That night I dreamt of Hell. It was of that moment the chaos of storms turned into an eerily empty office building. Every door led to another endless hallway. We must have spent months there before meeting another soul. My chest felt tight with panic. Castiel tried to keep me calm, but the emotions were too strong it was starting to affect him as well. After a while we tore through each new door and even blasted one right off its hinges. I felt tapped there were no windows, the walls moved closer and closer. Our breath was quick and ragged. Then a hand was placed on my shoulder. It was Elijah, not Gabriel, but actually Elijah. The sight of him made me calm down, but then he was gone. I screamed his name over and over until my throat was sore and my voice had gone hoarse. The next door just led to a wall, and the panic was back.
I tried going back but even the door I had come through was bricked up now. All the color in my face drained away. Turning to one of the walls I pounded hard against the wood. I screamed and thrashed, so incredibly powerless. Tears were smeared onto my cheeks when I woke up. It was still dark outside. My blanket was tangled around my legs and it took me a minute to get out of the fabric. I looked over to the other bed and the sight of it being empty caused a tight sense of panic to weld up in my chest. I reached for my knife that I usually kept on my bedside, but then I remembered it had been destroyed along with the okami. That's right, Elijah must still have been downstairs on the couch. I went downstairs anyway, just to check. The relief I felt when I saw his sleeping form on the couch calmed me down so much. I sat down next to him, and fell promptly asleep against his side.
The next couple days Elijah and me went back to our usual routines, Bobby was still dealing with the whole Crowley thing. We wanted to stay as far away from that as possible, especially Elijah. He never talked about it, but I knew one of his nightmares was about Crowley and that night he had kidnapped us. We succeed until Bobby informed us he was going to summon the King of Hell, in case we wanted to clear out. I thanked him and took Elijah to the movies then spent the rest of the day at Delilah's café. It was a slow day so the owner sat and talked with us a while. She was a nice outgoing woman in her thirties named Lily Johnson that made the majority of the chocolates she sold herself. Delilah was her mother's name. I learned she liked Indie rock music same as me, and she thought Elijah was adorable. To bad we were 'cousins.' We exchanged phone numbers before Elijah and I decided it was probably safe to go back to Bobby's place. Bobby had gotten us each a cell phone just in case. We bought some chocolates to go and left.
Days passed slowly, it didn't help I was running out of things to do. I even rearranged Bobby's books into some sort of sensible order. He chewed me out afterwards though. The training I was getting from Castiel pretty much ended, he was too busy with his war. That made me worried. And Elijah wasn't helping much. He kept talking about going out and hunting. When he wasn't helping Bobby, he was looking online for a nearby case that a rookie could handle. He wanted me to come along. Bobby didn't like that idea since I still refused to use a gun, but Elijah was insistent. Neither of them asked for my opinion.
"You'd be good at it though," Elijah said. We were sitting in the kitchen keeping an eye on the phones while playing cards. Bobby was outside working on his car. I only briefly glanced up at Elijah before returning my eyes to my hand.
"I don't want that sort of life," I said, "do you have any twos?"
"Then what sort of life do you want? We can't stay here forever," he said, laying down a card on the table.
"I know," I whispered, picking up the card. I absently rearrange my hand before setting the pair of twos down.
"It's going to be hard living out in the world. We have no education or medical history. You can't get much more then a minimum wage job at best, and you can't buy a house or get a loan without any credit history."
"I know," I snapped at him. There's this minute of silence, I watched Elijah shift in his seat.
"At least with hunting we'd have a purpose. We could help people. I'll look out for you," he said. I slammed my cards down, and it shook the table. Grabbing my coat and the keys to the car Elijah and me shared, I ran out the door. Elijah shouted my name as I left, but I ignored him. I just needed to get away from him for a while, away from the house. He knew I was feeling useless as of late and I could tell he was trying to play on that. But that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't know what I wanted, not really.
"Where are you going?" Bobby said as I passed him to get to the car.
"Town," I said. I climbed into the vehicle without saying another word and drove off. On the drive there I thought about home. I missed it. Things were so simply normal there, even with my knowledge of the supernatural. I had a life there. Friends. A future. But here, what did I have? There was Elijah. Bobby, maybe, I think by now he views us as more then just two kids he was ordered by an archangel to babysit. And I had an angel who stopped answering my prayers. I wasn't worth much here.
I stopped at Delilah's Café and sat at a corner table with a cup of hot chocolate and a plate of obnoxiously big nonpareils. At that point I admitted to myself I really had developed a sweet tooth recently. I was thankful my teeth weren't suffering. The thought made me smile. Once business slowed down for the day Lily joined me at the table. My chocolate was long gone by then, and my drink had gone cold. She asked what was bugging me and I told her I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. That made her laugh.
"Aren't you a bit young to be having a life crisis," she said, I smiled. "If you want something to do while you're soul searching, why don't you work here?"
"Seriously?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I could use the extra pair of hands and you're in here often enough. I think you're my best customer. Plus you could work during the day, unlike the high school part timers I employ," she said.
"I'd love to." I told her about my situation that I didn't have a bank account or any references. She was okay with that and understood.
"We'll figure it out," she said. I left after that, even though I didn't want to. I didn't want to face Elijah yet, so I sat outside in the garage.
"What's eating you?" I looked up. It was Bobby.
"I don't want to be a hunter," I said.
"Then don't," he said, "Its not a lifestyle well known for its long life expectancy. You probably wouldn't make it very long anyway." I threw the man the hardest glare I could muster.
"I'd make it. In fact I'd be great at it," I said, and I swear I saw him smile. "Its just Elijah doesn't think there is any other option."
"That's because the boy has caught the bug. You know he doesn't have it any easier then you; he's just trying to find something to do," he said. "So stop moping and confront the boy." The man went back inside after that and I spent another half an hour outside. Later that night I made up with Elijah and told him I got a job in town. He seemed happy for me and he dropped the whole becoming a hunter discussion. That night he thought I was asleep but I heard him praying to Gabriel. I realized I was lucky, at least Castiel use to visit me. Gabriel hasn't shown up once.