375Disclaimer: *screams at the top of my lungs* I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER!
When I entered the Gryffindor common room, ready to put this miserable day behind me and hit the hay, I was met with Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny standing in a small circle by one of the couches. Their voices were hushed and reverberated softly through the room, but not loud or clear enough to be intelligible.
Also during my observation I noticed, curiously, that Harry and Ginny were standing rather close to one another; their hands brushed up against each other more than once – definitely purposely then.
Hm. Interesting. Must be thoroughly investigated when I'm in a better frame of mind.
Their secret meeting came to an end as soon as they noticed me hovering by the entrance to the common room. They grew quiet and turned slowly, breaking up the grouping. They were unnaturally quiet, actually, surprise present on most of their features – it almost was like none of them wanted to be the ones to speak first. The thick silence was fraying on my already tattered nerves.
"Something wrong?" I asked, sharper than I meant to.
Each one of them went to open their mouths, but again, each one of them shut it slowly – obviously not knowing what exactly to say. Perhaps a delicate subject was the topic of discussion before I arrived.
"Not planning a surprise birthday party for me, are you?" I used sarcasm – like I usually did – in uncomfortable situations. But still, no one spoke. "Is this an intervention? Because – you know – the person is usually supposed to have a tangible, dangerous problem. I don't think I have one, unless I'm that far into the denial stage."
"Christina, I-" Hermione began, but I cut her off.
"Please, if you start taking turns reading from letters I'm going to leave."
I knew I was being a bit unfair and snappy, but I was tired, annoyed, and stressed out to the day's maximum limits. I had already gotten two weeks detention courtesy of Madam Pomfrey – plus, at Pansy's whining, twenty points from Gryffindor – and I was running out of tolerance. If they wanted to hash something out, they would have to wait until tomorrow, when the stress level was back at zero.
"Christina," Hermione tried again, and I didn't interrupt this time. "Ron and Harry have...questions. About some of the events that occurred today. Why you visited him...Draco." She cleared her throat quickly. "Ginny and I don't know what to tell them."
I blinked a couple times. Of all the possible subjects, of all the possible non-Christina related things they could have been talking about, they had to choose to latch onto that? Merlin's name, I was not having this conversation right now. This was not how I wanted this to come out – with me half-asleep and losing patience quickly. And I also wanted to be the one to tell them first, not them cluing into the relationship and finding out themselves.
"Can we not do this right now?" I asked, rubbing my forehead. "You can tell them whatever you want, for as long as you want, but I'm going to go to the dorm because I have a long awaited date with my bed." I glanced at my bare wrist, pretending to look at a watch. "And I'm about four hours late."
I moved passed them and no one stopped me. Harry and Ron, the ones who I expected would be hounding me, were curiously silent during the whole encounter. Whether from stewing in anger in silence or begrudgingly adhering to my wishes, I didn't know – and honestly couldn't care less as I fell across my bed, uniform still on, and drifted into sleep before I even hit the mattress.
I woke up the next morning feeling like I drank too much rum the previous night, when in reality I hadn't drank at all (but Merlin knows I could've after the day I had). Rolling over took quite a bit of effort, and slowly but surely the events of the prior day came rushing back.
One memory at a time – ending with my harsh and antagonistic behavior towards my friends. I groaned, still rubbing sleep from my eyes. Apologizing to them would definitely have to be first on the agenda for today. With a mind not muddied by stress and impatience, I could easily see now that none of my friends (at that moment) deserved my snappiness.
It was my own stress that caused me to fault everyone around me. Merlin, I would've cursed at Dumbledore if he was there. I hope my friends didn't take it personally.
That line of thought led to another equally (or perhaps more) disturbing thought – Harry and Ron were asking questions. Draco Malfoy related questions. Personal Draco Malfoy related questions. Romantic personal Draco Malfoy related questions.
None of that was good.
I had planned on (ahem pushed off) telling them on my own terms, when I was ready. Actually, when Draco and I were ready, seeing as though we both had equal parts and say in the relationship.
Dragging my body out of the bed, I stood on wobbly legs and scanned the dorm around me. It appeared that my fellow dorm mates were still sleeping – Hermione included. Just how early was it?
I got my answer from the grandfather clock, which read a little after five in the morning. A frustrated noise bubbled up in my throat. Christina Miro never, I repeat never, got up this early unless it was for a bloody good reason. I half thought about returning to my bed for the sake of it – even if I highly doubted I'd be able to fall asleep again.
A nice hot shower was what I needed right now; my skin itched and I only then realized I was still wearing my uniform from yesterday. I scurried into the bathroom and tore off my clothes, aware that I'd have to put them back on in a couple hours.
The shower was soothing, even scorching, but it was comforting all the same. Though the heat did nothing to pep me up, I felt less tense and even more ready to deal with the day's events.
When I was done, and my skin glimmered and I was thoroughly infused with my raspberry scent, I turned off the water and dried with a nearby towel.
I was never one for long showers – unless I was really dirty (which was known to happen a time or two with all the hijinks my friends got me involved in). And if we were being technical, there was that one time in fourth year where I had to scrub my entire body for three hours because Draco hexed me with a staining curse.
In his 'defense', Draco had told Dumbledore he was playing a simple prank and was innocuously aiming at my shirt.
Curiously, as Draco's wand aim had never been off before.
That little happening had me walking around Hogwarts bright green – much to the cruel amusement of Draco and many of the Slytherins. Hell, some of the other Houses couldn't even hide their laughter at times. Incidentally that three hour shower barely did anything. It took me five bloody days to finally get all of the green off.
Let's just say that payback's a bitch, and I may or may not have retaliated by cursing him with a thick Russian accent and making him unable to move without hopping for a week (hint: I did).
Anyway, my shower was definitely one of the longest I've taken in a while. That's why I wasn't surprised when I exited the bathroom to see my roommates sleepily sitting up in bed, getting ready for a new day of classes.
Hermione was already up on her feet and fussily making her bed, making sure it was tidy enough. She turned when she heard me approach my bed – the one next to hers. Her mild expression and gentle smile told me she wasn't angry about last night, which didn't surprise me. What occurred didn't seem like the kind of thing Hermione would make a big deal out of. Subtly discussing it, well, that was another story.
Hermione started the exchange. "Do you need me to sort out your uniform?" she asked, which was another way of good-naturedly scolding me about sleeping in it last night.
My uniform was rather wrinkly, but I shook my head. "No it's fine. I'll do it myself."
Hermione waved a dismissive hand. "Nonsense. You just worry about getting ready. Wouldn't want to be late for breakfast for the five hundredth time, would you?" A small smirk was playing on her lips.
"I don't want to lose my place in Hogwarts' record book," I teased. Banter was good. Banter was better than questions right now. I willingly gave my uniform to Hermione's awaiting arms and focused on getting my underclothes on and grooming myself.
We made comfortable small talk until we both were ready to head to the common room. It was busy and bustling, with Gryffindors of all years heading in and out. Most were going out to breakfast though, which my growling stomach told me to get to as well.
But following everyday routine, Hermione and I waited for Harry and Ron by the fireplace so we all could go to the Great Hall together. We didn't have to wait long today, but by the time they descended the boy's dormitory stairs most Gryffindor students had left for the Great Hall already.
Harry and Ron, if you didn't know them as well as I did, outwardly appeared looking as normal as ever. Only a certified best mate, like I was, would notice small changes in their appearance. They approached me with a bit of apprehension, even a hint of wariness. There was definite tension in the air – I needed to clear it and fast.
I sighed – breakfast was going to have to wait. "Listen guys," I began, hating the hesitant way my voice came out. Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at me intently, showing their attention, but both boys actually seemed surprised that I broke the silence. "I think we need to talk."
My friends didn't vocally agree or disagree, but slowly nodded their consent nonetheless.
"I'msorry," I blurted without preamble. It was in a rush, and I cleared my throat before I started again. "I'm sorry," I repeated, slower this time. "For the way I acted last night. I was a right bitch. It really wasn't directed at you lot – I was just in a mood. I hope I didn't overly offend any of you." I was and sounded formal and sincere, at least to my own ears.
Hermione's voice was gentle but careful. "No one blames you for that," she said, and I could wordlessly tell how Harry and Ron agreed. "It was a rough day, we understand." She stopped, and it sounded like she wanted to continue but didn't know how to.
"I know you have questions?" I addressed Harry and Ron, breaching the subject.
"Why did you visit Malfoy in the hospital wing?" Ron almost immediately asked. I couldn't decipher his tone.
"He was badly hurt," I said mildly, unable to stop an instinctive glance at Harry. "Worse off than anything he's ever done to us. I had to make sure he was okay."
"Your reaction in the bathroom," Harry jumped in, and he didn't have to specify what he was talking about. "It was completely out of character, even if it was just humane concern."
I rubbed the back of my neck uncomfortably. "Actually, it wasn't really out of character." I shrugged. "At least, it wouldn't be considered out of character at the present time."
Harry and Ron looked bewildered. "Christina," Ron said, "The last time I checked we all hated each other. And the funny thing is-" He laughed as if nothing was funny at all. "I don't remember that changing."
"Well it did," I snapped before I could hold it back. I didn't want to resort to anger and harshness. We had to discuss this with care and maturity, or so I assumed.
"What are you saying?" Harry asked fervently, still trying to understand.
"What do you want? The full story? The complete rundown? I'm sorry, but we don't have enough time and I don't have enough anger management currently." I struggled to keep my emotions in check, succeeding at the moment.
"A bit of an idea as to what the bloody hell is going on would be nice," Ron growled.
I sighed with exasperation. "You know I stayed at Malfoy Manor over the summer, right?"
They both reluctantly nodded.
"Well, things changed from then on. I can't pinpoint really how or when, but I began to understand more about Draco. I got to know him as Draco the person, not Malfoy the bully. Things changed," I said simply.
"Things changed?" Harry repeated, testing out the words.
"Do I have to spell it out?" I mumbled under my breath. I looked to Hermione for help, but she stayed quiet, giving me silent support with her eyes. I was simultaneously thankful and annoyed at her choice to leave me to fend for myself. "Yes things changed. They do that sometimes, you know? We got closer, we became, er, friends, I guess you can say, and one thing led to another..." This conversation was heading into embarrassing territory.
The two boys suddenly had on dawning expressions. "You...you..." Ron started to splutter, followed closely by Harry.
I knew what they were implying, or at least I got the gist of it. "Yes," I said just loudly enough to be heard.
There was a long moment of silence afterwards, which completely contrasted the outrage and yelling I had prepared myself for.
Looking up, I saw twin expressions of betrayal and incredulity on Harry and Ron's faces. Anger I expected, anger I had steeled myself against – prepared to deal with it and give it back – but this, this betrayal, I was unrehearsed for. My anger and argument was swiftly knocked out of me, leaving behind hurt and dread. A part of me, a small stupid part, hoped they would understand. I now could see how wrong I was.
"Christina," Harry finally said, but it held no affection or fondness like it usually would have. It was bland. A bit cold. "How could you?" he asked simply, but it was worse than yelling it to me.
"How could I?" I repeated, my voice frail. "How could I stop myself?" I turned the question around. "You don't know, you can't know..." I forcibly had to stop my stuttering. "I can see how you wouldn't be able to understand what happened..." I trailed off pathetically.
"Yeah, how could you stop yourself from falling in love with a Death Eater?" I couldn't even recognize Ron's voice – it was so mean sounding, devoid of all good humor.
"Unproven Death Eater," I reminded pointedly. "Wishing something so hard doesn't make it true."
"No, evidence does. And we have it," Harry muttered.
"A few overheard conversations, dubious happenings, and biased beliefs are rightfully suspicious, but not evidence enough, Harry," Hermione pointed out softly.
Harry didn't hear her, or if he did, ignored her. "I don't even think I'm angry with you, honestly," he laughed, but it wasn't a happy sound. "I'm disappointed."
That blow hit me hard, and I could feel the distinct burn in my eyes that indicated waterworks were coming. I desperately tried to stop it.
Ron stepped forward this time, and I was taken aback by his passionate tone. "Did Malfoy force you into something?" he asked, and I instantly knew he was trying to give me a way out, a plausible excuse, because then we all could fume and go back to hating Draco. I couldn't do that, never again. "Christina if he's making you -"
"He isn't," I said, voice like steel. "It's consensual." No room for argument. I completely decimated my easy way out option.
I saw the hope leave Ron's eyes, Harry's too, and I saw the moment where they fully accepted everything, where they fully processed it all and passed judgment.
"After everything we've been through, you're siding with him? With the enemy?" Harry asked slowly.
"The only side I'm on is the one to defeat Voldemort. That will never change, no matter who the bloody hell is in my romantic life. You're on that side too, which means we're teammates. Always will be. We fight together," I said emphatically.
"I believed that before," Harry began. "But now...how can I trust someone who lets a Death Eater into their heart? How do we know you won't betray us mid-battle?"
"Harry," Hermione hissed, outraged, but my mouth hung open.
"You know I would never do that, ever. Harry, we've been friends since first year...you know me!" I shouted.
Harry shrugged, "I thought I did. But the Christina Miro I know would never stoop so low – would never willingly want something so closely resembling her parents," he continued.
"He's not like that anymore, not with me," I protested.
Harry shook his head. "I don't know who you are."
My voice shook. "I'm your friend."
If Harry's face softened, it was only for a split second before he dealt the final blow.
"You were."
Apparently it was a long day.
And I say apparently because I personally was in a daze for most of it.
I had little to no recollection of my bland conversations with casual Gryffindors, Hermione's attempts at reconciling her best friends, Harry and Ron's visible avoidance of me, or even the once interesting topics of discussion in my classes.
My mind was, understandably, elsewhere.
I mentally went over every sentence of the worst fight Harry, Ron, and I ever had. Granted, with clashing personalities such as ours, we've fought before. And we had minor disagreements even more. But never had such things been said like in this one.
You were. That's what Harry had said. Did he mean that this friendship was over? Just like that, so easily? After everything we've been through, he would end the friendship over something as trivial as Draco Malfoy being my boyfriend?
I tried to organize the thoughts in my head to see Harry and Ron's point of view. It was easy to see how they could feel betrayed by this. I mean, I hid something important from them. As my 'best friends', shouldn't I have told them in the beginning?
A voice in my head snapped, It was your secret and who you told or didn't tell was your business!
A part of me couldn't help but agree.
And then there was the fact that I could be, to put it in terms Ron would use, 'consorting with the enemy.'
Well, there was no solid proof of it! Yes, there was suspicion, even I had it at times, but just because someone's family is capable of such evil doesn't mean they are. Just look at me!
Draco Malfoy couldn't be a Death Eater.
Actually, he could. I just didn't want him to be. Maybe I could just look at his wrist and put this matter down once and for all. And maybe then, when Harry and Ron saw that he wasn't a Death Eater, they would accept the relationship. They didn't have to like it, but they would begrudgingly accept it and we could go on as best friends again.
Because that's what best friends do. Or at least, I thought that's what they did.
Hell, Hermione and Ginny took it fairly well!
Did Harry and Ron just not care about me and this friendship as much I thought they did?
That's what it all boiled down to. Who truly cared about me in this world?
My blood family, the ones who are supposed to love me, the ones that I should innately receive love from, had abandoned me. I wasn't what they wanted, needed, or esteemed me to be. I was tossed away. Fallen out of their good graces and landed myself in No Man's Land.
And the people who had become my family, my friends, weren't turning out to be as solid as I had hoped. I was wary at first, at making friends, when I came to Hogwarts. I was raised to believe I wasn't good enough. I thought there was something wrong with me, and the minute I opened my mouth and released any type of opinion or feeling I would be shamed. But here, at Hogwarts, when I met Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Fred, George – I could go on – I was given the opportunity and the freedom to finally be myself.
Even the adults, Dumbledore, Hagrid, McGonagall, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley...I was so blessed, I really was.
And that's when all of my current feelings reached the pinnacle and exploded.
Harry and Ron were upset, yes, and they would be for an indefinite amount of time, I figured. But they would get over it. They would have to. All the love and comradeship we've shared doesn't go away in one fight. I was being dramatic, but so were they.
And until the time that they fully understood and accepted me for me, as they had always done before, I was prepared to wait. But I would still be on the frontlines of this bigger fight. Whether they hated me or not, nothing was going to keep me from doing my part in this battle at their side. Like we knew it would be from the beginning.
So I would give them their time and space, and let them come to me. When they were ready...when I was ready. I still had to deal with hurt of my own from the things they had said to me. So even I wasn't ready to get over this so easily.
Time is what we all needed.
It was too bad that that was something not to take for granted right now.
I tuned back into reality – I was in the common room, after dinner. Harry and Ron were in their dorm, avoiding me at all costs, and Hermione and Ginny were sitting on the couch next to me, making awkward small talk that I hadn't been listening to.
I stood up. "I'm going to go take a walk," I announced. "You know, clear my head."
Hermione and Ginny stood up too. "Do you want us to come along?" Hermione asked.
I smile faintly. They were really trying hard to support me; I couldn't fault them for that. "No, I'll be okay. Thanks, though."
"They're just beings tossers," Ginny said before I left. "They'll get over themselves eventually. So if you think that Harry truly meant what he said at the end-"
"I know," I replied. "It's a curious situation for us all."
Hermione and Ginny didn't expect me to be so calm and collected about it, I presumed, as they were silent and bewildered when I finally exited the Gryffindor common room.
I was anything but calm and collected – but no one needed to know that.
There was no surprise when I found myself outside of the hospital wing – it where Draco was. Maybe going to see him wasn't the smartest move, with him being the main topic of my fight with Harry and Ron, but I was not going to choose between them.
I didn't want to sound selfish, but I could have them both. Merlin that sounded horribly selfish.
Madam Pomfrey, however, looked surprised, and a bit dismayed, to see me. "Can I help you, Miss Miro?" she drawled. "Have someone else to put in my wing?" We both looked towards Pansy, who was sleeping on one of the cots at the end of the room.
"No, Madam," I said quickly. "I'm just here to visit Draco Malfoy."
Madam Pomfrey let out a hmph and narrowed her eyes. "I discharged Mr. Malfoy not one hour ago." It sounded like she was reluctant to give me any information.
"Really?" I asked, frowning. "Oh, okay. Thanks Madam, goodnight."
I turned and scurried out of the hospital wing quickly. So where would Draco be? Slytherin common room most likely. Or his dorm room. Should I owl him? I could just tell him to meet at the usual spot and-
Something tugged on my arm and I let out an involuntary shriek, grabbing for my wand.
I stopped fighting when a familiar voice shouted, "Banshee!"
"Draco?" I questioned, turning in his grip.
Draco had his hand over one ear, his features pinched. "You scream like a banshee," he repeated. "Right in my ear too."
"Well that's what you get for sneaking up on me," I breathlessly teased.
"Hm, won't be doing that again soon," Draco said, and then sighed. "Best we find somewhere else to go; you've undoubtedly got this side of Hogwarts running over here to investigate the noise."
"Now you're overreacting," I scoffed, but started to follow him down the corridor.
Draco dramatically gasped. "Me? Overreact? Never!"
I laughed loudly, already feeling some weight fall off my shoulders. Leave it to Draco to know how to make me happy, even if he didn't know I was sad. "So you got discharged from the hospital wing?" I asked.
"Evidently," he murmured, thick with sarcasm.
I shoved him. "I was going to visit you but Madam Pomfrey had already released you. How did you find me?"
"Funnily enough, I was on my way to visit you. I saw you leave the Gryffindor common room and followed you," Draco replied.
"I see," I said, biting back an amusing comment. "Any particular reason you wanted to visit me?"
Draco glanced at me from the corner of his eye. "Do I need a reason to want to see my girlfriend?"
"Smooth," I deadpanned, but inwardly melted. There was no way I was giving him up.
"Not smooth enough, it seems. You aren't swooning at my feet. Guess I'll work on my flattery and get back to you on that."
I raised an eyebrow. "Expect me to swoon at your feet, do you? Not gonna happen. I don't swoon at anyone's feet. Better get used to it."
Draco's eyes gleamed bright with challenge, which contrasted majorly with what he said. "That's why you're worth respecting."
I tripped. "W-what?" Did I hear him right?
"You heard me."
So I did. I covered up my awe with humor. "You respect me, huh? Even when we were mortal enemies?"
Draco shot me a look. "Even then. Begrudgingly of course. You were a worthy adversary."
"And now?"
Draco paused and stopped walking, making me stop as well. "Now?" he questioned, his voice low and fervent. "A worthy partner."
I smiled. "Hm. It's not easy to find one of those. I guess that means we're in this for the long haul." A statement, not a question.
Draco slipped his arms around my waist, the fact that we were in a public hallway long forgotten. "I guess so," he whispered, and kissed me.
A/N: I'M BACKKKKK! Sorry for the long wait readers. University has been keeping me extra busy! I originally wrote a REALLY long chapter, but since that would take forever editing I decided to cut it in half. So this is the first half! I'm editing and writing more of the second half, so that should be up really soon. Plus I have spring break this week! Also, this story is running longer than I thought it would be. A couple chapters ago I thought that this or the next chapter would be the last of this specific story, but it turns out that it may be a couple more chapters beyond that. We'll see! I'm super excited to get to work on the sequel, which is gonna be a roller coaster. So for now, enjoy this short little chapter (even though it's pretty angsty - sorry) Next chapter will be better (maybe). If you have any questions or comments leave it in the review or send me a PM! THANKS READERS! Again, your support and feedback is the only reason this story has come this far. I appreciate it completely. R&R! :)
PS: Question of the chapter...has anyone visited the Wizarding World of Harry Potter? How is it? Favorite part? I have yet to go, sadly, I'm still trying to save up money. Hopefully in the near future I'll get to go!
Stinarina