Just a little insight on what Zero thinks of his past and why he can't seem to pull the trigger.

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight or any of its characters.

Fighting Sprit

Why must I be one to bear it? Why do I continue to live, even when it is my greatest wish to die? I am only used as a pawn by those of supposedly greater worth. I know how this all started, I could never forget. The betrayal and heartache are forever etched into my soul, never to be forgotten or ignored.

The day it all started, it was snowing; Ichiro had been outside for a long time. It was only natural that I would be worried, it was so easy for him to get sick and then there was that vampire. The woman we saw next to the sakura tree that was blooming out of season was a vampire and a powerful one.

My fears only increased when I kept hearing the sound of a bell getting closer and closer. I needed to know what was going on. If only could have stopped myself, If only I had known. I could I prevented myself a seemingly endless amount of pain. I happily fall into the black abyss even as the terrified calls of my parents fade away.

I can still feel that witch's fangs in my throat, at times I just want to tear it out. At times I just want to end it all but for some reason I can never pull the trigger.

My time at cross academy with the head master and Yuki can be described in one word: frustrating. I could never understand how a man that once made both hunters and vampires alike fear the very sound of his name could have become such an overdramatic fool.

Then there was the adopted daughter, Yuki Cross. I found it disgusting how she believed those beasts in human form to be kind loving creatures. How disgustingly naive. At times I just wanted to claw her from her honey sweetened version of reality and show her the dark truth. But I could understand the desire for keeping an innocent child's purity intact; once it cracks it can never be repaired.

I am a danger to everyone here. I have no idea when I may lose what little humanity that remains inside me. To lose everything to that endless, painful hunger and become the very creature I was trained to hunt my entire life. I suppose if the worst scenario becomes a reality I could always have my master kill me. No, I couldn't do that to him. He already had to kill his own wife in order to protect Ichiru and I. I can't condemn him to killing his own student, not like this.

So I forced the burden on dear, sweet Yuki. If I ever lose myself she is to shoot me. Shoot her adopted blood until I'm nothing but dust. It might seem cruel but maybe this would help her understand. There is no middle ground with these creatures. There is only pain and sorrow tied with an unending torrent of blood from the innocent and guilty.

Kaname Kuran. The very name is enough to bring my blood to a boil. That arrogant pureblood is a monster among beasts. He sees the world as nothing more than a chess game and people as mere pawns. How can anyone live their life as though it was just a game? Those nobles hovering over him are even worst, don't they realize that they are simple servants with no true purpose.

Of course they do. That's why they grovel at his feet and do anything he asks without fail. To prove they have worth. To keep themselves on the board just a little longer.

And to think that I was the greatest pawn of all, that bastard used me from the beginning. He released Shizuka Hio knowing her mate would be written in the Kill List. She was known for her crumbling sanity it was only natural she seek out the family that killed her mate. He knew that Ichiru would sympathize with the monster and make a deal with her. Imploring her to transform me into a common bloodsucker for her own amusement as a final insult to my parents. That I would be sent to Cross's house for protection against those that would simply grant my greatest wish. That I would forge a powerful bond with Yuki and seek to protect her from anything.

Damn him.

She is a pureblood.

A damn pureblood vampire.

I should have killed her when she tried to talk to me after I found the truth. It would have been the end of so much pain and may have prevented so much grief. Kuran would be furious. He would definitely try to kill me for taking away his beloved Yuki. I mean just look at his reaction when I drank her blood the first time. But like always I find myself hesitant to pull the trigger.

How could I be so weak? She's nothing like she was before. She ate her human heart, she said it herself.

So why can't I just kill her!

I finally learn the ultimate enemy of all purebloods and the enemy Kuran wishes for me to kill.

Rido Kuran, Yuki's Uncle.

In many ways I can sympathize with this man and the metal torment he had to endure. He had someone very close to him that he truly loved with is entire being. And yet it wasn't enough he was forced to watch his beloved sister marry to his younger brother, Hakura. For centuries he had to watch as his two siblings became immersed in a veil of unparallel love in which he had no place.

I can understand the soul crushing loneliness that always follows rejection. I have forced myself to carry this feeling ever since that night and it simply increased when I learned about Yuki.

I wonder why is it so wrong for him to have the next best thing. Is it so wrong that I wish for Kaname to know pain like I have? To see the look on his face when he realizes that his perfect pawn is not going to follow his perfect plan and blindly do his bidding.

Yes, that definitely wound be worth the cost of a pureblood's life. But I am entitled to protect this school against any rouge vampires and that includes Rido.

I'm sorry. In another time, another life I would be fighting alongside you to see Kuran suffer.

Until then I can only pull the trigger at someone else. Someone who deserves to die.