137Suddenly, he looked over at me and held my panicked gaze. He looked at me with that look-into-you-soul look which distressed me even more.
"You... love me?"
Warning: Mentions of self harm.
Dean's POV
Everything in that moment seemed to stop. Cas stared at me with blank stare with his head titled slightly.
Of course, I blurted the first thing that popped into my head.
"Well.. I- I- I love you like a brother!" With that I smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of my neck. I could feel my face heating up.
His features twisted and contorted into annoyance.
"You do not kiss your brother Dean, That is incest." He replied matter of factly.
"i- Uh, um.. I." I stuttered really not knowing what to say. He's right, people don't go around kissing their brothers. I tried to think of what to say, anything!
I remembered what caused this mess and my face darkened.
"What the hell did Charlie tell you!?" I snapped angrily.
"She simply stated that you have been into rehab and that you have a deep affections for me."
I felt my face heat up. Of course Charlie would say that.
"l-listen Cas." I stuttered before clearing my throat.
"There might have been something goin on between us before but there's nothing there anymore." I said quietly not meeting his eyes and staring at the floor.
I heard him climb off the bed and walk over to me. His feet came into my line of view as he approached me.
"Dean look at me."
I raised my head and looked at him skeptically.
"So, if I did this, you would still feel the same way?" He asked, the blank look seeming to be permanent on his face.
"Did wha-" I was cut short when he suddenly grabbed me, pulled me into the room and away from the door, he used his foot to close it behind him. He gently grabbed each side of my shoulders and pressed me up against the wall. His eyes stared at my lips in a hungry sort of way.
"Cas? What are you doing?" I asked a little shocked.
"You talk to much." He whispered before he leaned up a little and pressed our lips together. He trailed his hands up my stomach, abs, chest, neck and then tangled his fingers in my hair.
I tried my best not to give in. I really did but his chapped lips were surprisingly soft and inviting. I was almost able to push him away but his tongue darted out from behind his plump lips and poked and prodded at my bottom lip.
I groaned and melted into him.
I wrapped my hand around his waist and pulled him closer, slopply opening my mouth for his access. He let out a happy noise and jerked our lower regions together making me gasp. He smirked into the kiss and nipped gently against my lower lip pulling it out.
I was suddenly painfully aware of my growing erection.
We pulled away briefly to catch our breath before we pulled back together.
His hands started exploring all over my open torso as I took lead of the kiss. He really had no idea how crazy I really was over him.
I slide my tongue into his mouth and explored as much as I could as he slowly and painfully started rubbing our crotches together making me moan out louder than I probably should.
"Too many clothes." I slurred pulling away in a haze. I tugged his trench coat off and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw his scars in the corner of my eye.
"Cas." I breathed out in shock pulling away. I felt my heart drop into my gut at the sight.
He had so many new cuts, way too many to count. They were all deep and jagged.
The one that surprised me the most was the one that was stitched up.
It was vertical and had 5-7 stitches weaved into it.
It covered most of the length of his arm and looked very painful. It had a deep red center and red surrounding it.
"Ignore them." He whispered trying to pull me back but I pulled away once again.
"No." I said sternly. He rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on! Not right now Dean, lets worry about that later." He tried to trail down my jaw bone with little fluttery kisses but I pulled out of his embrace and squatted down to get a better look at them I gently gripped his arm and brought it close. He tried to pull away but I wouldn't let him.
Some of the cuts looked infected, most of the were extremely deep.
I wanted to cry.
"Why, Cas?" I said not trying to hid the sorrow from my voice.
With an annoyed sigh he gave up and glared at his arm.
"You really want to know Dean?" He asked, suddenly sounding exhausted. I looked away from his arm and met his eyes. All lust and pleasure had been drowned by sorrow and anger. I nodded.
"Because I fucking missed you, I couldn't stand it that you were mad at me and that I fucked up okay! I shouldn't have chose my mother over you and I just didn't want to have to wake up another day alone knowing that I let the best thing that ever happened to me go!"
He did this because of me? I was speechless.
"Cas, I- I just- I don't know what to say."
"That I'm a reject? A freak? A loser? I can read it all on your face Dean. It's okay you don't need to tell me twice."
He pulled his arm away and went to pull on his trench coat.
"Dont!" I cried out. "I mean, what're you doing?!"
"Saving you the trouble of kicking me out. I know you are too good of a man to do that Dean so I can show myse-"
"Fuck no!" I roared cutting him off. "You're not leaving! I just got you back you can't leave!" This time tears escaped my eyes but I didn't care. I couldn't lose him again, I couldn't.
I jumped up and held him close.
"You can't leave me again Cas." I mumbled miserably into his neck.
He seemed a little shocked but slowly loosened up. I felt his shoulders raise and fall and a single whimper escape past his lips.
"I didn't want to leave." He sobbed quietly against me.
I chuckled dryly. "Then don't."
WOW THAT WAS FREAKING SAD. I am so sorry that I am not sorry.
I don't know if I like this chapter but Im going to post it now, I have to go lol.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE LAST CHAPTER OMG BUT ITS TOTALLY NOT.
I have a model/dance performance in less then 15 minutes so I wanted to get this out to you guys now. If I'm not too tired after the show I will write the last last chapter and post it :)
No question today! Sorry guys, I'm running a little short on time lol.