He's one of those boys who you know will tear you down.
You've heard your mother rant on and on about men, but he seems so genuine and smart and brave and sososo real. So you follow him.
You bond and you become friends, allies. You know each other like the back of your hands, and you can read each other's minds in a fight. You never miss a single beat, each move complimenting the other's perfectly.
One day you find a little blonde girl with a hammer. He gives her a knife (that should have been the first sign. Who the hell gives little kids knives in the first place?). The little girl is fast, and strong, and smart. She's got these eyes that storm in their own little world. Immediately she takes a liking to him (who wouldn't? You sure did).
As the weeks pass, you feel a roaring green monster grow in your chest. Which is stupid, because she's seven and he's fourteen and that's just creepy, so you know there really isn't anything that that monster should be roaring at but it roars anyways.
One night he takes you aside when the girl is sleeping and you stand there in the snow while he tries to tell you something, and maybe you're getting it wrong, but you think he's trying to tell you he likes you, and you're only twelve but you feel a lot older as you stand on your tippy-toes and bring your lips to his (it's not like he was going to do it). It's everything you thought it would be and more.
But then he doesn't talk to you for four days. And you start to wonder if maybe you did something wrong. So you withdraw a little from the other two, watching as the blonde girl gets closer to him and you get farther. And even though she's seven and he's fourteen and its a little creepy, that green monster inside you is roaring and crying and trying to claw it's way out of you.
And on the fifth day, you meet the goatboy. He's awkward, sweet, and kind of eccentric. He eats cutlery and likes soda cans. You seek him out one night and spill everything that has been chewing you up. He listens, but can't offer any advice. So as you travel, you stick with goatboy and watch from afar as the blonde girl gets closer to him. Everything is quiet for a little while - and then comes the cyclops.
It's one of the most terrifying experiences of your life.
And by the end of it, all of you are hanging by your ankles by a large fire. All except that little blonde girl who you love and hate at the same time. But she shows up out of the darkness like a small avenging angel and kills the cyclops and cuts you all down. And you hate to admit it but when he runs to you first and holds you to his chest, the green monster is appeased and settles down peacefully. And you're only twelve, but as he holds you and whispers in your ear that he was sorry, and he never wanted to have to let you go, you feel a lot older.
Then you're on a hill and you know this is it. There are sososo many monsters, and the one inside you has disappeared, and you know what has to be done. You yell at them to run and not look back, you ignore how the little blonde girl you know you never really hated cries incessantly (she's smart and knows what this means), you ignore how goatboy has silent tears streaming down his face, but you can't ignore how he is looking at you with sadsadsad eyes because he knows this is it for you and for youandhim (if there ever was a youandhim). You lock eyes with him and smile sadly and then you turn around and face the monsters.
You fall asleep.
When you wake up, the little blonde girl is standing over you, except she isn't little. Then goatboy shows up and you turn your head from side to side but he isn't there. Instead there's a new boy beside the blonde girl, and he's the opposite of him. This new boy is good and shiny, and he has powers beyond imagining , powers like yours. They tell you you were a tree (you're shocked at first, but it wears off pretty quickly). They tell you it's been six years. But it looks like you've only aged four, and it's weird for you because you used to be shorter and you didn't use to have any sort of womanly qualities but now you have a chest and a bum and you look so much more grown up. You're taller and you feel older, you feel like a grownup. And then the blonde girl tells you about what he's done.
You feel like someone has taken a hundred knives
and plunged them into your heart,
twisted them around,
then poured salt all over the wounds.
And you're almost sixteen but you feel a lot younger when you curl up in your bed and crycrycry because he isn't really him anymore and you're older and you have a chest and everything is just happening too fast.
You lose the blonde girl. She falls off a cliff. You meet some hunters (again). You go on a quest to find the blonde girl (and the goddess but right now you're clinging onto the blonde girl because goatboy is in love with that old fashioned huntress and he's left you and that blonde girl is the only thing that can hold you together). Then the new boy who isn't new now, he's that annoying boy, he shows up and you can see that the only reason he is here is for the blonde girl. And you can see how much he cares, so he stops being annoying and becomes the good boy. Because he's good inside and out, you can see it, and if he's here for the blonde girl then he can't be all bad. When you find her, you want to cry for joy.
When he shows up, you want to cry. Because he used to be perfect in your eyes, in her eyes, in goatboy's eyes. And now he's ruined. He's evil now. You attack him. He's looking at you with those same sad eyes. He begs you to join him. He wants you, he needs you, he hasn't been alive without you, and if only if only if only you could believe him. You want nothing more than to believe him but he isn't telling the truth.
So you push him off a cliff.
And you join the hunt.
And you feel broken inside.
And the world stops spinning.
And he shows up one day. And he begs you again. He gets on his knees and literally begs at your feet and it's then that you truly know that he isn't who he was, not anymore. He would never beg. You turn him away and your heart turns to cold stone. Or maybe it just crumbles, but you carry on.
Eventually it's the big battle. You see him from a distance and you feel your very soul break and you're only fifteen but you feel a lot older. Because he's got golden eyes and a scythe that doesn't belong to him and his voice is wrong wrong wrong.
He's tearing down Manhattan, and you along with it.
And when you see his body, broken and mangled, and you see the blonde girl holding the good boy's hand, and goatboy munching morosely on a fork, you know he's torn you down.
You always knew he would.
Just a little something to pass the time while I recover some documents.
Hope you enjoyed this little piece of my soul!
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Thanks for reading!