Note: I wrote this forever ago. Just thought I would post it for fun. And I'm not making fun of anyone, I enjoy cliches as much as the next guy! :P

FanFic Clichés:

Harry flew down the stairs to the dungeons. He did not want to get a detention from Snape, he wanted anything other than an extra dose of the 'greasy bat' in his life. I mean, who would? Nobody, that's who!

So in his plight and internal ramblings he didn't notice another person approaching till it was too late. Fate was truly at work when Harry Potter knocked heads with his 'mortal rival' and they both fell to the floor.

"Watch it, Potter!" Malfoy snarled trying to keep his dignity intact while straightening up.

"Oh, go cry to mummy you prat!" Harry snapped irritably standing up, "we both weren't looking" he grumbled crossly.

Malfoy huffed, putting on his signature sneer, "At least I have a mother, Potter! Heck, you wouldn't even be able to call your mother a proper mother seeing as she's a filthy little Mudblood!"

Harry's nostrils flared and his gaze turned chilly, "At least she wasn't a pitiful Death Eater!" he spat.

Malfoy hands curled into fists as he glared at Potter, "Well….umm"

Harry snickered mockingly and roughly pushed past Malfoy. He missed Draco's annoyed growl followed by a constipated look on his face as he thought really hard. He spun around to look at Harry's retreating back;

"Well, Your Mom is the reason Dumbledore turned gay! That's right I said it!" Draco Malfoy yelled after Harry Potter.

Harry spun around and gasped, "you didn't!" he screeched while Malfoy laughed. He pointed menacingly at Malfoy with a twisted glare;

"Your Momma's so fat, she looked into the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!" and it was Harry's turn to laugh. Draco marched towards Harry with a frown, "She is not fat!"

"Her patronous is a Double-Whopper with Cheese!" Harry shot back and continued to laugh.

"Your mama's so ugly that as a baby they had to use the Confundus Charm so the family would play with her!" Malfoy yelled in his 's eyes bugged out and the two nemeses stared each other down. If you looked close enough you could make out a slight twitchs on their lips.

"Your Mom's so fat she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge!"

"Your mom's so ugly a dementor wouldn't kiss her!"

"Your Momma's so fat they sorted her in the house of pancakes!"

"Yo mama's so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue!"

"Yo Mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name!" Draco couldn't help the little grin that somehow twitched itself on his face.


Snape eyes roamed over the Griffindoors and Slytherins in his class. Draco and the Potter brat were missing, and usually that was never a good sign. Severus Snape looked up and swept in front of the room to begin his lecture;

"Today, students you will be mak-"A yell cut him off and he looked up to the shouts coming from the corridor. Draco's voice washed over all the class;

"Yo mama's so ugly that when the bassalisk snuck up on her and saw her face, HE dropped dead!" Some people in the class snickered but stopped to listen when they heard Potter next;

"Yo mama's breath is the secret ingredient in the Weasly's Butterscotch Barf-ies!" Potter laughed manically and the class was shocked when Draco joined in. After the class exchanged dumb-struck stares there was a mad-rush to the door.

What they saw shocked them more. Harry and Draco were laughing hysterically and clutching at their sides. Going as far as too lean against each other when the other was about to collapse in laughter.

"What is going on here?" Snape hissed after he made it through the crowed of students. Draco and Harry….laughing? Together?

The two boys froze straightening there postures and their laughter dying after they noticed their situation and suddenly everything became five degrees more serious; "Ah, well…" Harry began with a very solemn look on his face.

"Potter's mother was so ugly that the Dark Lord took one look at her and he killed HIMSELF." Draco finished for him the same look of gravity on his face. Harry and Draco exchanged grim looks before they exploded in laughter again.

Professor Snape just stared at them with his mouth slightly ajar. Pansy Parkinson gasped suddenly her hand reaching to cover her mouth;

"Oh no, "she breathed in anguish, "It's the fanfiction!"

A collective gasp was heard around the group.


Distressed mutterings and whispers were heard through out the great hall as people wearily looked up at the Slytherin table where Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy sat. People's eyes went wide as Malfoy laughed at a joke Potter made.

"That is sooo wrong!" Ron groaned from the Griffindor table. Hermione swiftly plopped down next to Ron pulling a plate towards her and gathering food;

"I think it's kind of cute." She mumbled distractedly ignoring the glares of betrayal shot at her. Ron gasped; "How could you Hermione!"

"Well they seem happy don't they?" she said looking up at the pair which were now making "pinky promises" like little children, then giggling afterwards.

"It's only the evil Fanfiction that is making them happy!" Ron hissed

"Your right Ron," Ginny said from across the table, "let's ruin their new friendship; since I'm the girl that will eventually marry him, I have to come up with all the evil schemes to get everyone to hate me so everyone will feel satisfaction!" Ron nodded his head vigorously other non-important characters agreeing with him.

Their scheming was cut off when Neville joined the table silently. Usually this wasn't a cause of an uproar but it seems our shy friend went through some interesting changes this morning.

"Are those cat ears?" Hermione asked conversationally while Neville nodded meekly reaching up to pull on them cutely.

"I seem to have come into my inheritance….(Whatever that means!)" He mumbled while everyone nodded jerkily eying his new appendages. Nobody noticed the lust filled eyes of the Patil twins appraising their new prey.


Severus Snape stabbed irritably at his pork eying Draco and Potter in distaste. 'Friendship' he sneered in disgust thinking of Potter and Black, and their stupid friendship. He sat mopping thinking of his red headed angel.

'Oh Lily' he sighed

'Why did you have to marry that Potter boob!' He snapped.

'Our love went farther then the moon!' He thought wistfully.

'You silly girl!' He yelled in his mind.

'Angst! Angst! Angst! Angst!' He chanted with woe.

His thoughts were interrupted by an owl that flew down to give him a letter. Now who would possibly want to write this Angsty Greasy Bat hmmm?

Dear Sev,

For some inconceivable reason I cannot explain, you are Harry's father. Not James, he is a big-headed prat that I hate but married anyways…….yeah.

Love, Lily

P.S. Be nice to him or I will find a way to come back and HAUNT YOU. Because for some reason I knew I was going to die when I wrote this.

Severus Snape, father of the Boy-Who-Lived fainted for the whole Great Hall too see.


Will Draco and Harry's friendship last on the rocky footing of Yo Momma jokes?

Will Patil Twins make a move on the Creature!Neville?

Will Snape remain in Character through all this madness?

Does anyone care? R&R