Chapter 7


I could hear a voice. I didn't want to hear a voice, I wanted to sleep, but this voice kept saying something, whispering nothing sin my ear. Grumbling I threw a pillow over my head. Then I heard a mumbling, sounding awful like "I gave you a choice" and then nothing anymore.

Out of nowhere, some heavy thing fell on top of me.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!", a voice shouted in my ear.

"Argh!", I groaned and tried to get the heavy thing away from me.

"No", the person on top of me said. "No such luck. Wake up"

"I am up", I mumbled. "So now be so kind and 'get up' yourself."

And finally, I was free of the weight and could roll over onto my back.

"I swear sometimes I hate you", I groaned.

"Pff, you love me!", Simon replied.

Yes, I did, but that didn't mean I had to tell him. So what he was my best friend, that didn't mean he could come here and jump on me while I was sleeping.

"Dream on, Si."

"Take that back", Simon said. "Or I will eat these delicious muffins all by myself."

"You brought muffins?!", I exclaimed and sat upright.

My eyes instantly went to the brown bag in Simon's hand.

"It actually looks like you prefer the muffins over my company?", Simon said in an overly dramatic voice.

"Never Si, now gimme!", I demanded with a huge grin.

Shaking his head, Simon plopped down beside me and gave me a muffin. Yum! Simon has been my best friend for most of my life, so he was smart enough to bring me more than one. He always brought a muffin for himself with carrots in it, something he knew I wouldn't touch and he had for himself. Smart-ass didn't want to share.

"So to what do I owe the pleasure?", I asked.

Simon raised an eyebrow.

"Of your company", I explained further. "What are you doing here?"

"What?", Simon asked mock offended. "You don't want me here?"

"Of course, I want you here", I giggled and punched his arm. "I'm just surprised, I thought today was "Izzy and Simon"-time?"

Simon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked stricken and angry, but also sad. His face showed sorrow and anger, towards Izzy? No, that couldn't be!

"Yeah, well, maybe there won't be an "Izzy and Simon"-time anymore."

"What?", I asked shocked. "Why?"

"She wanted me to choose, so I did."

At first, I didn't understand what the hell he was talking about but then I gasped.

"No", I whispered. "No, Simon. No, no, no, you didn't."

"Of course, I did", he answered. "You're my best friend, you have been basically all my life and -"

"Shut up", I interrupted. "I know Simon, you're my best friend too, so I know, trust me. But we both know I need you more than you need me and you can't let Izzy go for me. You love her, I know you do!"

"I know!", Simon roared suddenly and jumped from my bad. "Fuck, Clary I know, okay?! I love that girl, okay? I know it, you know it, hell everybody knows it and she? She doesn't trust me, doesn't believe me that I truly love her and wants me to choose between her and you! The thing is Clary, I love you too, you're my best friend and I god damn need you in my life and how can I be with someone who doesn't trust me enough and wants to boss me around and tell who and who I cannot be friends with?!"

"But I'm not worth it", I answered in a small voice.

"What?", Simon asked incredulously.

"I'm not worth it", I repeated. "Simon, you choose me over Isabelle, the girl you love? That's stupid, even for you. Who am I? I'm probably going to make you hate me in a matter of years or annoy you to no end or whatever. And then Simon, you know what will happen? You will regret choosing me, but then it will be too late and Isabelle will have moved on and you will hate me for ruining your life. A- And I can't live with that. I- I can't live knowing y- you hate me."

I don't know why I was so emotional this morning, but just thinking about losing Simon made me sob. I couldn't bear to loose another person, especially not Simon!

"Clary", Simon sighed and put an arm around me. "I will never hate you and you won't loose me like -, like -, you know."

He sighed and I let my head fall on his shoulder, he kept rubbing my back, trying to soothe me and calm me down.

"I won't regret choosing you. You're my best friend and you will be for a long long time. Isabelle … She will come around eventually, at least, I hope so and if she doesn't, so what? It wasn't my mistake this time Clary and I don't need to apologize, so if she loves me like I love her, she will come around and accept our friendship."

-o-o-o- Staying Silent -o-o-o-

I knocked three times and waited for someone to open the door. This house was massive and it looked even bigger in the bright sunlight. Huge windows, a door that looked like it weighted tons, expensive looking decorations and and and. It was all so much, I couldn't even see everything from here, not with all these little details everywhere.

I stopped staring with an open mouth when I heard footsteps coming towards me. The door was opened and I came face to face with Isabelle Lightwood.

"Uh, what do you want here? Jace isn't here and even if he was, I wouldn't tell you."

She smiled sweetly at me and blocked the way into her house.

"I", I said slowly, now a little unsure of my whole 'talking to Izzy'-plan. "wanted to talk to you."

"Me?", Izzy asked like she didn't believe me.

"Yeah, you", I confirmed.

She heaved a heavy sigh.

"Fine", she said frustrated. "Come in, but please make it quick, I don't have all day. Especially for you."

Breath, Clary, I thought. You're doing this for Simon, don't let her get to you!

God! But she was making it really hard for me, really, really hard!

Shaking my head I followed Izzy inside the house. She didn't bother to wait for me, just ran away from me, so that I could close the door and follow her like a dog.

For Simon

For Simon

For Simon

"So, what do you want?", Isabelle asked and plopped down on a couch in front of a TV.

So this was what she was doing the whole day while Simon was miserably telling me about their fight. And she? She just lay here all day watching stupid reruns of some reality show?! That was it? Seriously? Was this girl kidding me?

"To talk to you", I came straight to the point.

"Ugh, fine", she groaned. "Spill."

"Would you be so kind as to look at me and not the stupid TV?!", I growled.

"You're stupid, the TV's not, so I'll keep looking at it. Take it or leave it."

"Fine", I growled.

I let my bag fall to the ground and stormed over to Isabelle, placing myself in front of the television.

"Get out of the way, freak!", Izzy screeched.

"Call me that again and see what happens!"

Izzy raised her eyebrows and laughed lightly.

"Oh, you think you're scary?", she mocked. "Trust me, you're not."

"I don't want to be. I'm just here for Simon, but right now I'm not sure if it's worth it."

By the mention of Simon, Isabelle's eyes widened and her back straightened.

"Simon?", she asked.

"Yes, Simon", I replied. "So now I have your attention, huh?"

"What did he say? Did he want you to tell me something?"

"No", I scoffed. "Why would he?"

"This is all your fault! You're setting him up! It's all your fault we're fighting right now!"

Isabelle's voice got louder and louder and she took steps towards me, pointing a finger at my nose.

"I'm his best friend, Isabelle. You have to get used to the fact. You don't have to like me, but we have to tolerate each other. Simon loves you and if you love him even a little bit, you -"

"Of course, I love him!", she screeched. "How dare you?!"

"Well then why are you here, sitting on your lazy ass and watching TV, instead of going to Simon and -"

"He is supposed to come to me!"

"You did the mistake!"

"No, you did!", she screeched like a hysterical banshee. "You stole him! You stupid little bitch, if you wouldn't be here, everything would be fine. My brother Alec would be fine, Simon and I would be fine, Jace would be -"

"Don't you dare bring anyone else into this, then you and me!", I shouted. "Jace and I -"

"There is no Jace and you!"

"Izzy, I really don't want to talk about me and Jace. You have to get your thoughts straight. Do you love Simon or not? Because I honestly doubt it's really love you're feeling for him, when you -"

Suddenly Izzy raised her hand and swung it and I thought it would collide with my face, but as suddenly as I saw Isabelle's hand flying towards my face, there was another hand catching Izzy's wrist and pushing her hand away from my face.

Shocked I looked to my right and saw Jace standing there, looking pissed. He glared at his sister and positioned himself between us, his back facing me, his front facing Izzy.

"Really?", Izzy asked. "You're choosing her over me?"

Jace shook his head. He wasn't choosing between us. The only thing he was doing, was saving my face and stopping a cat fight.

"Oh really not?", Izzy scoffed. "Then why are you protecting her from me?"

Again, Jace shook his head. I couldn't see the look in his eyes, but I was sure he was telling her with his eyes that he wasn't choosing, just trying to make peace.

"Fine, but when she breaks your heart - when, not if - don't come to me!"

And with that Izzy threw her hands in the air and stormed off.

"Izzy, I didn't mean to -"

"Save it, slut!", Izzy growled and shut the door with a loud bang.

"And there goes my plan of being civil", I mumbled to myself.

Jace turned around and lifted an eyebrow. He laughed a little without making a sound.

"It's not funny", I giggled.

Jace showed a little gap between his forefinger and thump and smiled.

"You're such a jerk", I laughed.

Jace simply shrugged and turned around, walking in the opposite direction Izzy went off.

"What? Now you're leaving me here all alone?", I asked faking hurt and gasping dramatically.

Jace turned around and raised a 'really?'-eyebrow. I nodded smiling brightly. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but I could see a small smile forming on his lips. He then looked up again, made an 'Oh God, how do I deserve this'-gesture with his hands and then looked back at me, smirking like the devil he was and beckoned me with his finger.

"I know I will regret this", I said and went slowly towards Jace.

-o-o-o- Staying Silent -o-o-o-


"These are delicious", Clary moaned and put another fork full into her mouth.

I chuckled a little. It was amazing how such a small girl could eat so much. Clary also looked incredibly cute when I showed her what we would be making: Pancakes.

"Now I understand why I couldn't watch what you were doing", she said. "Secret recipe and all."

I rolled my eyes but smiled none the less. It wasn't a secret recipe, there was just a lot of sugar in it and most girls don't want to know that. I didn't pick Clary for the type of girl who cared about these things, but I didn't know for sure.

When I was finished with my pancake and Clary took her last bite I asked her with a nod towards her plate if I could take it. She smiled in thanks and nodded. I put our plates into the sink and left them there for the moment.

"And now?", Clary asked.

I nodded for her to follow me. What I was about to do wasn't the nicest thing to do, but it was necessary. Clary didn't know what I was about to do, she just smiled at me and followed me up the stairs. I have to admit I felt a little guitlty, but in the end, she would thank me. Hopefully.

When we reached the first floor, I showed Clary to the second room on the right.

"And now?", she asked laughing. "We're just looking at a closed door all day?"

She laughed a little and looked into my eyes. God, her laugh was beautiful. Was I sure I wanted to do this?

"Why are you looking to conflicted?", Clary asked all of a sudden. "Something wrong?"

I shook my head a little which made Clary frown a little. I looked into her eyes and put my hands on her shoulders. Clary and I haven't known each other for long, but so far she always knew what I wanted to tell her with my eyes, so I hoped, this time, she would, too.

"Why are you looking so -"

Before she could finish her sentence, I pushed her into the room and closed the door.

"What the hell?", I heard Isabelle yell.

"Isabelle?", Clary asked confused. "Oh no, he didn't."

Oh yes he did, I thought. A second later the door handle rattled, but I was keeping this door closed until those two would have their talk and get this out of the way.

"What are you doing?", I heard Isabelle ask.

"Trying to open the door, what does it look like I'm doing?"

"Failing", Isabelle replied. "It isn't locked, the key is on my desk."

I could only imagine Clary rolling her eyes.

"Oh please, give it a try", Clary mocked.

I heard footsteps and the doorhandle rattled again.

"Jace, let us out", I heard Clary say.

"Jace, if this is really you, you better get away from the door because it's not funny."

It wasn't supposed to be funny, I thought rolling my eyes.

"I don't think it's supposed to be funny", Clary voiced my thoughts.

I heard a muffled, angry sigh.

"Hey"; Clary started. "Maybe we should talk."

"I don't want to talk."

"Okay, then I'll talk and you listen."

"It's not like I have much of a choice now, do I?", Izzy asked sighing.

Clary also sighed but started talking anyway.

"When we first met we got along so well and I don't really know why that changed, but it did. I'm not here for me or for us, but for Simon. He really loves you and -"

"If he loves me why did he chose you over me, huh?", Isabelle interrupted angrily.

"He didn't", Clary replied forcefully. "Why do you not understand that?"

"Oh, I do understand it."

"No, you don't. He didn't choose me over you, he didn't choose at all. It's like I want you to choose between Alec and Jace."

"They're my brothers, that's different."

"How?", Clary nearly screamed. "You love both of them equally and it's the same for Simon, you and me."

"And that's the problem", Izzy snapped. "You should love your girlfriend more than a friend."

"I am not a friend, I'm his best friend."


"Seriously Isabelle, I don't get it. You knew all along Simon and I were friends and that we -"

"I'm jealous, okay?!", Isabelle screamed. "And I don't get jealous, not ever. My whole life boys ran after me, looked at me and did everything I wanted, but not Simon. And never has someone put a friend over me. And I don't want my boyfriend to not put me first."

"Isabelle", I said a little softer now. "It's not about putting someone first. Simon and I have been best friends our whole lives, we're like brother and sister, we just don't share the same blood. Would you stop talking to Jace or Alec if Simon asked you to?"

"Of course not, they're my family"

"See. And Simon is my family and I am his."

"Clary, that is different", Isabelle said, shaking her head. "You're his friend."

"Since when is family worth more than friendship?", I asked. "Just because you share the same blood with somebody doesn't mean he is closer to you than someone who doesn't share the same blood. Of course, family is important, but it's not more important than friendship."

"Of course, it is", Isabelle said.

Ouch, I thought.

"So you're telling me you love Alec more than Jace?"

"What?", Izzy screeched. "No! Are you stupid?!"

"You just said family is more important than friendship and you and Jace don't share the same blood, so -"

"He is still my family, he is as much my family as Alec."

Silence fell upon them. For a while, no one talked and then I heard footsteps and rustling. I guess there were either making up or killing one another, but I was pretty sure it was the first one, so I went back downstairs. Mission accomplished.

I went to the living room and watched some TV, just chilling for a moment and waiting for Izzy to yell at me every second. It took a few minutes until I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, but it was only one who came down.

"You were eavesdroping, right?", Izzy asked and plopped down beside me.

I shrugged, still watching the TV.

"How much did you here?", she asked.

Enough, I thought, rolling my eyes.

"You know I love you, right?", she asked.

I did know that, but after what I've heard, I didn't think she loved me as much as the rest of the family. It was like I was still an added part and not really included.

"Because I do", Izzy tried again and poked me in the ribs.

I turned my head and looked at her.

"I really do love you Jace and it's not different from the way I love Alec or dad or -" She sighed. "I guess Clary opened my eyes a little. But just because she helped me see things clearer with her and Simon, doesn't mean my feelings changed. I always loved you as my big brother, I just expressed myself the wrong way, okay? You're my brother, you always will be. You're a Lightwood."

Izzy smiled at me and put her hand on my shoulder, standing up and leaving into the kitchen. Before she could really leave, I stopped her by grabbing her hand. Izzy looked down at me and I crossed my arms in front of my chest, telling her I loved her, too.

"Thanks, big bro", she smiled a lot brighter and bounced happily into the kitchen.

Sometimes my sister was just … kind of bubbly, but I loved her.

"So", Clary said.

Shocked I turned and saw Clary standing behind the couch I was sitting on. I stood up and put a hand on my chest, showing her she scared me.

"That wasn't really nice of you."

Huh?, I thought. I just told my sister I love her and she -

"Shoving me into Izzy's room and forcing us to talk."

I rolled my eyes. It was necessary and I wasn't sorry I did it.

"You heard what Izzy said about … you know?", Clary asked.

I nodded.

"And you know I only made her say those things to prove her wrong, right? You're her brother and she loves you as exactly that."

This girl was … She was amazing. I looked at her in awe and wonder. Only minutes ago, I pushed her into a situation she didn't want to be in and locked her in with my sister. And she? She wanted to make sure my sister and I were okay. And she took the blame on the words my sister said.

This girl was … She was truly the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, inside and out.