before realizing that I was spaced out. "Earth to cat-bitch," he called, and I snapped to attention, standing up and exiting the base behind him, closing the door behind me.

The sky was dark and mostly clear, the stars glittering behind the sparse clouds. Hidan and I sat on the picnic table, our bare shoulders inches apart.

"This is nice," I commented, shivering in the crisp night air.

"Mhm. Pretty fuckin' good for meditation if you ask me."

"I didn't," I teased.

"You bitch," Hidan mock gasped. I giggled at his antics, looking back up that the sky.

"You know, I expected... something else." I admitted, hugging my knees to my chest. "Every time you appear in the manga or anime, you're really brash..." I looked over at him, meeting his eyes as he shrugged. "It's really dorky, but I've spent countless hours obsessing over the Akatsuki. I know each member's likes, dislikes, past, future, everything. And everything I've ever read about you portrays you as a psycho mega-asshole."

Hidan snorted at this. "Yeah well they're fuckin' wrong. Bitch ass losers."

I laughed, trying to dismiss all of the preconcieved expectations I had of him.

"Can you tell me more about Jashin-sama?" I asked, "I'd like to know as much as you can tell me."

Hidan was pretty excited to inform me of his religion, and I was keen to hear it. We talked for hours, until the sun started to rise and more clouds crept into the sky.

I had been so caught up in the conversation, I didn't notice the rain start to drizzle until Hidan cursed and practically dragged me inside.

"What were you two doing out there?" Suki asked from the barstool I had previously sat in.

"Talking."

"Uh huh. Kisame and I talked a lot too," she winked at me, and I noticed the shark-nin bk

blush and face palm.

"About Jashin," I added.

"Ah, yeah... Hidan won't stop when he gets on a roll about his God," she sighed.

I left the kitchen with Hidan, following the silver-haired missing-nin to Pein's office.

Hidan and I walked down the hall in silence, and I wondered how he felt about having a strange chick suddenly appear in his life as his 'true love'. We reached Pein's office before I got a chance to ask.

He knocked on the door and Pein told us to enter. We sat next to each other, under the creepy stare of the Leader.

"Good morning," I said, trying to break the awkward and tense silence.

"Due to unknown reasons, four alien women appear in my secret hideout as cats, and are apparently the soul mates of four of my subordinates." Pein sounded pretty irritated.

"I can't explain it any differently than I did yesterday," I offered, but a glare from the man was sharp, and shut me up quickly.

He addressed Hidan, "You are to perform an examination on her to test her physical abilities, and send both Sakana and Kakuzu back to me once you are finished. Dismissed."

"Hai." Hidan confirmed, opening the office door and walking out. I waved goodbye to Pein, who just rolled his eyes and pointed at the door.

Hidan begrudgingly led me through the hallways and into a room large enough to fit a football stadium.

His hands suddenly were pressing against my sides, and I felt the warmth from his hands through the shirt.

"Hey!" I shouted, shoving his hands away.

"Its for the exam, dumbass."

Oh. "Sorry." I muttered, allowing his hands to touch me again. "Don't try anything. I will fucking cut you."

"I'd like that," his voice was soothing and husky. I was suddenly aware of hoe close we actually were. One of Hidan's too warm hands reached up to touch my face, and I relaxed into his warmth.

"I bet you would." I smirked, feeling his breath ghost across my lips. Oh my god, he's really hot.

Suddenly, his hands were on my cheeks, his mouth pressing an urgent kiss to mine. And I actually kissed him back. For a minute.

I pulled myself away as his hands started to explore. "...that's enough of that."

"You're not that bad, bitch." Hidan said after a moment, "I actually kind of like you, you aren't as stupid as I thought you were."

I rolled my eyes at the backhanded compliment, ignoring the burning urge to kiss him again. What can I say? Shit-talking attracted me.

"So, did you find what you were looking for?" Nice topic-change, Sakana.

When the zealot gave me a confused look, I just kind of motioned to my body. "Ah, you actually have a very small amount of chakra," he said, to my surprise. "Seeing as you're from another fuckin' world or whatever, I'd say your stupid planet doesn't use chakra?"

"Yeah, its kind of not widely mentioned where I'm from." I replied, thinking about healing crystals and chakras aligning or whatever. "Its pretty much horse shit, anyways."

"I'm not gonna explain Chakra to you." He told me, "I've got better things to do."

"Like sacrificing goats?" I quipped.

He snorted, "Only if I don't have any spare human sacrifices."

I balked. Was that a joke? "Did you just make a sacrifice joke at me?" I asked.

"If you have to ask, you don't deserve to know." He stretched, giving me a nice view of his muscles. I may have drooled. "Your turn to bother the old cunt. He's probably still counting his money right now."

We left the training room and made it back to our hallway. "Gonna go pass out. Fuck off and leave me alone for at least 10 hours." With that, Hidan slammed his door and left me alone to pester Kakuzu.

I knocked on the door, and waited for Kakuzu to open it. I was examining my nails, biting at a sharp peice when Kakuzu opened his door and grunted a "what do you want?"

"Pein requests our presence." I informed him, stepping back to let him close and lock his bedroom door.

When we arrived in Pein's office, the leader asked me what Hidan's conclusions were, and nodded in acceptance when I told him.

"I'd already assumed as much, the others seemed to have a low chakra reserve as well."

"If you already knew, why did you subject me to Hidan almost groping me?" I asked, but Pein just smirked at me.

"Kakuzu, perform the medical examination, and her claims knowledge of our world. Then you are to take her to the village and buy her the necessary items she may require. Dismissed."

It was cold in the infirmary, where Kakuzu took my height, weight, a physical description, and noted medical history and any distinguishable markings on my body.

There was minimal conversation, and I was relieved after the long discussion Hidan and I had.

I didn't realize how tired I was until Kakuzu started asking me about my world, his world, and everything in between, carefully documenting everything I said.

"You may go rest, I'll wake you when we make our trip to the village." I was surprised Kakuzu wasn't complaining about having to spend money on me, but I also assumed there were funds for the member's supplies.

Thankful that Kakuzu practically led me back to my room, I waved him off and fell onto the full-suzed bed before passing put in a dreamless sleep.


Well, this was long as hell. I apologize if its a bit boring, but I tried to paint Hidan in a different light. He's a bit ooc.

Thank you for reading, as always. Things will pick up soon, more crack and antics will pop up in time.

.~Mistress-Chan