Steve Randle was kissing me.

And before I knew it he was off, looking down at the floor.

He was obviously embarrassed; ashamed, and completely regretful, but it felt nice; I had never been with a man other than Two-Bit…

This was my chance.

I couldn't help myself.

I caught his lips with my own, him never fighting back. I placed my hand on his cheek and he pulled me closer by my shirt.

I knew it was wrong, but I really wanted him. I just wanted to be able to be with someone else, no matter how much I loved Two-Bit.

His tongue made it into my mouth, pulling me closer and closer by the shirt, me just wanting to remove it.

I wanted to sit on his lap. I wanted to be with another man. I didn't want the same sexual partner forever. I can be with Two-Bit and still have a relationship with someone else, right? I know most say it's wrong, but some people must do it. Some people must be married and be okay with this.

Steve may have been straight and married, but he didn't fight, and nor did I.

No longer resisting the urge I got on his lap, removing his shirt and continuing to kiss him. He kissed me down my neck, me moaning as his hand began to caress me above my waist, inching up my shirt.

I moved my hand to his bare chest, feeling his muscles underneath my fingers as they crept lower and lower on his body, above his waist, his hips, in his pants…

He removed my shirt and kissed me harsh, his hands rubbing my rear. I kissed his neck and got farther down on his chest, soon unzipping his pants.

After kissing him one last time I went down on my knees, off the couch, and began to remove his pants. Just as I saw his briefs he grabbed my hair and made me look up at him. I expected a kiss, or even him to thrust his penis into my mouth, but instead he just stared at me, as if not believing whom was in front of him.

Letting go of my hair I knew not to continue, him looking away, his hand over his mouth.

I took a moment before I sat next to him, watching him choke back tears of embarrassment. I didn't blame him. It was my fault.

I led him on…Sweet, how could you be so stupid? You knew it wouldn't end well.

A tear or two came down his face as he sat there, staring at the floor. I didn't know what to do. Should I leave? Should I say something?

I did neither; I just sat there.

After a few minutes he sat up, wiping his tears away and pulling up his pants.

"I gotta get Evie and Kim," he pulled on his shirt, "from Myrna's house."

"Steve…" I wanted to grab his arm.

"Tonight Darry's comin' over," he stood and grabbed his keys, "and it'd be nice if you were gone by then."

"Steve." I began to tear up.

"I'll see you later," he headed to the door, "Tell Two-Bit I said 'hi'."

I stood, "Steve!"

He left.

What did I do?

Why did I do it?

I slouched down on the couch and began to sob. I'm sorry Steve. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Two-Bit and Evie. I didn't want to hurt anybody. I just wanted to have some fun. I just wanted to experience someone else.

Goddamn it, I'm sorry.

Please forgive me…

I sighed, "Steve, I'm sorry," I didn't know where I was headed, "I'm sorry that I did what I did and I'm sorry that I made the situation even worse. I know you're trying to identify your sexuality and your love for Evie, but I know you love her. I just-"

"Sweet." He said my name softly, but it felt abrupt. It felt sudden to hear him speak.

He looked down at his shoes, "I liked it."

I couldn't believe what I just heard, "What?"

He seemed so ashamed as he looked back up, "I liked the kiss…"

This isn't happening I told myself. He liked it?

My chance was getting clearer and clearer. Two-Bit was out of town, Evie was out, but most importantly Steve liked it.

I know my mentality shouldn't have been like that, but it was all I could think about. All I could focus on was the fact that the opportunity to "be" with another man was getting closer and closer for me to grasp.

I wet my lips, "You liked it?"

He sighed, "Yeah."

I needed it to be wise, "How long's Evie gone?"

He looked down at his shoes, "Few hours…"

I wanted him to look at me, "You want more of it?"

He seemed so embarrassed, but he swallowed, looking up and saying, "I liked it…"

He was so confused, but this was my opportunity to be with someone else. He's willing, he's alone, he's confused…

I didn't care if I was using him.

I wanted him.

He gave me all the signs.

I stood, slowly and cautiously, as if approaching a frightened cat. I made it to him, my arms caressing his shoulder. He shuttered for a moment, and then my lips caught his, grabbing him and pulling him closer to me. He enclosed his arms around me and pulled off my shirt, me doing the same for him.

As we kissed he got off the chair and lay on top of me, kissing me down my neck as I wrapped my legs around his body.

For a minute I wanted to forget all about Two-Bit. I wanted to forget all about Cherry and Pony. I wanted to forget about wrong and right.

I just wanted this.

And I finally had it.

He kissed me down my chest, my clever fingers undoing his belt.

He came back up to my lips and I kissed him, my hand now unzipping his zipper.

It's not wrong, Sweet. I told myself. Evie and Two-Bit won't know anything. No one will ever know anything.

It's okay.

Just do it.

I sat him back onto the chair and slipped my tongue in his mouth, my hand in his boxer shorts. He moaned, me taking that as a queue to proceed where I left off.

Getting onto my knees he lifted my gaze up to his eyes again by my hair.

Oh no.

He took a minute.

Please don't think too far into this, Steve. Please just let this happen…

He kissed me, the second we separated my hands removing his pants.

I rubbed my hand against his penis, him stammering for words and me simply trying to make him feel good. His legs began to move slightly as if he were unsure with what to do with them.

He's done this with Evie, right?

He started blushing, his eyes squeezed tight but his moans slipping out smooth and effortlessly.

I decided to go all the way.

I pulled down his boxers, his penis erected and my lips immediately enclosing around it.

He wanted this.

And so did I.

He was dumbstruck. He grabbed my head the way Two-Bit did and made me suck harder, his large penis then in the back of my throat. I took a moment to breathe but went right back to it.

Steve was mesmerized.

I kept on sucking.

I separated from his cock and started giving him, what I learned later is referred to as a 'handjob', and his moans bounced off the walls into my ears.

Sticking his cock right back into my mouth I sucked more and more before I couldn't stop. My breathing was shallow and my thoughts were emptied. I loved this. This was my heaven. Sucking his dick was all I wanted.

I didn't expect him to ejaculate.

But he did.

My mouth opened wide as the sperm dripped out, Steve's hand still grasping onto my hair. Both of us were speechless.

I ran up to his lips and his tongue licked the semen away, our lips a disgustingly white mess. But dear god I didn't care. This was the best thing yet.

But more to come…

I pulled him off the chair and started kissing him, our direction making it to the couch. I bent him over on it, him seeming unsure. But once I kissed him he settled, my hands caressing his penis. I bent him back over and undid my belt, his eyes closed as if imagining Evie doing this.

I doubt Evie had a penis.

And by god, once I entered him…

He gasped out as if the semen I had him lick choked his voice.

But I proceeded to fuck him.

My body thrust in and out and in and out of him, his eyes wide open now as if trying to fully believe this.

He called louder than Two-Bit did, groaning upward as his hands grabbed at the pillows.

What I realized was that he wasn't used to this.

He was used to being the one to thrust himself into his wife, Evie, not to be the one being thrust into. He wasn't used to a man seeing his body.

He wasn't used to any of this.

And I was willing to make him used to it.

Or was I?

Did I want this as a regular thing?

Did I want him and I to be more than friends?

Did I want us as friends?

Did I want him…

More than I wanted Two-Bit?

My arms wrapped around his chest as I continued to go within him, my lips to his ear. I could feel his heart pounding and his pants short, short, short, and then long. His breaths were short, short, short, and then long again.

I loved hearing them.

I loved feeling his heartbeat. It was beating outside his chest and pounding louder and louder with each thrust as if the poor guy was about to have a heart attack.

But that didn't stop me.

I flipped him to his back so he was facing me, him needing a moment to catch his breath. However I didn't let him.

My thrusts became pounds and he was outright wailing. I pounded Steve so hard he grabbed at anything, sweating profusely and his chest heaving up and down.

He didn't know what to do with his hands, keeping them above his head and thrusting to his to the side as he cried out. My hand grabbed at his hair, making him face me again, keeping us in good balance. He looked afraid as if I were raping him. As if he never consented to this.

The moment I got faster, though, his look changed to nothing but pure and utter pleasure.

My hand went from his hair to his mouth, his tongue licking at my fingers the way I did his cock. That same hand went down his chest and to his penis, my hand grabbing it.

And as I had expected I ejaculated inside him.

He winced and moved his body uncontrollably, his legs wrapping themselves around my body and his hands coming onto my chest.

We stared at one another, both of us trying not to think about what we had just done and how wrong it had been. We tried not to realize the people we just hurt, the lives we could ruin and the hearts we would break.

Ignoring all of those things I kissed him, my arms wrapping around him and his legs still embracing me.

He was so…warm and yet trembling.

But warm especially.

I licked his neck lightly, him kissing my jawline. Our penises made contact and we both moaned, his legs going up and down my body.

He got comfortable in my arms.

I got comfortable holding him.

And at one point or another my eyes shut, me awaking to being clothed, without Steve, and no evidence that we had had sex.

But I wanted more.

And I knew Steve wanted more.

So what was the hold up?