A/n: I haven't written a fanfiction in a really long time so here goes. Just a glimpse into the 10th doctor's last few thoughts. Please review.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did he'd suddenly have a companion named Isobel who looks just like me except prettier and we'd spend the rest of our days together on the Tardis. Alas… all I can do is write a fanfiction.
A Timelord's life is never meant to be easy.
Although that was part of what he liked about it.
The challenge. That was something he always enjoyed. Never knowing what to expect until it was happening. Never knowing what to do until the universe needed him to.
It was all rather exciting actually. Quite a thrill.
He often enjoyed his complicated life, despite the loneliness of it all.
He'd certainly lost a lot.
He'd lost everything.
In the end, he'd never really had anything to begin with.
He was the runner. The hero. The Doctor.
The master of time and space.
God, Donna would've slapped him for saying that.
Another thing a Timelord lacked was stability.
Hell, he wasn't even sure if he knew the meaning of the word.
Well, that's not true. Stability is defined as the state of being stable. Stable is defined as not likely to change or fail; firmly established. It is also a place in which horses are kept, but that's hardly relevant. It originates in from the Latin word stabilis which means "firm, steadfast," literally "able to stand," from stem of stare "to stand".
But, ignoring the fact that he knew everything, he didn't know what it meant.
The closest he ever came to stability was when he was with a companion.
Oh how he loved his companions. Rose, Martha, and Donna were truly the best of their kind. He'd always found humans to be extraordinary creatures full of stupid bravery and foolish compassion and complete and utter brilliance. Rose, Martha, and Donna were all prime and glorious examples of that. They were brilliant. And when he was with them things felt stable.
But it was destined to end.
And he was destined to travel alone.
Donna had wanted to travel with him forever. They could have had so many more brilliant adventures. There was so much he could've showed her. They could've travelled forever. It felt real. It felt stable. Like they were two proper mates travelling the world. He had solid ground beneath his feet and he didn't have to give up the challenge of his life that he loved.
He could've given her the galaxy. But destiny had other plans and that stability couldn't last.
She was better now. Happier. Her life was improved. Stable. She was married and happy. And while she was happy with him on the Tardis, that wouldn't last either. Eventually she'd yearn for love and a family and a life and all of those boring things that humans always wanted.
Martha was different. She was never really happy on Tardis. She was in love with him and he could never love her back. And that was killing her. She never said anything until the end, but he could tell that it wasn't what she wanted. But for a while he could ignore it, because she was brilliant and she made him happy. It was all very stable.
He could've given her the galaxy. But that would have never been enough for her. And he could never have given her what she really wanted.
So she moved on. She married Mickey and is saving the world in her own way. The human way. The better way. Without any tricks, or time machines, or extreme cleverness. She saved it with ingenuity and foolish bravery. And she really was happy now.
Rose was… well she was Rose. Stubborn and stupid and impossibly brave Rose.
She was happy with him. He could tell. She was willing to give up everything for him. In fact, she nearly did several times. She never complained. She never blamed him. She never wanted to leave. He never wanted her to either. Rose loved him. Truly loved him. And everything was stable. He was the happiest he'd ever been. They were like a proper team.
He could've given her the galaxy. And he really really wanted to. He wanted to more than anything. He would've given her anything. And in the end, he did give her himself.
But he lost her in the process. Just like he lost everything.
Three words. Eight letters. Simple thing to say really, but he just couldn't.
If he said it, it was real. If he said it, he wouldn't be able to leave her.
If he said it, he'd undoubtedly have to stop travelling. He could never do that.
He had so much to see, so much to do. So, he gave her what she needed.
And even then, he lost.
And now, he was losing the only thing he had left.
He was dying.
No more wonderful adventures.
No more brilliant companions.
No more loss.
No chance at stability.
"I don't want to go," he said, as his last protest before the shooting pain regeneration always caused.
Before it was finished his life flashed before his eyes.
He saw Donna. He saw Martha. He saw Jack. And Wilfred. And Mickey. And Jackie. And Sarah. And K-9. And the Daleks. And the Cybermen. And every civilization he'd encountered. And Professor Riversong.
A/n: I hope you liked it. It's not the best but please review.