This was something I did a really long time ago, but never finished past the part with the failed crossover. Anything in bold and italics is an author's note, which you really should read if you want to get the whole story...


Odd was on the internet.

Oh, joy.

And as he was looking on someone's Fanfiction profile page, he came upon a list of funny things that people put on products.

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

What was that supposed to mean?

Yumi was Japanese, maybe she could help.

"YUMI!"

"What?" she asked Odd. "And could you please not yell? We're in the same room, you know."

"I need help figuring this phrase out!"

Yumi sighed and walked over to the computer. Of course… some idiot had used Engrish(not a typo) again.

"Odd, it's-"

"I know! I'll put it into my anagram translator! Hmm… rebooted erosion steers to truths. (To past me: Next time, actually take the time to do the anagram yourself.) Better Google it!"

"Odd-"

"Nothing over here… or over there… Oh, this looks truthful! Rebooted Erosion lives in hyperspace, 3 trillion gazillion light-years away beyond space and time! And there's a supercomputer nearby, so we can go by Lyoko! Let's go! Follow me!"

Sigh.


By pounding on random keys, Odd had somehow set up delayed virtualization for them, Skid coordinates for the correct supercomputer, and their vehicles on the correct Replika (and deleted the Overbike and sent Xana a copy of Break Break Break Dance at the same time, but those didn't matter, right?), and then pushed Yumi into a random scanner and got into another one. AND THEY WERE VIRTUALIZED.

A random commercial break, put there because the author didn't want to show boring scenes of them leaping around a polygonal tunnel for twenty minutes, got them to the Key Room.

"What is that?" Yumi whispered, looking at a THINGY.

"It's a GIANT MUSHROOM… maybe it's friendly!"

"Let's just keep moving, okay?"

"And it lives in a yellow submarine!"

"…"

"…"

And then a big fan turned on, blowing away the smoke, and…

It was a…

Come on.

You won't expect this.

Yes, it is rather shocking.

It was…

A Platypus on a Platform!

And it liked to explode.

It shot a giant beaver-shaped laser at our two heroes, and danced away on the Batmobile.

"What… was… that?" Yumi asked, coughing from the beaver laser's smoke bombs.

"I honWAFFLESstly havWAFFLES no idWAFFLESa," Odd answered. (Note to past me: don't rip off things that may or may not be copyrighted. Changing it from OMGPANDAS to... something else.)

"…Waffles?"

"Now you'rWAFFLES the crazy onWAFFLES. I havWAFFLESn't bWAFFLESWAFFLESn talking about waffles."

"Odd, you're saying WAFFLES every time you're supposed to be saying the letter E."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"ArWAFFLES too!"

"You know, it's really hard to fall for that when you're saying WAFFLES all the time."

"Darn it… but I'm still not talking about waffles!"

"Wow, a whole sentence where you didn't say the letter E."

"But that's impossiblWAFFLES!"

"Forget it; this is taking up way too much time. Let's just go back to France and forget this ever happened."

But when they turned around, a platform fell over the doorway, blocking their escape.

"Well… I guess we're going to have to find out what Rebooted Erosion is…"

They went through the doorway, but when they got to the elevator, it wasn't there. It had been replaced with a poptart with a cat's head, tail, and legs that was making one of the most annoying noises ever: "NYAN NYAN NYAN…" over and over again, multiplied by infinity.

There was a piece of paper lying on the ground. Yumi walked over and picked it up; wondering what it was doing there, since Carthage had more advanced technology than that. It was a letter to Xana's monsters. It read:

To monsters:

Sorry about the Nyan Cat. We had budget cuts. Beaver lasers cost a lot, you know. I had to get revenge on those Lyoko Warriors for the horrible music video, so…

-Xana

"WhWAFFLESrWAFFLES did Xana gWAFFLESt thWAFFLES bWAFFLESavWAFFLESr lasWAFFLESr anyway?" Odd wondered. Yumi replied, "I don't know, but please keep the amount of words you use with the letter E in them to a minimum."

"FinWAFFLESWAFFLESWAFFLES…"

"Odd!"

"Okay, okay!"

"Better."

They stepped on the Nyan Cat, and it blasted up in a fury of rainbows to the… outside of the Core place? Forgive me; I haven't watched the show in a while.

They stepped into their vehicles and got into the Skid room.

"Can I drivWAFFLES?"

"No, Odd."

"NOW can I drivWAFFLES?"

"No!"

"Awwww…"

So, they sped away and somehow, they ended up in front of a black plothole.

"What the hell is this!?" Yumi yelled. They were getting sucked in VERY quickly, and Yumi had full reverse thrusters on, but to no avail.

Odd yelled, "I don't knooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww… " just as they were sucked to their doom.

Fortunately for them, the original meaning of doom was just fate, and they landed, unfortunately minus one Skid but fortunately plus two vehicles, on a big shelf of rock, which unfortunately for them disintegrated right after that.

Wow, that's like four fortunatelies and unfortunatelies.

So anyway, they landed on a growing mountain, which then disintegrated, and a growing pillar of rock, which then disintegrated and took their vehicles with it, and basically the whole place was changing and they had to leap on different formations before they disappeared.

"I'd bWAFFLESt that this is thWAFFLES placWAFFLES," Odd yelled over the roar of rock grating against rock.

"Look, there's a door!" Yumi shouted, ignoring the usage of WAFFLES, and pointing to it while jumping off a hill.

They jumped to the doorway, got there, and went through…

As it turned out, beyond space and time was actually a lot like Sector Five, except it was in 2D instead of 3D. And Odd's WAFFLES-ing had disappeared, luckily…

"Huh, this looks exactly like Sector Five," Odd quipped.

"It's missing a dimension, Odd. We're back in the real world," Yumi, who by this time had given up on telling Odd the answer, replied.

"We are?"

"…No. We're in the Snuggie dimension."

"Then where are the fluffy nose menus?"

"I'm not even going to ask…"

"Yeah, you probably shouldn't. My mind is a strange place."

"…"

They went to where the Key Room should be… but it wasn't there. In its place was an intricately detailed throne room, with displays of STUFF (yay, STUFF!) on the walls.

And in the throne, which incidentally had Caramelldancing scuba divers on it, there was…

…um…

VOLDEMORT!

No, wait.

Can't do crossovers.

Ehh, whatever.

So anyway, Voldemort was sitting in the Throne of Scuba Diving. And for whatever reason, he was wearing a big purple jumpsuit with a red duck on it. It called up bad images.

"Er," Yumi said, wincing slightly at the horrible of the horrible jumpsuit, "we heard that you knew something about that saying on the Internet? As in the one that goes, not to be used for the other use?"

"Yep," Voldy grinned, "I shore do!"

And apparently he had a Southern accent.

"Buuuuut…Ah only am here tuh sell stuff. So what wouldcha like tuh buy, ma'am?"

"Uh…" Yumi glanced around the room, trying to find something useful for her and Odd.

For her she saw…

Name of item: Haiku Author

Item type: Meta control

Description of item: Whatever you say in a haiku format comes true, either as a prophecy or right then. Has a cooldown time of ten minutes.

Cost: 1 thingy

And for Odd…

Name of item: Projectile explosion

Item type: Explosions

Item description: Any projectiles that are shot are given explosion power, sending out a shockwave that gives a lifepoint dip of 20 to any enemy in the area on impact.

Cost: 1 thingy

(Note to past me: Your ideas for weapons suck.)

Whatever. Yumi decided to buy them both. She found two pennies on the floor and gave them to Voldy.

"Thanks, ma'am!" Voldy said, grinning broadly. "And the next clue is: In the world of Zim, hides another clue…"

Yumi slapped her forehead. "You mean we're doing another crossover?"

"Yep!" Voldy grinned. "I'd edit the categories!" he shouted to the Author.

"The categories aren't even up yet!" the Author shouted back. "Because I haven't posted the story at the time of its writing! And… hey, waaaiit a minute, you just broke the fourth wall!" A bolt of lightning came down and SMITED his character from any further existence, eliminating the crossover (and changing their memories of it) at the same time.

And Yumi and Odd somehow found themselves back in the Skid, back outside where the plothole once was (Voldy's existence was feeding the plothole), and randomly, YUMI LOST CONTROL OF THE SKID.

Okay, maybe not so random.

Because I made it happen.

AAAAAAAAA

I IS NO RANDOM

AAAAAAAAA

(To past me: Like that's such a horrible thing.)

Okay. So, anyway, Yumi had lost control of the Skid.

And they WHACKED into the side of a Replika.

And burst through.

Luckily, those Replikas are STRONG.

Wooo~

And they burst through it and it healed itself up in no time.

Now, this Replika was like no other…

It was basically like the Forest Sector, but the trees were black, the ground was silver, the digital sea was purple, and the sky was pink. And it was laid out differently.

Whoa… doomy.

Man, I'm spooky~

(To past me: No, you most certainly aren't.)

Yeah.

So, they connected the Skid to a tower, and somehow they got out. Remember, the only time Yumi ever piloted the Skid was in the episode called Replika… or maybe she piloted it more than once, or she didn't pilot it in that episode… sorry, haven't seen the show in a while. So, anyway, hence the use of somehow.

And now, because we have reached the place where the author was forced to stop a long time ago, we must have a scene change, for no discernible reason other than "haha shenanigans".


The Author looked around the small, drab conference room, memorizing its details for later writings. She drummed her fingers as she looked down the polished wooden table, noticing that the seat at the other end had been filled since she had last looked, which had been about ten seconds before. "And how might you be?"

Why have you started writing this again?

"I had nothing better to do, and this was the longest piece I've ever done, if not the most... rational."

You know full well that that is not the complete answer.

The Author sighed. "Omniscient beings are annoying, do you know that?"

Just continue.

"Alright, alright! I started writing again because... well... my instincts told me that it was time."

You did well to follow them. Instinct, imagination, and inspiration: the three things every Author needs to prosper.

"Yeah, I get it. You're oracle-riddle-prophecy dude. But what do I need to do next?"

Trust your instincts.

"Goddamnit."

As I believe humans of the modern age say when they are amused: Lol.


"Yumi?"

"Yes?"

"I forget why we're here."

"So do I, as a matter of fact."

Little could they know that their Author was very new to memory manipulation, and thus had erased a whole day's worth of memory instead of two minutes' worth.

"Well, let's wander around randomly."

"That is the stupidest plan ever, and you know it."

Five minutes later...

They had somehow gotten lost, despite not moving from the spots where they had stood five minutes ago.

"Odd, I thought I told you that wandering around randomly was a horrible idea."

"I don't think we actually moved any."

"Then how do you explain that the landscape looks radically different and the fact that we lost the Skid?"

"That's just it. I can't."

"Well, I guess we really have no choice now but to wander around randomly."

"I do suppose that that is true."

Five more minutes later...

They had somehow gotten back to Earth, but the pull of gravity had reversed itself. (It turned out that deleting the Overbike had had more repercussions than just Ulrich being deprived of a vehicle.)

"Odd?"

"Yes?"

"I'm blaming this on you."


That's how you end the only story you have ever completed?

"Yes, as a matter of fact. It is."

You do know that that's a horrible way to end any story.

"I was running short on imagination."

I ought to delete this entire work and forbid you from posting it to the Internet.

"But, you won't."

Goddamnit.

"As omniscient idiots who supposedly lead all of the Authors but have no real power say: Lol."


END!1

Or is it?

Yeah, probably.

Wait, the words omniscient and idiot are mutually exclusive.

Oh well.