1Author's note: I started writing this last Thanksgiving and it was intended to be published then, but I was too lazy to finish it and cast it into abandonment. Disgusting failure, BEGONE WITH YOU! But I decided to upload it now because f*** the fashion police.
Chapter 1
Ah, Thanksgiving, a time to feast upon the delicious carcasses of the inferior bird beasts known as turkeys. Ha, pathetic turkeys, you dare resist us humans? FOOLS! Anyway, I'm assuming you, the reader, know all about Thanksgiving, so I'm not going to explain it, but do know the story of how Thanksgiving came to be in the magical world… of EQUESTRIA! Of course you don't. Of course you don't! STOP LYING! Well, it all began one magical day in the town of Ponyville…
Twilight Sparkle trotted along the snow-covered streets of Ponyville to Golden Oaks Library, where she resided with her shady butler, Spike. She quickened her pace as the wind picked up and the hell hounds howled their horrendous hymns of Hades. As soon as she approached the front door, Spike quickly opened it for her and bowed as she came in. "Good evening mistress Twilight, forgive me for not opening the door three point two seconds earlier, as you so often request."
"You're lucky I didn't cast you into the shaggoth pit the day you brought my tea FIFTEEN SECONDS after I asked for it!"
"Of course, mistress Twilight." said Spike, still bowing.
"How DARE you still stand in my presence!? Go into the shame closet!"
"Yes, mistress Twilight." said Spike as he hesitantly waddled toward a wooden door with the words "Bad Spike" crudely painted on it. A few seconds later, after Spike had shut the door that stood between him, total darkness, pure shame, and the outside world which he was privileged to live in, Twilight could hear him crying, "Gah! No! The snakes! Not the snakes! The snakes are in here!" Twilight put her head in her hoof. She knew that Spike would be her undoing someday, with his obscene laziness and his shady ways. She sighed.
"Damn it, Spike! How many times must I tell you? The snakes are the physical manifestation of your wicked and shady ways."
"When will I-GAH! - learn?" Spike replied
"SHAME!" Twilight hissed as she pointed a hoof to the closet and walked away. A few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. "Spike!" Twilight yelled and Spike burst out of the closet and rushed to the front door. After he opened it, Twilight levitated him in the air and threw him into the closet with such force that the closet door swung shut behind him. Twilight's glare turned to a smile as she saw her friend Pinkie Pie excitedly bouncing up and down on the stoop with a warm wholesome smile that practically melted the snow around her. "Pinkie? What are you doing out this late? The hounds are out! They'll tear you to pieces!"
"It's ok, Twilight! Did you forget? Tonight's the Eve of the Sacrifice, silly!" Pinkie said. Her rosy cheeks seemed to get rosier with every bound.
"The Eve of the Sacrifice? I must've gotten so caught up in my studies and trying to uncover Spike's plot to poison me that I forgot all about it!"
Pinkie Pie giggled. "Well, don't just stand there, silly, come with me on over to the town hall!"
"Hold on, let me get Spike."
Pinkie Pie giggled once more. "No need, Twilight! Mayor Mare said that somepony named Pepperdance will do the honors this year! I also heard that she's gonna be one doozy of a sacrifice, too!
"Ok, let me grab my coat and I'll meet you there!"