"Whoa! No, freakin way!"
"It's true Wilson, you're here in the flesh."
"Well, fuck me sideways! How did it, you know, get… fixed?"
"What, your healing factor?"
"Yup."
"Well, after you're circulatory system failed on the Normandy we immediately made for the Citadel. You were hooked on some life support in the ship which kept your alive for a few hours, before failing as well. That's when Doctor Chakwas said that even Citadel Med Care wouldn't be able to help you. I was about to abandon the possibility of you coming back… But, then I remembered something. I had died too."
Shepard looked into Deadpool's masked eyes and together they made their way across the adjoining platform that connected the Normandy to the space port.
"Yeah, you caused quite a huge rift of despair across the void of space? But, you didn't really? Or else you wouldn't be here, right?" The suited and kitted merc questioned as the two stood in the airlock - awaiting the inevitable decontamination process.
"Actually, I really did die. I was partly blown to pieces, and then entered atmospheric descent. I crashed into the world and died from the wounds. Ask Jacob and he'll tell you I wasn't any more than a few tubes and organs." The Commander smiled "Collector bastards really went all out to try and put me out of the picture. However, Cerberus came along just in the nick of time and managed to scavenge bits of my corpse. Just enough to re-animate me."
Deadpool turned and raised an eyebrow at the Commander, giving him a look of dis-belief.
"Not magically, scientifically. A century ago, this would not have been impossible." Shepard added.
"For you."
"Yes. Although you had your healing factor, you still needed to undergo the Project Lazarus programme. The same one I underwent."
"Right, and everything still works fine?"
The couple walked into the bridge of the craft as the decontamination was completed and they made their way to a huge holographic image of the milky-way.
"What do you mean? Your organs are all operational." Shepard said thoughtfully climbing the ramp that lead to the image, which now zoomed in on a particular system. Deadpool realized now it was not a picture, but actually a map. A highly advanced galaxy map.
"Well you know… Like… Am I gonna have problems with the ladies… Down under?" The merc said a little bit too shakily.
"What? Oh, no! Of course not! Don't worry about that. Everything works. Everything."
"Oh! Ok, um good. Thanks for, yeah, clearing that up for me Johnny. Just a bit worried, is all. You know I was just stressing whether I would be seen as unpleasant and unsatisfactory for the ladies, is all…"
"No problem. Now, you better get ready to go, we're still going to pick up Jack." Shepard chuckled plotting a course for the prison ship: the Purgatory. "Talk about no rest for the wicked eh?"
"Yeah, well I aint gonna go down to my quarters. I'll just stick it out at Deck 3. Say thanks to fish boy for saving me."
With that Deadpool departed Shepard's company, only to give a mock salute first. He climbed into the elevator and watched the CIC Bridge disappear from view. He hummed waiting till he got to his destination.
The doors flew open and he briskly stepped out. The crew gazed astonished at what they thought had first been a man, then a corpse, and then a man yet again.
He greeted a quarian that walked into the elevator behind him. She sounded very high pitched and sexy. In his mind, he was already picturing her and him, in many erotic scenarios. He shook her hand and said they would talk later.
The crew was still staring at him as he walked the deck. In his mind he wondered what was so strange, Shepard had already done the same so was he different. Was it because he had a power and Johnny didn't so it was cooler for him? Or was his zipper merely open?
Embarrassingly, Deadpool glanced down and was happy to find his zipper was indeed up. Ah, he had enough of the crewmen's strange looks now; he carved a path toward the med bay. He had a very special thank you, to give out. Jeez, how many times had he given one of those out?
"Too few a time to remember buddy."
"You don't forget to ask her about the 'thing' okay?"
"Yeah, don't worry, I'm trying to keep a cool head so please don't ruin the mood. Or else we might not be walking out of that room with the prize!"
"Okay calm down buddy. We were justtrying to show an interest in your life."
"Really? Oh, I find it strange how you always seem to want to show an interest in my life at the shittiest moments?"
"Nah, I aint got nothin'"
"Thought so."
Wilson took a breath, shook his joints loose, and then waltzed proudly into the Med Bay. He had to show he wasn't affected by the recent events. But, to his failure, the Doctor sit on the opposite end of the room. Amicably, staring at him walk awkwardly in.
"Well, how does it feel to be back from the dead? Mr. Invincible?" She mused.
She was taking the piss wasn't she. Oh, it was good, but poorly executed.
"She's tryin' to throw you off! Hold your posture!"
Deadpool tried to keep this in mind. But his mind was already filled with those bloody voices! However, instinct told him he had to slide over one of the sick bays. It would look totally bad ass!
So, he leaped up and slid over the sick bay bed, only to receive a lovely collision with an overhead inspection lamp. He flipped backward, and his face met the floor. How many times was that now?
Chakwas got up and clapped. Her face donning a broad smile. Obviously she had found this funny.
"Are you ok Wilson?" She giggled.
"Yeah, like no probs babe! I think my penis absorbed most of the impact" Wilson groaned then got up slowly massaging his lower body section.
"My you're quite a show Wilson! But, quite a liability in return. I hope you can change what most of the crew thinks of you now." The doctor said returning to her desk, another vial of blue liquid was one sitting atop of it
"Yeah, I plan to change that outlook Doc. I wanna say thanks for like keeping my scarred up body in check while I was in the Nether Realm. Although I much would have preferred to have stayed dead, you fuckers need me, and I need Chimichangas. The food in the afterlife is extremely bland to be honest."
"My pleasure, I think you have been the hardest medical case that ever entered this Med Bay. And my medical career!"
"Jeez, sorry I didn't mean to be a burden. But, I'm gonna pay you guys back, trust me. I can start with you, I give out DFFs just to let you know. You're obliged to accept"
"DFFs, what are those?"
"Deadpool-Free-Fucks. No charge. No bull-shit. No pleasure."
"Wilson, that's not appropriate conversation. I don't think I can accept your offer…"
"Alright, I understand. Not everyone can withstand a DFF. I crushed a cripple chick's pelvis once. Best 30 seconds of my life!"
"Okay, Wade, I am going to please ask you to stop talking now. I have something important to say, can I say it?"
"Of course" The merc shrugged at the remark.
"Without being interrupted? Chakwas raised her eyebrow accusingly.
"Can't promise nothing lady." Deadpool said raising his hands
"Ah, very well." The Doctor picked up a needle, that now had the vial inserted inside. "I am sure Shepard has explained your condition to you?"
"I got cancer lady, that's what I know. Maybe a side dose of psychosis? I'm not sure?"
"Well, apart from that do you have any other ideas of what you might be suffering?"
"Erectile-Dysfunction?" He shrugged vaguely.
Chakwas sighed, but knew that he wasn't normal, so she must be patient. Even if it would take her into her elder years.
"Okay, Wilson you are suffering from something where your natural amino acids are attacking each other, but are also being poisoned by dextro-amino fluids that are in turn corroding your organs as well."
"So?"
"So. So, your body is in a constant battle with itself, however that problem has declined in recent activity yet you still yield the same signs of having it, at an increased rate."
"And this is a problem because?"
"Because, your healing factor is now in hyper drive trying to repair all your cells that are being damaged, and then reviving the cells that have died, then repairing your organs as well as the usual procedure it does with your cancer cells –"
"Look Doc, I think I blanked out about 5 times in that dialogue box, so can you please skip to the point."
"Deadpool, your healing factor is exhausted to the max. It can repair wounds at peak efficiency but when it starts to slow down, you begin to die."
"Shit." The merc said nodding his head in agreement.
"Are phased by this at all?"
"I don't know? Should I be?"
"It's up to you, but I have created something that can abstain the results of the disease. It works for a few hours and keeps your Healing factor at optimal efficiency. Regular injections will be required, either by me or yourself." She finally said , looking at him holding the syringe out for him to take.
Deadpool got up and walked around the room, hand under his chin. This to be honest was actually a good thing. He could finally die. End his miserable life. And it wouldn't even be painful!
All this time he was looking for the perfect way to die and here it was. A straight and easy ticket out. One with minimal rectal damage. He couldn't let this slip, but neither could he do the same with his promise to Shepard.
The voices were arguing that it wasn't an honourable way to check out. It was just… lame. And all things considered it was. Why would he give his powered life away to some disease? He thought the cancer would get him, but he didn't allow that! It wasn't an epic way to be remembered.
He wouldn't do the same with this, it was just another sickness. And a sickness is something you recover from or battle, not something you bow down to and accept it will. Never.
Wilson, brought himself back to reality, looked over at the doctor. She nodded at him to take the syringe. He grabbed the object and walked out the room, piercing the needle into his arm. Injecting the fluid into his nervous system.
He may be a merc, but sometimes even a merc has to honour a promise he makes. Especially, to someone who just brought you back from the dead.
He withdrew the needle from his flesh and threw it into the bin beside the mess hall. He greeted Mess Sergeant Gardner, before heading out towards life support.
He had told the sergeant to get his Sombrero out from tonight, because he was expecting a home cooked burrito when he came back from his mission. It was too long since he had a good Mexicana style dinner. Omega was a place where all the food tasted like piss. Not one Mexican joint on the whole damn rock. Fucking racists.
Wilson opened the hatch into Life support felt the comforting burst of warm arid air and proceeded to sit on the opposite end of the table the drell, Thane, was positioned.
He thanked him and the two happily exchanged stories of hits and assassinations they had done. Each had his own merits. Thane was enjoying it. He found a person who was also doomed to die, yet he seemed so cheerful. Maybe not at peace with himself, but still very cheery.
An hour passed and the two had gone through: memorable kills, preferred weapons, previous lives, and their allegiance to the Commander.
"He is a strong willed man. Good willed too, for him I would spare my bullet if given the order to shoot at him." Thane said thoughtfully.
"He's earned your loyalty ey? Well, I got something to settle with him as well, but at a later time. I do owe him though, he saved my sorry ass." Deadpool said leaning back in his chair.
"I owe my loyalty yes. He has helped me repair a bond with my son, not a strong one, but that will take time. You may not owe him loyalty, but you owe him your respect."
"Of course bro! I owe him more than that you know, I wish I could prove myself to him. Show off my guns you know?" Wilson flexed his biceps and his muscles were clearly defined in his suit.
Before the two could continue, the door to life support whirred and parted open. Shepard walked in, his pistol at his side. Something important was going to happen.
"Wilson, I need you to come with me and help me with something." It was clear the Shepard was on edge, he was sweating and was speaking tensely.
"Yeah, no problem man, I'm on it, where you need me?"
"Engineering."
"Got it, see ya there." He waved and gave the thumbs up to him and shook Thane's hand before popping away in a red mist.
"Do you require any further assistance Commander?" Thane said after witnessing the impressive exit.
"No, I gotta test Wade's moral standing. We're gonna wake the big guy. Gotta go." Shepard said as he left the room.
"I see. Call if you need aid. For now I shall return to my meditations."
Shepard got in the elevator requested Engineering and watched the deck slowly slice away from view.
At the foot of Engineering stood the Crimson merc. He had his weapons on him. Shepard admired how he had thought and prepared for the event, before even knowing what it was.
"I see you're ready for a freakin' assault!" He remarked after climbing out the elevator and going to the Cargo Hold's door.
"Supposed something was going down, combat wise, since you're traipsing around with a pistol." Deadpool said walking alongside Shepard.
"Good call. What we're about to do is quite dangerous." The Commander turned to him and said sternly, "This is going to either be extremely stupid or extremely rewarding."
"Damn, you get a choice! I normally get stuck with the first option and then have to wing it." Deadpool said truthfully
"Well if it does go sideways, let's hope we can 'wing it'"
"What're we doing?"
"Waking up a very angry and strong krogan…"
The hatch to the cargo hold flew open and the two stepped inside. Within was a glass tank filled with an unidentifiable clear liquid and a lump inside the liquid. But, this was no ordinary lump: it had legs, arms and a head, it was huge and resembled something of a 6 foot dinosaur.
"Fuck me…" Deadpool said in awe "Why can't shit ever be simple. Like go and tame a wild dandelion or something. But, no! We're stuck with trying to tame a fucking Michael Jordan sized lizard!"
"Just stay calm and I will handle the talking. You only intervene if it looks like some violence is going to ensue. We clear?"
"Crystal man. Crystal fucking clear. We're making new friends, First this krogan, then that quarian and the turian and last the drell, (He's freakin' epic though so no hate for him)."
The merc withdrew his katanas and held them readied out in front of him. Expecting anything.
Shepard kept the gun low by his side. He didn't want to appear hostile in front of the beast. Cautiously he proceeded towards the control panel. EDI chimed in saying she would vent the airlock in case anything went extremely sideways. The plan had already been made beforehand. Now was the time for action.
Deadpool nodded displaying his readiness and the Commander responded with a similar gesture. He struck the control panel and a whistle of air was dispersed. The tank with the krogan was drained and the glass window ejected upwards. The mass of meat fell to the ground coughing, gasping for precious oxygen.
Things looked good for now, the merc was saying in his head. He wanted to spurt out some nonsense about Nessie but something told him to hold back. His ass was on the line here.
Shepard stood sideways and peered down at the retching beast. He made a move to help it up, but that's when everything went 'sideways'. First, the krogan grabbed the Commander by the throat and threw him across the room into a heap of metallic crates.
Deadpool sprang into action issuing a battle cry. He did a 360 spin in the air and came down hard with his blades; but all he managed to strike was loose air. Next thing he knew he was staring at the ceiling and a crushing weight fell upon his chest.
He forced himself to swing a foot upwards and he felt it strike something that was a brick wall. The weight subsided and he smacked his teleporter.
He popped out if sight for a few seconds and was then again on the ground holding pistol trained on the wild beast.
"Hold up Barney, you aint the friendly dinosaur I know!" Deadpool shouted at the creatures back. IT stood perfectly still. "So I'll give you 5 seconds to say sor-"
Just as quick as he had disappeared he met the wall and fell shell-shocked. A distant ringing present in his ears. The gun fell to the ground and was used to smack him across the face, before a it was thrown across the room and an angry roar rung the metals in the room.
The Commander had come in and threw a punch and disarmed the krogan. Aptly distracting it from Deadpool, which gave him enough time to hop onto the lizard's back.
Shepard slid under its legs, and grabbed a pistol out from one of the holsters on Wilson's thighs. The merc was using his elbow to dig into the krogan's neck, he had got about 10 hits in since his mount.
"How'd you like that you ugly son-of-a bastard!"
The beast turned and slammed its back into an adjoining wall: Deadpool being the cause of the event, felt the full force of crushing weight of the lizard.
"Damn… Apparently he didn't like it very much." He grunted
Wilson was thrown off and skull was stomped on as the krogan now charged toward Shepard. He knocked the Commander over and pinned him up to the wall, his arm firmly placed underneath the Shepard's fragile neck. Was this the end? Why had he picked to do such a stupid decision? Was this krogan truly worth it?
"A name. I need a name, before I kill you." The beast hissed in the Commander's face, spit flying in all directions.
The key here was to remain calm, Shepard thought to himself. One wrong answer and this krogan would snap his neck like a twig.
"Shepard. Commander John Shepard." He said calmly holding his one hand in a display of non-offence.
"Not you. Me. I need a name." The krogan said deeply "Hmm, Okeer never gave me a name: krogan, warrior, grunt. Yes, "grunt". I like it, it will do. I am Grunt."
"I mean no harm Grunt. I require help, more than anything else." Shepard said in defence, trying to turn the tables.
"Hmm. A moment ago, you seemed quite content on causing me harm. If you truly do require me, battle me and if you are victorious then you are worthy. I have a strong yearn to kill. Like I did to your friend."
Shepard managed to get a glance behind Grunt and saw Wilson get up massage his skull and then put a finger up to his lip.
"I need you to fight the Collectors. Not me. There will be plenty of killing, if you side with me. We can do this without violence."
"Collectors. The tank vaguely spoke of them. Okeer too." Grunt cracked his neck. "Is there any other reason that you need?"
"I just need you to kill those Collector bastards, and nothing more. I won't ask for another favour. I saved you from being killed like your creator. Okeer said you could help us, so can I count on you. Because, you sure as Hell owe me."
"You are a… Formidable foe. You must have earned your enemies, and you must be dangerous concerning the Collectors want your corpse. I will fight for you." Grunt laughed now "You should have come more prepared to take on the 'perfect krogan', Shepard."
"Trust me if this conversation didn't end like this, I have the airlock ready to be vented on my word. And..."
"Checkmate…" A voice whistled behind the krogan.
Deadpool gave a little to finger salute; his katana resting on his shoulder and a heavy pistol pressed up against Grunt's back.
"I also have my own protection." Shepard finished with a smile.
Grunt shifted his gaze downwards and saw another gun pushed up against his gut. They did come prepared. Now it was his turn to be impressed. The plan was fortified with several backups and his ally hadn't died from the crushing blow. Something here was turning out to be very promising.
Grunt issued another laugh before releasing his grip from the Commander's neck.
"Keep one hand up in false defence, but keep the other concealed in case there is a traitor. You are truly a formidable warrior Shepard." Grunt clapped his hands together and backed off from the two. "You may have just earned my respect, and the red one. How come you're still standing here after I caved your skull in?"
"Yeah, I kinda have that personality that just keeps on coming back to piss people off." Deadpool said sarcastically.
"Which means?" Grunt asked perplexed by this metaphor.
"I have an advanced healing factor. I can regenerate faster you buddy, so don't get any smart ideas. Only way to kill me is…" He paused, considering what the outcome of finishing the sentence would be. "Never mind. All you gotta know Barney is that I can fuck you up, and you can't do shit to me." Deadpool proceeded forward and gently petted the krogan's head. Then left, going back to his own quarters.
Grunt growled, "I don't like him. You better hold him in line Shepard."
"Everything that he said is true Grunt. I can't stop what he does on this ship. He's here on his own accord. So, he's kinda your problem." The Commander said making for the door. "Be ready in about an hour. You, me and Deadpool are going on a mission I need you two with me. Don't try and kill each other in that hour got it?"
"Can't promise shit, Johnny!" Deadpool called from outside.
Shepard smiled and shook his head. He said good-bye to Grunt and then exited the room and went to check on the Engineers.
Grunt was caught in a whirlwind of thoughts. In merely a few minutes of his awakening he had fought his first battle, made his first ally, and possibly his first enemy.
But, his enemy was supposedly invincible. How could he defeat him. The tank never gave information on how to beat someone who was invincible. It only said keep going till the blood leaks out of their skulls. That can apply here he thought. But, he would just heal right up.
Damn, putting up with this guy was going to be the most use of his stamina. He couldn't bear the thought of something, someone, more powerful than he was. Wasn't he supposed to be perfect? Not that rabble, who was on the verge of obviously blowing this freighter up?
Stick it out, Grunt. He thought to himself. Just stick it out