480Hey guys, I bet you thought this story had been abandoned. It hasn't! I plan on finishing it, it's just life is really hard right now. My husband is really ill and between dealing with that and dealing with an extremely demanding job I am about as stressed out and pulled as thin as any one person could be. So it takes me an extremely long time to get to the point of getting a chapter ready.
I need to thank Shelley my beta. She works hard on fixing my messes…and does an excellent job! I thank her for holding on and continuing to work with me through all my crazy. Just when I think things are getting better something seems to go south. Eventually it will get better and things will calm down at least that is what I keep telling myself.
I also need to thank Margaret and Barbara your emails are appreciated and loved! Your pushing for the story also helps me getting what I do done, so for those things I thank you! Karren (Karrie) thank you for being there for our chats. Sometimes I swear you keep me sane….and that is no small feat with all this crazy.
Lastly thank you my fans. The fans of What Does it Mean to Love, What Does it Mean to Trust and Opening of Closed Hearts. The Private messages I get they mean a lot! I read them even if I fail to reply at times. I am sorry for you all that you have had to wait this long for the next chapter of this story and I wish I could say things are different but right now things in my life are tough. Know that you all are thought of often and thought of fondly and that a new chapter will be coming..I just can't promise when and how often. This story is not abandoned…nor will it be.
I hope you enjoy the latest chapter….
Chapter 14
SPOV
It has been a week since I woke up. I have spent a whole week in the hospital. I had to jump through all of their hoops, taking every test known to man. Okay, maybe not every test, but it certainly felt like it. I was so frustrated that wanted to scream out at the top of my lungs. I wanted to go home, yet I hadn't heard a date or even a hint of a date from the doctors to indicate when I might be released. They were also keeping the results of the myriad test taking a secret. This wasn't what I had signed on for when those doctors stood in my room the first night.
A few good things had happened throughout the week. I'd been able to see all of my Rangeman brothers. Lester had even come into my room a couple more times but things were still awkward between us. I am not sure if we were both worried that we would say the wrong thing or what it was exactly, but it definitely felt strained.
I tried to get information out of Slyder when he came to visit me; however, Slyder wouldn't talk about Lester. Every time I asked a question concerning Lester, he changed the subject. Something told me things weren't right there either, but I decided not to push it.
I finally gave up asking, but I was so frustrated I wanted to hit something. I found it hard to believe Lester was acting this weird because I'd gotten hurt. The couple of times Lester came into my room, we had more heated discussions about him dealing with the choices I had made. It was clear he was struggling to understand how I could put him first. Personally, I was not able to see how he couldn't see it.
I tried talking to Carlos about the whole thing, but I truly believe he didn't get my reasons either so I think it sort of fell on deaf ears. Or maybe it was more ears that weren't willing to listen. I think there was a part of him that completely understood and agreed with Lester's arguments, but he also seemed too upset with Lester to agree with him aloud. The most he offered to do for me when it came to Lester was to kick his ass, saying I wouldn't be able to for a while.
The conversations were all the same. I would start to ask questions trying to sort out some of what Lester had said and Carlos would just interrupt me with a 'Babe, you want me to kick his ass'? Part of me wanted to say yes, but I never took him up on it.
If I felt better, I would have called Lester to the mats and we would have settled our argument Rangeman style. Sometimes I think that is the only way to get through their thick skulls. Beat them until they are black and blue and no longer have the strength to resist. That's what testosterone does to a person.
And the men of Rangeman are about as full of it as any man could get. I'm surprised more of them aren't thumping their chests, saying 'me man you woman' and dragging women to their caves. Thoughts of the men in loin clothes with big sticks made me giggle. I had to remind myself this was not the time nor the place for where my thoughts were taking me.
I was just happy that Lester hadn't been able to talk Carlos into seeing things completely his way. For that, I considered myself lucky because if anyone was capable of being head Caveman, it was Carlos. It wasn't too long ago when something would go bad in my life that Carlos would try to lock me up in Rangeman until the danger ended or was dealt with. Things changed when Carlos and I started dating and I began training at Rangeman. He began to understand that locking me up was no longer a solution and for that, I was happy.
While Carlos hadn't taken Lester side, he hadn't necessarily taken my side either. We hadn't really talked about his feelings on the whole thing and I wasn't a hundred percent sure where his thoughts and feelings were. I knew he would do anything to try to protect me, and for that, I loved him more. However, I couldn't allow him to lock me up in his ivory tower no matter how much I loved him.
I just hoped that we both have learned from the mistakes of our past. Carlos trying to lock me up to keep me safe, and me, for doing anything and everything to break free. Though I had learned a few lessons the hard way that lead me to be kidnapped, almost gang raped and my flesh burned by a hot branding iron I still wasn't really sure how I would react if he tried locking me up again.
On many different levels, I wasn't the same helpless, hapless bounty hunter that I was then, but I also wasn't stupid enough to believe I was invincible either. I was far from the best. There was only one best, and he was the man that stood beside me, held me, supported me, kept me sane on my best of days and saved my life on the worst. Carlos was the best. He was known as Ranger to everyone else in the world and he was the supreme bounty hunter. He owned Rangeman, of which I was now a proud team member.
My partner is Slyder, but since Lester was and is my best friend, he typically tagged along with us. It hurts me now to think things between Lester and I have somehow changed because of me having been shot. Lester is also one of the silent partners in Rangeman along with Tank and Bobby.
Speaking of Bobby, I am currently mad at him. Not seriously mad, well maybe a little bit of seriously mad. He is my physical therapist and we don't exactly see everything eye to eye when it comes to my physical rehabilitation - of which he is completely in charge. According to Carlos, whatever Bobby says is what is going to happen. I have yet to figure out a way to convince Carlos to see it my way.
Bobby wants me to do all these stupid breathing exercises and I am tired of not moving. I am tired of not training. I am ready to be out of the hospital and back working at Rangeman. I don't want to have to keep blowing into this stupid plastic thing with the goal of getting the ball thingy to go higher.
I keep telling Bobby and the dumbass doctors that I am fine. That I am ready to do more and they keep pushing me to go slower and slower. I am done with slow. I want my life back. I want my job back. I want my training and exercise back, and I want them back now.
Don't seem so shocked. I never thought I would say those words either. I remembered when I started my training how I would fall to the mat exhausted, panting, and certain I was having a heart attack for pushing myself too hard to keep up with my trainers. I also remember begging a few times for it to end and for them just to put me out of misery. Now, things were different; I actually loved my training.
Everyone at Rangeman took part in my training to some degree. I had worked hard and I had gotten good. Good to the point I could look in the mirror and be proud of the person looking back. I was no longer a fuck up, a joke, a half-assed bounty hunter as some folks had thought. I was a true Rangeman.
I loved that I was someone who could do her job, hold her own and be able to keep up with my coworkers. I didn't want to lose all of that hard work and hard training by sitting in a hospital bed. I let out a frustrating sigh.
"Babe, it's okay. I know you want to leave. I know you are tired of following the doctors' orders and you want to get back to training, but you need to give your body time to recover. You need to heal before you put your body under any more stress or you will have complications and end up staying here longer," Carlos stated his eyes willing me to agree to see it his way. I knew everything he said was true, but it didn't mean I liked hearing any of it.
"Carlos, it's been a week since I woke up. I haven't heard anything about any of the tests. Bobby keeps telling me that I need to take my recovery slow, which I get to some point, but I think he is going a little overboard on the slow. I am not an invalid nor am I a baby. There are things I can do for myself." I didn't even try to keep the frustration out of my voice.
"Babe," is all he said in response, and while I normally love when he says it, a part of me wanted to scream at him for not coming up with something else to tell me. Instead, I threw my head back on the pillows and let out growl in frustration.
"Just so you know, if they haven't released me by tomorrow, I am signing myself out," I tell him, huffing it out with my lips puckered out like a petulant child. I hoped he would just go along with me and not call my bluff. He knows better than me that he can make me stay. He knows I will cave for him.
From the corner of my eye, I see him shake his head but he doesn't say anything aloud. For now, I would take that as a win. Not that I thought he would help break me out, but I was really hoping I would be going home sooner rather than later. I could blow in the stupid tube at home just as well as I could in this hospital bed.
It seemed like the week had crawled forward at a snail's pace. Sitting in the bed didn't help, neither did sleeping on an off throughout the day. I found that I would lose chunks of time just sleeping. I was allowed visitors and they kept my day moving along somewhat, but I was slowly losing my patience with the whole thing. Carlos hardly ever left my side even though I told him to go to Rangeman and take care of whatever business he needed to do. Instead, he would work from the hospital room, but for the most part, he just sat with me, held me in his strong capable arms and talked to me. There was a selfish piece of me that loved every minute of the time we had together.
According to some of the guys who visited, they had turned my mother, father and Joe away when they tried to get in to see me. When I finally asked about Valerie, they said she, as of yet, hadn't come to visit. Part of me was sad that she didn't care enough to make an effort, but I also knew it was probably more a statement about what I had done, than her not caring. For that, I felt a little regret. Not enough to want to take back what I did or apologize for it, but my actions had certainly set off all sorts of events throughout the burg and I am sure Valerie was feeling the pressure from it.
I knew what I had done wouldn't be overlooked or not talked about. I knew what I was doing when I did it. Mary Lou had come to visit me in the hospital and had filled me in on all the juicy, her words not mine, happenings of the burg.
The minute my door opened and Mary Lou stuck her head in, her Jersey accent became pungently strong as she started to laugh and go down the whole list of happenings. The first thing out of her mouth had my head reeling and my gut swimming with uncertainty.
I knew I had acted out in a moment of anger and hurt. I was mad, I was hurt, and I was fed up. I wanted to strike back and I wanted to strike back hard. So hard that nothing would ever be the same and that was exactly what I'd done. Now, knowing everything that happened and looking back, there was only one question to answer. Was it worth it? I certainly got what I wanted, so really, the question is and will forever be: Was my need for revenge worth the guilt I would now feel from the fall out?
Mary Lou told me all about Grandma Bella's heart exploding when she saw the pictures and how she had died on the spot. How Morelli was there to witness the whole thing. His Mother, Angie, having chest pains and passing out. How the emergency response teams arrived at his parent's home in the burg with all the neighbors standing out on the sidewalk in front of their homes watching the responders tend to Angela and how they had yelled out that Bella was DOA and to call the Medical examiner, which brought police attention as they opened an investigation.
Anytime rescue or fire assistance is called to a home in the burg it is a big attraction for all the nosy neighbors. Half of the residents have scanners that they keep tuned to the fire and rescue channels just waiting and listening for a call in their area. I swear if someone was willing to push a food cart, they could make a fortune selling popcorn, candy apples and lemonade to those standing on the street watching the drama unfold.
I did feel guilty for my part in causing Bella's death. Honestly, there was a small part of me that worried she would find a way to come back from the dead and haunt me for the rest of my existence. After all, she hated me when she had no real reason to hate me. Now that I had given her one, I was sure she wouldn't miss the opportunity to make my life miserable even from the grave, if possible.
I also felt a bit bad about the fact they had to hold the body on ice until Angela got out of the hospital. She had an atrial fibrillation attack that caused her to have to stay in the hospital. According to Mary Lou, it took almost a week for the doctors to get everything under control before they sent Angela home. Because of that, Bella's memorial service suffered. Another crime that I am sure Bella will make sure I pay for.
Mary Lou told me how much Grandma had said was looking forward to going to the viewing, and I slightly cringed knowing her track record with funerals. I could see it already, Grandma will want to know if the casket will be open or if all the time Bella spent on ice would cause them to have to close it due to frostbite. I was certain if it ended up being a closed casket, Bella would have another reason to hate me and seek revenge from the great beyond.
I hadn't really heard how my mother was dealing with the fact that the whole burg has seen all her bits and parts along with Morelli's, but Mary Lou did have a little of the scoop. She lost her job at the church and my Dad? My Dad had left her.
He had apparently moved into a little apartment on the other side of town. Mary Lou also said he visited Angela in the hospital multiple times. I wasn't sure what that was all about, but I wasn't really going to spend any brain cells on trying to figure it out either.
Mary Lou laughed when she said that she heard people wanted to get signed copies of the pictures. I'm sure by "people", she was referring to Grandma and her "homeys" as she called them. Mary Lou went on to tell me that Grandma actually sent copies of the pictures to playboy and hustler magazines in hopes of getting them in a national publication. I shuddered at the thought.
Of course, when Grandma visited, I had to ask her and only laughed when she went on to tell me that she had yet to hear back from old man Hugh, but that she was still looking for the letter in the mail. She said since he was getting up there in age she expected it to take him a little longer to write her back. I didn't have the heart to tell her more than likely she would never hear back from him.
She also informed me that she'd taken the opportunity to ask him some personal questions as well. I suspect if Grandma's boobs hadn't gone south for all seasons and her skin didn't have more wrinkles than a prune she would have signed herself up to be playboy bunny of the month. After all, she said she wanted to be invited to the playboy mansion in order to get first-hand knowledge if old man Hugh needed help in the form of a little blue pill or not. Once again I find myself shuddering at the memory.
The good part about Grandma visiting me was it was never a boring visit. From her trying to trap a Rangeman in a corner to cop a feel, to her telling stories of her escapades around the burg, she kept me highly entertained, even if it caused my ears to bleed at times. The bad part of Grandma's visits is the fact that I am stuck in a hospital bed in a room where there is no escapes from all the talk of all the naughty things she had planned for Hugh when he asked her out on a date. Some things can never be unheard.
When Grandma did visit was when Carlos made himself scarce…coincidence? I think not. God love her, she visited often because according to her she 'got to see all the hotties at once'. So far in Grandma's game of 'cop a feel of a Rangeman', it was Grandma a whopping ten and Rangeman a big fat zero. Shameful, considering she probably had them all by at least forty plus years.
They could take down a terrorist, dismantle a bomb, take on a small country of militia and come out the victors, but they couldn't take on Grandma and win. It really spoke volumes. I'm just not sure it was volumes that Rangeman would want broadcasted to everyone.
Mary Lou told me she'd heard that Helen had come to the hospital and had made a scene trying to get into my room. She even had Joe come with her to see if he could get them in my room but that was all before I had woken up. In fact, Mary Lou told me the last time she was here in the hospital was the last time she had been seen in public.
After being asked repeatedly for autographs for the pictures, she had locked herself in her house and hadn't ventured out. I briefly felt a little guilt but then I remembered everything she had done to me and decided I didn't really care.
I also suspected she wasn't handling the fact my Father left her very well. If she was anything, she was a wife; Frank's perfect wife that always had his meals on the table at six o'clock on the dot, her house spotless, windows washed, the grass cut and the bushes trimmed to perfection. She was the epitome of the picture perfect burg couple living in the picture perfect burg home.
Mary Lou told me it appeared no one was maintaining the perfect burg home as the flowers had wilted and the grass was taller than she had ever remembered it being. Part of me knew I should be sad or feel guilty, as that was the appropriate emotional response, but I couldn't make myself feel sorry for her. I also didn't have it in me to feel any remorse for Joe.
Mary Lou told me that his career was more than likely over. She heard from members on the force that if they allowed him to come back, he would have two options: a desk job pushing papers or traffic control cop. He would no longer be a detective, he would no longer have his own car, he wouldn't have a partner and he wouldn't be allowed to work on any investigative cases.
She said that the decision hadn't been made yet, as he was still on suspension, and that the decision would be made prior to his return. She said that he had to undergo mandatory counseling while on suspension. She also told me that he was under the ever-watchful eye of the burg. All the neighbors were watching him and talking about everything he did.
She heard his neighbors even went as far to make notes of who visited, when he left and when he returned home. He couldn't move without someone watching what he was doing. Part of me wanted to laugh at the thought of Joe being under such scrutiny because I knew how much he would hate it. I couldn't help but think I didn't know anyone who deserved it more than Joe.
There was a knock on the door that pulled me from my trip down memory lane. "Come in," I stated. I watched as the door opened and my doctor, along with a couple of other people, walked into my room. I had seen the other men but couldn't remember their names. I knew they were one of the many specialists that had reviewed my test results. My anxiety level began to increase and I quickly took a deep breath in an attempt to calm my nerves. Part of me started praying they would say I could finally leave this place. The smile on their faces allowed the tension in my shoulders to ease a little. Surely they wouldn't smile at me if they had bad news.
"Stephanie," my main doctor started, and I gave him my full attention. "I just wanted to let you know that the tests have all been positive. Your recovery is going better than expected. We have collectively decided to release you, but you will be under the direct care of Bobby Brown." At those wonderful words, I felt the excitement growing inside like an inflating helium balloon. I was sure I would float right out of my bed at any second.
The Doctor continued on. "First, I need to go over some dos and don'ts with you. You will need to come back and see me in a couple of weeks. Physical exercise is out, for now. Your therapist has more details, but basically at this point, we don't want you taxing your lungs and heart. I am releasing you to do very light activity. You'll need to refrain from doing anything that might make your heart race or overtax your lungs." The look on his face was serious but held a hint of embarrassment. I was pretty sure he'd just told me in a roundabout way that I wasn't allowed to have sex….
I cut a quick glance to Carlos to see if he'd interpreted that in the same way but I didn't see any indication on his face so I shrugged off the comment and hoped I'd imagined it. I heard the rest of the dos and don'ts but wasn't really listening all that closely, knowing between Ranger and Bobby and lets' face it, all of the rest of the Rangemen, I wouldn't have to worry about the remainder of the list. There would probably be a copy posted on every wall in the building before I even had a chance to put my toe on the floor. I held back a giggle at the thought of them sharing the list of dos and don'ts and imagined them probably making a schedule to determine who was going to follow me around to make sure I adhered to the rules. While I am positive it will get to the point of ridiculousness and I will be ready to pull out every strand of my hair, right then I found it funny. I briefly wondered if I could have them add must have ice cream cones and TastyKakes daily to the do list. Now that would be funny. I wonder how Carlos will handle that.
Hearing Carlos say, "Babe," brought me back from the dream of ice cream and TastyKakes. I briefly wondered if I said something out loud. He gave me a small head shake and I knew he'd been reading my mind.
When the doctors left my room I turned to him. "Were you reading my mind?" I asked. He smiled at me before he started talking.
"Babe, if you want sweets, I'm sure all you have to do is ask any of your brothers and they will get you whatever you want, regardless of the rules." I felt my mouth open but the words froze on my tongue. I should quit asking, because by now it shouldn't, but the mind reading thing still floors me. How does he do it? I know Batman is a superhero and all and he has special talents, not unlike Carlos, but I never knew reading minds was one of them. They so held that shit back on us in all of the movies.
"Babe," he began, reading my mind again, "your eyes got all soft and unfocused and there are only two times that happens. One, when I am buried balls-deep inside of you, and the other, when you are thinking about desserts. Since I'm not, unfortunately, inside you, it had to be sweets causing that look."
And just like that, I was no longer thinking about sweets.
Now it's him I'm thinking of and the fact the doctor said I shouldn't be doing anything that makes my heart race. Well, I guess I should tell the doctor that all is well with that heart racing shit because just thinking of him is making my heart race and it hasn't killed me yet. Guess there is something to that whole saying, 'what doesn't kill us makes us stronger'.
"Babe" Carlos chided with another headshake and before I could say anything else, the door opened and in strolled Lester and Slyder.
"Hey guys, how are you?" I greet them both and was unable to control the smile on my face.
"Hey Beautiful, I hear you are going to be a free bird soon." Lester's voice sounded happier than I remember it being in the last few days. Even Slyder's smile was brighter. I nodded my head, still smiling, and thought to myself, I knew it wouldn't take them long to hear the news.
"Did you come to take us home?" I asked eagerly. "I can't wait to leave here! Oh, and on the way home, we have to make a stop. I need ice cream and TastyKakes, per the doctor's orders."
Only one word came out of the mouth of the man I love…and yep, you guessed it.
"Babe."