PARADISE IMPERFECT

Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Glee (except a beach towel and Season 2 DVD). I own nothing related to any of the songs I use (except for an admiration of the tune).

Joseph bounded out to the waiting pickup and climbed into the passenger's side. He immediately reached for the radio dial, but Sam stopped him.

"I don't feel like music today, son," Sam said. Joseph looked shocked.

"You and mom always want to hear music!"

"That's true...when we don't have things to talk about," Sam replied, looking over at Joseph. Sam turned the truck to the drive down the field, heading toward the wooded edge. He went over a couple small hills, bumping along, noticing that Joseph was stealing glances at him, trying to figure out what was really going on.

Sam stopped at the wood's edge and turned the truck's engine off. He climbed out of the truck, as did Joseph, and they headed to the bed. Even though Joseph had been his son for 15-1/2 years, Sam was still as nervous as hell about this conversation. Even more nervous than when he had the puberty/kind of sex talk with Joseph.

"I'll handle the weeds; you just come along," Sam said, pulling the weed whacker from the bed of the truck. Joseph looked thoroughly confused now.

"I thought we were looking for tree stumps or somethin'?"

"Yeah, you look for those...we'll bring the winch back out if we need to," Sam said, firing up the weed whacker. He walked to the tree line, went a few feet taking down weeds, then turned off the tool. He sat down on a fallen log. Joseph looked at him like he was insane.

"Grab a couple…uh, drinks…from the cooler, Joe," Sam said. "Then come sit down. We'll have to come back and haul this off...might be able to use it for firewood."

Joseph opened the cooler in the bed of the truck; Sam usually brought bottled water when they worked but Joseph found a six-pack of beer. He took two and came over to sit down next to his father warily. He handed Sam a cold beer.

"So, anything new you'd like to share, Joseph?" Sam asked him, popping open his can.

Joseph was silent, then opened his can. They both took long swigs.

"Between you and Arielle?" Sam finally asked.

Joseph shrugged. "Nope…nothin' new."

Sam glanced at Joseph. "You sure there isn't anything you want to, uh, tell me?"

Joseph rolled his eyes and sighed. "I got her to stop smoking pot, okay? We haven't done any of that since…since you found out…"

Sam was a bit surprised by this admission but shook it off.

"I just noticed that you and Arielle seem a little…closer. You know, you can talk to me…I'm not going to be angry or anything. I just remember what it was like to be your age and with your mom and…"

"Oh god, please no sex talks dad!"

"Joseph, you have been using protection, right? We talked about condoms…"

"Yes dad!"

"So, you two have, uh, done it?"

Joseph sighed heavily. "Yeah," he muttered quietly, swigging on the beer. Joseph briefly recalled the couple times he and Arielle christened his bed over the weekend. "Are you gonna tell mom?"

Now Sam sighed. "I dunno, son…you two just need to be careful, very careful…"

"Yeah, yeah, we totally are…"

"Did you know Arielle isn't on birth control?"

"What? How do you know that?" Joseph looked suddenly gray and in shock.

"I overheard Rach talking about it to your mom…so, about condoms…you've been using them?"

Joseph swallowed thickly. He knew the truth…no, he hadn't been using protection. Arielle had told him she was on the pill.

"Well, uh, dad," Joseph cleared his throat. "Um…well, uh, we haven't, uh…"

"Shit…" Sam hissed. He turned to Joseph. "I'm not mad, Joey, I'm just, well, concerned."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize. Just hope like hell nothing has happened. I was 17, almost 18, when you were born. The only way me and your mom made it was the help of your grandparents and great-grandparents. It's not easy, Joseph."

Joseph looked like he was going to be sick.

"Remember when we brought your sisters home? It wasn't all that easy and that was me and your mom with years of experience," Sam went on. "I'm not saying I think you'd be a lousy dad, just you're so damn young."

Joseph's face was scrunched in thought. "I love her, dad, and she loves me so what happens, happens." He got up and strode off further into the trees. The thought of being a dad made him nauseous.

Sam chuckled a bit, got up, and followed him. "Joseph, what you think is love now is mostly just lust and hormones..."

Joseph stopped and turned to face him. "Like with you and mom, then? When you were in high school and living together and married? Was that love or lust, dad?"

Sam put his hands on his hips. "To be honest, Joe, a lot of it was lust...our circumstances were way different than you and Arielle, though...remember, my family was homeless at the time...your mother helped us out a lot then. Had it not been for your mother and your grandmother who knows what would've happened with me and your uncle Stevie and aunt Stace. It seems to me that you and Arielle get off smoking pot and not doing a whole hell of a lot."

Joseph stared at Sam, his cheeks flushed.

"I grew to love your mother, Joseph. It wasn't just love at first sight...it was a lot of things that happened between us that made me love her. And, as you can probably see now, things change over time. Your mother and I aren't perfect. We've made our share of mistakes. When it came to starting a family, though, we tried to make good decisions..."

Joseph was furious. "Like mom getting knocked up when she was 15?"

Sam hated himself for what he did next. He slapped Joseph hard across the face.

"Don't ever let me hear you say something so hateful about your mother again," Sam said in a low growl. "What happened to your mom was rape, Joseph. Nothing more, nothing less. And you have no idea what she had to go through with that...what she still deals with..."

Joseph had a hand up to his stinging cheek, now marked with a red palm print. The slap had hurt him deeply; tears fell onto his cheeks. He sniffed and wiped the tears away quickly. Now, Sam felt nauseous.

"Can I show you something then?" he asked Sam. Joseph turned and walked farther into the woods. Sam followed his son to a clearing where the sun trickled down through the tall oaks in full bloom. Joseph headed to one particularly old tree, its branches heavy and laden with full green leaves. At the trunk, Joseph stopped.

"This is Ari's favorite spot, did ya know that? When she got lost chasing the butterfly, she came here...and I knew where to find her. The next day, I came out here with your pocket knife and did this..." Joseph walked to the other side of the tree and showed Sam the initials: JE + AH. "I knew even then that I loved her." He traced his finger over the carving.

"That's nice, Joe," Sam said quietly.

"Ari will come here to sit in the shade and read, right under our initials, 'cause we've always known...me and her would be together," Joseph explained to him. "Her dad is kinda crazy, though, so we kept it a secret."

Sam chuckled despite himself. He slung his arm over Joseph's shoulders.

"I'm not telling you that you two can't see one another...I kinda wished you would've waited before jumping into an adult relationship. But, I'll tell you what Grampa told me ages ago, if you're going to be doing adult things with Arielle then you need to behave like an adult...and be responsible."

"With Ari?"

"Yeah, you and Arielle..." Joseph looked at him confused. Sam laughed, understanding his confusion. "Grampa told me if I was going to be doing grownup things with Quinn..."

Joseph smiled. "I get it, dad, and I will be...you know, responsible."

Sam ruffled his son's hair. "You look so much better with blonde hair."

"I know...Ari thought it'd be cool," Joseph said, running his hand through his blonde locks. They began walking back to the truck.

"Remember, Joseph, you can come to me anytime...with questions or whatever...I'm always here for you, son," Sam said, nudging Joseph's arm. "And don't tell your mom about the beer."

xxxxx

While Sam had his talk with Joseph, Quinn sat by the pool watching the kids swim. Juliet was having a rough time, not being able to go in too far because of the cast and was missing out on the fun. Quinn had let Jasper invite Maragold over, and she loved watching her youngest son woo this girl. Sometimes, he'd go pick up Juliet and carry her around the pool so she wouldn't have to just sit on the step, her broken arm propped up on the pool deck on a towel. Maragold got along well with the twins, styling their hair, painting their nails, talking about the newest coolest things out there. Her kids were all cute...she thought they were the best, of course...but sitting there in the shade, watching the three youngest play and knowing Sam was off having a very grownup discussion with her oldest, it suddenly made her long for the days when the kids were babies.

"What am I thinking?" she muttered to herself, sipping a lemonade.

They'd made it through babyhood with all four, toddlerhood, the god-awful terrible 2's, 3's and sometimes 4's, sending them off to school, all those nights of homework, all the activities to follow and still follow, and now Joseph close to graduating with a serious girlfriend, Jasper coming along quite fine with his speech and new friend in Maragold, and her two girls becoming wonderful young ladies. She was actually anxious about the first time one of her daughters brought home a boy...how Sam and her two older brothers would react.

Quinn groaned. A beach ball flew up from the pool at her, and she swatted it back to the kids. She let her mind wander to those early days with each of the kids, how it felt to hold their tiny bodies in her arms, life created by her and Sam. It was nearly overwhelming at times, not the amount of care they all needed, but how much she loved each of them. And how much she'd love Sam even more, watching him rock the babies or change a diaper or sling a diaper bag over his shoulder with a baby on a hip and holding another one's hand, a smile on his face the whole time. She heard Jasmine yell at Jasper about splashing her. Quinn then remembered all the sleepless nights, the endless rocking and walking a colicky child, the falls and scrapes and broken bones, the fighting amongst the kids, and now the hard part of watching them date and then get their hearts broken, sending them out on their own, letting them make their own mistakes without stepping in to help...No, that part of her life was over. She needed to focus on preparing her little birds to leave the nest. Her brow furrowed in thought. What am I forgetting? she thought. The beach ball bounced out of the pool again to the other side of the pool, so she got up to retrieve it and then decided to hop in and cool off with the kids.

xxxxx

The evening flew by in a flash, it seemed. Sam and Joseph returned from the fields. Sam worked in his office until suppertime, catching up on what he was behind on for the farm. Quinn worked in her office on the daycare business needs. Juliet napped while Joseph, Jasper, and Jasmine relaxed in the family room in front of the TV. Maragold had left for home. In a few days, she and Jasper were attending a summer choir camp together before school started again. She told Sam and Quinn that she needed to get ready for camp. Quinn had smiled while Sam snuck a glance at Quinn. Once Maragold was out of earshot, he asked, "Get ready now? They have like a week!"

Quinn gently put her hand on Sam's arm. "Give your daughters a couple years, Sam, and you'll understand."

He figured it had something to do with boys, but he was just not ready to even contemplate his daughters dating. Especially not after the conversation with Joseph earlier that day.

Sam cooked on the grill that night, and they ate al fresco. Once the kids fell asleep, Quinn intended to talk to Sam, about them reuniting, but their conversation wound up in bed.

As it turned out, with the hectic pace of their family and businesses, most nights they pushed talking aside and headed straight to any available flat surface, and sometimes not flat (standing in the shower in the guestroom Sam occupied).

Sam had been back home for a week when, after a round of passionate lovemaking, Quinn broached the subject finally. His arm was around her as they lay in their bed, her head in the crook of his arm, her fingers running through the blonde hair on his chest and over each nipple, watching his chest rise and fall.

"Do you think the kids know?" she asked him quietly.

"Mmm…know what?"

"That me and you are back together…"

He put his hand over hers. "We're back together? Officially?"

"Are we, Sam?" she asked. "Whatever attracted you to Katy, is that going to happen again?"

He gripped her hand tightly. He knew they were going to have to tackle their issues eventually. He rolled to face her. He stared at her for a moment, running his free hand over her hair.

"Quinn…I never wanted to go…I felt like you…you were pushing me away…like you didn't want me here anymore…it just got to the point where I didn't know what to say to you…it was all my fault, Q, and I apologize for all of it, everything I put you and the kids through," he said, kissing her softly at the end of his declaration. "No, that will never happen again, not ever again."

"I apologize too, Sam. I did push you away. I know I did. Things were so busy for so long…the farm, my school and daycare, the kids…the fact that I'm getting older…"

"Oh Quinn! You're not old! I'm not old!"

"Sam…it just hit me when Joey had his birthday, our sixteenth anniversary…time is flying by…I thought if I…" Tears slipped down her face. "I thought if I pushed you away…it'd make time slow down. Then, you met Katy and liked her and I felt older than ever…"

"Oh god, Q, Katy never meant anything to me! Yeah, she's young and seemed interested in me and you just didn't seem to care anymore…that was no excuse, though, for me to leave our home and treat you so badly. I'm so sorry for that, Quinn."

"I should've never let Adam be more than a friend. He was my friend...but he wanted more than that...and you were gone...and it just seemed right," Quinn said quietly.

Sam swallowed. "Did you...did he ever..."

"Nothing happened between us, Sam. I-I just couldn't picture myself with anyone besides you..."

He pulled her to him, their heartbeats together. He caressed her back and she let him hold her.

"Have you heard from him since Jules was in the hospital?" Sam asked.

Quinn shook her head no. "No texts or calls...nothing."

"Then, there are no outside distractions now...it's me and you again...and we'll work through this. I never meant for you to feel...unwanted, Quinn. I'll always want you, as long as you want me."

They fell asleep together. He didn't return to the guestroom that night. The next day, he moved his belongings back into his and Quinn's bedroom. At breakfast, they told their children that they were working things out and Sam was back home to stay.